i asked you the meaning of your name
and you said it means
the stalk of a lotus.
i think of all the times you bloomed before me,
thriving despite the negativity.

i didn't know what compassion meant
until i met you,
as i raged, wept and cried in despair,
you waited and held my hand.
i had forgotten what vulnerability meant
until i met you.
you showed me that we often love the wrong people,
we often show them the sides of us they never wanted to see.

the lawns of the school of economics
hold the memory of us bonding
over broken hearts and broken knees.
we laughed when our insides were breaking,
we tried to heal each other's wounds,
hoping that our words would be of some comfort for scars
left by former lovers.

we learnt how bad unrequited love hurts together.
when the spring arrived, i cried over a boy who never loved me.
you cried over a man who pretended to love you.
the commuters on the train may have overheard us maundering
did grief bring us closer?

i remember the sound of your laughter
during our phone calls.
i probably said something about my ex and his small *****,
your ex and karma. oh and our discussions on karma,
i can't wait till she gets me.

i remember when you held me tight
and promised me that it was going to be okay.

with time,
i have learnt to let go of certain memories
but i know i won't let go of you.

It’s 2:00 AM,
There’s a dangerous level of alcohol in my system
The only thought on my mind is you.
Your smile
Your laughter
Your kisses
You
And now i am drunk and angry that someone else has you

It’s 2:20 AM,
The stars have come out to play now
They watch me crying into a stranger’s chest and ranting about you
My mind can’t decide if I should let you go or let you stay
Remember when you asked me to write you a song? I am doing it now.

It’s 2:40 AM,
I vomited all of my dinner
And I kept thinking of you,
A stranger held my hand and promised me it’s gonna be okay.
A woman who I had just met told me about karma.

It’s 2:50 AM,
A Tibetan man bought us all beers,
And talked about a home he had never visited,
He is an alien on the papers and an Indian in his heart,
He knows all the secrets of the colony of refugees,
He knows his land just as much as I know you,
Enough to adore, not enough to make it a home.
The Buddhist flags, the stars, the cracked walls and smuggled liquor
know our story.
Do I leave a message for you here, hoping that you’d find it?
I don’t remember anything else from that hot, summer night.

It’s 3:00 AM,
My heart knows love the same way Tibet knows peace.
The man yearns for Tibet the same way I yearn for you.

They hailed Robb of Houses Stark and Tully as the King in the North,
he marched to **** his father's killers
he marched to save his sisters
The Young Wolf,they called him
he'd never lost a battle
his howls echoed all over the North

aye,her son fought valiantly
but he lost
a sword pierced through his heart,
her name on his lips
'Mother.'
his first and last words
she screamed in agony
they took her husband's head,
her daughters' innocence,
her sons' hearts.
they made her watch the executioner take her son's head
they made her watch her daughter-in-law beg for help as the men took turns ****** her
when the lion's banners were hanged
and the wolves killed
they pulled her hair,
slit her throat,
threw her naked in the river
and no one forgot,
the Starks of Winterfell.
The North Remembers
The North Remembers

well there goes another parade,
we're now marching with rainbows on our bodies and hashtags on our face
our roars pierce the skyline as the guns fire
bang! bang!
another bullet
in our direction
another life lost
and now we have a new sensation
young man murdered for a skin colour he didn't choose
young man murdered because 'he seemed like he was from the hood'
young man shot dead for following the rules

hashtags flooding twitter, photo sets on tumblr, double taps on instagram and likes on facebook
debates firing up and questioning the truth
we're marching
with the names of the dead carved on our skin
girls murdered for loving girls and boys murdered for loving boys,
a girl being murdered because she no longer wanted to be a boy.

