A heart beats and gives you the gift of life but a heart breaks and and leaves you lifeless with no sense of hope.
Feeling as though you have a gift to see in others souls, comes with the curse of sadness of bearing their pain as well.
Something I've got to be missing in this life, why would you be given a gift to see and feel what others do if there's no way of changing or stopping their pain and hurt then what is the good of knowing it and the purpose if feeling it .
It's like being caged and chained to a floor as you sit back and watch as life's are being destroyed and all you can do is speak to them what you see while your heart feels the pain and hurt of what their life has been and shall be .
I'm searching for the answers of what it is I'm to do , I cry because I know and feel not only my own sadness but everyone else's too.
Some call it being an Empathy and give description I fit so well , I call it for the most part a curse of living hell.
©kimmied1105

The image of beauty is what our eyes see, however the arrainment of truth comes from within.
We can makeup our face and wear perfect attire,
At the end of the day it's a pure heart you desire.
The rose of so many colors  so beautiful to the eyes
As you reach down to touch  it,  beauty is it's disguise .
Covered down it's long sleek stem, sharp thorns await your touch.
Things and people of this world aren't always as they appear as you see the rose is to your touch.
As we read our children a fairytale , painting a picture as this,
Once upon a time, not long ago, was once or never to be.
Though we painted their eyes a picture of what we wanted them to see.
Our choice of reading how is it we make our choice, seemingly from the title , the cover of the book is most.
It's not until we go beyond what our eyes can see that we decide our interest in what we read. So you see , the rose of beautiful colors , the fairy tales of whats not will ever be , the book you judge by it's cover, until you look inside , beyond what your eyes can see, you never know the truth of the beauty from within .
©kimmied1105

Darkness of an unknown lonely entered me the night of their death. Angels of heaven flying over as they took their last breath.
My best friends young life had been taken away, my little girl lost her best friend as well on that same day..
A young beautiful mother, and her precious baby girl gained their angel wings together, my little girl bares witness as she wakes the next morning ready to play I woke just in time as she opened the door.  I walked to the porch to tell her the news as my heart left my chest as she stood there at the age of 2 waving and laughing up at the sky, I was trying to find a way to tell her our best friends didn't live across the street anymore.
It's as if my voice had left me as I heard my baby say,
Momma can we go get them out of the clouds so me and my Peking can play.
I pulled myself together as I knelt down in front of her I asked her softly to tell me what she could see, her laughter had left her as tears filled her innocent blue eyes,  mommy they went to play in the clouds and didn't take you and me.
I cried as I held my little girl as tight as I could , with the day after we layed them to rest, I chose not to take my daughter as any mother would.
On the way home from her grannies that day still looking in the sky for her best friend ,I heard her talking about how pretty Peking looked in her new dress and she wanted one too.
I had to pull the car over ,  and asked her what color was Peking new dress , she giggled and said, mommy you know she said you gave her my hair bow cause it was red and blue too.
From that day forward Peking often came down to play, as I watched my little ******* the swing set as I pushed her gently the swing beside her started to move , mommy Peking said will you please push her too.

I was raised all my life,  failure wasn't an option, never say I can't , and to take pride in everything I do.
If you get knocked down, get right back up, what don't **** you makes you stronger.
Don't try to be something you're not, always be loyal and true.
If you don't succeed then try again, learn from your mistakes, and don't make the same mistake twice.
Give to the less fortunate. If you have it to give.
And you get much further in life if you treat everyone nice.

I sit here this morning and stare as he sleeps.
So precious and perfect in every way, if I could only erase the memories he keeps.
He was born into this world to love and raise ,
to teach him morals and respect and give God his praise
He's seen more in his life than a little boy should .
I would take it all away only if I could.
He looks up to you now in every way.
At least he has up until he asked me today.
A question I didn't want to hear or respond
Although I'm sure I know the answer and it's all wrong ..
You're the one special man he was so proud to say .
Maw maw , Corey is going to be my step dad one day.
I can only hope that you love him  enough that you won't let him down.
This little boy, my grandson, deserves a happy home and a good father figure around.

