Do you ever feel like you just annoy everyone?
Like they are secretly wishing you would just go away?
I try not to feel this way.

I try to tell myself that i am just imagining things
That it is all just in my head,
But its too late.
The anxiety has already kicked in
My thoughts are already spiraling.
Like a chain reaction, one thought sets off all the others.

I don't know what to do.
I just want to cry,
Because there is this loneliness.
Like i can never really trust anyone or what they say
Because i don't know if they are sincere.
I don't know what has caused this mistrust
But it's there.

I have never really been lied to or betrayed.
So why do i feel this way?
Why do i feel so defensive?
I'm not closed off, i tell people my life story,
But i never let them know how I really feel in the present.
It just shows I'm more insecure than i thought, even though i thought i was past this.

I think that is why i like stories about romance and love.
I wish i had that special someone.
Someone whom i could trust and tell them what i was really feeling.
Because then i know that someone really loves me.
That i don't have to lie or pretend with them.
Someone who could hold me up and be there for me when i need it; and i would do the same in return.

I wish i could lean on my friends, but they have enough of their own problems, i don't want to burden them with my petty feelings.
I know i could tell them anything, but i still feel the need to put on a smile and fake the fact that i may not be okay for once.

I guess i just don't want to make it seem like a bigger deal then it really is.
Maybe I'm afraid to show how broken i really feel,
To show how weak i am, that i actually hurt and have problems.
Even if i have only been cracked, not shattered, even if i have no reason to hurt, its these **** "emotions" and "feelings".

It hurts when i see friends of mine out having fun together on social media,
then comes that one triggering thought...
"why wasn't I invited?"

Even though i am included, I still feel excluded.
And it's not like i am not social enough,
i make the time and effort,
And yet i am still on the outside looking in.
Screaming through a window for someone to hear me.

I crave that unconditional love. To know that someone really loves me inside and out despite my insecurities and quirks.
Someone that i could trust wholeheartedly.
I have never felt this,
But i can only imagine how addicting it must be.

It's days like these,
I get stuck in the past,
These sinking feeling don't last.
But then i go back to the same old routine
I'm happy again but is it real?

A tragically beautiful space
Constellations telling secrets of the universe.
Always giving, waiting to be known.
Stars years away, slowly dying
In a sea of darkness, shining through the drowning.

I peer into the infinite space
A graveyard of lights in their final resting place.
How insignificant am I?
A grain of sand in a vast desert
What was important is not
As I rest in my creators hands.

Our oceans unexplored
How far can we stretch these arms?
We are bound by our limits
We are not bigger then we are.

The moon does not glow
without the help of the sun
The oceans do not move
without the help of the moon

Depths unobtainable
Distances too far to travel
Left to my imagination
As I stare at the sky

You've been having one of those weeks
When you can barely stand on your feet
If you are feeling down, feeling blue
Than this poem is for you

It is okay to not be okay
Just don't run away
Through the good times and the bad,
When your happy or your sad
I'll never turn away
Just ask me to stay

So your mama ain't been faithful or kind
She said she's sorry, she lied
Your dad is passed out on the couch, another bottle in his hand
I guess he lost the fight again

You say your fine
but I see it in your eyes
Its clear your not
don't leave yourself to rot

Please hear what I have to say
Please dear, don't push me away
You will make it through the day
Three little words that's all it takes

So with tears in your eyes, you finally confess
Your falling apart, your a mess,
"Im not okay" , you finally say
"And that is okay" I relay

So if you feel like you just might break
Like your life was one big mistake
Hear me out
It's clear and loud

let down the mask
no need to be intact
fall apart if you must
the rain will clear the dust

You are fine, you are okay
And I will help you if you ask me to stay
But you don't need to say a word because I know you
And I will always help through and through.

But remember this, come what may
Its okay to not be okay.

Good, Bad
Right, Wrong
The list just goes on and on

There is a line that no one should cross
It has been blurred and lost

Morals are guidelines
Everyone is an exception
Lost in a sea of philosophical deception

So here you go
Round and round again
Running the same circles you did back then

You try to keep straight
But it is harder now
Always letting your loved ones down

Your mind betrays what you know to be true
It keeps you caged like a monkey at a zoo

You keep dancing the dance
You keep singing the song
Even if you know it to be wrong

You know who you are
Or at least who you want to be
So why can't you just let yourself free?

A stranger whispers things in your ears
But you don't believe what you hear

You are breaking the chains
The light is in sight
But than it flickers
and your trapped in the night

You keep holding on
As strength fills your soul
But you start to stagger when the fight takes its toll

Your almost there
The end is in sight
The noose you wear is tied tight

The tears slip out
Your hoping for peace
Second-guessing as you look at your feet

Than sudden like a storm
You hear the voice
The one telling you to make a different choice
The one telling you, you'll be okay
The one screaming this isn't the way

You breath out relief
Your death-wish ends
And your will to live extends

The second-wind hits
"I won't go out like this"
There is too much I'll miss

The words the stranger whispered that day,
Gave you a sword so your demons you could slay

You repeat as a mantra never leaving your thoughts,
Giving you strength as they ought

And that is when you realize
Under the scarred skin and thoughts of mud
Under all the tears and blood

There is someone who is beloved
As the words echo,

"You Are Loved"

Hold fast this lifeline
Never let it go
As you learn to love
In a world of ice and snow