Why do we struggle against life
fight in opposition to time
we all know we cannot win
Time, no matter how we perceive
always passes
and life
well,
is only our idea.
We still struggle
our combative minds focused
on trying to win
an unwinnable battle.

Although....
is it a battle?
a fight
a struggle
perhaps we are not
in combat.

Why do we journey through life
striding along times route
we know we will never reach
journeys end
times path arrows forever
into the horizon
and life
well,
it is the road we walk on
yet still we move forward
our hopeful minds fixed
on the end of the road
trying to walk
a never-ending path.

Although...
is life a journey?
an adventure
a path
perhaps we are
not moving.

Why do we dance in life
tapping along to times tune
we know we will never move
that final step
times harmony echoes through
our minds
and life
well,
it is the song we move to
yet still we flow
our bodies sway toward
the end of the beat
Trying to complete the patterns
of an unending dance.

Although...
are we dancing?
moving
swaying
perhaps we are not
Dancers.


Although...
maybe we are.

There was a child once
full of  barely hidden laughter and mischief
emotions endlessly poured out and back in
like a tide tasting a new shore for the first time
Where is that child i wonder

there was a traveler once
thirsting for the experience and life seen all around
headfirst diving into the world accepting
fearing nothing and witnessed with wide eyes
where is that traveler i wonder

there was a husband once
overflowing with found shining love
joy swamping easily the baseless fear of loss
proven in horrible perfection in a moment
where is that husband i wonder

there was a father once
completely enamored of a tiny squalling form
filled with a something that could not be defined
until it was gone drained and replaced with horror
where is that father i wonder

there was a lover once
coupled a shy temerity with a respectful tenderness
opening to possible love as a flower to sun
bruised and rejected on occasion though ever hopeful
where is that lover i wonder

there was a soldier once
who stood up with passion for those who could not
heart on the sleeve and thunder on the brow
viewing the world as a problem to be fixed
where is that soldier i wonder

there was a fighter once
who smiled sadly as he fought and killed in the name of money
laughing at the jokes his companions made in desperate tones
as they hid the slowly acidic thoughtful fear of being the bad guys
where is that fighter i wonder

there was a man once
betrayed and broken by this world and his choices
looking back across the memories that swirl and sift
ashes and dust that are all the remains of a once laughing child
and i don't need wonder where that man is.

The end of his strength it comes in a rush
a wildfire burning destroying in lust
the joys of a life are forgotten in turn
passions and trusts that were once so bright
paled to nothingness, haunted remains
they cry in quiet voices, the roaring above
drowning the sorrowful sounds of lost lives
what he was has long since passes through silent halls
of what may have become only ashes that stir
no dormant embers lay hidden to ignited in pain
a fiery expanse, though grey as the burnt sky
an emptiness within and without reflecting each side
the end of his strength it came in a rush

The end of his will it came on but slow
endless dripping of acid on stone
shallow grooves to begin, easy ignored
forgotten within the raging tempest surrounding
then stone is gone and he along with it
the pain long left flows in furious tides
aches from the past, for without his armour
the wounds that will not heal are open to the void
not seen or felt when present, pressures innumerable
with dawning realization, for all things do hurt
the treatment of others as knives in the mind
hurting themselves to pain those loved to hurt once more
cycles of pain of hate of suffering
impacting upon an open soul
and the end of his will did come but slow

The end of his patience came dressed as fury
a relentless glacial desire plunging in anger
sweeping all before leaving naught, torn earth
disguised at rage at this world, this life
screaming in powerlessness for he cannot protect
or any for it is themselves, screaming and crying
in a denial that cannot be expressed in fears
or the red steam of blood shed under cause
only shown in a heart of ice that has suffered enough
scars of loves lost, trusts betrayed marking emotional flesh
twisting the shape of what was once straight, true
a mockery of man seen in sneering lips that did smile
in heavy hands that once caressed ever gentle
memories of life buried in uncompromising overwhelming agony of ice
the end of his patience burning as fury

Darkness creeps in as it ever does on light
until there is naught left but shadows and mists
as rest comes for him with final gasp he breathes
At last, at last.

