There's a monster in the basement
In the shadows of the stairs.
There's a monster in the basement
And I'm sure he's covered in hair.

I have never seen him
But he smells like ***** socks.
His breath is just as stinky
And his skin is hard as rocks.

There's a monster in my closet
Behind my toys and all my books.
There's a monster in my closet
Daddy, take a look.

“There’s nothing in your closet,
Take a look for yourself,
Just clothes hanging from a hanger
And some books upon a shelf.”

There’s a monster under my bed
In the darkness behind my shoes
There’s a monster under my bed
I can hear him as he moves.

“There’s nothing there, it’s getting late
Sweet dreams, sleep tight, good night.
You don’t need to be afraid,
I won’t turn out the lights.”

There's a monster here beside me
Turns out he's just scared too
Of thunderstorms and dark, dark rooms
And even me and you.

5/19/19

Call me ugly, call me dumb
Say I’m boring and no fun.
You can say that I’m a mess,
You don’t have to be impressed.
Just tell me that I’m lazy,
You can even say I’m crazy,
‘Cause it may be somewhat true.
But please, whatever you do
Don’t tell me I’m too sweet,
That my company’s a treat.
Don’t say that I’m too nice a guy
That’s not a reason why.
If you’re not interested that’s fine,
Rather stay friends? Well, I don’t mind.
You could let me down easy,
Or you can say I make you queasy,
Just give me a reason, even blame it on fate
Just don’t blame it on one of my positive traits.
We’re all deeply flawed, you can take your pick
Just don’t choose something I don’t need to fix.

3/20/19

IV. FAITH

Trust, trust, trust. Trust in His word
Fear and Doubt are being absurd.

Only in God should your hope be found
Let Christ be your solid ground.

There’s no need to be in such a hurry
Trust fully in God, and do not worry

He will bring to pass what is to be.
All in His good time, you will see.

Offer Him your fear and doubt in prayer
And don’t you forget He is always there.

I am Faith, feel me in your soul
Trust in God, He will make you whole.

2/3/19

III. DOUBT
Wait, wait, wait. Why such a rush?
How do you know this is more than a crush?
What if you see what you wish to be
Rather than what really is?
That smile, a blush— you wish to see
So you do, even though it’s not there.

Maybe it’s just your imagination
A lonely heart’s sad creation
Are you sure she feels the same as you?
Or are you quickly jumping
To a conclusion that simply isn’t true.
Shouldn’t we wait until we’re certain?

Listen close, just hear me out.
We don't even know her, for I am Doubt.

2/3/19

II. FEAR
Lies! Lies! Lies! All of it, lies!
Everything you feel burning up inside.

She can never love you. She will never want you.
She doesn’t even like you. She will forever haunt you.

She thinks you’re gross— A stalker, a creep.
She’s afraid of you— You’re a monster, a freak.

You are different, strange, a little mentally deranged.
You are broken, used, something she would never choose.

Don’t listen to Hope, ignore your heart and soul
She is not a savior, she will not make you whole.

Sure, she’ll put together the shattered pieces of your heart
Only to sit back, laugh, and watch you fall apart.

You are wrong now just like you were wrong then.
Let Doubt be a warning, don’t make this mistake again.

The darkness is consuming. We will keep assuming,
You will never draw her near. Embrace me, I am Fear.

1/31/19

I. HOPE
Love, love, love. Love at first sight
Look at her smile, how it shines so bright.

Listen to her laugh, music to our ears.
She is the strength you need to face your fears.

All these years you thought you’d be alone
She is the proof that you can finally be known.

Proof, proof, proof. Living proof at last
You can overcome the living shadows of the past.

Do you feel the spark— the fire— deep with in your heart?
She’ll put back the pieces from when you fell apart.

Can’t you feel the connection within your very soul?
She can save you from falling back into that hole.

Get up, go over, talk to her, show her you care
She can’t get to know you if she doesn’t know you’re there.

Hear me, I am Hope, I simply speak with grace
If we take a chance we can find our happy place.

2/2/19

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know.
Don’t count on it— It’s decidedly so.

I should make the choice— we can never choose
Let’s flip a coin, heads they win, tails we loose.
—We lost— Let’s shake the ball for counsel
With out a doubt! —Or is it quite doubtful?

Yes or no, or maybe so, we will see.
Yes, I know, just let it go, we are free.
Are we wrong, or right, is it day or night, tell me.

Am I torn, divided, or split in two?
There’s a difference?— Oh if only I knew.
The voices in my head say they know what to do.

