I'm your X-Man,
Remember me?
You must, right?

I broke up with you,
You richly cursed me,
I met with an accident.

Almost died, but survived,
You came to look after me,
I survived that major one.

I woke up from the coma,
Not so soon as it took me,
But 3 weeks, oh 3 weeks.

I had forgotten the year past,
Most of it did wipe out in me,
All I recalled was your name.

Then I took 3 more months,
To recall what it took me,
To ultimately breakup.

So, I broke up once again,
Again you did curse me,
To eternal loneliness.

And until now, oh until now,
The breakups are done by me,
Whether girlfriends or fiancées.

But I've defeated a challenge,
Triviality you execrated me,
Yes. 'Twas your challenge.

So, you see now, do you?
Yes, you do, you do see me,
Yes, I'm successful again.

And to taste success,
The agony you gave me,
I braved all, all of that pain.

You, you I never cursed,
For you were loved by me,
I'm glad that you are happy.

However successful I may be,
An infinite grief still plagues me,
No real friends except my Father.

I should ignore the pain, you know,
My Father is here now for me,
I hope he is immortal.

I shall adopt a cat in future,
And the cat will love me,
Remove all the grief.

I'll carefully love that cat too,
Just like my Father loves me,
That liaison won't be brief.

Hair got disheveled,
Harry just went bald,
But scored anyway.

Probably you didn't expect it,
Right when I saw your name,
Alas, I recalled her identity,
Tasked with exploring the possibility,
I lost myself into her calm,
Beautiful like the night,
Hiding her hurt heart,
Atul failed to entice her in his charm.

In the absence of attention
Even from my parents...

In the absence of validation
Even from my friends...

In the absence of appreciation
Even from my colleagues...

This zombie I've become—
The Ghost of Creativity...