His eyes are hooded
                             the looks are dark
Horror fills the twisted thoughts
                             threat of violence in every move
he mumbles to himself
                             walking along alone, surrounded
by those he would save
                              if only they would let it happen
already hoarse the voice continues
                             a throaty whisper filled with angst
at how they treat each other
                             with such disregard
the pains they all seem to feel
                             hidden with false facade
he wants to help them
                             with words or thoughts or deeds
but all he knows is violence
                              it's all his life has been
no other option is clear to him
                              only to fight is known, and so
no-one looks beneath
                              the frightened grizzled face
the eyes pooled with lonely longing
                              a hero without a place
for his aspect does reflect the world
                              a true mirror to this earth
for within burns a soul that wants to help
                              and he does not know how
to extend a hand in graciousness
                               though the palm is much scarred
he cannot, for that lesson
                                was not taught to one as he is
So avoided he is
                                This noble soul
For we cannot look beneath.

A step a splash and water flies everywhere
Drops fly but in glistening fragments of lights
Peals of laughter shake the air with joyful music
They fade in time and then, silence
Alone once again on a well walked path
Trees on either side lean gentle in the wind
For a moment, only a moment the clouds that darken
Both the  mind and the sky are driven away
One action of spontaneous restless desire
Creating a smile that tunes into a laugh
To unleash the floodgates of  emotionless mirth
A quickly fading memory of childish humour
Though that moment, as brief as it is
Takes me in her arms and leaves behind a memory
To be held to and treasured, grinned at foolishly
For the light that shines on that random puddle
Is mine now, offered to live on in my mind
For i know it will be dark again, and soon
Thought to laugh for only an instant, a moment
In the childish way abandoned by adults
Is to give hope for a better world.

Take me down while standing tall
into shattered pieces fall
laughing now tears rush by
rolling down from this high
what is known, what is seen
wash this battered mind to clean
watch me smile here and past
rictus grins that will not last
knowing of the pain to come
colouring each and every moment fun
screaming now in joy or pain
always have they felt the same
only in this sea at dark
when light is gone and hope depart
there i find that fateful step
to take me up the ***** so swept
then i smile, i laugh once more
offer myself as emotions *****
though in that moment of breathlessness
where i don't have to face this test
there is a hope that i'll just stop
no more struggle to that top
dear ocean then, call my soul
let me pretend that i am whole
for i would swim the waters again
please, let me swim the waters again.

The soul knows no greater anguish
Then to take a breath
That begins in love
And ends in grief
In sunlit origins birthed
In forgotten nights surrended
But there are many pains
So many
They unfold as they will
And to dwell within them
Is to know nothing

Except, perhaps

In love grief is a promise
As sure as death
There will be many gardens
But this last one to visit
Is still
So very still
Not meant for lovers
Not meant for dreamers
Meant only for lonely figures
Standing in the dark
Taking a single breath

Life

Waking, living, moving

Dancing, running, laughing

Loving, anticipating, joy, surprise

Children, caring, growing, caring, pride

Contentment, leaving, withdrawing

Memories, ageing, fading,

Slowing, dying, sleeping

Death

No breath

My mind broke on Saturday night
shattered shards of control splintering through
what remains of a battered, weary psyche
slicing, cutting
thoughts spilling everywhere
slicing, cutting
thoughts spilling everywhere
SLICING, CUTTING
emotions bleed out
the sightless eyes of many
staring at me
as i fight the demons
that have escaped
staring at me
as i fight myself
staring at me
as i lose.
I don't want to fight anymore
i don't want to
i don't
i can't
staring at me as i fall
the demonic reflections vanish
everything fades
until i, too
am gone.

chains rattle and hiss
they slide and slither around my feet
poisonous serpents i cannot escape
twisting my steps into unknown paths
foiling my legs, movements truncated
falling to my knees, they climb
screaming, incoherent rage, wordless struggles
and they whisper
whisper
whisper
WHISPER
of codes and consequences
of right and wrong
breathless i scream in silent wrath
jaw distended, creaking
they wrap up my unsaid words
force their way down my throat
chaining tight my beating heart
beating
beating
beating
bea....