1/28/19

I am torn in two, divided yet whole.
Split in half, I hold both parts of my soul.
I thought I knew the answer— I don't know,
Do I dive in head first or take things slow?

We should try being friends first— her smile.
She laughs— a half of me sees an aisle
I’m too quick to jump— no, too slow to move
I’m too sick —Make a choice!— Will I ever choose.

Yes or no, or, yes and know? We’ll see,
Or maybe we never will, please, tell me.
Someone, anyone, will I be set free?

Am I divided, split, or torn in two?
Is there a difference? I wish I knew.
Oh, for crying out loud,what do I do?

1/17/19

This is a letter from my future self
To the past and present Me’s
When you’re stuck in the spaces in between,
May this letter set you free.

It’s hard to think of what to say
To my past and present self.
What are the things you need to hear
That would be of use or help.

Surely, whatever I end up choosing
Will be hard upon your ears.
I must address some insecurities
And attack your greatest fears.

Don’t be afraid to take the fast lane,
Though I know you like moving slow,
You see, sometimes, moving quickly
Is the fastest way in which to grow.

I know you like to test the waters
Before gradually wading in,
But life is short, so take the leap
Don’t be so afraid to swim.

Remember life is always worth living
For there are people who truly care.
And when you’re not in that place
Let those who still are know you’re there.

Regardless of your wealth or status
We are each and everyone the same;
Deserving of grace, respect, and kindness
Whether or not you know their name.

Life is an adventure full of memories,
Like scars— just stories waiting to be told.
Just because you open up to someone
Doesn’t mean you’re shouting it to the world.

So take a chance once in awhile,
Go over, talk to her, smile.
Don’t overthink, ask what if, or why.
You’ll never find out unless you try.

Laugh when life gets crazy,
Love her patiently,
Live life in the moment,
Sincerely, “Future Me”.

1/16/19

I’m drowning in two feet of water.
I’d be safe if only I could stand,
But my arms and legs are too tired.
This is not what I had planned.

My eyes are closed shut, blind from the salt.
The tide is rising, waves are crashing over me.
They beat me down and pull me in;
The sounds of silence call me to the sea.

Deeper they draw me, further I fall
Caught in the current, far from the shore.
My cries, like myself, are drowned by the sea,
I’m splashing, thrashing until I can do so no more.

Submerged below the cool surface
I’m weightless... I’m free...
I wait... floating there, fearless,
For the sweet darkness to wash over me...

But then a flitter of thought flashes forthwith,
An image —the spark of hope set within—
The future —a beauty with eyes like the sea—
I can’t let this end before it even begins.

My burning lungs remind me I’m still living
When all this time I thought I was dying.
My muscles ache, death but a breath away
I’ve no energy to fight and yet I start trying.

I muster what little strength that I can
And reach ‘til my hands and feet find the sand.
I open my eyes and push with all my might
To come face to face with the most magnificent sight.

Your eyes were gentle, deep as the sea,
You were the spark that set me free.
“Don’t be afraid,” you said, smile gleaming,
“Those were shadows of ghosts, of which you were dreaming.”

1/3/19

Stop.

Take a minute to think...
...Maybe get a drink.

Good...

Now then...
Try again.

12/19/18

I almost wrote you a poem
Except for the unfortunate fact
I’m hesitant about how I feel,
And all the information that I lack.

I don’t know what fills your dreams
Or what monsters fuel your fears.
What sweet joys make your smile beam?
What fills your eyes with tears?

Do you cry for the small injustices?
Do you smile for a beautiful song?
Do you paint broad strokes with small brushes?
And speak without fear of being wrong?

I almost wrote you a poem
Except I just don’t understand,
I barely even know you,
This is not what I had planned.

I never thought I’d feel this spark
Before I got to know your heart.
Never thought I’d have this crush
Yet your thought can make me blush.

You’re beautiful and surely kind
Talented and most devine,
I know this and not much else
I see you and my heart swells.

Even with all the knowledge
This would still be true:
There is no beauty in this world
That could accurately compare to you.

I almost wrote you a poem
And perhaps I already have.
One day we may look back on this
And have ourselves a laugh.

10/21/18
1:31 am

He was a man of ambition, a goofy look on his face,
He had just arrived to a new and foreign place.

But this was a cold place, masked by the sun
It beat him down until he wanted to run.

He was looking for love, lost and alone,
So he clung to the first girl he could call home.

When they first met it was love at first look.
If love is a drug then oh, boy, was he hooked.

