the scent of sadness lingers over your lips as you whisper the word;
"Goodbye."
and as I'm trying to move foward,
while forcing the stream of tears flowing down my cheek to never end,
I can't seem to fight the force
that wants me to
give up and understand that your tears shall never fall upon my hands again.

you're being is a closed exhibit in a forgotten museum,
a place i will never be able to find no matter how far and wide I search the depths of the earth.

you are a foreign stranger,
just another face in the sea of humanity.

BUT you were once my universe,
you once showed me how love can truly exist.
you had showed and reflected hope onto my life.
you marked a footprint in my life,
a milestone.
your heart cared similar to a mother caring for her first infant child.

my heart had continued to beat because of you,
you had showed me strength
and you taught me to never give up.
so here is my promise to you,
I shall never forget your promise to me;
*just keep pushing , no matter how much weight the universe is placing on your shoulders.

my beautiful sister,
why?
what made you plunge so deep into the darkness?
was the high just so enticing?
was it a craving for the sting of the needle
as you shoved it through your porcelain skin?
was our love not enough for you?
was it not enough for you to stay?
I wish I knew
why you hated yourself
so much
that your demons forced you
to crave the numbness
and you willingly listened.
I hate you for making my thoughts race,
Is she still alive?
Was there anything I could have done to
prevent this?
But I love you for leaving me with old childhood memories.
my beautiful sister,
please
I am begging
for you,
THE REAL YOU
to return home.

I can't stop these erupting voices from telling me;
YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG
I try my best,
but the best is never enough.
I work till my hands are bleeding,
till my feet are swollen,
till my brain is pulsing.
but it's never enough blood,
not enough pain,
too little of suffering.
in order to get better
they say;
YOU MUST FEEL THE SAME PAIN YOU CAUSED THEM
but enough is never enough
and the pain is never ending.
i will die because of the result of my failure to accept love.

I'm no longer the cause of that erupting breathe of lust after our bodies collided in rhythm.
in fact, I am nothing of yours.
I chose to not feel my face when I could have just reached out and caressed yours.
I can't even feel your cheek against mine anymore.
I feel the distance our souls have created between us.
that I created between us.
I feel the ache in my stomach as memories of you engulf my cerebrum.
I have a lump in my throat as I whisper your name out into the darkness from the comfort of my bed.
I call out to you from miles away only wishing you'll receive goosebumps along your skin from what you called my electric touch.
I hate how we are separate but together, I see you but cannot touch you.
you are a rare antique in a museum I am forbidden to hold anymore.

and now I know you were never a man,
you always will be something much less than that.
with the devils heart in your chest; a black hole.
Your tongue is a roaring fire. Reminding me that you are in control.
With snakes for arms,
Gripping my throat;
Unable to breathe,
Unable to speak.
You are a parasite.
One that seems to always come back,
No matter how many times
I say 'No.'

All I could hear were her silent tears,
Her silent mourning.
She was quiet,
But so loud.
She said she was fine,
But she wasn't.
Why she always lied,
I can never understand.
She wanted to be helped,
But she never asked.
She wanted to be okay,
But she didn't say.
She is me.
And I don't know if I want to be.

my throat is dry,
my eyes are wet.
my heart is broken,
and my arms are ******.
my hands are shaking, in tune with my voice.
I cannot understand why I was the one who was chosen to be tortured in this life.
abuse, addiction, and abandonment
have all touched me somehow on my short time here on earth.
I wish to fly away and never look back,
this place is not home.
I never can feel comfortable, or calm.
I am constantly worried or in pain
and I am SICK of this current ******* LIFE I was so unmercifully given.
so **** the people who have hurt me,
I will show them how much stronger I am than they shall ever be.
I will finish this life , one way or another.
I will prove to people that even through the pain and darkness, there can and WILL be light!!!