Peace.

A mind divided by choice
When the choice is not its own
A blazing light shrouded by cloud
Love of one
That does not love in return
Can never be returned
That feeling remains
Trapped in a limbo of desire
And control
Forever contesting which way
It may fall

To exist in love is to fall
Fall fall fall
Drift continuous ‘til space
And time are meaningless
Only tears fall as far as love
Subsumed into emptiness
That crowds the mind so full

There is no choice to fall
As there is in life
Only an awareness
As the light burns

It will scour mind clean
Until nothing remains
Alone in the dark
But still whole

That then is the choice
To surrender to love
And lose ourselves
Or to remain who we are
And go alone into the great dark.

Spine on earth to see
sunlight watching back at me
lives and loves are fleeting
as breeze through unfurled leaves
a trunk may scar in storm
to heal and grow toward life
a tree never dies
whispers in the wind
even though it falls
to feeds growth anew
as joy must breed sorrow
peace born from war
to suffer is to live
for it is not life.

Cold winds blow and wash over clothes less skin
The argent shining of suns long away covers earth
I stand waiting, as I ever have, with hope and humour
The dawn shall come soon
And be with me
In glory
The birth of a new day, resplendent in the possible
The chill beauty of the night gracefully fades
The bright wonder of the day sweeps
In waves across the world

The new dawn suffuses the hills, a golden flow of light
Warmth on my face, looking at the ascendant sun
Breath catches as colours erupt in riotous desire
The dawn has come
She stands with me
In wonder
The day has come, the existence of all is truth
Land breathes, voices risen in greeting
Life has arrived, we cry.

<Warning: This is brutal, I apologise if i upset.>

There is a scream beginning to resound in the caverns of my mind
Echoing around, bouncing forth and scratching at the walls
There is no sound to this unearthly yell, no form or function precise
It gives it's life to all i have seen, existence in calamitous expression
It cannot be ignored or pushed back into the depths
To writhe and tremble with the other demons thirsting for a chance
It exists as much as i can be, as real as anything here
Within i see many things, for the scream, the scream is me.
My mind is breathless as i am crushed by the lives i am responsible for
The empty accusing eyes stare sightlessly as they pin me to the floor
My scream is soundless here, however theirs is not
The empty lungs sound continuously, a cacophony of regret
This is not my scream, not my sound but theirs, for my grief
For they made their choice, as did i, it was me that walked away
It is for those that could not choose, had no choice, no freedom to exist
The children that paid the toll for the choices adults made
I've seen their tiny bodies bleeding out into the dust
Eyes in desperate incomprehension look at me hope i will make things right
And i cannot do anything but sigh in self disgust.
I didn't take those little lives i was supposed to protect
But it was i that had to watch them die, filled with remorse and regret
To yell within my echoing mind, why not me my life for theirs
And there is no power watching to make a deal with my despair.
That is where the scream began, all those years ago and far away
For every experience similar it has grown and developed teeth
And now it warps around my mind, suffocating thought
Because children are dying is an acceptable phrase and i rage because it's so
Rage again for i am powerless to change such a fate, mine and theirs
So i roar back in fury at the scream resounding through mind
For it's my face screaming back at me in eternal, cacophonous agony.

Was that a dream
is this a dream
i find realities are
tearing me apart
reflections look real
opposed to the ghosts
that haunt my life

Is this a dream
was that a dream
should i bleed for the fantasy
surrender to reality
trapped in a photograph
that trembles with
my screaming mind

Was that a dream
is this a dream
do i live, do i die
for imaginary lives
that are more real
than the reality surrounding me
impossibility chooses

Is this a dream
was that a dream
inside my head
is outside my mind
a lie is more real
then the tuth
of my life

My mind drifts
untethered to the decomposing flesh
that binds it
traps my wings with bars of meat

my mind wanders through the world
one day i will not come back
freedom beckons
i soar on the breath of thought

