Burn the walls
Turn to ice
Feel the cold
Take the beat

Heart slows down
Steal the last breath
Destroy the love
Of a tender heart

Eat the fragile
Rip the silence
Howling sharply
Echoing to the moon

Listen to the beat
Of the tender hearts song
As it slowly ends
Dying the last time

Ice turns blue
Creating cold fire
Incinerating the heart
To a smoky ash pile

All you say is I love you
And that you want to be with me
But all I see is
You eyeing all these girls

I'm sorry I'm not a big chested girls
I'm sorry I was born the wrong gender
I'm sorry I'm not what you want

But I can't change that
Without changing who I am
And honestly
I can't even remember who I am

I feel like both
But that might just be my head
Playing tricks on me
While I fight these illnesses

The Depression and Borderline
Are getting worse and worse
But do you even care about that
I highly doubt that

I silently cry to sleep
Wondering if I am the one
To make you smile or laugh
But then I realize
I'm neither

I pushed away
The one person you wanted
Just because you cheated
And refuse to admit it

I know more than you think
I know all of what you do
And I don't have to read messages
Or hear gossip to see it

It's written all over you
The guilt is eating you alive
The guilt that you aren't with her
And are stuck with me

You go around trying to find bed buddies
While I'm locked up in a mental ward
Saying that I'm psychotic
When anyone would be

After what I went through
After our multiple breakups
After pleading with you multiple times
And the final straw was the anniversary

I don't know how much more I can bend
How much more I can break
How much more heartache I can go through
Before you see that all I love is you

I have stopped eating
And I keep losing weight
I try to be perfect
But I'm never enough

You say I don't need to cross dress
You say that my gender isn't why
But all I can see
is your lust for girls

You aren't Pan
You aren't even Bi
You aren't Demi
You are Straight and in denial

Maybe the only way
For you to truly love me
Is for me to just go with what I thought
And get that surgery

I've thought about it for a while
And I know you say I don't have to change
But I feel I must
In order to stay by our side

In other words
I love you
With all my heart
And I'm willing to die for it

The pain is always temporary
It will always fade in time
That is what I believe
But you must give it time

Never open old wounds
Because when you do
They begin to fester
And the rot sets in

Once the rot takes hold
It clings fast
And rarely lets go
Until it all collapses

So keep the wound shut
Keep it from getting infected
With more pain and anguish
Though this may be hard

It can be done
And it will be a test
One of great will
And sacrifice

My love for you is eternal
My heart aches for you
As I stare into your eyes
I see the vacant gaze of my reflection

I hear the pain In my heart
When you say that you love me
But do you really care
Or are you just faking

Is your love really true
Or are you just pulling
Pulling on my fragile
Tender heart strings

Can you sync
Can you feel the beat Can you hear my song
My hear string song

Just open your heart
Let the rhythm flow
Feel it in your soul
And watch glow

Rise up, Rise up
Hear the voices
Of our hearts
As they sing in harmony

Feel the passion in your chest
Let the love flow free
Take my hand
Let me guide you

To the hallowed Grounds
Where our souls reside
Feel the warmth
And let the love fly

Feel it in your soul
We are finally home
Our songs harmonizing
In eternal peace

You stand there accusingly
Saying rude things
Spouting nonsense
About breaking necks

About ****
Childhood and pain
Yet you don't know
About their past

You don't know
The pain they endured
The suffering they bare
Or the sorrow in their heart

Learn to open yourself up
Before you speak ill
Because what if they
Were ***** as a child

What if their mother
Curb stomped them
What if the only sense
Of peace is death

What if life is meaningless
What if everytime
They see a van
They freak out hysterically

What if a pitbull comes charging
Do you think they run
Or do you think freeze
Right in their tracks

What if they scream at night
From the dreams they get
Or cry themselves to sleep
Because they don't know what love is