An auspicious occasion,
It becomes a suspicious one.
You want to obliterate it off your memory,
But end up trying to illiterate it instead.
A pinnacle of politeness,
Becomes a pineapple instead.
Malapropism is such a nice phenomenon!

~~~~~~~
Angel?

In That Moonlit Night Standing In The Abaft,
Watching The Towed Flaccid Wooden Raft,
I Thought That I Saw An Angel Resting,
Lying Exhausted There In That Craft.

I Called The Girl Out Without Knowing Her Name,
"Hey Young Lady!" To Which She Didn't Much Respond,
She Looked Up Towards Me Once In Anguish & Collapsed,
I Thought I Saw Despair In Her Amber Eyes & Must Help Her.

The Crewmen Had Now Been Doing The Paddles After Resting,
I Called My Captain & Asked, "Do You See A Girl In That Raft?"
The Captain Just Replied Kindly, "Commodore, Get Married,"
I Looked Apprehensive And He Just Said, "There's No Girl."

True He Was As She Had Simply Disappeared,
I Started Thinking Of My Sleep Needs That Day,
Looked Around Again In A Hope To Find The Girl,
I Had Compromised My Routine As The Commodore.

Then I Immediately Realized It Was My Wild Phantasm,
Now This Was Just A Plain Illusion Of A Tired Sailor's Mind,
No Mermaids Could Have Ever Existed In Reality & Were Fake,
I Turned Towards The Deck To Go Back To My Bunk For Sleeping.

As I Enter My Room Down The Stairs Amazed & Confused,
She Floated There As She Waited By The Side Of My Bunk,
I Accepted That Delusion Of Hers And Start To Lie Down,
She Said, "I'm As Real As Your Thoughts, Don't Fear Me."

She & I-Me & Her, Had The Best Time That Night,
In The Morning She Was Gone & Was Just Gone,
Disappeared Into Thin Air While I Was Asleep,
Each Day I So Dearly Long For Her To Return.

7 Stanzas of a Beautiful Open-Eyed Dream


Angel Again?

Now I reached the lands again,
Still dazzled and confused I was,
From the encounter with that Angel,
Oh, how she had filled my twilight,
Unable to forget her divinely touch.

Magical touch had enchanted me,
Able to recall it from the voyage,
I stumbled when disembarking,
Oh, it was the first time for me,
My thoughts would last along.

After so many days at the sea,
I planned of bathing properly,
Her illusion tricked me thereto,
Oh how her traces remained on,
Facing mirror, I stood perplexed.

Still unable to accept the reality,
I longed for that night to repeat,
My heart beats Angel in each beat,
Life staged a drama too crazy,
Unwilling to accept the reality.

My body carries the vestiges,
I turn crazier with each bath,
Her lips' traces keep appearing,
Driving me mad is her memory,
God! Bring her to life once more.

I had my powers as a commodore,
I sent for the captain of my ship,
"What bothers you, my commodore,"
And so he asked of me kindly,
Then I told him of her traces.

Smiling he told me yet again,
"I had told you to get married,"
I agreed this time and nodded,
"Alright, search for me a bride,"
Going outside, he smiled plainly.


Angel Surely?

Till Few Months Of Reaching Back,
I Kept Seeing Her Images All Over,
It Drove Me Crazy Her Presence...

Taking Time Out To Search Her Out,
I Went For The Mountainous Path,
It May Cease I Hope These Dreams.

The Horse Made Me Look A Knight,
I Set Out Solo For The Dark Creeks,
It Helped Me Realize My Solo Aim...

Then She Came Into My View Again,
I Prepared For Tackling My Illusion,
It Started Snowing Out Of Nowhere.

Took Me To A Safer Place She Then,
I Was Bewildered Again Once More,
It Was Clearing But She Vanished...

Then On My Way, I Stopped To Rest,
I Looked Around For A Place To Sit,
It Came To My View A Huge Tavern.

Tavern On A Mountain Was Weird,
I Still Went To It Hoping Some Rest,
It Had Appeared Out Of Nowhere...


Angel Illusion?

I Peered Out Of The Room Windows,
I Was In This Desolate Guesthouse,
It Was A Comfortable Rest House,
And Here I Was In Anticipation,
Angel Or Whosoever Was Awaited,
Will She Pop Into My Vision Here Too,
Was It Only A Seasick Mind's Illusion?

Was All That Really Just An Illusion,
Thinking This I Prepared For Bed,
Then I Felt A Flute Was Playing,
Looked Into Sound's Direction,
All I Saw Then Was Foggy Night,
My Own Reflection Was Also Visible,
Slightly If Not Entirely Can Be Seen.

I Recalled The First Night At The Sea,
She Did Appear On The Towed Raft,
A Beautiful Mermaid I Had Seen,
Now I Did Remember It Clearly,
My Face Was No Longer Mine,
Yes It Was The Beautiful face of hers,
She Wasn't Sad As I Did Remember.

She Was Smiling So Very Divinely,
Her Brown Eyes Stared So Cutely,
More Divine Felt She Was Really,
I Thought That It Was So Early,
My Pocket Watch Showed Three,
I Took My Eyes Off And Went To Bed,
Then & There She Was Lying For Me.

I Again Let My Mind Play Games,
Never Did Imagine Turning Mad,
Now I Was Not Feeling As Bad,
Neither I Wanted To Break It,
Nor It Felt Like One Anymore,
This Was The Dream I Loved To Live,
As If The Boon Was Presented To Me.

She Smiled As I Sat On The Bed,
I Asked Her, "Are You Real?"
"Yes, Just As Your Thoughts,"
I Then Just Stared At Her Lips,
She Then Touched Me Again,
Hands As Soft As That Night At Sea,
I Just Felt Like Opposing Her Touch.

I Blankly Smiled And Thought,
'My Thoughts Are Surely Real,'
Then I Just Let Her Guide Me,
The Moon Shone So Bright,
It Just Felt Really So Very Right,
Resigning I Just Let My Illusion Win,
It's Love We Were Sharing, Not A Sin.


Angel Not Again!!!

I Recovered From The Night Again,
She Had Disappeared Once More,
Was She Using Me As A ******???

I was frustrated & also saddened,
My self-control got strengthened,
For I was not a tissue to be used!!!

I have my feelings & my emotions,
Presence and absence torture me,
Ego I had tamed got hurt by now...

I won't let that elusive Angel come,
Questioning I must be her realities,
Illusions will end this time finally!!!

I'll establish an identity of my own,
Dependent I'll not be on the angel,
Was she only a dream & no more???

I had duly asked the aged captain,
To search for a lovely bride very soon,
Oh, so sure I am about afterwards...

I was tailed by the spirit-like angel,
So irritated by her dreary dreams,
On-off, came-gone, again & again!!!

I now would learn to catch angels,
With the plan, I went to the mage,
Should I now learn some spells???

I entered through a dark alleyway,
Was told to visit this strange place,
What comes across - I wondered...

I knocked on the door & she appeared,
Very young she seemed to me now,
Just the age of the angel of dreams!!!

I noticed that she wore a long robe,
So shiny it was silvery like her hair,
Just like the angel of dreams wore...

I rubbed my tired eyes in disbelief,
"Who're you?" I asked very loudly,
"Are you the mage's daughter???"

I wondered for long & she replied,
"Your guess is correct, kind Sailor,"
She beckoned me into the shack...

I set my foot on the wooden floor,
I looked for any sign of the mage,
I want to be set free of the cage!!!

I just thought & thought about it,
But the witch was not to be seen,
Curious I asked, "Where is she???"

"I am my mother," she said calmly,
Perplexed I couldn't say a thing,
My mouth opened once & shut...

I was now about to rise & go away,
But she stopped me with her arms,
"I must show you," so she did say!!!

I did not believe what my eyes saw,
How she changed into the old mage,
Then back into her own daughter???

O I had become confused a lot now,
Why would she transform like this,
I feared if it was actually the angel...


Angel Forever?

Seeing Me Anxious More Than A Lot,
The Old Witch Relented A Little,
She Let Me Breathe Freely,
Back Transformed Into Her Daughter,
She Touched My Forehead,
Then I Realized It Was Sweaty,
Seeing Her Lovely Care I Smiled A Bit.

So She Now Lit Up A Fragrant Incense,
The Incense Seemed So Soothing,
She Then Edged Closer To Me,
Transcendental Wings Were Visible,
She Came Even Closer To Me,
Then The Wings Simply Vanished,
So Traceless As If Never Been There.

It Must Have Been Another Illusion,
The Very Day I Had Set Sail To Sea,
It Was Probably Carrying Over,
Troubling Me Each Non And Then,
In My Wild Dreams, I Had Seen,
True She Could Not Be & Was Not,
In My Life, The Torment Was Written.

Soon I Was Pleading To Her Teary-eyed,
"Please Don't Torment Me, It Hurts!"
She Looked At Me With Affection,
And Said, "But I Truly Love You, Sailor,"
She Advanced Forwards Further,
"Have You Forgotten All Those Nights?
Did You Even Forget The Night At Sea?"

I First Remembered That Night At Sea,
The Night Back At Home Came Next,
I Had Been Seduced By Her Magic,
This Was The Real Picture Every Time,
I was Weak But I Still Felt Warmer,
The Night Ship Feels Like Yesterday,
I Was In Confusion About What To Do.

Her Face Was Transitioning Rapidly,
The Old Mother To Her Daughter,
Her Daughter To That Very Angel,
And Back To The Old Mother Witch,
Her Smile Turned Into Laughter,
The Witch Laughing At My Cries,
Her Face Here Was Contorted A Lot.

She Seemed To Be Struggling A Lot,
As Though Fight Ensued Within,
Soon I Figured It Out By Myself,
First I Must **** The Witch To Help,
So I Looked Around & Grabbed,
The Axe That I Did Spot Lying There,
Spot On I Killed The Witch Right Then.