The fire does not dream of you
for all it's warm embrace
it cannot feel the warmth of your smile
nor the heat in your heart
the fire may not dream of you
though I do

The wind does not dream of you
for all it's endless visage
it cannot see the wild wins of your spirit
nor the wonderful swirling of your thoughts
the wind may not dream of you
though I do

The water does not dream of you
for all it gloomy depths
it cannot touch your wondrous strength
nor the power of your presence
the water may not dream of you
though I do

The earth does not dream of you
for all it's gravely resilience
it cannot laugh with all your words
nor dance in pleasure to your voice
the earth may not dream of you
though I do

The world does not dream of you
for all its endless connections of thought
it cannot love just who you
nor fall even further every day
the world may not dream of you
though I do

My mind it does dream of you
for all it's relentless distractions
it cannot feel the space between us
only the spark that binds
my mind always dreams of you
and I smile, I do.

Evening comes
father sun drops toward the edge of the world
fire leaving the skies
heat fades as light withdraws
it's grace from the face of the mind

Darkness spreads it's cooling tendrils
bathing the earth in gentleness
hiding the faults of life
in compassionate shadow
those that fear embrace
scurry for shelter

The stars wake up
i stand in the darkness
watching the world cool
home is not here

moonlight shines on the oceans surface
the vision is beautiful
the reflection of stars ripple with each wave
mother moon is alive
the heavens seem almost within reach
i stretch for them, as i have many times
as always i gain nothing
there is a lesson here.

A blizzard of faces flow through our minds

all so similar designed around central features

that draw in our emotion triggering memories

Faces that show our souls to the world

our innermost secrets

naked to all others



In those myriad of faces we can see the world

all the nobility of the human race the love the hope

also the terrifying the despair the anger

Faces show our souls to the world

our greatest strengths

our deplorable weaknesses

open to all



All these windows bring to me an avalanche of memory

love to light the world, hate to destroy

lust to add fire, hopelessness to darken

Faces show our souls to the world

through it all i wander amazed

transfixed by the life

that flows from us all



Our faces show that life is never-ending

the trial and tribulation mark us

as do the joy and happiness

Faces show our souls to the world

what can we choose?

my choice is to shine

and light my own way

Shattered mirror
fallen from the sky
pale ribbon of colour binds the earth
i fly

Wind blows softly over grass, caressing every blade
free to dance and love and sing
left to travel, float and fly, to visit every glade
adventuring across the globe in a glorious drifting fling
we are the same as the wind, if we choose to be
to live life freely, to love where we will
wandering forth with smiling mods glowing openly
overflowing hearts spilling endlessly as a poets scratching quill
Yes the wind is free, as we can be, though it will never know
what it means to stay still in a time and place
to get incredibly lost in a person, ignoring times flow
laying there still, silent and smiling, staring at your face
to be no longer needing to wander, curiosity paused
to be happy to live sights already lived, ecstatic i would say!
though all things fade, in sadness this is known and caused
all things move and change, all things drift away
there is pain in this, a hurt that digs and burns
and in this we know something the wind does not
that this love, through pain and wonder, this is for what we yearn!
Yes the wind is free, to see the earth and experience every jot
we are can find what the wind cannot, no matter where it flows
we can choose to be more then just a wind
and, by the gods, just watch us grow!

Blood sings with agony

steals life with a terrible voice

while the hymns of melancholia

vibrate through the minds of those

mired in misery



Horrendous pain

infects the soul of man

bends away from the reality

that pain never heals

just bides in time



Grief overawes

the spirit of life

but what can we know

of love

without pain.



We burn in blood.

I look at my hands sometimes
these old, battered appendages
this is how i see the world
this is how i feel
and they are weathered
scarred and hurt
but still they work
in pain and toil.

My hands are who i am
and they never will touch
you.

