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axr Apr 2018
i asked you the meaning of your name
and you said it means
the stalk of a lotus.
i think of all the times you bloomed before me,
thriving despite the negativity.

i didn't know what compassion meant
until i met you,
as i raged, wept and cried in despair,
you waited and held my hand.
i had forgotten what vulnerability meant
until i met you.
you showed me that we often love the wrong people,
we often show them the sides of us they never wanted to see.

the lawns of the school of economics
hold the memory of us bonding
over broken hearts and broken knees.
we laughed when our insides were breaking,
we tried to heal each other's wounds,
hoping that our words would be of some comfort for scars
left by former lovers.

we learnt how bad unrequited love hurts together.
when the spring arrived, i cried over a boy who never loved me.
you cried over a man who pretended to love you.
the commuters on the train may have overheard us maundering
did grief bring us closer?

i remember the sound of your laughter
during our phone calls.
i probably said something about my ex and his small *****,
your ex and karma. oh and our discussions on karma,
i can't wait till she gets me.

i remember when you held me tight
and promised me that it was going to be okay.

with time,
i have learnt to let go of certain memories
but i know i won't let go of you.
this one's for my lovely friend, M. i absolutely adore this man and he deserves nothing but all the love in the world
  Apr 2018 axr
ffn
I remember bottling up the beach for you since you've never been.
To you it's just sand.
It was more than just sand to me
  Mar 2018 axr
Ricotta
I
am
healing
but I don't want you to take off your shoes in my home yet

I
am
healing
but I'm still afraid of your touch

I
am
healing
but while I'm healing, you're burning like a broken electric wire, and while you burn you bloom

so yes, I am healing
slowly
trembling
feeling numb
but healing
axr Mar 2018
the moonlight will protect me tonight
i know there is hell and heaven,
for you showed me both.
i'll always miss you.
axr Mar 2018
It’s 2:00 AM,
There’s a dangerous level of alcohol in my system
The only thought on my mind is you.
Your smile
Your laughter
Your kisses
You
And now i am drunk and angry that someone else has you

It’s 2:20 AM,
The stars have come out to play now
They watch me crying into a stranger’s chest and ranting about you
My mind can’t decide if I should let you go or let you stay
Remember when you asked me to write you a song? I am doing it now.

It’s 2:40 AM,
I vomited all of my dinner
And I kept thinking of you,
A stranger held my hand and promised me it’s gonna be okay.
A woman who I had just met told me about karma.

It’s 2:50 AM,
A Tibetan man bought us all beers,
And talked about a home he had never visited,
He is an alien on the papers and an Indian in his heart,
He knows all the secrets of the colony of refugees,
He knows his land just as much as I know you,
Enough to adore, not enough to make it a home.
The Buddhist flags, the stars, the cracked walls and smuggled liquor
know our story.
Do I leave a message for you here, hoping that you’d find it?
I don’t remember anything else from that hot, summer night.

It’s 3:00 AM,
My heart knows love the same way Tibet knows peace.
The man yearns for Tibet the same way I yearn for you.
k, i hope you find this.
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