As the time to your freedom is drawing near,
I'm faced with excitement, joy and much fear.
It feels like a lifetime has passed since you have been away.
Things out here are changing more day by day.
I cant wait to see you and hug you tight.
I just hope and pray when you get home you live your life right.
I pray the choices you make are completely thought through.
That you come out with more knowledge and wisdom of what not to do.
I have aged 15 years in the 3 you have been in.
I can't wait to see you close this chapter of your life son and let your new life begin.
©kimmied1105

The wind on the beach blowing a soft breeze through my hair, as the hint of salty sand caressed my lips of fresh gloss,
My eyes closed as my ears listened to the peaceful sound of the waves crashing on to the  shore .
My satin sundress cuddled my body from the force of the wind , the exotic arousel of the fresh ocean air in traps my mind into a place far away where the  dolphins swim freely by your side and the sea horse tickle your toes. A place made up of sparkling white sand and water off emorald green.
The serenity and peace of mind are unlike no other place except the place with so many hidden secrets left to discover buried far beneath it's floors of coral and gems and lost treasures which may forever go unseen.
So far below us yet it sends it's magic through the waves upon the shore or crashing into the reef, dropping some of it's beauty for us to see like the conk shell, as we place it to our ear we can hear the sound of the ocean or the sand dollar, if broken just right it holds the beauty of a seagull fitting perfectly in it's middle. My place like no other the land I long to see, the land far away under the sea.

Standing so close to the edge of this cliff , I can feel the give of the rocks beneath my feet. My heart hurts but shows no fear as it's been torn and tethered for so many years.
My mind plays like a movie running in rewind, so many memories made in oh so little time. Trying to find where things went wrong is like finding a needle amongst the hay. As I pick and plunder with still no luck as there is more abundance of hay and only one needle . It is now apparent that my search is for nothing as with no guarantee even if recovering the needle that I could fix the problem where it lay.  
I look above me for something to grab and pull me to safety should the ledge begin to break but sadly enough like our love I find nothing to hold on to to save me or us as it appears all we have left is the fall to the bottom and hope for survival to dust myself off and start over again.
Just when I brace myself and prepare for the fall I see a bit of hope and pull myself back up just to find myself standing with the rocks giving way on the edge of a fall again.

It's been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue & the pain lessens but, it's never gone. The reality of fear is I'm not afraid of the dark just scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid of heights just scared of falling. I'm not afraid of the people around me just scared of rejection. I'm not afraid to love just scared of not being loved back. I'm not afraid to let go just scared of accepting the fact that it's gone. I'm not afraid to try again just scared of getting hurt for the same reasons. I want to be the person you are scared to lose, the one you will love without restrictions, trust without fear, want without demand, & accept for who I am.

My pen feels much like my heart today as the ink that flows to my paper is speechless as my heart is broken and knows no words to say.
When everything I've ever wanted in this life continues into the darkness more every passing day.
Have you ever felt like you were screaming so loud but not a soul seemed to hear.
Almost like you were standing right in front of them but they never knew you were near.
I've become invisible to the only man I've truly ever loved and it's killing me inside.
He would rather throw our love away than to give up his pride.
So somewhere somehow I must find the strength to make a decision to go or stay.
It's hard to face the harsh reality of letting go of my one true love if my choice is to walk away

Sitting on the swing of that old front porch listening to my daddy and all the stories he told .
No matter how many times he told the same story, they never got old.
The evening  was his favorite time of day,  as he sat outside and listened to the same whipperwill singing away.
It's almost like that whipperwill knew what time every day to perform his songs for my daddy as he never missed a day .
Makes you wonder if they were connected in some other kind of way .  
Daddy taught me so many things ., Things I used to think were silly or couldn't be .. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything in this world I'm thankful for the time my daddy spent with me
He showed me all the beauty in this world and what it would some day mean. By all the stories he would tell of the places in this world he had seen.
If I only had one wish that would come true, I would tell my daddy I wish for one more day with you.
One more day to sit on that old porch swing  and listen to each and every story he ever told , one more day to just hear him say my name or tell me he loved me again, one more day to take him out dancing with me and my friends , and one more day to wish my wish never ends.
©kimmied1105