He couldn’t get enough, but she couldn’t care less
He was unaware that his world was a mess.

They tried to warn him, but couldn’t get through.
His world was a lie he insisted was true.

She turned him against them when they persisted.
She toyed with his heart and got his mind all twisted.

Abused and berated he still thought it was right
Even though all they could do was fight.

Over time we had to leave him to his devices
Only he could find the way to conquer the crisis.

Once, I checked up on him to see how he was
It was the same drug different name, for that’s what he does.

It’s not offten you witness an abusive addiction,
But a drug like love can be a strange affliction.

8/20/18

Pay no attention to him behind the curtain
Who is only ever sure that he is never certain.
He does his best to stay behind the curtain
Because that's where he is sure that no one else can hurt him.

8/22/14

It has been said to me, "An act must thus ensue,
So that no one can ever see it's the world against you.
Yet that battle can only be fought behind the stage,
While everyone else sees you smile into your old age."

But they only love the mask, they only know the act,
They couldn't care any less for simple truth or facts.
By the end, perhaps, I'll finally believe,
And truly, completely, the world deceive.

I don't know where I'm going,
I scarce remember where I've been.
Still, blindly I am rowing until I reach that bitter end.

I'll be on that river by myself, all alone,
The truth is still unknown, the act all that remains,
For by now I am the mask of a man without a name.

1/1/15
(Revised 4/18/15)

She was a free spirit, held captive by the road.
He was a wandering soul, longing for a home.

She had sunlight for hair and the sky in her eyes,
His smile was a fire on a warm summer’s night

She was made of marble, beautiful and tough
He was chisled in the rock which made him strong and rough

They were two sides of the same silver coin
Two parallel lines destined never to join.

She was a free spirit, he was a wandering soul
Similarly different pieces, longing to be whole.

6/2/18

It tastes like blue raspberry cool-aid,
After a summer day full of fun,
And smells like freshly cut grass
Or sunscreen before a day in the sun.

It feels like the cold air in your lungs
As you play in freshly fallen snow
And sounds like Christmas caroling,
In case you didn't know.

It's the smell of the air before it rains
Or the calm before the storm.
It's the thunder in the distance
Or a cool breeze after it's been so warm.

It's pumpkin scented candles,
And brightly colored leaves
Its football on thanksgiving
And apples picked right from the trees

It's the taste of the salt in the air
And the cool of the mist from the sea
In case you ever had to ask
That's what nostalgia is to me

5/19/17

Take a look and see,
At a house is where you be,
All around you there are trees
And the pollen makes you sneeze.

The grass is green and bright,
And from the sun comes a soft light.
A warm breeze blows, too gentle for a kite,
The fresh morning dew shines; such a beautiful sight.

There's a swing on the porch where two would sit together,
It seems the swing is one thing to out last forever.
Now it rocks back and forth from the breeze
Swaying in sync along with the trees.

Over the horizon shines the rising sun
Allowing shadows to dance on the porch, having fun.
The silence is deafening, leaving the squirrels dumb.
Not even the birds and the bees will hum.

I guess that's how the memory works
Slightly foggy with all of its quirks
Yet the silence in a memory is quite a perk
For it adds to the beauty so you can't help but smirk.

Use your eyes and see now a beach
So serene it feels quite out of reach.
The sand is so golden and so bright
You can't help but squint when it'***** by light.

So soft is the sand between our toes
The warm sunlight makes our faces glow.
Quietly the waves brush against the shore
It seems after every wave our hearts beat more

Here comes the ocean breeze blowing through your hair
—Your beauty is amazing— breathe in that salty air.
With your hand in mine we walk a straight line
Our footprints wash away if you just look behind.

As we watch the silent seagulls fly away,
So goes the same with the rest of the day.
So quiet, it seemed not a word had been spoken.
Yet we needed not speak with our minds so open.

I guess that's how the memory works
Slightly foggy with all of its quirks
Yet the silence in a memory is quite a perk
For it adds to the beauty so you can't help but smirk.

How might it be,
If it were me,
If it were you,
If it were someone you knew?

Would it change how you view
The world all around you?
Would it change what you saw?
Would it fill you with awe?

Would you show more respect
For the oft disrespected?
And come to expect
What is most least expected?

If it were your baby who died,
Your son who had lied,
If your brother had tried,
And your mother who cried.

What if you lost what you earned
If it were your life they'd burned
What if you worked there so low,
If it were someone you know.

How might it be?
If it were you, if it were me
Would you've behaved any differently?

