A space where she used to be
empty and incomplete in my mind
it feels wrong jarring my perception
both a large and subtle shift
in the world

Expectations shape our reality
telling us what is absent
what is new and interesting
my mind knows she will be there
though this is not true

the gap is like a deserted building
slowly the emptiness fills up
the weeds and vines of other thoughts
but still no matter the clutter
the space remains and shall never be filled

So there are holes in my mind
for every love i have found and lost
there is plenty more mind to be both
filled and emptied by life, a thought
that shows me both the unbelievable
highs and unfathomable depths

Darkness
surrounding me
all that is known
comfortable and happy
and then
a light!
move forward
this curious flame
feeling heat
knowing light
and then
gone, snuffed out
no longer is the dark
comfortable

Sitting, drinking tea while watching the rain come wandering down
a smile brought on by cool breeze on misted skin
steam rising from the cup in front, the fragrant herbs steeping
and cascading come memories of other times
of once close people and far away places
and endless cups of tea

No matter where i wander, be it deserts cold or mountains rugged
there are always memories of those left behind in time
bring they a smile, a grin or a tear to flow my face
i will find joy in seeing them again
even if only inside my mind
and over a cup of tea.

As always when i look in the mirror

a stranger looks back at me

Who is this man, with his piercing blue eyes

his half smile showing his life cynicism

Who is this man that stares back at me

his glance going through me as if i don't exist

i see laughter in his eyes, a smile at the world

i also see rage, an uncontrollable anger

that could destroy all nearest to him

Who is this man that looks back at me

he scares me but also i trust him

the world in his eyes is lost

but the fight goes on as it ever will

The man in the mirror

i view him as others would

is this how i am seen?

What i see in the mirror is not who i am

a mere reflection of the me

I am far more

The goats were wrong
the grass never changes
the building up of hope and dreams
creates the need
for fulfillment
when the curtain is drawn
the show has finished
was it successful in its goal
or fall short leaving
avid disappointment

And here you see the forlorn man
facing backwards along his span of years
critiquing each time of neglect
confronting past decisions with a sneer
lamenting the decades of regret
should have been more
could have been better
held on too tight with grasping claw
let go that which he ignored
mistakes strangling forward thought
so trapped and caught at last
before the end already stopped
endlessly cycling through the past
standing stationary on the road of life
face down in mud on the verge
screaming at others, not this way!
ignored perhaps pitied
if thought of at all
even in his own mind
for he is forlorn.

The dead never stay dead

and the living

the living

don't know how to live

This too will pass
this heart break and pain
i can see this.

Unfortunately the knowledge is there
of when it will be again
and i break.

What if i could see my thoughts
would they chase each other around
a chaotic melange of colours
crashing and swirling through the  mists
an ever moving cacophony of intelligence

would they be stately progresses of comprehension
an elegant forest with deep thirsting roots
seeking knowledge as sustenance
branching of mind expanding to catch the wind
of thoughts rushing by

could they be complex mathematical equations
sharp and precise, proven to absolute
no doubt, no grey surrounding the theorem
the purity and truth of numbers
running the reality that is me

a mix, i think, of all
a chaotic mix of order
an ordered mix of chaos
that makes my thoughts mine.

Future

Intangible

Harassing thoughts

Unravelling the present

Denying the past

Unknown

Future

Present

Incomprehensible

Seen but not known

Single minds see different

Patterns of the past

Misunderstood

Present

Past

Comforting

Lessons taught

Events, views argued

Memories decay

Fluid

Past

Time

Malleable

Slow and fast

Dependant on Thought

Rooted in life

Continuous

Time

We depend on time,

Time depends on us.

Tragic.

I'm tired of this life
So tired of this world
Of loving and knowing only pain in return
Of trust and betrayal
Of the knowledge that this is all there is
Knocked down
Again and
Again
Until i choose to not get up
Choose to stay in the dust
To let go, finally
And to not care.

I am tired of knowing that i won't
Knowing that i will get back up
this time
and the next
Smile at the world
And with flinching eyes
Wait for the inevitable pain
Again.

Affection is
a place of warmth and safety
where joy and fun collide
in an idea of future

Love is
unremitting emotion erupting
boiling flames of possible pain
a wondrous burning heat

Fear is
knowing you'll die alone and forgotten
discovered as a corpse years later
when neighbours complain about the mail

Joy is
being lost in a single moment
the unexpected laugh of being alive
a passing radiant smile

Depression is
a black tar bog
dragging you down
where even screams are drowned

Loneliness is
the unfortunate idea that
if i don't smile now
i won't get another chance

Happiness is
finding that memory
that will make me laugh
no matter the situation

Horror is
waking from my dreams
to find they're not real
and having to face this world

Self loathing is
the constant critique
and lists of all my faults
running through my head

Relief is
knowing it is only a few hours
i can sleep again
and lose myself in dreaming

Frustration is
when my head hits the pillow
and eyes drift close
but the mind will not let go

Strength is
waking up a normal unremarkable person
seeing all the pain the day will bring
and trying to make sure someone else will smile

Hope is
that there is someone out there
that i might meet today
that can make me smile

Bravery is
looking in the mirror standing tall
to brace my shoulders against this life
and making sure i make someone laugh today.