What's not to love of this time of year, the breath of  summer in the south so fragrant and clear.
Blooming flowers blowing in the summer breeze, lifting a brisk scent of aroma so divine.
The honeysuckle growing wild  nurturing itself as it twists and turns through the cudzu vines.
The sights of the country never get old.
As I sit on my front porch, calming the evening, peering at the sunset of vibrant colors mixing both light and bold.
The darkness here carries no fear as the twinkling wings of the lightning bugs inspire a feeling of freedom as they blink rapidly to light the way..
The moon and the stars are ever so clear, in the darkest of nights it's like morning here.  
You never feel alone under the southern country sky,
You can always hear the sounds of the birds, the crickets , the frogs and faithful mag pie.
A peaceful encounter if you have never been, you should come here some day and you will see what I mean.
©kimmied1105

I read something today that it's apparent I don't understand.  See it is written that we are created equal, yet there is women and man.
I'm not sure if I can call the parts we all have an equal, or did I misunderstand.
Maybe it was meant equal due to the that we all think? But once again leaves me still confused .
A man and a woman's thoughts of logic are far from the same, a woman takes things more serious while the man is easily amused.
Oh well I shall just believe by the proof I see with my own eyes, that it's all alot of confusion that started in the beginning. When God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree, He came back to find that It was Eve that had eaten , so saith Adam .
Men are known to lie more than a woman so my theory is this
Adam ate from the fruit of the tree and blamed it on Eve!!

How can a mother express the hurt and sadness and feeling of guilt when they took her baby boy away, no such expression could remotely describe the burning of her heart the fear she feels for him every single day.
Imagining her son locked in a cage like a beast and knowing deep down in her heart he is her frightened baby behind that masquerade. Laying awake at night imagining how he feels knowing he wants to burst out in tears and come home to his momma. He's been stereotyped as if he murdered his best friend but you see on that horrible night my son was trying to pull his best friend back in the window and missed a sharp curve lost in daze of confusion he goes in between a pole and a flower bed and sadly his best friend was hanging out the window and his body struck the pole ,  killing him instantly . We lost more than his best friend that night we lost one to death and the other left with the horrid memory of the accident that took his friends life and in the reality it took my son's as well and right along with his momma as I lost two boys and my world fell to pieces .
©kimmied1105

Thirteen long years spent under his thumb. Sixteen years old is when this begun.
I thought I was in love , now I know I should have left after the first shove.
I stayed instead, chalking it up as one too many drinks,. Time went on only getting worse, as I got pregnant with his child.  The control he had over me was more than mild. It was a push and a shove pulling my hair but worse than that was the emotional abuse he just didn't care.
The longer I stayed the worse it got , now there was another life I had to protect.
My story goes on for around 10 more years , another baby  with him and many hidden tears .
Please don't judge others by what you may see because behind those closed doors is a scarred and scorn woman that wants to be free .
Free from the abuse she gets everyday the threats of him taking her life away . The fear of what would happen to her children if he snapped and did what he said, The fear she feels laying beside  a monster in her bed, the fear that her children will grow up to believe that abuse is ok because that's all they see ,
So this is a sickness a disease, to treat any human so inhumane,
I don't look for pitty but hope someone out there reads this and it changes their life.  You see , I am not a Victom but I am a true Survivor of Domestic Violence you may not be as lucky as me if you stay I promise you you don't have to do anything else just get away .  
© kimmied 1105

Somewhere in this life I will find the escape of my search , I shall open every door, look out every window, travel anywhere my escape may be.  
Then suddenly I am confused as a strange thought crosses   my mind as I sit all alone in my untidy  box I call a home ,
What is it I'm escaping from? Is it the mirror of an old woman always staring at me, she is like the rose I use to see but her color has faded as her skin is  wilting like the petals of a once beautiful flower now turning to dust .  
The sadness of reality now striking like the thorns on the rose a stinging pulsing pain as I realize there is no escape as I fade off to sleep I may wake another day, everything I see will be seen just the same until the day the rose petals fall to the ground as does the old lady pass away.
©kimmied1105