Why would one let themselves be consumed by the darkness that they had been fighting for so long?
The darkness had slowly taken their soul, piece by piece, until only dust remained.
People do not understand that sadness is much easier to feel than happiness.
Why does it feels better to wallow in your own sorrows, to continue to be destroyed by your thoughts?
WHY DO WE CRAVE THE END OF OUR EXISTENCE?
Why do our demon's whispering sins tempt us to try?
Why are bad things so enticing?

why do I find so much comfort in the darkness?
why is it so hard for me to not be so in love with feeling empty and alone?
people say I need to change, to fix myself, to love myself.
they don't realize how hard it is do so
when I have only felt happiness in myself
as the white powder is stuffed up into my brain?
why is the speed so enticing that I never want to be without it,
because without it I feel as if
I have once again fallen deeper into
the darkness than I ever was before.

why does this life resent me so much?
why does it think it is fair to
leave me alone
and crumbling away for what feels like an eternity?
because I need love too,
I thought I could have
found it
at one point,
but as my life goes:
nothing good can stay too good for long.
I had given someone my world,
while they were busy thinking of someone else's universe.
this life has cursed me
and I'm ready to give up.
because the tides are rolling in
and my soul is ready to fly.

as I sat and watched the sun set over the trees,
I couldn't help but notice
the last beams of light.
they danced patterns along my skin,
creating a warm touch that seemed to
caress
the cells underneath.

We humans are no better or worse than the next we see. So why are we so quick to judge another person for the way they think, act, or dress? We are all imperfect creatures, who all desire to be perfect, and have different perspectives of perfection. Don't rush to try to be perfect because darling, you will never get there. Perfection does not exist.

screaming into a room filled with people,
and yet i still feel silent.
ripping at my skin begging for beauty to appear,
and yet I have not been granted my wish.
clawing at my eyes to finally see what gifts life has offered me,
and yet I still feel alone.
why is it so hard
to forgive,
to accept,
to love
yourself?
has my brain become so damaged by society
that a switch turning off
causing a disease
to spread like wildfire through my cells?
I beg myself to be normal,
try to accept that I'm different.
but different isn't normal
and normal isn't me.
I have to accept it and move on,
be who I am meant to be.

Has my existence meant nothing to you?
did you lie to me when you spoke of the electricity that sparked as our lips first touched under the stars?
because now all I see is you,
with her.
so quickly, the "love" you had disappeared?
I hope you're reminded of my erupting breathe tickling your skin,
my tongue that performed a dance with yours,
and my soul that gave it all to you.
remember that, remember me,
when you decide to caress someone else's soul.

I have tasted darkness,
and oh how bitter-sweet it was on my tongue.
It electrified my taste buds
and sent my body numb.
I had never felt a rush vibrate my bones
from the eruption of tears
escaping from eye to cheek.
what an odd sensation
to smile for being weak.
i'm victim to my demons
and their persuasive way of speech.
hanging by my fingertips,
fascinated by how they bleed.
one slight movement and my spirit will soar.
tempting to not only try,
but succeed the evil deed.

without the one you love
is like living in an eternity
of silence
while everyone else
is enjoying the music.

Society is a murderer,
With its pictures and words;
Convincing girls they aren't pretty enough
For the entire world.
Making girls go thin,
By rejecting things to eat.
It shuts minds down,
And Ignites depression.
First a little flame,
Sure to turn to a roaring fire.
Society is a monster,
And it's hiding under everyone's beds.

our hearts created
a symphony of
good vibes.
then all at once,
the music began to fade
and our hearts grew apart
and I was yet again
left alone on the
dark, empty
stage
where we had once fell for eachothers tune

thankful for my angels
thankful for my demons
thankful for the battle occurring in my mind.
I'm thankful to have experienced the torture
and the pain.
I'm thankful for the bad and the good
but mainly the terrible.
for if it weren't for the terrible,
I would not be where I am today.
whether that's alive, or a writer.
either way, my heart continues to grow and learn from my past mistakes.
i am a flower,
who's petals are sure to bloom soon.

i can't believe I lost you,
in a selfish-foolish way.
I thought I needed the pills,
I thought I needed the line,
but what I truly needed
was your eyes.
they looked at me with such tenderness,
a love so deep it's never ending.
I needed your arms,
that held my fingers to stop prying open my skin.
I wish I knew myself better at the time I had you.
because
I ended it all because I thought I
already had
it all.
**** me to hell for my ****** choices.
I hope one day you'll show that sparkle in your eye to another...
even as I type these words I can't get myself to truly want that.
I lost the one thing I needed to keep me alive.
and so now, my readers,
this is goodbye.

the first time i looked into your eyes,
i knew i was hooked.
you were a drug
i was the
addict.
you wanted,
i needed.
you said,
i did.
i was a puppet &
you were my
puppeteer.

don't fall victim to the snake.
for its venom will slice
through your blood stream
as smoothly
as a blade across skin.
don't let the snake's eyes fool you,
behind his sly tongue
lies sharp fangs
that are waiting
for your vulnerability to show.
and any minute,
the snake could turn you
from his prize,
to his feast.

it's a weird feeling, this emptiness. this feeling of existing, but not living. just walking, wandering. lost in life, with no destination in sight. I had one once, but now it seems that a goal that was once at my fingertips has moved miles and miles away from me. I feel like my mind has been tortured by words of negativity— my existence has been threatened by my own hands due to people voicing their "opinions". This Generation has turned the amendment 'freedom of speech' into 'freedom to destroy the soul of a human being.'
Words hurt just as much as being physically beaten, think twice before speaking your mind. Will your words build that person up, or crush their minimum amount of joy left in their frail bodies?