~~~~~~~
Angel Ultimately?
The saga in her eyes converts into a constant downpour soon after she realized her freedom from the spell of the dark witch, the curse had turned her a prisoner in the evil witch's body.

"Kind Sailor Thank Thee For Freeing Me."
Her Words Reverberating Throughout,
What Wind - What Land - What Sea,
Everywhere Is Her Presence As I Can See,
The Wind Whispers Her Name In My Ear,
Since A Long Long Time Now All I Wear,
Is Her Scent In My Immortalized Memory.

"Will You Stay With Me Forever, Or,
Will You Go Back To The Heavens?"
Though I Really Wanted Her To Stay,
I Love Her And Realize What She Felt,
I Offered Her Freedom And A Choice,
I Was Not Binding Her To Me In Turn,
Everything Was Instinctive For Me.

She Seemed In A Serious Dilemma,
Struggling Hard She Was In Herself,
I Again Offered & Insisted This Time,
"It's Better You Went Back To Your World,"
But I Knew That She Loved Me A Lot,
She Tried Hard Controlling But Said,
"I Am In Love With You For Long."

So I Am Quite Right That She Loves Me,
I Am Sure Even She Can Forget Me Not,
Beading All Our Memories Together,
I Now Know How I Can Gain Salvation,
Not Being Another Self-Centric Tantric,
"But You Don't Belong Here Dear,
So You Shouldn't Restrict Yourself."

After This, She Now Looks Comfortable & Composed,
Ready For Making A Choice She Wore A Heart Of Stone,
Her Lips Slowly Parted Revealing A Perfect Smile,
Pearly Smile Again Ensured Me Of Permanent Happiness,
Bright Eyes And Shiny Eyelids Of Hers Seemed So Good,
"You Can't Make Me Stay Away Because You Love Me Too,
I Will Keep Coming In Your Dreams And Entice Your Nights."

But I Wanted Her In My Real-World Now,
I Prevented Her From Vanishing Again,
I Said, "Please Stay, Now Do Not Go Away,
Because I Really Can Not Bear That Pain,"
She Had Almost Vanished By Then,
Listening To My Words She Chose To Wait,
She Said, "Even I Want Forever To Stay."

Continuing With Her Divine Dialogue She Said,
"Say Those Golden Words To Make Me Stay,"
I Immediately Confessed, "I Love You, Angel,"
"Say You Love Me Too, Oh My Divine Angel,"
She Didn't Wait For Anything More To Say It,
"I Love You Too, Oh My Kind & Loving Sailor,"
Her Powers Soon Left Her In A Flash Of Light.

I sought to allegorically assay my personal life through these 7 poems in “The ‘Angel?’ Saga” that’s an allegory to a significant part of my life.

Sorrow is the song
Heart is the holster
Grief is the gun
Listen to my melody
Oh youthful murderer
Forget what's right
Forgive what's wrong

For you I long
Fallacy is the killer
Hot is the sun
Life is a comedy
Oh my upset lover
Today's the night
'Morrow's lifelong.

I wish you a happy day,
Which is your birthday,
In advance, in advance,
I hope together we dance,
You in my caring arms,
And I in your deep eyes,
Give in to my charming way.

A Group-B Gazetted Officer,
Working in the shoes of an
Assistant Audit Officer,
Assigned to the Railways
At The Office of the Director General of Audit,
North Eastern Railway HQ,
Gorakhpur.

A former Probationary Officer,
Of an Assistant Manager-grade
With the State Bank of India,
Working in the Chandigarh circle
And posted in my hometown,
Now I miss my mother,
Really.

Before that I tried to get a PhD,
However, I quit it during COVID,
Because age doesn't wait,
Time isn't locked down,
And I had nothing to lose,
Only exams to crack,
And interviews to groove.

Lost love? What's that? A lonely dove?

I've my parents with me,
And I have my victories,
The stories of which I relive,
And these memories boost me,
The euphoria of Nostradamus,
It envelops me in totalus,
Never me, never free.

Even after they transcend to afterlife,
I'll have their teachings with me,
Well, that's a case if I live beyond them,
Because as of now, improbable it seems,
I'm unable to imagine a life without them,
We are trying our level best to look for a lady,
A humble lady who can teach me more,
And also learn something new from me.

Born on December 23, 1990,
In Karnal city of Haryana,
At the strike of 20:53 hours,
Grew up much loved albeit a bit lonely,
For my parents' child I'm the one and only,
I love writing original songs, poems, and novels too,
Now I look to co-author my next one with my wifey.

Ke tere hi khayaalon mein dil ye mera dhadakta raha,
Main teri hi chaahaton mein ab tak yoon bhatakta raha.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

That in your thoughts, this heart of mine kept pounding,
Desiring you, around the world until now I kept wandering.

Her eyes are poetry, and
Each blink of her eyes is a poem.
Her voice is poetry, and
Each of her words is a poem.
Her thinking is poetry, and
Each of her thoughts is a poem.

My love for her is poetry, and
Each of my expressions for her is a poem.
My care for her is poetry, and
Each of my suggestions for her is a poem.
My desire for her is poetry, and
Each expression of my romance for her is a poem.