If I could have chosen anything I wanted to be, I wonder which of these I would choose to be me.
Would it be a bird  with wings of white to soar high over the oceans and the mountains, maybe a Lion so that I could roar like thunder and be a king over the jungle, or a great big grizzly bear to scare everyone I see, a fish with bright beautiful colors to swim freely through the sea, such a hard decision to make when it comes to what I would be, maybe another living thing not of animal or like me , maybe a perinial flower that blooms every year, or be planted like an oak tree to see how big I could be. Oh well all these things I thought I may like to be, all sounds glorious and adventurous but in the end I make the choice just to remain how God intended to be , I choose to just be me !
©kimmied1105

Spears attached to vinum shooting from your tongue, piercing through my weakened heart spreading poison in my vanes.
How does this satisfy any need you ay desire, to watch your words of anger burn me like a fire.
With little regret I see from you in your actions only one,  as the existence of your tongue attempts to attach a drop of antidote, clearly not enough to counter act your words that filled me with poison. As the Spears lay still attached , the damage still exists, for  every attempt to remove them the hole left in me is to forever remain.
©kimmied1105

Watching sadly as our once beautiful love dies slowly like the flower with it's petals so weak as they fall to the ground. Knowing within the depths of your heart you can't save it or bring it back to life. All that's left to do is pick up the petals like the pieces of your heart and and hope there's a live seed left to replant and grow again one day.
If you leave the petals to soak up the moisture on the ground it's surely to mold the seed, which makes it so much harder to grow another flower from a molded seed. My heart left open to be broken over and over gives it no time to heal, for if it should ever love again., It must get away from the person that's breaking it  before it to becomes the molded petal laying on the moistened ground left to mold away.
©kimmied1105

As I look at this woman in the mirror, she is looking right at me. Her face tells the story of her life through the lines on her face and piercing of her eyes. Her voice of wisdom came from the roads traveled along her way.  With her thoughts traveling close to me her past far away.. as I stare at her in my mirror I listen close as she speaks,
This life has been a journey, I've learned many things.
I've taken roads I never should have taken, I've made choices I knew were wrong when I made them, I've failed when I could have succeeded, I've stayed when I should have left, and I've fallen in many holes I dug by myself. There will be some point in my future when I may repeat one if not  all i have mentioned above. But there is always a positive to every negative rest assure for the mistakes I've made, made me the woman I am today. I am only human. I do not stand above or below. We are all created equal.  If given the chance to change my past, I would not change one thing because my mistakes have made me wiser to, The roads I know  not to travel again, choices I refuse to make because I know they are wrong, I will never give up if I know in my heart I can succeed, I will do my best to not put myself in any situation if I know better , and last but not least, if I dig myself a hole you can bet one thing, I will have a shovel  to dig myself back out. So Love me or hate me it's a choice for you to make. But always remember I live my life the way I see fit and the opinions of others I may consider but never forget, I wasn't looking for a friend when I found them so if they were to leave I probably wouldn't miss them as I've lived my entire life without them.So love the person you see in this mirror for all that they can be because at the end of the day the one true love I have is this woman in my mirror staring back at me .
©kimmied1105

He was everything I needed in life to complete me , He was the wind beneath my wings as I felt like he let me soar through the sky.
He never tried to stop me from being me, He accepted me for who I am. He believed in me and the person I am. I have never felt the need to lie to him because he accepted the truth for what it was.  He put me as high up on a pedestal as I could put him. The rareness of our love was pure Devine in every thinkable way. He made me feel beautiful even on my worst day. I don't know how to reach Him, something has taken Him away. For every definition I've described is just the opposite today. I would give anything to feel His touch the way it use to be or to look at his eyes and see the love he had for me . Maybe He will cone back to me soon All I can do is hope and Pray. I'll never surrender my search, not one day before the Good Lord calls me home to stay.
©kimmied1105

I sat today and took some time to read   Looking back through every note and poem I could find, finding myself in a turn of emotions running through my mind. For those of us that express  ourself  through  the flowing ink of our pens, our memories remain written so we can always see. As I read the words I left written a thought crossed my mind. You see I understand my sorrows and know about the things in my life, how they got there from hour to hour day to day but when I write I write of my feelings in every single way. However for someone that reads them without knowledge of where they came from, I can't even Imagine their thoughts of the life I live based on the words I say . What an interesting menu of choices they have to read. Choices based upon the emotions of one's life we never even meet yet by the words written from their pen the reader knows more about that person than if they were there best friend.
©kimmied1105