I am surrounded by people,
Yet I feel so alone.
I hear laughter
and I am so jealous of this.
For I long ago dismissed laughter
from escaping my mouth,
I've forgotten
how to be alive.
And I'm afraid that eventually
My heart will catch up to my dead thoughts
And stop beating blood through my veins.
Why do I fear death so much,
and still invite it to take my soul?

I need to stop this over indulging of thoughts..
I think too much.
my mind races with thoughts that have gone too far.
I eat too much.
my body image is disillusioned and I torture myself every day because of it.
I speak too much.
I do all the wrong things
at all the wrong times.
I'm an unlucky vurtue sent into this world to suffer.
and if I'm not quite sure how much longer I can continue this battle

This 'you' that everybody writes about are
The tears that stain our cheeks late at night,
The eyes that haunt our dreams every night,
The scars that remain as devil-ish memories of our weak moments.

I'm sick of this 'him' I'm sick of this 'her' that torments people day after day,
Making then write until their brain is pulsing and their hands are shaking.
I just want to be an okay me.
And if I need a 'him' to help me feel okay,
Then may God help me.
For I have no purpose in this world
Other than to rely on others for my heart to continue to beat.

I want to be the reason that I am still here.
I do not want to rely on another human soul.
For we are all doomed at one point to be nothing if that is the case.
But I just pray that if
Nothing we once were,
Then may our memories of life forever remain.

I've never been so interested in a somebody.
I've seen love,
but have never felt love.
I'm not quite sure i know how,
none of the less know how to show it.
I'm a lost cause,
just another messed up individual
in this very large world.
I will soon become nothing,
and mean nothing
to this very ground i walk upon today.
So why waste my life
trying to learn how to love
when in order to do that,
you must first love yourself.
And that,
is the hardest thing of them all to do.

Having a mind that travels through memories and makes poems out of them is not always a good thing. Sometimes when your mind is traveling, it gets stuck onto a memory that really haunts your soul. You want to forget, but yet you want to remember it all over again that memory keeps replaying in your Cerebrum and it slowly destroys you, bit by bit. And before you can even realize it, the memory has completely enveloped you.

I'm begging to find a purpose
in this god-forsaken world.
I feel smaller than a particle of dust.
how could I possibly make a difference?
do I have the right to earn such a gift?
I do not believe I am worthy of so,
or worthy to walk where my feet have imprinted themselves onto the surface of earth.
could I be blind to my own awards?
is life a reward in itself?
weren't you and I each chosen to form in our mothers' womb?
this was clearly not ours to make,
so shouldn't we take the time day by day
to figure out why we
were made?

You don't care anymore.
But i guess you never really did.
Why would anybody
want to care about someone
who can't even care about herself?

when you find the person
that makes your whole world seem
a little less dark,
and that person
kisses the tears off your cheek.
Don't ever let that person go.
Because I promise,
it will destroy you if you do.

words are who I am.
words are what made me.
2 words, to be exact.
'I do' .
my parents would not have existed if it weren't for words.
'I love you'.
words build people up,
but they also can crush your entire meaning of existence.
words are the meaning of life,
without words
I would have no meaning.

The night transforms,
Turning nature
Into a playground for nocturnal animals.
Playing hide and seek with the wind and the leaves,
I can only wish that I will someday feel that free.
I wish to run alongside a stream,
With no cares in the world about money or taxes
Or judgment or death.
I want to live,
Yet why at night do I sit alone in a house full of sin
Wishing my heart would stop
And I can forever run with the wind.
I want to live, and being trapped in this place with
Toxins and Depression
I will never be able to live to my fullest ability.

They say i write too dark of stories;
to write more happy things.
But once you've seen the things i have
you will understand why.
why the
tears drench my face,
why the
cuts stain my arms
why there is
hurt in my eyes.
once i tell you all the reasons
then you too will hear
the demons screaming lies.