polar lights
flashing before my eyes
sometimes I wonder what could it be
if we had to leave this town
we will never get to see those polar lights
again

but why would we leave
the place where we both grew up
where we lost ourselves in self-redemption
where we first started to love

oh, but when
did they gave us the right to choose
between staying or leaving?

I will miss everything

where to begin?
                       where does it lead to?
                                                         will I ever be found?


                              the gates are closing in front of me
I got so close
              but then again,
                                                          ­                    I'm certainly lost
              but then again,
                                                          ­                    I've never found myself

maybe after all,
                               it leads me to you
                   it leads to nowhere
                                                  *(nowh­ere with you)

and I'm not even mad
        I'm not even sad
                                              but the fact that you're so tender to me
          breaks my heart into a million
                                                         ­      *tiny
                                                          ­           pieces

I'm so fortunate
            I've never found myself
                                                    as devoted as I feel
                                                            ­                         to you,
                                                            ­                                    *my sweetest

suddenly we were tripping
suddenly we were feeling
and everything went behind
everything was falling
like a w
              a
                  t
                     e
                        r
                           f
                             a
                                l
                                  l

I'm falling apart**






















I need to be back











I'm not being myself

I want to **** myself
I want to know how it feels to be truly empty
I want to end with this with my hand

when I was a little child
I used to dream of days of happiness
days of being all colorful
now my days are just blue

"suicide is not the answer"
"this will be endless"

honestly
I don't care

One for me
One for you
One for everytime I felt like a fool
Oh, there you go, three
Two for him
When he said
"Make it sixteen"
Three for every meal
Four for every song
That destroyed my soul
One for the "was" and the "wasn't"
Then two more
Just for fun






There you have it
Enough to **** the pain
*Enough to **** myself

have you ever wonder why I want you?
it doesn't matter
that's why
you don't bother me with your hands
you're naturally interesting
you grab me and tell me that you want to know me
you already know me
but I feel like I don't know you
and I don't own you
we know we are free to leave each other
whenever
whatever happens
you will remain special
but what's in for me?
now I know
now I'm realizing how
"post-love" works
even though after years of "moving on"
you're gone
it's hard to say that those
are literally years
of wondering why
why aren't we together at all
why do we exist without the other
why, why, why?
I still love you, why?
because it doesn't matter

bañar al perro

                       colar el café
          
                                            lavar la ropa
                                                          
                                                                  cocinar en la madrugada
                  
                                                                                                              *ser tuya

"everything is a copy
                                     of a copy
                                                         of a copy
                                                            ­                  of a copy
                                                            ­                                      of a copy"

I used to feel divine
I used to feel reckless
I remember that moment when
I felt
I said to myself
I could basically take over anything I wanted
now I'm just trying to organize
a messed up mind
almost hopeless
but fearless
thanks rivotril
**I hope I don't get too attached to you

Wondering why
Breathe
Don't try to waste it
Try not to do anything stupid
but you just can't help it
The sadness is always there
I'm trying to read your mind
Based upon you ****** expressions
Based on the way that you whisper to me
Because you don't talk
You just whisper
I love when you try not to being sad
I love the way you think when you're sad
I know that you're not okay
But that's how depression is
You just can't help it
It covers you
It comes to you
It is not afraid of you
Because it's you
It was always you

odio tener que admitir que mis recuerdos siguen tomando vida cada vez que se cruzan con tu mirada

odio tener que sentirme indefensa, inútil e impotente a la vez cada vez que pienso en que tú ya no quieres

cientos de pétalos buscan un escape del cerezo
terminando muertos en el concreto

la última vez que me quedé callada por tanto tiempo no recuerdo haber explotado en llanto

la última vez que me sentí tan estúpida preferí callarme
¿por qué ahora no?

ah, cierto
antes tu sonrisa no me debilitaba
antes fingía tolerar y ser fuerte
antes tu mirada no me afectaba
antes era más

so close yet so far
so thin yet so fat
so dark yet so bright
so wrong yet so right
so hot yet so warm
*so yours yet so mine

currently waiting for you to come
waiting for your voice to speak to me
I'll breathe you in

currently waiting for the night to fall
so we can speak about your fears
I'll let you in

what am I to you?
a leaf falling to the ground
or a flower blossoming in your heart?

I love
      the safeness
                        and the coldness
                                               of your smile

Cuando no quiero
no comprendo
Cuando no entiendo
no espero
Cuando empiezo a entender
empiezo a querer

Solamente es temporal
solamente es una hoja
cayendo en el estado floral
rozando tus labios
y estoy celosa
porque yo quiero ser parte de esos labios
quiero tenerte cerca y hablarte
quiero estar cerca y besarte
quiero perdonar y entregar
cualquier sentimiento de vuelta
a su futuro dueño que convenga
y que no me maltrate, por favor

everything seems the same
then repeat
I can't express my feelings right
then repeat
I can't even make them look like a poem
then repeat
that's the thing about repetition
then repeat
it seems like it sounds nice
then repeat
but it sounds so ****** and agh

As the stars falls
As we began to fall
The piano starts to play
I want to play you
All the beautiful songs you should know
I want to tell you
All the beautiful things you should know

I like the being cold
And if it's hard to find
I can see it in your eyes

*oh

I feel wrapped-up in this nonsense you call love and I don't get how can you tell me you love me with those eyes and then hurt me with your smile I feel wrapped-up in this nonsense you call love and I don't see how you can love anyone and how you can kiss me and slice my heart like a piece of cake I can't see I can't understand I can't do anything other than think of how can you live with yourself after everything you've done after everything we've been through after everything after everything after every little thing I'm drinking and drinking and dancing and singing just to stop thinking of the things you're doing and I kiss you and it hurts me and I can't take it anymore the pain is just too much I feel wrapped-up in this nonsense you call love and I don't understand the way you are and I'm not available to try

new ways to feel sad
new ways to be disposable
new ways to be auto destructive
new ways to be the same riff
just playing on repeat
new ways to stop myself from going

try* to spend some time with others
try to act natural
try not to do anything stupid
try to be normal
try to not to do that
try to be yourself
try to smile
try not to feel bad
try to be less depressed
try to laugh at someone's jokes
try not to hide secrets
try to stop writing cheap poems in napkins
**try to get over it

should I make a story?
should I make a confession?
or should I just write?

I wish sometimes you could trust me

Feeling empty isn't new
I've been chasing this feeling many times
It drives me crazy
I can't stop counting time
I can't stop counting lies
I can't stop counting lines
I can't stop sighing
I wish you were mine
But it was a pleasure to not being with you
Because disappearing and not being noticed
Can make the difference
Why would I do something like that?
I missed you
I dismissed you
I hate this

like Syd and Nancy
like Paul and Linda
like Kurt and Courtney
like John and Yoko
like Elvis and Priscilla
I want us to be reckless
I want us to be free
I want us to not to be afraid of what's coming
I want us to be just us
but I know it's not going to happen

Why should they care?
why should they say?
denial
go on
I know what you're thinking
and it's okay
irrational
nonsense
everything
you're just being **bent

There's no such thing as
"good" and "bad"
     there
          are
               just
                   things

I just got this empty feeling
I wanted to stand out by myself
I wanted to be the living proof of something
I just turned out to be the living proof
The living proof of insecurities