we're crying,we're laughing,we're screaming and we're dying
and now the walls are covered in our writing
because we will never stop fighting

this is an open letter
and i pray you never find it
because sometimes you just fail to see how deeply i feel things

i don't think i give you enough credit for being there for me and putting up with my ****,
so here's an official thank you

i ask myself very often, why was i drawn to you?
why can't i tolerate others for minutes but can talk for hours with you

i secretly wish things would've worked out between the two of us
i secretly wish we give it another try
but i guess it is what it is and spilled ink over my pages can't explain that

my friends think i deserve better,sometimes i think i do too
they think you act like a **** and don't value me
maybe they are right

sometimes i curse myself for thinking so much about you,
antagonize myself because i care too much about you
but
i like my choices and i hope you like yours

x

sandstone hits glass
she wants to talk about our past
the knives,the guns,the pills fill my head
her words ring in my ears like a lost melody
the things i would do to her,
the things i would do for her

she wields her sword and raises her shield,
ready to fight
our enemy is not the one waiting at the city gates
but the one messing with her heads.

we have the same enemies, her and i
they are born in our heads,
they thrive on our thoughts,
they keep us awake at 3 AM with a bottle of wine by our bedsides
because our eyes are too tired to shut themselves,
they make us love ourselves sometimes
only to rip us apart and wear our skin as cloaks.
our enemies are peculiar
they lift the corners of our mouth to form a smile
they make us swallow pills and snort drugs to feel alive.
we don't fight them
we let them win
we let them aim their guns at us
we let them destroy our will to live
we let them follow us to family gatherings and night-outs
we watch them rip our insides out with a smile
we can never get them out of our heads.
you see, we once built a palace inside our heads
we adorned the walls with our favourite pictures and stories
we hung fairy lights by our bedsides
because all the light we couldn't see was fading away.
the demons crawled out from under our beds and got into our heads.

darkness loomed over our palace.
the fairy lights were broken
the pictures shattered
the stories reduced to scribbles
we sharpened our knives,
got guns for hands,
bombs at the entrance
and changed the lamps to grenades
but they didn't die.
they grew stronger.

we tried to burn down our palace,
run away to our haven
but they got us in the end
and no matter how high our swords and shields are raised
they will stay with us
until the very end

I don't know you
I never will
But a Facebook post told me you got drunk and hit your bike at the freeway
You suffered head injuries and died on the spot.
My Facebook timeline is filled with posts from your friends and family.
They miss you ,they love you and wonder how did you leave so soon.
You were twenty, attending uni and in love with a beautiful girl.
You loved driving your bike on the smooth roads when the rain poured.
You loved drinking till your mind was numb and speech slurred.
I never knew you
But i remember you playing football on our school grounds and talking to the pretty girls.
I remember you posting pictures of you and your girlfriend in the school uniform and everyone commenting on your 'love'
I remember talking to you once about our common last name. I remember you accidentally bumping me in the school hallways.
I remember you standing infront of the principal's office because you played a harmless prank on a teacher.
I remember you standing on stage with trophies and medals you won for our school.
I remember the funny posts you used to share on facebook.
You don't know me. You never will.
I was just another girl in your Facebook friend list. I was just another junior who didn't talk much.

Maybe if I strain my ears,I can hear your mother screaming over the death of her only son. Maybe I can hear your girlfriend crying over her love.
But I hear nothing because in silence,we yearn.

wind blows through the flowers,
her eyes follow the clouds
she's been telling me about her childhood,
telling me about her exes and foes
squealing with joy when a memory comes to her mind.
she's been planting kisses down my jawline,
been tugging at my hair,
teasing the bulge in my pants,
biting my lip when we're kissing
she's my happy place
and she's drives me insane

he broke me, he repaired me, he changed me.
i would do anything for him. he seemed like a responsibility. i needed to be there for him, i needed to be his shoulder to cry on,i needed to laugh with him to make myself feel better.
he changed and i didn't.
he intoxicates my mind like a drug i have never taken before. he charms me with his sweet voice and music. he can't be my shoulder to cry on, he can't talk me out of my sadness, he can't cheer me up on my bad days.
Sometimes, a certain line will take me back to when we were happy. i bet he can't identify where it's coming from.
our conversations are bland now. with blue ticks by each message showing that both of us don't care anymore. one of us is burdened with the thoughts and memories of the other, one of us can't give a ****

why does his presence linger in my poems and stories?
why does he become a reason for me to write?
why does he make me question my emotional state?