Our mutual attraction is poetry, and
Each of our confessions to one another is a poem.
Our eternal relationship is poetry, and
Each of our manifestations for one another is a poem.
Our way of talking to each other is poetry, and
Each of our conversations with one another is a poem.

Instead of door slamming,
Listen to heavy metal music,
And engage in headbanging.

Instead of giving into violence,
Listen to the sounds of violins,
And practise non-violence.

Dil mein hai tu, | You're in my heart,
Dhadkan mein tu, | You're in the heartbeat,
Jaan mein basi hai... | You live in the life force...
Din mein hai tu, | You're in my days,
Raaton mein tu, | You're in my nights,
Khwaab mein basi hai... | You're in my dreams...

O Jaana! Tu hai kahaan? | Oh dear! Where are you?
O Jaana! Main tadapta yahaan! | Oh dear! I'm in agony here!
O Jaana! Meri manzil wahaan! | Oh dear! My destination is there!
O Jaana! Ke tu hai jahaan! | Oh dear! Wherever you are!
Ab to tu aaja! Mann mein samaaja! | Now you just come! Take your place in my heart!
Ab to tu aaja! Meri zindagi mein aaja -ha ha, ** o o o **! ** o o o ** **! ** o o o **! | Now you just come! Take your place in my life - oh yeah, ** o o o **! ** o o o ** **! ** o o o **!

Teri ye baatein, | These matters of yours,
Mujhko sataati, | Me they torment,
Kitna rulaati hain. | Make me cry.
Teri ye baatein, | These matters of yours,
Mujhko hain bhaati, | Me they entice,
Kitna hansaati hain. | Make me laugh.

O Jaana! Le-le meri jaan! | Oh dear! Just **** me!
O Jaana! Tu hai mera jahaan! | Oh dear! You're my world!
O Jaana! Main khush hoon wahaan! | Oh dear! I'm happy there!
O Jaana! Ke tu hai jahaan! | Oh dear! Wherever you are!
Ab to tu aaja! Mann mein samaaja! | Now you just come! Take your place in my heart!
Ab to tu aaja! Meri zindagi mein aaja -ha ha, ** o o o **! ** o o o ** **! ** o o o **! | Now you just come! Take your place in my life - oh yeah, ** o o o **! ** o o o ** **! ** o o o **!

Dil mein hai tu, | You're in my heart,
Dhadkan mein tu, | You're in the heartbeat,
Jaan mein basi hai... | You live in the life force...
Din mein hai tu, | You're in my days,
Raaton mein tu, | You're in my nights,
Khwaab mein basi hai... | You're in my dreams...

The night has ended,
And the dusk is stale.
A different dawn descended,
And the sun is shining pale.

There are some memories here,
Some more are hidden there.
I'm still lonely,
But I'd be lonelier
If not for my parents.

Now I work on my dream rate,
None was more appropriate.

The hospitals,
They sold our disorder
To the pharmaceutical companies.

Places that ought to look after us,
They look at our purse,
For the drugs.

Hindi Original:

Ab Aankhon Mein Neend Kahaan?

Wo to bachpan tha jab so jaate the,
Ab to jaane kaisi fikr sataati hai.
Wo to bachpan tha jab kha paate the,
Ab to motaape ki fikr sataati hai.

Wo to bachpan tha jab khwaab sajaate the,
Ab to saari duniya berang lagti hai.
Wo to bachpan tha jab sab apne the,
Ab to duniya dushman nazar aati hai.

Wo to bachpan tha jab khush raha karte the,
Ab to barson puraana duhkh sataata hai...
Wo to bachpan tha jab bhavishya ki chinta na thi,
Ab to beete ateet ka kabhi na khatm hone waala khed hai...


Here's the translation:

Where Has The Sleep Gone From My Eyes?

That was childhood, when I could sleep,
Now, worries keep me awake.
That was childhood, when I could eat,
Now, fears of weight gain haunt me.

That was childhood, when I'd weave dreams,
Now, the whole world seems colorless.
That was childhood, when everyone was my own,
Now, the world seems like an enemy.

That was childhood, when I was always happy,
Now, decades of sorrow haunt me...
That was childhood, when I didn't worry about the future,
Now, the unending sorrow of the past haunts me...

1, 2, 3, 4!
School mein hain bacche jitne,
Maangte hain paise utne!
Kya bataaun hain ye kitne,
Books hi books hain yahaan-wahaan!

Ghar mein bacche baste hain,
Sabko bacche janchte hain.
Baithe zidd ye pakad ke,
Khiloune jab maange.
Khiloune hain ye maangte!

Oh!

Kharcheele kharcheele!
Bacche hain kharcheele!
Cheeni ki hain raatein!
Daant inke dheele!

Duniya bacchon ka ghar hai,
Chehra sabka jaise pyaara hai.
Baithe zidd pakad ke,
Khiloune jab maange.
Khiloune hain ye maangte!

Oh!

Kharcheele kharcheele!
Bacche hain kharcheele!
Cheeni ki hain raatein!
Daant inke dheele!
Kharcheele kharcheele!
Bacche hain kharcheele!
Cheeni ki hain raatein!
Daant inke dheele!

Here's the translation:

1, 2, 3, 4!
There are kids in school as many,
They demand money as much!
What can I say, they're so many,
Books are everywhere, here and there!

Kids are at home, all around,
Everyone's checking on the kids.
Sitting stubbornly, they demand,
Toys when they want them.
They want toys!

Oh, what expenses!
Kids are so expensive!
Nights are like sugar,
Their teeth are so weak!