I am life
fighting for light
ever reaching forward
greater height beckoning me
growing ever stronger with the world
entire lives are born and die in me
branches shelter all from harm
cover earth from sun
hide prey from hunt
i am tree
I am life

A wild flight into drizzled dark night
The chorus line thumping
Overcome by roar and strain
Of metal tested to limits as we race
An endless risk disregarded as thought
And the sound of a bright giggle
Wondrous eyes lit in thrill of threat
Fear has no place in this setting

A manic gleam and set to her face
Sharing a secret as we laugh and howl
Because this is who we are
For all out control and desire
We scream endlessly through life eternally silent
Until we do not have to be
And in glory we release!

Fear is a thing to be learnt
A feeling to ******* and freeze
Is it felt here?
A resounding no! Shatters the question
In the screech of tires
In the surge of adrenaline
In the wild savage smile of freedom
Of a shout into the night in defiance of order!

Does my heart race as we tear around?
Not even a tremor! Until I turn,
My face from the moaning wind rushing past
And i gaze upon this savage exposed
Lips pulled back in ferocious glee
A focused and fierce glare to the world
We deny life and taunt the spectre
Come to us, we cry!

The paths are slick with tears of the gods
The roads tempestuous writhing in deceit
I sit in peace, relaxed
A warrior companion at my side
We know no fear of what may come
For trust
Ah trust
Is the colour of life
Ever shadowed as a challenge to endings!

She lights as a fire of the brightest stars
And i would embrace her
Burning endlessly.

Doubting self
doubting mind
disbelieving thoughts unkind
pressures tapped
ideas are thrown
begging tropes to the unknown
knees are bent
back is arched
spare  me oh the screams are parched
a mind on fire
no light its dark
a thousand voices pour into the nightmare park
red staring
cease to cry
rivers pour from desert eyes
let me go
leave me be

leave me be

Strange how sanity
looks so very different
from the outside

why do we trap ourselves with walls of thought
that exist only in our heads, walls that restrict
what we can see and understand through our journeys
in life and love, good and evil, wonder and cynicism

What are we so afraid of in our existence that
barriers are created so strong built through belief
and ignorance, invented to keep so much from affecting
the way we think and act, as if the minute amount
we know is enough to live by without being
curious about this amazing universe we find ourselves
inhabiting, filling the area around us with out thoughts

How can we not be filled with an unquenchable thirst
to discover and understand all that is around us
surrounded in physical splendor and ethereal mystery
All things are there for our mind to intertwine with
to understand without deconstruction, to comprehend
without destruction to be a part of and with all
of life while being individually thinking, metaphysical exploration.

When will we allow our minds to expand beyond our
walls of mistrust and comfort to show our thoughts and
joys of living emotion to each other to let
the very essence of who we are to press against
each other in vulnerability and trust, to share without
expectation of return. Without empathy and understanding
our thoughts will remain only our own, locked
away and formless, unable to show the universe
the beauty of what we truly are.

Where will we be once we can share
with each other our thoughts mingling to be
able and ready to explore this fantastic existence
we will be human, at long last true to ourselves
and everyone else to realize the universe is a
thought in the mind of a child
and so are we.

Beneath the weeping willow I
Dream of songs, and loves and dastardly lies
In sunlight bright and fields of green
It is to life we all must lean
For the reaper comes, as he must
And the path we led must have been just
Under willow with sun above
It's here i dream of you, my love.

Sometimes i wish

and then

Wish i hadn't

World are like liquid, ever flowing onward
Filling available space, spreading
Into thought and desires, evolving
Escaping, mouthing influences
Supporting ideas and emotional responses
Communication ever building between minds
Connections to create a meaning
A delicious combining
Of joint souls

We search through life for encounters through words
Endlessly talking to find the one who connects
Speech that becomes mind, becomes body, becomes soul
A grand milieu, where the sum of ourselves
Becomes greater than the whole
Where words become our souls
Minds and bodies, separate and distinct
Join to become one
In new life

Mind, body and soul, the very meaning of love
A connection deep and profound that the words
That brought us together
Are no longer necessary
Emotion becomes all.

The trees with their mocking branches
Reaching ever upwards toward the sky
Knees on rough earth, cut deeply
The stone drinks blood and tears
The wind taunts both tree and earth
A laughing shriek as it weaves around
A form slumped motionless
Torn skin pressed without flinch
Movement in tears without cease
A tormented heart forever beating
Hands reaching for unheeded touch
The form would scream if only he could
There is nothing left to create this need
An empty shell is all that remains
A frame joined only by yearning
For a lifelong vanished
Best forgotten
If only
If only
Without the yearning
There is nothing
The earth would thirst
The branched would mock no more
And the wind would taunt dust
Only dust.