2/25/17 1:45a

I'm standing at the edge, too afraid to move
Looking down into the bottomless pool.
I've fallen in before and didn't drown then
But standing here now it's a question of when.

I liked it before, I enjoyed the cool waters
Splashing over my head, cooling me down.
The sound of laughter and joy filled my ears,
But now I can only watch, too afraid that I might drown.

What if the waters fill my lungs and I can't breathe
Or if I tire too quick and get pulled down by the current
The air might leave my lungs when no one's around
And I might not break the surface, I might drown.

I can't take the leap of faith, I'm paralyzed in fear,
Yet my friends are there laughing as they search blindly for each other.
I take a step back content with being alone;
I'm close enough to feel their joy though I know it's not my own.

When someone like me comes along
Too afraid to take the leap, yet afraid to be alone
I know pushing them in would serve them best
But instead I talk them through it until they can jump in on their own

As they swim there, a smile on their face,
They call to me, asking me to join in their race,
But I'm a hypocrite of my own making.
I talk big and give good advice, but in the end I'm just faking .

And so I sit on the edge of the pool,
with my feet in the water.
Just out of reach of all the fools
Who think my place is in the water.

Though I know I can swim that doesn't stop me.
Though I'm sure I'd enjoy it that doesn't help me.
So here I sit in the same place they've all found me,
Sitting on the edge of life, so afraid of drowning.

2/3/17 1:00 am

Home is hanging with a few close friends
It's always spending time with family if not now and then
It's laughter, and hugging, and yes even tears
It's someone beside you as you're facing your fears
It's "good morning" and "what's for dinner?"
"I'll see you later", and "is there anything good to eat?"
It's not about where you lay your head to sleep.

Home is about the memories and the moments you hold dear
Talking about your long day with mom and dad
Or having a shoulder to cry on when your sad.
It's movie nights and nerf gun fights even when your "too old".
It's snow forts in the winter and couch forts when it rains.
It's being surrounded with love when your world seems full of pain.

Home is Christmas cookies, ice cream, and making apple cake,
And spending time with Grandma, learning how to bake.
It's a bro's night out at the movies, or breakfast in bed on Mother's Day
And it's dancing to the music in that particularly peculiar way.
It's beanie babies, teddy bears, and memories so sweet,
Basketball, and baseball gloves, and sometimes muddy cleats.

It's sewing fingers, broken fingers, and shutting them in doors,
Broken toes, and scooter falls, and hospital trips galore.
It's talking all night with your brothers, and driving together to school
And making fun of brace face whenever he would drool.
Home is not a building not confined to just one place
It's more a state of mind, a memory encased.

Family are the friends you're born with and friends the family you choose
Home is being with either for in neither case you'll lose.
They say home is where the heart is, so I've split my heart in three
One for family, one for friends, and one to keep with me
For life is full of travels, sights I have yet to see
Yet no matter where I'm headed, home is where I'll be.

1/13/17 1:00 am

I can see it now, I can see just how,
'Twas never meant to be, never you and me.
We never argued, we just couldn't fight.
I was never wrong, you were always right.
You wanted everything to stay the same,
I was so afraid thinking about change.
I would always stay, you would never leave
Then that day— you started to disbelieve.
I could do no right, and all you did was wrong
We didn't fight, but we couldn't get along
I held true, and wanted you to hold me,
I thought you knew, but you didn't know me.

I can see it now, you don't feel this pain.
I just can't see how, I'll ever say the same.

12/7/16

Tonight is the night, be it All Hallows' Eve
One filled with fright most refuse to believe,
For deep amongst the shadows, silently lurking,
'Tis a terrifying creature, his jagged teeth smirking.

Thou hast all heard of demons, and hast battled thine ghouls
Whilst this terrible beast watcheth with hunger and drools.
It's spittle, like acid, can burn through thine flesh
Making thee so much easier to digest.

No name shalt be found for a creature so foul
That gobbles up goblins, and ogres disembowels.
Dost thou think that thine lanterns shall frighten it hence?
Oh foolish man, it shall consume the light thence.

It standeth hunched over, twelve feet in height;
Stalking thou, watching thou, waiting for night.
It cometh from deep within the forest, as the moon wanes
His fur smelleth of death, his claws favouring pain.

He shan't be stopped ere his hunt is over
Yet he only hunts the thirty-first of October
Take ye heed, then, and hear the warning of the raven
For this beast is coming, and from him there is but one haven.