The world is a home for kids,
Every face is lovable.
Sitting stubbornly, they demand,
Toys when they want them.
They want toys!

Oh, what expenses!
Kids are so expensive!
Nights are like sugar,
Their teeth are so weak!

I talk a lot.
In 2012, I created a blog.
There, I talked about the next ice age.
The Milankovitch cycles, you know.
It's still 50,000 years away,
But our actions, yes, the human actions,
They can disrupt the cycle.

Another birthday comes.

And I'm grateful to my parents,
For they brought me to life.

They did so not just once,
But they pulled me back here,
And now I play the fife.

Neither you were mine,
Nor was I yours…
There is a rain here,
I lost happiness somewhere…

In this divulge of pain,
I am floating…
In this river of passion,
I am drowning…

And tears appeared…
Dripping from the eyelids…
And tears appeared…

Once in my breath,
Your fragrance was there…
Yes in my nights,
Your habit was there…

Once in my memories,
Someone was there…
Sometimes in my words,
There was a person...

Where did that friend go,
Where did that love go…

Neither you were mine,
Nor was I yours…
There is a rain here,
I lost happiness somewhere…

In this divulge of pain,
I am floating…
In this river of passion,
I am drowning…

And tears appeared...
Dripping from the eyelids...
And tears appeared...
And tears appeared...
Dripping from the eyelids-ay-aye-aye-aye!

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Na Tu Mera Raha,
Na Main Tera Raha…
Chhaae Hain Gham Hi Yahaan,
Khoi Hain Khushiyaan Kahaan…

Gham Ki Is Baarish Mein,
Bheeg Raha Hoon Main…
Tezaabi Is Nadiya Mein,
Doob Raha Hoon Main…

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…

Kabhi Meri Saanson Mein,
Khushboo Thi Teri...
Haan Meri Raaton Mein,
Aadat Thi Teri...

Kabhi Meri Yaadon Mein,
Rehta Tha Koi…
Haan Meri Baaton Mein,
Basta Tha Koi…

Kahaan Gaya Wo Yaar,
Kahaan Gaya Wo Pyaar…

Na Tu Mera Raha,
Na Main Tera Raha…
Chhaae Hain Gham Hi Yahaan,
Khoi Hain Khushiyaan Kahaan…

Gham Ki Is Baarish Mein,
Bheeg Raha Hoon Main…
Tezaabi Is Nadiya Mein,
Doob Raha Hoon Main…

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke-ay-aye-ay-aye-aye!

Atul Subhash, I empathise with you,
This modern age is evil.

Your wife behaved narcissistically,
The judge behaved more so.

I can understand your situation,
And you're a lesson, an inspiration.

I won't ever get married, brother,
For I fear divorce, yes, I do.

Instead of getting married,
I'd rather get a cat, yes, a cat.

As for my monies, oh the dust,
I'll donate it all to a cause.

Animal welfare,
Medical research.

Somewhere useful,
But not in a marriage.

Neither you were mine,
Nor was I yours…
There is a rain here,
I lost happiness somewhere…

In this divulge of pain,
I am floating…
In this river of passion,
I am drowning…

And tears appeared…
Dripping from the eyelids…
And tears appeared…

Once in my breath,
Your fragrance was there…
Yes in my nights,
Your habit was there…

Once in my memories,
Someone was there…
Sometimes in my words,
There was a person...

Where did that friend go,
Where did that love go…

Neither you were mine,
Nor was I yours…
There is a rain here,
I lost happiness somewhere…

In this divulge of pain,
I am floating…
In this river of passion,
I am drowning…

And tears appeared...
Falling from the eyelids...
And tears appeared...
And tears appeared...
Falling from the eyelids-ay-aye-aye-aye!

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Na Tu Mera Raha,
Na Main Tera Raha…
Chhaae Hain Gham Hi Yahaan,
Khoi Hain Khushiyaan Kahaan…

Gham Ki Is Baarish Mein,
Bheeg Raha Hoon Main…
Tezaabi Is Nadiya Mein,
Doob Raha Hoon Main…

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…

Kabhi Meri Saanson Mein,
Khushboo Thi Teri...
Haan Meri Raaton Mein,
Aadat Thi Teri...

Kabhi Meri Yaadon Mein,
Rehta Tha Koi…
Haan Meri Baaton Mein,
Basta Tha Koi…

Kahaan Gaya Wo Yaar,
Kahaan Gaya Wo Pyaar…

Na Tu Mera Raha,
Na Main Tera Raha…
Chhaae Hain Gham Hi Yahaan,
Khoi Hain Khushiyaan Kahaan…

Gham Ki Is Baarish Mein,
Bheeg Raha Hoon Main…
Tezaabi Is Nadiya Mein,
Doob Raha Hoon Main…

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye…
Palkon Se Chhalke-ay-aye-ay-aye-aye!

You've not learnt how,
Just how to apologise,
Instead you're rude,
Words like a scythe,
And you expect immediate forgiveness.
Well, that’s not how it works,
That’s really not how it works.

I'm an anterograde amnesiac per se,
But I remember what you did say.

This is a Paradiso Poetry,
But it's called Hello Poetry.
We all love this platform,

I play my electric guitar on my amp,
Then there's a drum sampler,
And I sing & scream okay,
But without the bassist,
I feel like I go commando.

Fellows commented long ago,
"Without the bass guitar,
Your song feels hollow."
I looked for any bassist,
Here & there but to no avail.

What I ultimately found out,
Many play the Axe,
But none a bass,
Nobody plays it, not the bass,
And my best songs sound hollow.