What if their pain
Is so great
That the only way
They can express it

Is to hold it in
And never let it show
For fear that
It shows great weakness

You have no idea
What other's stories are
So before you judge or laugh
Take the time to know theirs

You sit there
With your crocodile tears
Hoping to get
A response from me

I sit here emotionless
As you look at me
I see no pain
I see no sorrow

I see no hurt
No love lost
You look normal
With no care for us

I get tired of
Seeing those fake tears
I walk away
And you follow

I turn back
Wondering why
But before you answer
I storm off in a rush

I toil with the idea
That maybe you actually care
But these past few months
You have shown the opposite

I sit and ponder
That maybe I'm just paranoid
But then I remember
Back to the stuff that happened

Stuff that you keep saying is nothing
Stuff that actually does matter
Yet you refuse to see
That it eats at me from the inside

Stuff that caused me
To melt down and collapse
My emotions couldn't handle
The crushing sorrow

So I stopped
I have set boundaries
Some that you might not like
But here's the thing

I'm tired of being toyed with
I'm tired of the heartache
I'm tired of being lied to
And I'm tired of being a Marionette

I'm tired of it all
And the worst part
Is that I allowed it
For far too long

So I made up my mind
I will be free
I will live my way
No matter how much you beg

Because I have always known
It was always a choice
That wouldn't end up
With me being first.

I have a few more days
In this prison cell
That they call
A hospital ward

Too long has it been
Since I have tasted freedom
I now feel like
I'm on a bed of roses

Feeling my skin
Getting ripped apart
Bit by little bit
It bleeds over the thorns

Soaking into the petals
Staining the white buds red
Dripping down to the floor
And making a pool of crimson

Waiting with anxiety
And anguish
Hoping to be free
To roam around once again

To walk amongst the living
To cast out my shadow
And inhale the fresh air
With my toes in the sand

But that seems like hopeful wishing
And maybe it is
But that is my wish
For a perfect vacation

Hear my heart
Listen to the song
Feel the sorrow
Of my love

It burns bright
With the fires of damnation
Hearing the pain
That beats in my soul

Feel the torture
Open the cell
Set ablaze the house of pain
And seek out Nirvana

You say you love me
Yet you want another
You tell me there's a chance
Yet you want to be with her

You tell me it's going to be okay
Yet all I can see is you next to her
You say you haven't done anything
Yet I feel that's a lie

You tell me she tried
And that you pushed her aside
But is that really true
When you refuse to tell me whats true

I go on a suicidal rampage
Trying to end the pain
But everytime you stop me
I die a little more inside

I want to be with you
But how can that happen
How can we be together
When you want to be with her

You say you love me
But is that really true
Cause when I look in your eyes
All I see is your love for her

Strings tied
Fates collide
Crashing into oblivion
Destined to intertwine

Where they cross
Is easy to see
But where they end
That's hard to know

Never forget
The happier times
Cause if they break
That's all that is left

Soon we will know
What fate has in store
For the future is bleak
And that's clear to see

So if you ever
Find yourself wondering
Just remember the happy
And you will find your path

But stray too far
You will end up falling
Deep within
the rabbit hole

For you see
That is where
My mind
Has traveled

Deep down the hole
Where the light rarely shines
The darkness takes hold
And all that's left is gloom

Gloom sorrow and fear
Despair anguish and misery
These run rampant
Amongst the darkness

So be prepared
For when you do fall
It is not an easy climb
Back to where happiness shines

My heart is broken
Doesn't seem like it will be fixed
The pain is too much
It hurts to exist

My chest feels
Like a ton of cement
Is weighing it down
Threatening to crush

I wish I knew how
To bare this pain
But I fear it's too late
That my times almost up

My love is so strong
But it feels like it's a joke
Thoughts run rampid
Pushing to suicide

I don't know how much longer
I can push these thoughts down
Hoping that something will change
And that it will be alright

But the more these thoughts
Run wild inside my mind
The harder I find
To stay alive