He preyeth upon the weakest, and the one full of fear
So stand fast, take courage and in another likeness appear
Put on a mask, as treacherous as can be
Conceal what layeth within, do not let him see

Or else you shall be taken, beaten and devoured
For this beast prefers to torture just to see thee cower.
So please, take heed to this warning and believe;
Thou art only safe if thee wearest a mask on All Hallows' Eve.

11/3/16

I'm trapped in here,
I can't get out
"Somebody help me!
Please help me," I shout.

I'm bound by the hands,
With steel crushing my heart
I can barely stand
So I just fall apart

I'm giving up hope
Of living happily after,
Of a life spent with her
And all of our laughter.

I gave away my heart
Now my heart won't come back.
Was I doomed from the start?
Or is it faith that I lack?

I'm bound up in chains
Chained up like monster
Still filled with pain
Over the fact that I lost her.

How is it possible for me to move on?
Moving on with out any hope.
Hope died like memories fade, sinking into the dawn.
A new Dawn binding my feet like rope.

Still I am told I must pick myself up,
For who else is there to lend me a hand
Or to hand me a way to improve my "luck",
Though, luck's never made a man stand.

I thought all this time that "us" was a blessing,
The blessing that kept us together.
Instead, now I'm left constantly guessing.
Guessing what kept us from forever.

Now I'm trapped in a nightmare where nothing has changed
Save for the change of a loved one lost,
I'm lost in a world from which I feel so estranged,
Estranged from love, a lost-love's cost.

I cannot escape from this terrible dream,
Dreaming of days long gone.
Gone, I have gone and died it would seem.
Seemingly nothing can make me strong.

11/21/13

This crazy conundrum has been conspicuously contrived quite cordially. Of course, one could concede this cordially contrived conundrum could carelessly conflate the countless quandaries causing quintessential quantities to question the conspicuously questionable conspiracy. Conversely, carelessly questioning conspicuously contrived conspiracies as cordially quantitative quandaries could create considerably confusing claims countering the critically acclaimed crazy conundrum so callously clarified as to continue to count as cordial. Consequently, with careless acquiescence, I must confess that the conceptually contrived conspiracy, so inconspicuously inconsistent, conflated considerably contrary quandaries quite questionably and continues to confuse the crazy quite cordially. To conclude, the crazed conspicuous conundrum confuses the cordially questionable quantities of conceptually countless claims clearly clarified as conflated quandaries continuously contradicting a considerable count of conspiracies.

11/2/16 11:59 p

The pen is mightier than the sword  
Or so they like to say
Trapping a man tight with cord  
So he can't get away
Look how easy they cut to the quick  
With rumors spread so thick
They stick to each and every day

Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak to me.
Your "facts" are just opinions you claim to be free.
Free from logic, free from rhyme,
As free as the rhythm of the passing time.

Riots are just fires we start by the spark of the tongue
Set ablaze within the maze of the minds of our young.
The media's a shooter, an impressionable youth their gun
Pointing them at the political process and pulling the trigger just for fun.

"I'm not listening because you're a bigot and a racist,
Just leave me to the feel good lies of my safe spaces.
Sticks and stones can't break my bones, but words were meant to hurt me."
There's only one way in which we can stop them thinking so perversely.

It's plain to see what the solution should be
A permit to permit the diversity of thought
For how dare any of us think differently
This is the only ammunition against chaos we've got.

You'll have to petition for acquisition of the God given right,
One of the greatest things for which our forefathers would fight,
Let's start acting like enacting laws is our only choice
Before our "precious feelings" get drowned out in the noise.

This permit will outlaw protesting in peace,
Since most protests today end with riots in the streets.
And don't for a second think your voices will be heard,
Because the government will control your every word.

All this because you can't handle hearing truth
Or wouldn't let them at least share their proof.
But to see you listen to reason, and through controversy peacefully endure
Would be like seeing a criminal obey the law, or a dictator feeding the poor.

The first amendment protects our diversity of thought,
And that's by far the most important diversity we've got.

9/27/16

I've always wanted someone to find,
A someone to leave all my worries behind
A stranger or friend who could tell me my own name,
True and unyielding, and without showing me shame.
Someone to crack me open and sort the mess inside,
Who would unpack any baggage, all lies set aside.
Just give me my purpose, show me my aim,
Please someone, anyone, tell me my name.

I know where I'm weak, but where am I strong?
I know all the things that I do that are wrong.
Of all of my hobbies, which should I pursue?
What do I like? What good could I do?
Stranger or friend, I have no one to blame
I suppose only I can teach me my true name.