Screaming for freedom in virulent anger
hoping anothers control will hold us back
dying of thirst surrounded by water
stubbornness set in the shaking of heads
somebody told us, somebody knows
who this was the crowd doesn't care
the strength of numbers is that of invisibility
if all are responsible none of us are
give us safety they cry in desperate denial
punish the bad ones and leave us alone
give others the orders tell them what to do
though leave me alone as i'm ever so good!
let there be laws to hold me in comfort
build up some walls for it's us against them
did i break a law in stagnated laziness?
there is a good excuse, a valid exception
crying and whining for protection from others
unwilling to see we are all one
for we are humans
and the cake must be had
only if we can eat it as well.

The fires are still burning, the sounds of slow destruction all round
this battlefield is quieter now, still but not silent
the crackling of flames, the stirring of ashes in the wind
sobbing in the distance, almost to far to hear
instantly recognizable
there was no enemy here, a war raged all the same
a screaming brutal conflict of brothers beyond control
all that is left now is a broken, barren idea
an immolated emptiness

I know this field, i know it all to well
this is my mind, my soul - the place i return to endlessly
there was laughter here, once, i think. I cannot be sure
for time, betrayal, loss and pain have made it...
made it something else for so long i can no longer remember
what it may have been before or if there was a before
i must like it here, i feel, this field of empty ashes and dying fires
of cooled anger and forgotten grief
i must like it here, for i return constantly
to surround myself in the freezing, burning contradiction
of emptiness

I think i do like it here, for i choose not to leave
only here can i be
immersed in the self immolation the hurts me so.

There is a place, far out there in the darkness
where shades of black are the only companions
there monsters stand bold but moments away
withered, eyeless creatures untouched by sun
never seen, though presence felt in terrors embrace
in this roiling expanse of unseen horror but thought
direction once known is lost, a meaningless farce.
Here then comes a glow, a way leading forth
bringing shape to the formless, stalking void
that fire is you, burning consuming the night
Now with smile and hope, stride into the light.

Her eyes are endless pools of rich earth
The glitter and sparkle ever present
Stand against them I cannot
Letting go, I am lost eternally
Ecstatic

Her lips are the magnificent hue of the dawn
Forever burning with sweet desire
Dent their attraction I cannot
Release my hold, I fall heedlessly
Helpless

Her skin is as soft as a whispered breath
Warmed by caress with unmatched invitation
Resist temptation I cannot
Open my grasp, I leap happily
Exuberant

Her mind is a deep as an ocean of thought
The spark and fire rampant within
Ignore the connection I cannot
Surrendering my stance, I stumble
Gratefully

Her embrace is as calming as a moonlit eve
Comfort enveloping in wordless love
Scorn my smile I cannot
Shedding my burden, I stand

Host of thoughts, hoarder of secrets
cascading minds erupt unfurled
lovers lost and cries unheeded
into inky darkness noises plunge
this molten surface of frozen disregard
into which we fall precious memories
mustn't, shouldn't, dare not let go
heedless falling in hopeless monotony
fleeing from pain, emptiness left in wake
to make the same mistakes
time drags balance, empathy for the lost
understanding of lives, lessons entwined
groping inside to missing
the pain that allows joy to bloom
desperately hands splash into shadowed depths
hoping to steal back discarded tatters
fingers dragging in struggling remnants
into the light of thought and view
to play among the misty, crumbling foundations
of the endless mind.

I walk around this city a lot. I usually try and smile and meet eyes with the people that walk past. Why? Because it stops me from doing target assessments on them. What i want to do is scream at them and nail their heads to the floor. But i don't, i smile in an happy fashion. Unfortunately not many people get to see that smile, as most Aussies walk around with their heads focussed on the ground, as if to meet someone's eyes is to commit some kind of heinous crime. And it's a shame, because a smile, just one smile, a warm greeting or even just a nod, can change a persons day for the better. So do me a favour - Smile at people, meet their eyes - be friendly. For no other reason then you can.

