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Eyithen Mar 18
I don't mean to be insecure
But sometimes it happens
I think you only like me
Cause I'm "confident", you say, and that's "rare".

But let me let you in on a little secret
It all feels like a lie
Sometimes I AM full of this energy of self-love
And other times I can hear those words being whispered into my ear: unworthy, ugly, insecure, little girl faker, puppet, doll

And I can feel the burn in my eyes
The one that tells me, as my throat tightens, that I might just cry
I want to be that girl you see
But I'm afraid if I let you in

If I let you see that I sometimes break
You won't like me anymore
Cause I'm nothing but a fake, however unreal that may be
You'll think I'm just like all the other girls you've dated
Thinking I'm fat and ugly, never comfortable in my own skin
And what if I told you, you were right?

But only sometimes.
And maybe if I had someone like you to stay,
It would only fortify the strong parts of me.
Because love only grows with love.
Eyithen Mar 18
I'm crying.
I'm lying in bed and I'm crying.
I'm lying in bed, curled into myself, and I'm crying.
I'm lying in bed, curled into a ball, biting my tongue, grasping my pillow and crying.

Why you ask? Because tonight it hit hard.
Because tonight I can't get over this feeling of loneliness
Because tonight I wondered how anyone could ever love me
Because tonight I wondered why I was still alone
Cause tonight I just wanted someone there, and there was no one.

Oh this bitter, painful, insecurity that comes with the lack of experience in the love department.
No first kiss, no boyfriend, no remotely normal guy has pursued me.
And by normal I mean not weird, awkward, obsessive, a creep or stoner or someone just looking for something physical.
Maybe once there was a guy, but only once. One night. One date. And then he left.
Eyithen Mar 16
I am hurt
But not in the way when you scrape your knee
And not in the way when someone irrevocably betrays your trust
I am hurt in a way that cannot be explained

I am hurt
But not in the way when you break a bone
And not in the way someone spits out stinging words
I am hurt in a way that makes your heart beat just a little bit faster

I am hurt
But not in the way when your muscles ache with soreness
And not in the way when someone tells you they don’t love you anymore
I am hurt in a way that makes my stomach twist and churn

I am hurt
But not in the way that makes you grit your teeth in pain
And not in the way that makes one shut themselves out from the world
I am hurt in a way that makes my chest tighten and constrict until I can’t breath

I am hurt
But not in the way that can be solved with the pop of a pill
And not in the way that a teenage girl who is new to love does
I am hurt in a way that makes me dig my fingernails into my palms so as to quell the bristling tears threatning to spill.

I am hurt in a way that can’t so easily be explained away  as a papercut or with a smile
I am hurt in a way that comes with the lying words “I’m Fine.”
I am not fine.

Today I hurt.
Today I want to cry.
Today I feel alone. Left Out.

There is no rhyme or reason.
There is no starting point.
There is nothing I can say to explain away the pain except that it’s there.

I am hurt.
Eyithen Oct 2019
I've come to realize that social media does more harm then good for me.
It makes me covet and envy,
It makes me feel sad and hollow,
I makes me yearn...and wish...and cry,
It's all a mask.
Nobody shows the person that hides in the shadows of the corners of their soul.
And yet It still manages to infect and feed off my fears and insecurities.
So I do what I'm good at.I ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.
Eyithen Sep 2019
Duck duck goose
Duck duck goose
The same old routine
Stuck on a loop

Like a new found song
Played over and over
Story of my life
Wish I wasn't sober

I'm stuck in the mud
Stuck in this town
Ready to get out
Before I dumb down

Ring around the rosie
I have already fallen down
There is no exit in sight
Every time I turn around

I write my own songs
They aren't very good
But they are mine
They tell you where I've stood

They start to sound the same
After a while
Same chord progressions
All my thoughts compiled

1 2 3, 1 2 3,
What will i do now?
Hopefully something different
If my brain will allow

Play then rewind
Maybe I'm insane
Because I keep doing the same old thing
Thinking things will change.
I'm sick of the same old thing everyday, I'm ready for something to change. My way doesn't work, time to break this pride.
Eyithen Jul 2019
I was told I talk too much so I never made a sound
My voice fading until buried six feet underground
I was told I was annoying, that I should just shut up
And people wonder why I'm so quiet
I would try to speak over the ocean waves
I gave up, no one interested in what I had to say
My voice now but a whisper floating on the wind
You wouldn't hear it unless you really listened.
But no one did and no one ever would
Because no one really cared about the girl and didn't see why they should.
I'm the girl that suddenly stopped talking because I felt like I was bothering people.
Eyithen Jun 2019
Many guilty unsure whispers
Through capable, crooked, smiles
Perfectly gleaming unspoken problems
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