There is a method to the madness, a puprose for the pain
We may not see it now, or even next year
But somewhere down the line, there will come a time
In which we get to reflect, with retrospect,
On the pain that taught us and brought us here
And it will be worth all the tears that fell like rain.

This rhyming tongue twister filled with S's and P's 
Is said by Sally's sickly sister as she sits by the sea
Selling seashells as she tells Peter the Piper
To pick pecks of peppers presently ripe or
Else forage the forest for frog legs and bees.
But beware of the badger's butler named Steve
Who forgot of the fox in the box wearing socks,
Bought by the duck in a truck for a buck by the docks
Where witches make wishes, of which there are three
One wonders, two wander, but which one are thee?

Seashell selling Sally and pepper picking Peter 
Then postulated how preposterous were the nauseous people eaters
Whose purple pales are full of quintessential quantities 
Quietly questioning carefully the existential quandaries
Of buck-riding ducks driving trucks by the docks 
With a box of a fox wearing socks made with locks
Who is literally elated over Luscious Lake
Where lucky duck Luke likes to lick lemon cake,
While eleven benevolent elephants and three blind mice
Might magically master their moves skating on the ice.

Thus this terrific travesty of a terribly twisted tongue twister
Seashell selling Sally sought to share with her sickly-sister 
While the pepper picking piper, Peter, perpetuated his preposterous plan
To provide the purple people eaters with a conundrum of a can.
Can they can as many cans as a can canner could?
Or what of the wood chucking woodchuck should it chuck any wood?
And the purple people eaters ate no purple people that day
Because Sally's sickly sister this tongue twister couldn't say.
And the benevolent elephants and blind mice three
And the licking duck Luke were all laid to rest by the sea.

I've never been good at opening up
In fact only one has ever really gotten me to
But she's no longer here, she has gone away
Leaving me behind to feel so afraid.

I'm a thinker in mind and a writer at heart
A lover and a fighter which can tear me apart
I'll fight for the one I love, I'll never let her go
If I could just find her so she could just know.

I don't like opening up, in fact it's very hard
I start to get defensive, I want to run far,
I feel a little barbaric like a rampant ape,
Who only wants to have the chance of a great escape.

If I do open up I'm afraid of what you'll find.
It's a mysterious place, this thing we call my mind,
Filled with a wild and crazy imagination,
Bizzarre concoctions of my own creation.

I do love creating a world of my own,
Where I can make everyone happy and never be alone.
But this can never happen, at least not in this life,
Just look around at all the people suffering in strife.

I want to help them, the mute crying out,
"I can hear you" I want to say but then I find doubt,
What if they don't want me, what if I'm no good,
I feel the want to help, now if only I would.

But that would require something from me I don't possess,
A great self-confidence especially when under stress.
I have found that under pressure I can work well,
Though not until it's over can I ever really tell.

The problem I have with letting others look inside,
Is that I've gotten so good at wanting to hide
I've fooled myself into thinking I'm strange
And fearing every attempt I make at change.

Oh and change is deffinitely by far the worst
It is the thing which I was afraid of first.
But of course I know the strengths that come from it
Then again, if it was that simple I'd have already done it.

I guess the problem with opening up, 
with saying who I am,
Is what if they don't like me?
What if they don't want to understand?

I can be so confusing, I barely know myself,
I sometimes have to ask someone else for help,
Of course that's not my choice but only when they ask 
And only ever then do I dare take off my mask.

Maybe that's the missing link I've been looking for,
Maybe that's the key to opening my door.
 A key that I can never turn by myself,
Maybe the door will only open if opened by someone else.

8/22/14

I have often heard the sky is blue and how the grass is green,
But I haven't got the slightest clue as to what that's supposed to mean,
No, I've only heard the stories of a sun shining bright.
You see, I was born into the dark, never to know the light.

I know birds by their songs and trees by their shade.
My fingers run for miles on hills artificially made,
Painting pictures in my mind of things I never knew,
Looking for some insight, searching for the truth. 

But all I see are the missing trees and those who make no sound,
Ghosts of my own making, look at what they're taking, never to be found.
For insight is like hindsight, both are looking with the mind
So spare the lies, don't try to empathize with a man born blind.

I have smelled the color purple, I have heard the color blue!
I have tasted green and yellow, and the combination of the two!
I can feel the color orange like the warm late summer breeze,
And the pale blue of the waters in winter when they freeze.

To walk by faith and not by sight is so much easier for me,
For I once was lost, but now I'm found! Am blind, but now I see!