Oblivion
i cry for you
oblivion
i strive for you
take away the thoughts
take away this noise
leave me alone
empty in the void
happily to non-exist
oblivion
i scream for you
oblivion
let me go

Walking wandering waiting watched
aimless within a maze of desire and fear
can't let go can't let go can't let go
won't survive to allow someone in
walls stretching to the sky ever building
as foundation shakes and crumbles
wings torn and tattered fly and fall in but one direction

Bending begging bleeding broken
gripped by certainty and fore knowing
can't hold on can't hold on can't hold on
nothing remains to sacrifice for
empty shell beneath painted mask
burning for reflection be become reality
face cracked and flaking
echoes bounce endless

Fighting fleeing falling failed
last gasp escapes twisted prison
can't get up can't get up can't get up
useless scrabble of crippled fingers
a coarse rejection in abject denial
for respite for a chance for a life
movement fades no more mask
a grimace replaced with a smile

And empty eyes stare forever.

Why cannot here be peace
on this many colored world there could be
where the circles of pain and hate
burn ever moving into victims
freezing hearts from loving movement
to the stillness of the never born
the unsmiling grip of payment
where shrieking heard cry
they owe for what they did
though righteously deny the fee that comes
breathing vilely above ignorant heads
feeding of words that know no better
cursed to echo what went before
for the circle only knows this
here  past is the future
there future the past
and without breaking the endless spinning
change shan't be able
we all cry for a hero to change our ways
though to step forward is too much
though when they come
as one treat them as have been treated
and expect them to be better
hope they will be better
beg them to be better
while we tear them screaming
down to equality
in the dark and pain
from where escape only exists
in the fragmented dream of peace.

There is a quote out there
somewhere
that sums up exactly
how i feel
i haven't read it yet
and so
am left with only
my own words.

Was that a dream
is this a dream
i find realities are
tearing me apart
reflections look real
opposed to the ghosts
that haunt my life

Is this a dream
was that a dream
should i bleed for the fantasy
surrender to reality
trapped in a photograph
that trembles with
my screaming mind

Was that a dream
is this a dream
do i live, do i die
for imaginary lives
that are more real
than the reality surrounding me
impossibility chooses

Is this a dream
was that a dream
inside my head
is outside my mind
a lie is more real
then the tuth
of my life

Love is the death of honour
pain the demise of grace
voices whisper and taunt these thoughts
plaguing my waking hours, infecting my dreams
i stand before, then toward i crawl
yet another cross-roads, another choice
run, tempts the voice in vicious spite
run and not return, someone else again, reinvent
that your worthlessness may not be found
the true face to stay hidden behind façade
flee, pretend you can be free
seductively the voices cajole without cease
to walk away from those i owe
leaving honour in the dust of broken promises
for the pain they bring is to great to bear
here people that love me in hope and grace
you are not worthy, voices sibilant, bring only pain
and i know it is all i am, consumed by hurt
a heart beating on for no purpose, absent of reason
love immolates me in corrupted, desired, fiery agony
destroying strength, abolishing honour
here grace has nothing to do but fall, fall fall
all,the while voices giggle in mocking murmur.

I wander through the world
a smile on my lips
around me the aura
of the irrepressibly young
my steps are light
although the shadows pool under branches
my path is washed wonderfully
with the warmth of the sun

An older man approaches
he spies me and with shaking voice decries
"Where would you go, young man
with a step that be so sprightly
thy countenance that shines so
Do you not see the shadows that gather?
life is serious, young sir
and to to be squandered so carelessly"
He grumbles and mutters
the well worn tracks in his mind
carrying old thoughts
"Ah, youth is wasted on the young"

I reply to him, as i must
this upright providence of a youth well spent
"Oh come now Grandfather
why should one look at the shadows
when we can look at the light?
did you not step so lightly once
smile at the world with boldness
have you not seen both
the darkness and the light in life?
Why then, do you choose
to see the shadows of the world?
It may be true what you say
youth may well indeed be wasted on the young
though you seemingly must agree
experience is wasted on the old"

The old man cannot deny my words
this paragon of age
he fades back into the shadows of my mind
and i
i continue on my merry way to self destruction.