Born pure and innocent into this world of sin and corruption, years of our life spent trying to discover the do's and Don'ts ,separating the good from the bad, and learning who we are and what we want to be,.
Growing up to be a product of our environment,
Remembering when every age above my own was so cool I couldn't wait to grow up. But if I could tell anyone anything and make them understand, I would tell them to STOP! Stop wishing you were older for any reason you have,. Your life will fly by in the blink  of an eye and before you know it you will be like me and asking yourself why. Why did I wish I would grow up so fast for being an adult carries so much stress you will look back on your life and it will all be a blur. Your memories will fade with each passing day. Please live your life slowly, don't wish it away.
©kimmied1105

I never could imagine you raising your voice in a violent outrage  of anger to me:
Now that voice is all I hear.
I was convinced that your eyes would always glow when you looked at me:
Now when I look into your eyes hatred  and anger is all I see.
The way you made me feel loved every time you came near:
Now I wonder if you ever loved me or what I am doing here  
You always comforted me when I had a head ache or didn't feel well :
Now you could care less or if you do I sure can't tell.
I wish you would come back to me before it's to late.:
I want to feel you kindness and love again not anger and hate .
©kimmied1105

Each day that passes so to does our  love,  like a glowing ember of a candle as it's wick runs out but leaves the flame not ready to surrender so it blinks and fights to stay lit . Such a likeness it has to my heart as it breaks to be mended but with each break it leaves less chance to ever feel whole again as the breaks have become so many with no time to heal .  This life , like a ride on a never ending rollercoaster that is constantly up and down but won't stop as it's exhausting. Never knowing what tomorrow may bring or take away is an unknown fear I face every day. So I know in what's left of my mangled up heart that I should extinguish the dying ember and stop this roller coaster ride, but I can't face the fear of knowing your gone and not by my side. Nor can I embrace the thought of the ups and downs of continuing this never ending life on this downhill slide.
©kimmied1105

I will stand by your side because I always want you to stand by mine. I will try my best to consider your feelings in hope you consider mine.  I will choose my words carefully if we disagree and hope you choose yours just as careful when speaking to me. Each memory of us I will hold in my heart, and hope you cherish them the same. I will be loyal, honest and love you with every breath that I take. As I Pray you do also in every decision you make  You are My Soul  Mate. My Love My Very Best Friend,  MY HUSBAND TO BE,  til death do we part, forever You and me!
©kimmied1105

DREAMS are illusions made up in our mind.
We usually spend a lifetime chasing but rarely ever find.
Fabrications of the way we want to be.
Just to wake to a harsh reality.
We Invision all these things we long to find.
Dreaming of this fantasy we make with our mind.
Why must we dream all this false illusion in our brain ?.
We wake again to reality just to realize we only self inflicted our heart more pain.
Dreams are merely a fabrication of an illusion of things that we will never do.
The make believe of a Happily Ever After, that never comes true.!
©kimmied1105

Aw Mother's Day, such a beautiful tribute to give so much thanks and show your love to the woman you call Your Mother. We run out and buy her gift, or send her a card, one day out of the year, for the other 364 days we don't even bother.
Ask yourself, do you truly understand what all a mother is and does for her children as they grow. Let me see if I may enlighten you.
From the time of conception, your mother carries you inside of her until it's time for you to be born, her life is no longer her own as she becomes so much more.
Your mother is the one that walks you through life being all you need until your out on your own, even then she's right there beside you because in her eyes your always her baby even when you're grown.
Make this day extra special for her as you will never know unless you become a mother one day.
The love a mother has for her children goes far beyond unconditional love I say.
Tell your mother how much she means to you the other 364 days of the year.
You never know if your going to wake up tomorrow and your © is no longer here.
©kimmied1105

One of these days , you will see my worth and know my loyalty, you will understand  what  I gave and realize I gave it all. You will look back on the dreams we had and the memories we made, when we could have made so many more. You will realize and acknowledge all of the things taken for granted , you will then understand all of the insults and harsh words weren't necessary. Although you may have hurt my heart and scarred my soul, you have only discouraged me for the moment, and I may never forget the things you said but I always forgave you. I never claimed perfection and stand in my own wrongs. The only difference is, I can own my faults and admit them to you , will it all be worth it in the end, when your faults can only touch one soul, and that one soul will be only you.?
©kimmied1105

Don't see my pain as a weakness, every tear makes me strong,
I refuse to break, but I will bend,  
I refuse to be torn, but can be frayed,
I will not shatter, but am able to crack,
I am not trainable but am willing to be taught,,
I have imperfections just as you but never forget  IM ONLY HUMAN TOO!