8/7/15

Never forget the forgetfully forgotten
Just to beget the regretfully begotten.
For then you might simply be awfully rotten, 
Or you might even do what you woefully fought and 
Then this would be for naught

I put you on a lifeboat and watched you sail safely through,
As I drowned in the ice cold waters thinking about you.

I've struggled and faught to keep my head afloat
In hopes that you'll come back for me in your little lifeboat.

We did our best to avoid the iceberg, or so I like to think
But being the Titanic we were doomed, bound to sink.
 
And we broke so quickly, like it was out of the blue.
Turns out love isn't a strong enough glue.

So here I swim in the freezing sea of sorrow
Hoping to find warmth in a better tomorrow.

I can try to pretend, pretend that I'm not sinking,
But all the while I can't stop myself from thinking.

Thinking that if I can just stay afloat for a while
You'll come sailing by in your little lifeboat with a smile.

But you won't come, you've already reached dry land.
So I struggle for my life, for anyone to lend their hand.

I can only hope that hand comes before I freeze.
Oh Lord, send me my own little lifeboat, please.

12/17/13

I've found hope in a far off dream
So distantly impossible it does seem.
Others think I'm a fool to believe 
Even though I know they think I know not.

This dream is the thing for which I reach
Even though I know I'm unlikely to succeed
Others they think I'm going insane
Even though I know they know not.

They tell me give up, they say to move on
Find another purpose, write a different song.
They don't understand, they can't comprehend 
Even though I know they don't know it's all I've got.

I ignore what they say, I choose to press on
But my heart starts to feel like it's wandering on.
I say I'm ok, that there will be hope for one day,
Even though I know they know I have not.

Not sure where I'm going, I hold on to where I've been
As if I have some sort of direction, I try to pretend.
Without this dream I have nowhere to go
Even though I know they know that I'm lost.

1/19/14

Every time I finally start to overcome 
And from my feelings find the strength to run;
There, around the corner, are my memories waiting,
And I suddenly begin to realize that my strength is quickly fading.

It doesn't seem to ever long enough last.
I never seem to truly overcome my past.
It haunts me in my dreams whether I'm asleep or awake.
It knocks me down and beats me till once again I break.

I try so hard, I really do,
I try my best to look forward to
Every good thing that will come from this pain,
And every little gift I'll in the end gain.

I know that everything has happened for a reason,
I only wonder at what time or in which season?
When will the past at last be behind me?
What must I do to find you to come find me?

How long will it take, I've truly begun to wonder,
When I no long hear this passing thunder;
The clash-clanging reminder of that which has been,
To finally see the sun along with a newly best friend?

Again I say my best is being done,
To this drenching pain at last overcome.
Yes I'm doing my best to weather the storm
Still it's leaving me feeling so battered and worn.

8/21/14 10:46 p

I will always love you until the day I die.
And this so often makes me cry,
That even with this love we can't stay together,
Still, that will never stop me from loving you forever

12/11/13

Here is something to remember,
I will hold you through many cold Decembers.
Giving all I can to keep you warm.
Especially through the coldest storm.

Remember if all I saw was you
My eyes would never tire
And you can never say different
Unless you think I am a liar. 
 
See, never in my life did I know I'd go to prom
Much less with someone not my mom.
And then to find once you're past the start 
That prom is for the heart.

Remember proven facts aren't always true
Yet one fact I will always prove
Is just how much that I love you.
For that's one thing that will always be true

For when I was lost 
You came running to find me
No matter the cost
You came to unbind me.

If I had been a slave 
You'd have treated me as free
Had I been a beggar
You'd have seen me as a king.

Don't forget how the memory works.
Slightly foggy with all of its quirks
Remember a memory, one of our firsts,
It seemed so special, with its lack of words.

So soft was the sand between our toes
The warm sunlight made our faces glow.
Quietly the waves brushed against the shore
 It seemed after every wave our hearts would beat more.

And there one thing I had to ponder,
While our hearts would beat like thunder.
How the sight of you just left me breathless,
And that to not see you again would leave me so restless.

Yes, how could a girl so beautiful as you
Fall in love with one like me.
You promise you will never leave
And for that I am amazed.

Yes, something to remember
I hold the most precious gem
By far its truly one of a kind,
One of which all men hope to find.

Yet the Father has blessed me
A terribly wretched sinner
To give me the best girl
Who cooks me the best dinners.

Remember, I say again and again
I have fallen in love with my best friend.
Never in my life did I look forward to forever.
Until now, since I know we'll be together.

