We're a world and generation set on depersonalization Where everything is on social media but everyone is scared to socialize. We all promise we "just need to vent" but is it venting or is it depression? "He loves me, he's just tired. Its not abuse, she's just tired. I'm not okay, I'm really tired." We all need to stop and chill without the help of benadryl. But we need the drugs to feel normal. A normal that they tell us to be on the covers of our magazine When we are all medicated to achieve the status quo We can't learn from our mistakes if we can't remember them. Instead of dealing with the guilt, we soak in a bath as if the lavender suds will rinse away our ****** personality We do it nightly and call it self care. And the self care we really need is lunch that isn't Oreos and to join therapy. We fill the empty hole inside of us with cigarettes and ***** and food And we don't even know we're empty because our parents are empty too And the only ones who can recognize the absense Are the same ones telling us to work harder to buy our first house and car before the age of 25 When really, we haven't even settled on what we want to be when we grow up Our grandparents and parents beg us to have babies because "I'm not getting any younger." But I'm quickly getting older Dad, so shut up and let me drink until I pass out without worrying about how much my child will have to heal from, just like I'm healing now with Bacardi 151. Its a cycle and there's no handle bars Celebrities writing songs and movies, a fill-in-the-blank series that mimics a horoscope To drag in the masses with feelings of unity when really we have no idea what our brother went through when we were laying on our uncle's bed at midnight at 5 years old. They want us to be the same except for when its not convenient, and suddenly the children of rich people are to be scorned but they hate the black people who hate the black rich people And its another cycle, the chain popped off and the brakes are our feet Just like when we were kids except now we have no shoes on and we are rolling down a hill that stops at a lake And our empty parents forgot to teach us how to swim. Its 2019 now, when will America be great in the first place?
it feels like i am floating in space. never really sure what day it is, what time it is, or how long i’ve been in this one place. my determination and prevalence mold the time into one recognizable moment. and while i continue to run, i run aimlessly towards a goal i no longer see. all i know is that it’s what i want to be.
Taking off my worn cloak I wore you well this past year There wasn’t much That we didn’t handle While I wore you as my mantle I fold you up All patched and thin Farewell my old friend I won’t forget the comfort You enveloped me in
My new cloak feels a little awkward Most fledglings do Still I am homesick... Goodbye 2018
2018 was an extremely tough year for me. I've been through some unfathomable things in my life, but last year was by far one of the most trying.
I learned that boundaries are important and more people should practice establishing and respecting them.
I learned that ultimatums aren't love. If someone cared for you, they would be understanding in their approach to your existence.
I learned that people are going to do what they want to do regardless and the only thing you can do is be a positive force or influence that stands along side someone else in their trying time.
I learned that it is important to always strive to forgive because it relinquishes another person's control over yourself and your emotions. Forgiveness isn't for the person that hurt you, it's for your own peace of mind.
I learned that it's easier to sleep at night when I did everything I could.
I realized that it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to ask for help, I don't have to be so ******* myself, and I deserve the best because I refuse to settle for less.
Ive been regretting to write this because I don’t want it to be trye. The other morning I woke up to find my brother died that night. He was 16 and seemed to always be a happy person. I should have seen the signs. My father and Grandmother are torn up. We all blame ourself. We have lost a HUGE part of the family. I might seem fine at one point then terrible the next. The pain of lost comes in waves. I hope you all had a great 2018 and a fantastic 2019. I’ll see you all in the upcoming year of greatness. 2019 is for you little buddy. May you rest calmly and happy just like you seamed to live with us. I’m sorry I didn’t know you needed help. I love you.
here’s (to the hours spent laughing dancing feeling alive; to the cities i admired and their streets that changed me; to the thoughts that moved me the arts that made me cry the ideas that disturbed me; to the unforgettable joy of living a dream; to the dreams that became true and the truths that became better than dreams; to the sorrows that wounded me; to the tears that didn’t wash the pain away and to the kind words that did; to the people who dared to share with me visions passions fears laughs childhood memories views on the universe stories about old lovers secrets of their beautiful minds; to the depths of those alluring souls; to those who offered their days and nights to me; to the ones i disappointed (i’m sorry); to the ones i hurt (i’m sorry); to the ones i never apologised to (i’m sorry); to all those who never asked for an apology for an explanation for anything in return (i’m sorry) thank you for being there for opening your arms for listening for caring; to the friendships that endured and the ones that failed to; to the dearest of friends i loved and cared for; to those who stood by me and to those who understood; to the foolish heart that loved; to its courage to break and its strength to mend; to the poems i wrote and the boys i dedicated them to; to the lips i kissed and the kisses i longed for; to the parties i remember and the sleepless nights i don’t; to the late-night wanderings; to the turquoise sunrises the crimson sunsets and all the adventures inbetween; to the drunken celebrations of youth of summer and winter of brithdays of weekends and weekdays; to all the first times and all the last tries; to all the magical moments) to 2018.