©kimmied1105

I want to know what it feels like to be I your #1.  Because Baby you are mine. I need To know that beyond a shadow of a doubt you always have my back , because I will always have yours. I try to reframe from letting hateful things come out of my mouth to you. I love you too much to intentionally hurt you, but above all this I want You to know that you hold my life in the palm of your hands and I hope you love me enough to cherish it. Because I will forever cherish yours.
©kimmied1105

For so many years I have loved you.  For so many years I have longed to have you back. For so many years I layed dreaming, for so many years I woke up alone. I had too many years to make you exactly how I wanted you to be as I remembered you just the same.
My image of you was of my own perfection, all a fabrication in my brain.  Never stopping to realize the image I molded  of pure perfection would later become the destruction of my own demise. My expectations exceeded far beyond the reality awaiting me . Painting my own heart ache and shattered my every dream.
After so many years you returned to me, it was perfection for a while. As my dreams seemed to be coming true. Until that moment reality took it's toll, my life as I dreamed it spinning out of control.
Now I am faced with the book of my life in a fantasy world that I made myself believe, as things have gotten out of hand and left me to face reality. I find so hard to accept.  For I have no more wishes or wants or dreams left to come true, I used them all up when I spent so many years building this image of you.
Before I turn to the final page of my book, the one that reads, The End, I have to come to terms with myself and accept my own blame. Things may not have gone this way if I hadn't been living in a fantasy world and tried to live a life of pretend.

©kimmied1105

Hard times have come among us. Are we all prepared. Have you taken the time to teach your children so they can teach their own how to live off of the land one day.  That day is closer than we all want to admit. Survival without starvation of your loved ones is inevitable if  they haven't been taught how their ancestors survived back in the day.  If posed the question where honey comes from, would they even know what to say?  Honey has to be robbed from the hole in that tree swarmed with millions of honey bees, milk that we drink or mix with recipes for our bread made from scratch every day , comes from the cows ***** milked by your own hands, the eggs must be gathered early in the morning from the hen houses where they are laid. The wheat fields must be picked along with the soy and every vegetable we eat, sugar that sweetens our tea came from that sugar cane . All of the luxury's of  seafood must be caught with a net from the sea , the fish that we eat from many different bodies of water , just remember to watch for the bear in that spring catching the jumping trout. You see for the way we are hunting our meat other animals already know how.  I hope that your wealth is abundant to survive in these coming days but most will fall short of the prices in the grocery stores to feed their families . Teach your children to teach their own all these things they need to know because the day is coming more near than we think that the only way to survive will be hunting prey and eating food that with our own hands we've  grown. Teach them the difference between their wants and needs as they will have to know the difference. Stop giving them everything they ask and start making them earn what they get. Teach your son's how to provide for their family, how to hunt and fish and farm, teach your daughters how to prepare homemade meal's that don't consist of a box, how to cook it over the heat of a camp stove that they have to cut the wood to keep it hot.

This family I have all began with a girl named Bella, she was more than adorable. Loyal and loving she was one of a kind. She never ran off until one day she never came home, my heart broke as I searched near and far, not only taken from me but 5 babies left behind.  I was trying to find these babies a loving home but attached from day one I kept them for my own. Oh my the destruction they caused, 3 girls and 2 boys, Heaven, Sadie, Sky, Junior and Buster along with my shitzu,  Zoey. Never a dull moment as each one special in there own way. Little did I know the place where we lived the ground they played upon made every one of them poisoned by parvo and deathly sick. My Fience and I worked round the clock administering medication and fluids to 6 very sick puppies. Our battle seemed to never end as death filled our home and we lost one. Exhausted and drained as i laid beside our remaining babies, death sunken eyes peered up at me from each and every one as if asking me "momma please save us for what have we done"  I burst into tears as I gathered them all near, laying my hands upon there tired bodies I closed my eyes and began to Pray, God please heal my babies make them better through my hands, I know you can work miracles so I'm begging of you to spare the life of my babies I pray unto you . As silence filled my home covered with doom, my body grew numb , I knew God was here. I began praying harder never lifting my hands as the heat from my hands became even hotter I couldn't remove them from their bodies. Chills ran through me like I've never felt before, releasing my hands as I looked in their eyes , the death that once consumed them appeared to go away. Within a matter of hours one by one they began to get well. I dropped to my knees and gave God his Grace for saving my babies that day. Every word I've said in this poem is 100% true, A wonderful testimony of how love , faith and God healed my furbabies that day.