Thoughts that seem almost
To be imagined
Like what really happened
With my love

What happened with my sanity
I feel it's already gone
Running amuck inside my head
Causing delusional thoughts

I hate to say it
But I fear I won't last
This trial that seems to last
For a million eternities

Do I run and hide
Or do I stay and fight
But also if I do stay
What if it's not me

What if it's someone else
What if I'm not picked
What happens then
Cause I can't stand that pain

These thoughts keep racing
Causing paranoia and misery
Should I just give in
And let my thoughts win

It keeps getting worse and worse
I just wish it would stop
Though I don't see that
Happening anytime soon

The love I have
It hurts too much
So I don't know
If I'll survive

I just wish someone
Would rip out my heart
And stop the pain
So maybe I can

We'll be okay, he says
But does he really know that?
We will make it through this, he says
But how can he be certain?

He says these things
Thinking that it will make it alright
But he doesn't realize that the damage
Has already destroyed my heart.

I plead and I beg
Asking what is going on
All he says is he needs to find himself
And he has to be alone

He pushes me away
Blocking out my emotions
My love and need
I just want to help

But pushing me away
Will just cause agony
Pushing towards anger
And eventually hatred

He doesn't understand
He doesn't have to be alone
He doesn't have to face this by himself
He can have help to aid his search

But still he pushes
Pushes so hard that I break
I begin to crack
And dark thoughts pour into my head

Thoughts of pain
Sorrow and aggression
Suspicion and worry
Thoughts that I shouldn't have

Like what if he's cheating
What if I'm better of dead
What if I caused this
What if he hates me

What if he was just using me
And I finally had no more use..
What if..
What if I disappeared..

Would he even care?
Would it be enough
To snap him back
From his fantasy

And yet
I can't bring myself to leave
I can't be apart from him
He is a part of me

My other half
My missing piece
My polar opposite
My soul..

Darkness swirling
Enveloping the senses
Trapping your mind
In an empty void

Lost in thought
Never surfacing
Drowning in sorrow
Fearful of the depths

Flailing around
With no sense of direction
Losing your sanity
In the deadly chasm

Try as you might
You can't see the light
You have sunk too deep
There is no end in sight

You give in
Losing the battle
It takes hold
Ensnaring your heart

Strangling the light
That once filled your heart
Ripping away your walls
Blinding you with fright

The blackness drowns you
Ripping away at your soul
Cursed to oblivion
You accept your fate

Self:
Hello?
Is there anyone around me?
Can you hear it in my voice?
I am calling
Calling for a lasting heart

Is it you?
Are you my hope?
Are you the one who'll set me free?
Or are you here to lock me up?

Inner self:
What are you?
Can you answer me?
My vision has gone so dark
I can't see who you are

Where am I now?
Can you see this shining light?
Can you hear me now?
I am shouting on high!

Both:
See the colours flow
The ocean waves
Hear the trees breath
And the animals play

See the sunlight shine
The moonlight glow
The wind blow
And the river flow

Self:
Who am I?
In the darkest night
Flying high
til the morning light

Inner Self:
Who am I?
In the light of day
Eager to bask
In the yonder bay

Both:
Who are we?
In the days to come
Holy and complete
We bless all unique

See the sound
Hear this call
We call to all
The beauty abound

Self:
I walk in the shadows
Seeing which others hide
Feeling the darkness
That you all run from

Inner Self:
I walk in the light
I see the fakeness
The plays people put on
The webs of lies people speak

Both:
We see truth
We see lies
We see all
We see divine

We see the laughter
We see the torment
We see beauty
We see destruction

Longing for the one
Who has been caged
Begging for it to come
Back to grace on high

Mistaken identity
Broken mind
Thoughts of the past
Flood to the head

Memories which were forgotten
Things you wish remained locked
Now rush past
Clouding your mind

Seeing what you went through
Fearing what you have become
Wondering where you truly are
Silently crying out in pain

Rushing to seek help
Yet none can be found
The fear you once knew
Now back with vengeance