Some day,
We'll meet.
And that day,
You'll tell me,
"Wish we didn't break apart."

Even today, I search for true love,
But it's elusive like the golden swan.
Even today, I look for it under the trees,
I look for it on the roads and in the parks,
"Wish we didn't grow apart."

It was just an instance of rudeness,
They tell me that I should've been mature.
Maturity, is it gained when you lose your identity,
Or when you stop reacting and start responding?
"Wish you hadn't left such scorny remarks."

I have braved hellish fires,
In you, I sought some balm.
You could've applied it soothingly,
But you left remarks so disparagingly,
"Wish I still could've been mature, and not reacted."

Someday, we might meet again,
You'll finally mature enough...
That day, you’ll understand my pain,
Yes, I hope you'll not be so rough,
"Wish that day comes soon enough."

Babe, I felt warm things for you,
But your remarks—me they burned.
Babe, I had plans for the future,
But you, typical Y2K generation,
"Wish future existed for you too."

The future can be changed,
It can be accurately predicted.
Everyone was happy—everyone but you,
Babe, you should've told your mom beforehand,
"I don't want to waste my youth on the middle-aged man."

This is the futility of my feelings,
They don't matter, because I'm a man.
All my successes, they are insignificant,
They are engulfed in the quality of being effervescent,
"For there are many more younger timely successful men."

Nobody reads any of my novels,
I may have went through a lot.
But I'm turning 34 in 36 days,
I've missed the bus, I'm late.
"And nothing else matters."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

2027 is a prime number,
That 307th prime number.
Even 307 is a prime number.

On December 23, 2027,
I complete 37 years alive,
Even 37 is a prime number.

Time is a schemer,
But I'm also a cheater,
As I relived my childhood.

I was so afraid of math,
I'd had arithmophobia,
My father debunked it.

My parents looked after me,
They re–brought me up,
When I was injured.

It has been quite some time,
How long I would stay here,
But I should always rhyme.

I'm happy earning money,
I survived time's travesty,
In that time of adversity.

As I lay in the comatose state,
My Angel cried profusely.
Unknown to others, He cried.
And His tears fell on my body,
They healed my wounds.
My Angel is my Prabhu.
My Angel is my Father.

Maybe I am unlovable,
But not because I'm staunch,
Probably 'cause I'm too different,
And you search for someone familiar,
Someone humble who'll accommodate,
Person who you would proudly date,
Or maybe I'm assuming too much.
Like the paranoid paradigm,
Someone incompatible.
I've experienced life,
Oh, I've endured it,
You walked into it,
And you showed some dreams.
Prehistoric is my love divine,
Dark mystery it is for you,
Hot fantasy it is for me,
We're so very similar,
And perhaps that's why we repel.
I saw you for the first time,
Such an innocent girl,
I judged you by your face,
And I was wrong; I accept.
I said, "I wanna take you home."
The elders smiled,
Even your grandpa did,
He opined I'd take care of you,
Yes, I would've loved it...
However, the friends you talk to...
The friends jealous of you...
Someone "educated" you,
Against me, against love,
You changed your mind,
So, what about me?
It was an easy choice for me.
I just curled back into my shell...
I'm just being paranoid or eunoid.
For you're young, pretty young,
Both pretty and youthful...
Goodbye, my dream girl,
Goodbye, my youthful charm,
Goodbye, my hope of happiness,
Goodbye, my plans of a wedlock,
Goodbye, my scope of a lifelong bond,
Goodbye, my love of life.

I love brownie,
Just like I love you,
And everything sweet.

On December 23, 2023,
I was pursuing my job,
As a Probationary Officer,
At the State Bank of India.

My colleagues and parents gathered,
It was very nice; what should I say?
For a vegetarian's delight showered,
They had gathered together that day.

In Panchkula, it was the F.T.P.—2, or
Foundational Training Program 2,
All the probationers were there,
Where, in SBILD, Panchkula.

Celebrated my birthday a bit late,
For I reached there on a later day,
Not that my arrival was delayed,
Que sera sera, just systemic delay.

'Twas memorable,
Many colleagues.
We broke the ice,
I made no couple.

I reached the age of 33 years that day,
Like this time I'll complete 34 years,
But I miss being a child, or a kid,
Those birthdays were special.

On my 33rd birth anniversary,
I felt more than a year younger.
Finally a successful professional,
And obviously an eligible bachelor.

Still unmarried, now as a choice,
I don't find a compatible voice,
Those judge me by my past,
My successes matter not.

Men Going Their Own Way,
MGTOW seems a good idea,
The only viable option for me,
Isn't that the only one for me?

All I have with me,
Are just memories,
Some are besotten,
Others a' forgotten.

They consider me depressed,
Maybe I'm just depressed,
But I lack any real friend,
Lacking any inspiration.

I may have achieved success,
Academic and professional,
Like Granger & McGonagall,
Scripted through dedication.

Coming out of the shadows,
Like the full moon out there,
My parents be proud of me,
Getting married isn't crucial.

I
Did
Realise
In Time,
To succeed
And my dad
Guided me to
The epitome of
Worldly success.
Now I'm a beacon,
For you and others,
In this complete fray.
You have my example,
I realised that I have to,
Without procrastinating,
Put efforts for success too,
And for a lifestyle achieving,
I practised writing mock tests,
Not any more novels, none bro,
For I realised that I'm mi'l class.
The Indian mi'l class put efforts,
Without these, there's no bun,
So, I solved mock tests daily,
I didn't shy away and run,
Put my efforts regularly,
You too need just study.

No legislator will think of you,
For you come from the mi'l class,
And from the gen'l cat'ry too.