©kimmied1105

Here I stand but against the odds in a world full of the unknown.  Waking by day and sleeping at night doesn't apply anymore. For things of my past left to the memories of a time long ago and shall remain for ever more. Though I exist now in the present of shattered dreams one by one became now none. What can be said or looked forward to of a future that lays ahead, a broken heart, a world full of me, or the promise to feel no more pain when im dead. Once a light shown bright and clear at the end of my tunnel now it's hard to find my way. Should I turn around and try and salvage the reminance of my life or face the hard truth that the promise he made is shattered as well and he will never make me his wife. Just when I believed I knew my purpose , I stand corrected but once again . Now with the odds still stacked against me it's time to raise my white flag and retreat. I faught a good battle but lost the war.
©kimmied1105

January 16, 1990, The day my life began to know true love. The anticipation rose with every contraction that came. I couldn't wait to put a face with her name. When she arrived, she stole the heart of every person that seen her. Her hair at birth fit perfectly in a little pink bow and she had the face of an angel. Not one flaw did my baby girl have, as she entered this world almost perfect.  Her eyes, the most captivating blue but with a unique black line defining them. Never at my young age, just turning 20, had my heart felt more joy and love as it did holding my precious daughter,  Mallory Ann, asking myself how something so perfect in every way could be mine. As she grew, she was as bright as she was beautiful. Advanced in every aspect of her fast developing life. Time wouldn't slow down and before I knew it, there she stood in her prom dresses, next her cap and gown. My baby girl was all grown up now and just as beautiful as the day she was born. Growing up very close, sharing everything together, I never dreamed there would come the day, I never seen it coming , my baby girl walked away. I went from being her only support that was by her side every day to a woman she grew to despise some where along the way. She was mom to her son at a very young age, I helped her the best I could or all she would let me, until she then to took my grandson away. I have missed out on his precious life and God knows I've made mistakes in my life but nobody is perfect needless to say. But when I look at her and the things she likes and the way she looks, it's like a mirror of a young  version of me, I miss her and my little Roo every minute of every day, I think of how wonderful it would be to have them in my life again, but the one that wronged her and was never there gets her forgiveness and love while I remain her worst memory as she sees no good in me and doesn't remember all the sacrifices and love and the teaching of morals and respect she was taught, for it hurts my heart as the credit goes to other people in her life   I can stand today and know the truth and feel the hurt and pain and the loss because the day will come when I'm no longer here and I won't feel the loneliness any longer. I only know I love and miss her and my grandson more and more every day . When the good Lord calls me home that's when the pain will go away

Why did you have to leave so soon, you were supposed to see all the dreams you told me I had would some day come true. Six years gone by and I still feel you here . I just want to hug you close and tell you how much you mean to me , I love you big but Lord my friend all these men you left behind , all for me to contend with   I hear your laughter , pretty funny you think , I could use some words  of wisdom my friend , only you would know what to say , be it biblical, comical, serious, or pointless I just need to hear your advise right now God I miss you every day. From Paul to Scott no never met Brent , all the way to your baby boy Nick , of coarse I saved him for last cause Jimmy Rogers if I know you , you Are propped against that cloud with a huge smile on your face sitting so proud of those boys you made . Thanks for coming to see me today , even though it's not how I planned it I remember what you use to say , be patient for it's all in God's Hands and He's the one with the plans. I hope your presence never leaves , I love you and miss you and all your boys and your best friend does too , we will all meet again one day Fly High my friend save us all a place in that beautiful sky right there beside you.