ashes cover my bones

i stare at the fire i started

my past lies behind me

my swords are not blunt anymore

my shield is destroyed

smoke rises up

blinding the rest of the world

slowly, i rise

i stand amidst my remains

naked and pure,

stronger and wise,

my swords are not blunt anymore

now,i watch my story unfold

{Trigger warning; self injury}

it's time
for me to end it all
it's time to cut off the parts which meant nothing at all
i will force myself
to go down a dark hole,
visit my past and feel the pain all over again.
i will watch myself
struggle to breathe
as my demons **** me
as my fears choke me
as another sword pierces my heart
as i destroy everything right from the start.

the rain drowns the city's noise,
all you can hear is the storm knocking on your door.
potholes filled with muddy water,
traffic officers standing without umbrellas.
the poor stand outside and wonder
if they'll get some sleep tonight.
the rich pose for another picture
with a fake smile.
commuters cursing the rain gods and the government
for not using their taxes to fill holes with more cement.
the storm has been knocking on our doors
we've been too busy to answer it's call
but now it has let itself go
and the city has drowned before dawn.

another bullet fired
another one killed
how am i supposed to react?
do i write a speech on gun control? do i condemn a gunman's actions i could never fathom?
should i think of the ones who won't live to see another day?

another gun loaded
another life scarred
let me write a Facebook post about the victim
let me take a deep breath and articulate my feelings
and wonder why a young woman who was living her dream have to die in front of her brother and fans

I stepped into a hollow cave
in search of something new.
Don't know what I was thinking
maybe I was searching for a clue.
The sun's rays couldn't hit me anymore
I was surrounded by rocks
and fossils.
I fell in love with the ruins
of an old,lost city
with narrow streets and dark caves
with skeletons on the street
and gold coins in the shade
All of these ruins
only to forget you

He tells me to paint him a picture,
paint it with strokes bold
I nod and cover the canvas in gold.
I throw some red in there to show my beating heart.
He knows nothing, not even our start.
Our love's purple, a war between red and blue.
When we dance, we're red
like the devil's tune.
We're splattered colours and broken palettes.
We sit at beaches waiting for our fates.
He could choke on his own cigarettes
but I won't leave him
till he tells me to paint another picture
with strokes bold
till the air in our rooms is no longer cold
till the fire has destroyed our pretty pictures
and his ashes cover my bones.

what was easier?
leaving you or forgetting you?

she lays under the stars
wondering
how did it all turn out like this?
a year ago, she was fighting
and now she rests
with her wounds open,
her heart on her sleeve
staring at the passage where her dreams meet

Who knew our late night conversations would turn into confessions?
Kisses in the parking lot,
Hands intertwined,
the ink on our body fading,
I think I see the stars reflected in your eyes.
We laughed when we saw your demons drown
We could run away in just a ball gown.

They think it's just a phase
They call us insane
but they don't need to know anything.
They think we are sins
but they don't know what goes on within
They think that we are upto something.

We've been driving for 13 miles now
Who knows if they ever find out?
All I need is your everything.

we're the same level of insane
we take pictures and lock them away
let's run through this city with stars in our eyes
prank strangers and trust frauds
lose our minds
pass out in an alley
let's be free
for once
because these shackles
won't break themselves
and if we make it out alive
we'll be jumping past the fence

We have so much going on in our lives and in the world which forces us to dwell on our negativity. Let me tell you that YOU can change your day despite the circumstances. Despite your boss's curses or you teachers' snide remarks YOU can still make your day better. My life is a mess at the moment, yet I march with a strong heart and optimism. It's tough sometimes but at the end of the day, it's worth it.
I have been on HP since 2014. Over these months I have seen a lot of negative stuff on the website. Poetry is indeed the reflection of our emotions but this time I challenge you to write a positive poem, a poem which made you happy, something you wrote and felt happy afterwards or something which happened to you which made you smile. It's all about the happy memories here, my friends.
Use the hashtag #MakeItBetterChallenge or message me. I look forward to reading your poetry :)

so much drama
so much negativity
sadness everywhere
and I stand optimistic

he told me he'd love me for a million years.
he took my hand and showed me the whole world.
a million years later, we remained the same. we were reduced to nothing but skeletal ashes.
still, our hands were linked together and our hearts continued to beat as one.
the ink on our skins had faded a long time ago. we were tied to each other with our promises.
he told me he'd love me for a million years.
he loved me for a million more

We're tied by fate
marching with promises sewn over lips.
Our minds shut
and controlled.
They call us imperfect
if you can deny.
Sunken eyes and faded skin
we are the things you crave from within.
The city is disgusting.
A corpse of what it used to be.
We're aloof.
We let the drugs permeate our system.
We stay high.
The ground is caked in dirt and rust.
We are worth your trust.
It's feels sick when we think about what we used to be.
We are your twenty one broken dreams.