Your memory won't go away,
Of the days from the recent past.
The memories of togetherness,
My heart longs for you now, at last.

Why? Oh, why did you break my heart?

Had those moments been money,
I'd demonetise each one of them...
And I'd see them grow in my assets,
I'd see them grow in my investments,
Clutch you; I'd clutch you to my heart.

Why? Oh, why would you break my heart?

Had those moments been birds,
I'd lure them all inside my heart...
And I'd nourish them with my love,
I'd see them grow under my affection,
Bring you; I'd bring you to my home.

How? Oh, how could you destroy my love?

Your memory won't go away,
Of the days from the recent past.
The memories of togetherness,
My heart longs for you now, at last.

When you were born, oh my dear,
No doctor—no midwife predicted,
But, oh my dear, you've been a granny,
All throughout, all throughout.

When I first saw you,
I wanted to take you home,
Adorable, lovable, and pure
I really did want to kidnap you.

Why, you ask me...
Look at yourself,
Those pure eyes,
That cute face,
And that cuddly body.

I saw you in 2024,
And you were 24 years old,
I realised you're a 24-year-old grandma.
No fun, no bun, no run.

Oh, Teddy, I so wish...
I hope that you realised it...
Your words hurt me...
How you compared hurt me...

You generalised my trauma,
How could you compare?
You said, "Disabled people even clear UPSC-CSE,"
But you didn't stop there,
And you kept misbehaving...

If you never wanted to marry me,
You could've simply told your mom.

Off and on,
Undying spirit,
Not of positivity,
But of vengeance.

You never actually apologised,
So, I never forgave,
But it's hard,
Yes, it's so hard,
Hard to forget what we forged.

I had seen a world in your eyes,
In my mind, I had seen a future,
A future where you are with me,
A future where I train you, honey.

But why did we separate out?
C'mon now, tell me, why did we?
Couldn't you just be mine?
I wanted to live with you.

What was the need for separation?
I'm perplexed by how things went.
It was so right initially, the elation.
Why did the things prematurely end?

What did your parents tell each other,
Why did they say that to one another,
When you were born to them in that weather?

Aapse mil kar Khushi hui!

Your name is Khushi,
And Khushi means happiness,
Your parents felt glad on meeting each other.

And I bet that they were happy when you were born.

It's not necessary for God to be like they say,
And if God is indeed so limited, then it's not God.

Just think of it, come on now, just think of it,
If God is omnipotent, omnipresent & omniscient,
Then why so limited?

Why assign a gender,
Why call, 'formless,'
Why say, 'sinless?'

If God has a gender,
Why not a female?
If God is formless,
How can It judge?

You believe in men born in the desert,
Dehydrated and hallucinating men.
All your À-Bràhmìk reLIEgions,
They are follower-hungry,
Strains of narcissism.

Accept that your God is weak,
So weak that it can't even take a form,
Or even endure criticism.

Commit it,
If loving me is an act of treason.
I love you,
And I want to rest in your prison.
Your heart,
May it reflect all of my emotion.
Your lap,
I will rest my head with devotion.
Your hair,
They would obfuscate my vision.
This love,
It will shine brighter than the sun.
Just 'coz,
True love is a two-way phenomenon.

This gun you point at the kitty,
It comes with a responsibility.
Purchase shares,
Hold them longterm,
Forget the glares,
Adorn them over your years,
Hold your fire for decaditty...

Watch your children grow,
Teach them similar patience,
Money market,
It can pay you bright,
Or it might bite,
But tell them to not be scared,
Don't be scared or obsessed...

Don't speculate, oh dear trader,
For speculation is so immature,
Invest thousands,
You can reap millions,
Think of your kids,
They will thank you even later,
Much later, after you're gone...

Remember, the Devil feeds on your fears,
It dies when the fog in your mind clears.

Depression can affect you.
When things go against you,
Or they go unexpectedly away,
But don't blow your heart away,
All this is temporary, you know,
When you know, you know,
So, don't cry over things.
However, take care,
If you lose yourself,
You won't know.
It will be known,
To you unknown,
And to the world,
It will be known.
It is the whiskey,
To you, it is risky.
But take care of your liver.
If it fails, after all the abuse,
You wouldn't get your glass,
The Precious Evening Glass.

Your friends readied the kids,
In the boys hostel mess.
The day happier than ever,
I felt proud of myself.

Then I took your hand,
And guided you inside.
You were totally unprepared,
But we had trained the kids.

The canteen was filled with us,
The volunteers and the kids.
The onlookers joined the chorus,
In the Happy Birthday words.

Do you remember what the kids sang?
Why won't you, Satyaa, why won't you?
You might remember me, oh dear,
You were my old flame, and I was for you.

I said, "Here you go, dear,
This surprise we prepared,
Just for you, oh, just for you."
And your eyes teemed with tears.

You looked at me in gratitude,
But I was truthful as I told you,
"Your girl friends surprised you,
I just brought the cake, dear."

"Sakshi suggested this surprise,
Your girl friends prepared the kids,
Enjoy your birthday, Satyaa, enjoy it,"
You were speechless, completely in love.

Really,
'Twas exciting,
How I planned her birthday,
And along with her other friends I did that,
To surprise her the next day,
'Twas exciting,
Really.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

We were all colleagues and batchmates,
Teaching underprivileged kids,
Those kids at Swapan,
Yes it was,
Exciting to teach 'em,
We felt responsible & fulfilled,
I even felt that she was the one for me.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

We trained our students to sing a song,
Of course the birthday song,
They were happy,
I was too,
For her, that was,
Her girl friends tasked me,
So, I brought a birthday cake for her.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

2012 passed away without much of ado.
Without much ado, without much ado.
The warnings were anything but true.