Try your best to hide
Remaining stuck
In a never ending decent
Into a spiralling depression

You hold fasts to your chest
Trying to clench the pain away
But to no avail
It lingers there still

Scratching at your head
You try to breath
Hoping that it will not last
But the more you wish the more it sticks

You begin to crumble
Exposing yourself to those you shouldn’t
Hoping for them to love you as you are
And not what they want you to be

But rejection cuts deep
You look down and notice
Words of hate pouring out
From your open scars

Closing your eyes
You shake your head
Trying to dislodge the thoughts
That cling to your mind

You open your eyes again
To find that the words have turned red
There is an object on the floor
Sharp and coated in crimson

You realize in your delirium
You have wounded yourself
While trying desperately
To rid yourself of the pain

Puddle on the floor
Staining the carpet a crimson red
The blood which was once words
Flowing out in a rush

You stare
Not knowing what to do
You start to cry again
As the pain begins to lift

Slowly but surely the pain turns numb
You try to grasp your chest
But find your limbs are heavy
Your eyes begin to shut

You think in your mind
This is the end
You are finally free of the pain
But are you truly free

Trapped in a sea of perpetual motions
Going through everyday life like a robot
Gears on a never-ending clock
Time slipping into the abyss

Nothing matters
Life turns meaningless
In this simple motion of breathing
Becoming like clockwork

Twirling and spinning
Thoughts begin to race
The walls tightening
Threatening to crush

Silence
Ear splitting silence
Wishing for a sign
A glimmer of hope

You slip
Falling into a sea
A sea of faceless people
No matter how hard you focus

All you see is emptiness
You try to grasp onto something familiar
Yet all you can find is unforgiving loneliness
It hurts to be alone

Alone yet not alone
People rushing by you
Not a care in the world
You reach out for help

But no one sees
No one hears your cries of pain
No one can feel the agony in which you live
You crumble more and more inside

Asking yourself why is this life
Where do I fit in this great big puzzle we call life
How am I to find what I’m looking for
If I can’t even answer the simple question

Who am I?
Who am I to be stuck in this hell
Watching others go by like cogs on a wheel
While I stand here motionless

Unable to breathe
Unable to see the people around me
Unable to hear their own cries for help
Unable to realize we all need help

But have no idea how to communicate

To my far off love
Though these nights are long
These days filled with cold stares
I think to you and smile

Your voice echos in my head
With the first time you spoke
Three simple words
Which set me ablaze

Words so simple yet powerful
Ringing in my head
Like chimes cascading in the wind
Singing such sweet melody

Escaping the darkness of loneliness
Shimmering like fresh morning dew
I look back to these words
Feeling warm in the brisk air

For now I return to sleep
But not before I mouth these words
For great comfort is brought
When I say ‘I love you too’

Good night my love
For when we are apart
I long for your touch
Your simple embrace

But utter these words
And I feel you near
I hope you feel me too
I love you

The darkest days reign asunder
We pledge not to this day
But to the ever ending night
And the shadows in which they walk

Fear not the darkness
For the darkness is friend
Though it’s not a pleasant one
It will guide us through

Here is the light of day
Well with it burns agony
Searing the wounds of the faithful
Smolders of ashes lay where they stood

Seek not for the dawn
But the eternal serenity of dusk
For when the dawn comes
Terror is all that remain

Peace be upon you brother
And your dire time of need
For the caress of the night
Shall comfort once again

Sleep is a great mystery for no one really knows what it truly is.
Is it our mind being teleported to another realm?
Or maybe we are waking from the dream and going back to reality.
Doubt time will give us the answer.
For people have been studying dreams for eons.
And have yet to find such an answer.

Oh Java thou art truly my only friend.
Against the impending doom which is burning bright.
So bright it dares to engulf nations at a time.
For that burning light is sleep.
The enemy of the working man.
And the dawn of an awakened youth.