Have you ever heard the sound of a rumbling train, when there were no train tracks anywhere near?
The wind of a tornado screeching and screaming fury and reeking havick upon a city with no warning, embarked is this memory this time of year.
On April 27, 2011, life's changed forever in the city I lived, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Home of the Crimson Tide, would never be the same.
A scene from a horror movie can't even compare as we became the victom of a war zone that day
Trees flew through the air picking up houses and vehicles, anything in it's path, as the monster of this spinning wind left nothing but the rubble and the people homeless and dead . Those that survived this wicked storm would never be the same . The destruction of this tornado came out of the sky and ripped our life away.
When it was over it had only just begun as it left a mangled city
As people walked through the neighbor hoods searching for loved ones that the storm had picked up and spit out somewhere along the way, kids screaming for their parents , animals laying dead the sound of sirens screeching through our heads. People trapped beneath their homes where they ran to be safe but little did they know their was no such place on this day when the tornado that took so many lifes and swept our homes away there was no safe place to stay. I hope to one day forget this horror trapped in my head, my best friend and I found his family in their  twisted home 75 feet from where it once set as there were no survivors of the 3 . So this time of year leaves me saddened   if you can imagine a war zone you then will see the memories in my head.

We glowed as bright as the sun on a hot summer day
The love we once had would take your breath away
When we entered a room, everyone would stare
They could see the love we once had was so beautiful and rare
Just being in your presence left me breathless and weak in the knees
To feel your touch, even just a graze, sent chills all over me
Our love spoke for itself, never speaking a harsh word
Nothing but kindness, love and respect was ever heard
I could look into your eyes and see the love you had for me
It saddens me to look into your eyes now, for the love we once had I can no longer see
Where did we break, we weren't supposed to end up this way
We promised each other forever, we were to be married on the second of may
I can't Invision my life without you
No matter where this road leads us I hope you always remember that I will forever and always unconditionally love you.

Our love once burned like a glowing ember . Beauty on the arm of her **** beast, your eyes melted my existence.
Not a disrespectful word uttered between us, we made love for hours daily, always leaving us both with the anticipation of lust wanting more ,it was never enough.
How can such a love just fade away.  When you touch me now there's a difference in your feel, I understand my body has changed from my sickness but can't you see I'm still me inside , or at least I was before you shamed me now I remain ashamed of myself .
I still find you so attractive and want you, need you every day , you have left me , I'm no longer in your heart and it hurts my heart to know this no matter what you say.
Love isn't a word to be thrown around, we are supposed to grow old together in sickness and in health . That's all gone now , who and what am I supposed to be now that I've given all of me to you.

My heart is full of admiration as each day that has passed since my dedication to My Friend Across the Sea. For all the likes and loves and comments left for her healing eyes to see. My dearest Kim I know you will be touched when your eyes are able to read, your worth has shined through their words now you can see what you mean to them and me.  Thank you all for you haven't only been more than kind but you have inspired not only Our Dear friend Kim Johanna Baker but you have all been very kind to me.  Bless you All

One of these days , you will see my worth and know my loyalty, you will understand  what  I gave and realize I gave it all. You will look back on the dreams we had and the memories we made, when we could have made so many more. You will realize and acknowledge all of the things taken for granted , you will then understand all of the insults and harsh words weren't necessary. Although you may have hurt my heart and scarred my soul, you have only discouraged me for the moment, and I may never forget the things you said but I always forgave you. I never claimed perfection and stand in my own wrongs. The only difference is, I can own my faults and admit them to you , will it all be worth it in the end, when your faults can only touch one soul, and that one soul will be only you.?

Why is it always about whose right and whose wrong can't we just agree to disagree. As who am I to tell someone they are wrong unless I see it from their eyes, or for them to tell me I'm wrong they don't see it the way I see.
Stand next to me as I'm standing by you as we stair up at the clouds, I ask you do you see that cloud appearing like a teddy bear , you reply, I don't see a teddy bear , as they point to the same cloud, do you see that cute little puppy, as we both search the clouds we can't find what the other one sees.  Does this mean they are right or your wrong or could it be they can look at the same cloud through their own eyes and see something different than me. It's all about the way we perceive things so who am I to argue over their opinion vs my own when nobody is wrong and nobody is right it's just the way we as individuals see things differently