I conquered a remarkable triumph,
Yes, I conquered 14 out of 14 tests.
From not one but two semesters.

Even my parents,
They did not expect,
I'd clear so many tests.

But oh my mama, and baba,
I remember how you took care,
How you brought me back to life.

Do not exert yourselves needlessly,
Now take some rest, my parents,
Stop searching a bride for me.

I've realised I've got an ego issue.
After all those trials & errors of love,
I cannot ever share my life with a wife.

Amplify my cuteness,
Oh! Bidaal Devi,
Like a cat,
Kitten,
Like a cat,
Oh! Feline Devi,
Amplify my cuteness.

I shall adopt some kittens,
Oh! My Cat Goddess,
Maybe a Tom,
Or a Pushy,
Maybe a Tom,
Oh! My Cat Goddess
I shall adopt some kittens.

I shall adore my kittens,
Oh! Feline Goddess,
Bring me a Tom,
Or a Pussycat,
Bring me a Tom,
Oh! Feline Goddess,
I shall adore my kittens.

I wish that cats adopt me too,
For except my parents, I'm alone,
After them, I can't imagine my life,
That's why I shall adopt some kittens,
After them, I can't imagine my life,
For except my parents, I'm alone,
I wish that cats adopt me too.

I offer my heart, Oh! Cat Goddess,
Oh!! Shashthi Maia, hear my plea,
Without your children, I'm alone,
I don't want to end up all alone,
Without your children, I'm alone,
Oh!! Shashthi Maia, hear my plea,
I offer my heart, Oh! Cat Goddess.

I loved the baby they first showed me.
He was so beautiful,
He was cute & charming.

******* eyes,
As if just Onyx.

It was the first time,
Yes, the first time,
When in front of a mirror they put me.

They know that I have special needs.
Due to the May 7, 2010 accident,
Several internal injuries—none bleeds.
For it wasn't a regular event.
Still they ask me to get married.
The accident wasn't normal.
I almost died in it. Almost.

What I got was an incomplete life,
Incomplete because I lost love,
The lover went rogue,
Because she thought I'd die.
She might have been wrong,
But I'm not really alive either.
I'm just an apparition. Really.

I wrote 7 Seconds,
Inspired metaphorically by life,
My own life in Bhaarat,
Your life in the world,
The threat of terrorism,
And the looming oil crisis.
I was not satisfied. Yes.

I wrote The 'Angel?' Saga,
Inspired by my romances,
My metaphysical chances,
The super-romantic dances,
How I lost my love,
How the bird has flown,
I was immensely satisfied. Yes.

Poetry is how I release,
Poetry is how I tease,
Poetry is how I reform,
Poetry is how I transform,
How I live my life,
How I escape death,
I feel safe in these verses. Really.

I wrote the 'Aaryavarta' trilogy,
Inspired by Darwin's evolution theory,
By all the flaws in it, actually,
Peas can't dictate human origins,
We evolved from aliens, possibly,
Human ancestors from a different planet,
More than a hundred thousand years ago!

I wrote 'Swansong: A Tribute?' too.
It envisions a near-future war,
A war between Bhaarat and China,
America will support Bhaarat against China,
That's the ABC of our world's future,
Recalling is hard for me but not writing something new,
The world will punish China too.

For their COVID crimes,
For their SARS crimes,
For their transgression crimes,
For Taiwan and Tibet,
For trade malpractices,
And the crimes against humanity,
Both in Xinjiang and in Tibet.

I do miss being able to play the guitar nicely,
Baby, I miss running fast, sprinting actually,
But my new abilities are not bad either,
I can now earn, and not just money,
But I have earned you too, oh reader,
This is not a Mozart symphony,
Still I'm like a charmer.

I sought recovery.
After my first breakup.
Social service attracted me.
I volunteered to teach for free.

Soon, I was back to old ways.
Delving deep into romance,
Finding my lucky chance,
Addiction called me again.

A co-volunteer she was.
And why not? Why not?
Me, she found interesting,
Who doesn't like an artist?

But she was a cold-blooded narcissist.
Yes, bigger than me, bigger than me,
Her pursuits included the world,
My pursuit was limited to her.

What went on in my life,
What she put me through,
What I found myself dealing with,
What I went through during that time.

Tasked with thirteen exams,
Me she had challenged,
Her narcissistic ways,
I cleared them all,

She was a liar,
Had a bloated ego,
I deflated her balloon,
She finally inflated mine.

Traders,
Traders everywhere,
Some trading stocks,
Others some shares.

But I invest,
Initiated by my mother,
Encouraged by my father,
Taught by their experience.

An orthodox,
I'm a longterm investor,
I have faith in my future,
I've not sold any holdings.

Future,
I'm building wealth for the future,
My future generations will procure,
I'll pass it on to them by legal means.

Bless,
I hope God will bless me with children,
Humans, or kittens would be my babies,
These small investments will bless them.

Humans,
If I can get married and have heirs,
Then I'll be happy to share my chairs,
I'll teach them what I've learnt in life.

Kittens,
I'll humbly adopt a pair of kittens,
If I don't gel well with humans,
Be busy even without a wife.

The old Horse 🐎,
It is not Norse.
It's a Trojan Horse,
Bred in an Italian Stable.
They utter lies,
About time that flies.
But we realise the real lies.

Day & night,
I'm enticed by you.

Day & night,
I'm lost in your thoughts.

Why are you so beautiful,
Oh, plain mirror?