Be still thy beating heart
For the damage will fade
It may be deafening now
But time heals all wounds

The darkness you feel
will surely brighten
The anger that burns
will surely dim

Be gentle thy sorrowed chest
For the pain is but nigh
Peace will find you swiftly
If only you rest a while

Though now it feels
Like the heart was ripped
Straight out of your swollen chest
Rest assured it was only a flicker

A flicker of love that was doused
With the waters of rejection
The pain will slowly dissipate
If only you let it heal

Be swift thy healing words
For soon it might be too late
For if this damaged heart remain
Surely the beating will stop

You say no one cares
You say that there's no one who wants you
No one that needs you around
But I have to ask

Are you blind?
Did you not see my gaze?
Did you not feel my touch?
Did you not sense my feelings?

Did I not voice them to you?
Did you not hear my cry?
Did you not savor my speech?
Am I invisible?

I ask you simply
Am I not enough?
Should I wait in the shadows?
For your glancing touch?

Should I hide and wait?
For something that may never be?
Should I run for the hills?
Never to be seen again?

Why can you not see?
That I was there all along.
Wanting your touch.
Wanting your gaze.

You run around
Talking to all
But here I sit waiting
For you to finally see

See my heart
Laying upon this platter
Beating so softly
Until no more

When you think about it
Live is anything but fair
But the kicker that destroys it all
Is losing the one you like to another

The emotions that ensnare
The betrayal that’s felt
The love turned to anger
Lost in an endless spiral

You try to say it’s okay
You say it’s not your fault
There’s nothing you could do
Nothing you could say

Just live with it and wait
For emotions get easier
But you never listen
And probably never will

You lash out and scream
Cursing yourself and others
Hating that it could never be
As simple as you and I

Your emotions turn cold
You lose the feeling of laughter
Losing yourself you crumble
Into a pile of broken stone

And there you wait
For a while
Till it becomes clear
It was never meant to be

Wallowing away in my own misery
To be forever tormented
By the demons
That keep me up at night

Surrounded by fear of resentment
The horror of damnation
And the loneliness
Of my own paranoia

Fighting back the tears
That once refused to shed
Now turned to acid
And burn the flesh

Jumping at every sound
As if it were an attacker
Ready to pounce
On my unsuspecting body

Fearing the moment
When you have to leave
The comfort of your home
Just to get food or go to the doctors

Even simple gestures
Can terrify the mind
If it is not nourished
From time to time

The darkness shrouds my mind
Clouding my judgement
Pulling at my fears
Like a torrent

Crashing my body
Ripping the flesh from bone
Like a tsunami
Leaving nothing in its wake

Thou red headed Phoenix
So full of life
Lay still on the table
So cold and limp

Ascending upon high
This Phoenix does fly
So be buried in the earth
Soon to rise again

The shattered remains
You leave so many dear
The pain in which has fallen
Can only pass with time

Until you fly once more
We mourn the loss of you
So come back soon
And gaze us with your flame

Shine bright
Oh Phoenix of fire
Death does it become you
For when you sink into the ashes

A new life emerges
Clinging still to thou dead flesh
It shutters slightly at the cold
Never to regain its full flight

So we say unto thee
May you Rest In Peace
Never to feel pain
Or sorrow ever again

It makes me mad when people say you’re lucky
When you can do something like take a nap
While they have to be at work
Like no, you are the lucky one

Lucky
Isn’t waking up everyday and wishing it was over
Lucky
Isn’t seeing yourself in the mirror and wishing you were someone else

Lucky
Isn’t the crippling fear that hides itself til you try and open that door
Lucky
Isn’t hoping that people don’t see the tears welling up from the constant ridicule of your own mind

Lucky
Isn’t when your anxiety is so bad you are afraid to be around people
Lucky
Isn’t getting angry or over protective of yourself in fear of what your friends might think

Lucky
Lucky is when you are able to stand up without fear
Lucky
Is when the outside world brings you joy