Another scar on the soul
tears run forth
Another scar on the body
blood pours out
eventually they will heal and bind
and this time
hopefully this time
sense will fade
as the callous forms
pray the time comes
when i can feel
nothing
another villain will have been created
Evil! they will cry
as they see my deeds
Monster! they'll scream
as they run in fear
it was your decision
your choice
your choice
your choice
to become as you are
I will scream
You made me!
You took my choice!
closed my paths!
ears will be closed
souls locked tight
as the reflection of themselves
they don't want to see
will be all that stands before them.

And i will bleed
and cry
for none will listen.

Cloudy skies
Translucent souls
Cloudy minds
Opaque walls

No matter how divided the mind,
Broken the heart,
Conflicted the soul,
The breath of the ocean on skin,
The smell of the sand,
The crash of the waves,
Brings calm

I could escape, far away
to the void between Galaxies
and still i would not be free
for my mind turns does turn to you
as hands ever reach
for a burning fire

For all the oceans endless depth
A drop is all it is
Against the torrent
Of the human soul

To the sun we gather
For glory in light
To the endless sky we strive
For the peace between stars

I always smile at those i pass
meet the eyes, for who knows what spark
may catch tinder and flame

though flame never catches
on indifferent stone
and they're eyes are ever cast downwards

I watch here as she sleeps
This disconcerting girl I know
Her face relaxes, falls to slumber
But not i
No, never i
As the wind is filled
With questions unanswered
And answers unquestioned

Her breathing slows as sleep drifts
A mind slowly moving toward peace
I wait for those eyes to open
But not me
No, never me
I am not what those eyes want to see
In unopened eyes I see hope
In opened only closing.

Tightened skin stretched around burning sockets
dry eyes that want nothing more then to weep
staring at non existent patterns of the ceiling
trying to decipher something
anything
to bring release, blessed unconsciousness
to float away for a time and timeless
to not exist
nothing
until time to wake again to face this hateful world
torn full of words and screaming to be heard
only to rush to another endless night
to lay alone with the voices
and wish desperately
to sleep
tortuously the weary mind tired beyond comprehension
is denied this most basic of escapes from life
seemingly trapped here in this stale
empty bed that reflects
waking life.

Send me out to the emptiness between galaxies
and let me sleep forever in the cold dark
peace.

A Mind unfettered
A soul let free
To dream of all these is to be
A sense of wonder
Of hope discovered
An endless source
Of joy uncovered

A heart unfurled
A love let soar
To see a world as it may roar
A place of knowing
Of life reclaimed
An eternal font
Of comfort ordained

A laugh released
A smile liberated
To feel the sun shine
The passion of warmth
Of desire redeemed
A wondrous spring
Of merriment achieved

An enchantment unveiled
Imagination let free
To dance the steps as will be
A glory in movement
Of promise secured
An amazing wellspring
Of future procured

A mind unfettered
A soul let free
To dream of all there is to dream
A sense of wonder
Of hope exalted
An endless source
Of joy anointed.

And so
here i stand
on the soft of the knife
choice to my side
the sudden stab of breathless agony
the slow slice that bleeds me dry
an endless dripping of my blood
drip drip drip
down the blade no matter where i turn
a love never expected has retreated
the steel remains here within me
drip drip drip
taunting my inability to move or decide
which pain to fall for
the slow burning edge
or the quick oblivion

and so
here i stand
on the soft of the knife.

Solitary figures
we wander throughout
this life, moving in
any direction
alone, always, until
chance conversation
spark off flint
an idea
a pronouncement
and the path is crowded
for a time, then
alone again
The secret, perhaps, is
not to lust after
the moment
however only to enjoy
when they happen
and to bask in
the silence
when they don't
for the warmth
will come again
in time.

a thousand sounds all around me
a clattering, cluttering cacophony
a thousand sounds all around me
none of them come near

an aura of silence grips the soul
and exhausting, suffocating choking
an aura of silence grips the soul
screaming but never heard

a taste of ashes in the mouth
a muffling, masticated mass
a taste of ashes in the mouth
teeth grinding into slivers

an emptiness within my heart
an awareness, agonising absence
an emptiness within my heart
terrified by echoes

a darkness grips my mind
an expression endlessly unseen
a darkness grips my mind
there will be no light again.