She's a beauty
I am her breakdowns.
She smiles,
I turn it upside down.
I am a force that can't be taken down.
Yes,I lied.She cries
Broken necklaces and rusted rings.
I tell her we'll be all right.
Broken, yet she sings.
She's a beauty.
I am her breakdowns.
When the world's screams,
I will drown the sounds.

and now the four of us
are like strangers.
with our secrets,we don't let them look past the curtains.
we smile for the pictures and act like we're perfect.

It's strange
          that the man with "No Mercy" inked o'er his heart.
                    was the most merciful man I ever knew."

I tell myself I will write something new everyday but it's all a lie.

Oh dear, I have become a monster to my self.

You came into my life, closed my wounds and set me ablaze
Now,the fire has died,you're gone and the wounds have opened again.

I have seen him
inside and out
Scanning every being around him,
pacing nervously and cracking a joke to lighten the mood.
But he posseses fire
Lifting him upwards
He can tear the pages of heaven
and I have seen his eyes,
filled with desire,
they are brown with a streak of fire

I could destroy the whole and blow the ashes on your face while we look at the stars.
I could pick up every broken piece and throw it back to you to remind of us.
I could call the executioner and tell him to knock your guts out.
I could set fire to a forest but you'd sing as the leaves disappeared.
I could drown our love in River Styx and maybe it would come back stronger.
You make me whimper with pain
so now I join the broken pieces of the universe forming your name.

A,
I have never been a fan of letters.
I rewrote this multiple times.
but here it goes..
would you listen to me if I sang the same words to you in different melodies
or different words in the same melody?
would you giggle everytime I hold your hand?
or sing my favourite songs with me?
I'm thinking about you while writing this, you are in my thoughts.
you're a wonderful person amongst many other things
look at you now, scaling heights,conquering peaks.
isn't all of this fun?



I have forgotten what happened between us.
It's weird,
Two years have gone so fast.
I am better now. More versatile,angry and intuitive.
I restrict myself from feeling emotions.
I am try to make myself better every moment.
I have been self harm free for a year.
Sometimes, I sing.
I am strumming random chords in my head.
I listen to a German band now.
I have a crush on a Norwegian chess player
That's all about me, how have you been doing?
Did you get to visit the places you wanted to? Did you get any pets?
You're turning eighteen in May! That's awesome!
I am happy for you.

With rage and love,
J

It's so lovely to know that I haven't pressed the blade to my skin in a year.

Would you listen to me if i sang the same words in different melodies
or if sang the same melody and different melodies?
Would you care if i told you about how you influence me?
I have a riff stuck in my head, care to write a song out of it?
It's all you,
with your cheekiness,bluntness and rage.
It's all me,
with my anger,awkwardness and determination.
Would you care to sit beside me and look at the stars?
Would you care if I told you about my past?
You wouldn't.
You don't even exist.

i am not a mystery
i am an open book with secrets to be deciphered.
i am your warm words,
your forbidden curse.
i am the fingerprints on railings,
the feeling you get when you're failing.
i am that fall when you get high,
i am that song which made you cry.
i am the dead cells on your skin,
the greed when you're rich.
i am that rhetorical statement,
that lonely guitar by the pavement.
i am that scream when the car crashes.
i am the fire which brings you to ashes.
i am that unknown melody in your head.
i am that coffin in which you were placed.
i am that time bomb ticking away,
the succubus telling you to live another day.

if we lived in a castle
would you make me your queen?

if we were rain we would fall on deserts
the poor's thirst to quench

if we were acid
we would be corrosive,harsh and reactive

if i was the moon and you were the sun
i'd borrow your light and make us one.