And that's just a little something to remember.

11/3/12 1:25 am

It's short
it's sweet
It's the perfect treat

For our last goodbye 
I'm not going to lie
I really hope you don't die

Growing up we had our fair share of fights
With flying slippers 
...and that broken swiffer
But I think we turned out all right

You're not the strongest nor the smartest
Though you're much stronger than me.
And I know you'll fight the hardest
When you're fighting for our right to be free

It is said there is a friend unlike any other
One that sticks closer than a brother

Perhaps some day this will be true
But I think it's almost impossible to do
Cause I have to say, 
to my brother born in May,
I've never had a closer friend than you.

So here's farewell, not goodbye
There is only do, never try
Stay strong, don't die
And of course, semper fi

5/20/16

One day, my dear, we will fall in love again.
Someday, my love, we will soon be friends.
And I'll wait and I'll wait, until that day
When one day becomes today, that's what I pray.
For when someday becomes today, I'll be ready,
On the day I wrap my arms around you just to keep me steady.
Someday, my dear, just you wait and see.
One day, your love again I'll be.
You will promise with me to stay
And I'll be so much happier, one day.

12/6/13 12:59 a.m.

Prom is for the parents
Nothing less, nothing more
It seems to me quite apparent 
As they drag me to the store.

Sure, girls all have fun
As they shop in search for the perfect dress
But until that is done
It seems to me they're only filled with stress

Prom is for the parents
I have to say
But when it's time to make a purchase
It is we who are left to pay

The tickets cost an arm and a leg 
And the clothes our hands and feet
Before this is over we'll have to beg
And will wake up the next day on the street.

Prom is for the parents
They just love to take our picture
It would come as no surprise
If they went as far as to get a fixture.

But then comes that time
We've been waiting for all year
The night I call you mine
And get to hold you so near.

And although I don't know how
For you I'll give it a chance
When better to learn than now
Yes, I think I'll like to dance.

So prom is for the parents
If only at the start
But if I get to hold you close
Then Prom is for the Heart

4/23/12

I lied every time I said I'd never leave 
Then again so did she
But now she's happier without me
And I'm still struggling to find a reason.
A reason to live, a reason to smile,
A reason to find hope for at least a short while.

But her love for me has died, 
my hope dying with it.
And believe me I have tried,
To take life and just live it.

Yet how can I without any hope
See without her I just can't cope.
I tried to move on but to no avail, 
Can't make it to shore without wind in the sail.

Now I'm stranded at sea
 alone and in pain
While she trades her love for me
With a feeling of disdain.

I wish I could go back, 
I wish I could change,
Change all the facts
Before becoming estranged.

I'm separated from life 
With nowhere to go.
Suffering in strife 
If she could just know.

But I know there's not a chance 
In changing her mind 
I can try to make recompense 
But I'll just waste my time.

So time I do waste,
Since there's nothing else I can do
But I must make haste
As she's already found someone new.

Yet I don't even know if that's the case
None of it could be real, it could all be lies,
This all started with a rumor in the first place
To come across another should be no surprise.

How shall I keep living everyday like I'm uncertain
Of what I will find sitting behind the curtain
It will never be pleasant only full of pain,
I can't see any way out where I get to gain.

Will I ever find out, will I ever move on
Or will I continue to find doubt in each new coming dawn?
For though sunrise is so beautiful it just reminds me about her
No, I think I'll keep on holding, yes of that I'm pretty sure.

I will remain loyal to her when to me she is not
And remember all the times she has so easily forgot.
Why does the "right thing" seem to be so wrong?
By the time I change my mind will it have been too long?

5/26/14

I want to be content with where I am
To be sure I've done all that I can
Yet I want to find hope that tomorrow 
won't be filled with as much sorrow 
That all that has brought me pain
Will soon bring forth some gain
That the sun will shine on brighter days 
And I will one day be home to stay.
I love her, I love her dearly 
Someday, one day she'll see it clearly.

1/1/14

I'm bound by the hands, chains crushing my heart;
I can't bare to stand, so I just fall apart.

I'm trapped inside, I can't get out
"Somebody help me! Please help me," I shout.

But nobody's there, no one can hear;
I'm filled with despair as I face my greatest fear.

The first day is the worst day
The hardest of them all
The day you have to stand up strong
When all you want to do is fall

If you pass the first day that's the worst day,
But there's still much more to come.
So push your stand into a walk,
And then your walk into a run

With a leap of faith, you take the plunge deeper
Into your sea of fears, trying to out-swim The Sleeper