Lucky is when you are able to look at yourself and feel good
Lucky
Lucky is waking up everyday without the thought of just ending it

Don’t tell me that I’m lucky
Just because of my crippling depression
Don’t tell me I’m lucky
Because i would rather go back to bed than faking another smile

Don’t tell me I’m lucky
Just because I know how to put on that fake mask
I wish I was lucky
Just lucky enough to escape my own mind

Lucky enough to push past the fears
Lucky enough to feel energetic
Lucky enough to be genuinely happy
Lucky enough to push through that door

Life is fragile
Don’t turn your head
Cause when you look away
Life has already ended

We look around for things to do
Ignoring the things we already have
For the newer shinier things we see ahead
Burying the old dull looking things we no longer want

When we can no longer feel complete
When all we feel is the hunger of something more
The wanting of something that will only sedate the craving
We have truly lost ourselves

Look inside and ask yourself
Do I REALLY need this?
Or do I just want it to be a part of a trend
Am I really going to use it

Will it be useful in ten years
Twenty years down the road
And we find ourselves digging
Finding old treasures we’ve forgotten

Like finding buried treasure
We hoard it for more years
Until we can no longer remember
When we actually got it

We think and think
But nothing comes to mind
We see the now junk items
And see ourselves staring back

We see that we too are broken
Covered in dust and unwanted
Forgotten by those who once cared
And buried by those we hold dear

But still we marvel at the novelty
The memories in which we can remember
The few moments of happiness or sadness
In which is etched into us like stone

When we are able to look at something new
And say that it won’t satisfy us
Only then will we be able to say
We have lived life to the fullest

Destruction is coming
Though many choose to ignore
The call of beings
You can not yet comprehend

We bare no ill will
For we are humanities last hope
We have chosen our contacts
But will you heed our warnings

We lie in wait for you
Be sure to heed our beckon call
For if you chose to ignore
You will all surely fall

The darkness that follows
Will devour this plane
For you must answer the call
In order to save you all

Fear not the voices
That appear from no where
For this is just us
Pleading for you to hear


These warnings are true
Though most just shrug it off
For those who hear us
We beg for you to help

Your people are naive
They lack trust and humility
For you were not created for war
But created for peace and love

We bestowed upon you the knowledge
To save yourselves from damnation
Though all that followed
Was war and greed

Your ignorance has shown us
That you are far from complete
So heed our words
Do not retreat

We ask of you
Who hear our voice
To speak up and find
Those willing to listen

For those who refuse
Or call you insane
Do not get angry
For they are but children

We seek the ones who lived for millennia
Those who’s souls have lived
From life to life
We ask of you to listen

Seek out the salvation
In which we gave you
And once you do
Spread it to all who will receive it

Worry not about those who reject
For they are too young
Too foolish to acknowledge
That time is almost out

The Voices the Voices
They won't shut up
Screaming and shouting
Banging on the walls

Distortion of vision
Clouded with racing thoughts
Blurry eyed he walks
Straight into a trap

He starts to shout
Everything the voices say
To which some are good
But others are truly insane

Hammer down inside his head
For when the voices awake
Terror fills his heart
Gnawing at any shred of hope

Though when the voices are silent
Calm waves flow gently
In the mind of whom
Is slightly crazy

The days that pass nights that follow
Times of laughter pain and sorrow
None of which I would love more
You are my soul mender

My Soul mender
The sweet passion you bring
Like the blossoms in the spring
Ever so gentle ever so kind

It all brings me peace of mind
You are my soul mender
My soul mender
To piece together a tender heart

Instantly knowing just where to start
Loving gently beyond compare
Always taking away my air
Gently holding the love so tender

You are my soul mender
Holding gently my soul in hand
Guarding it from the dangers ahead
My sweet and loving soul mender

How can I thank you enough
For what you have done to my soul
You mend the damage
Of this once broken fool

Now completely fixed
Not a scratch in sight
I ask of you my sweet soul mender
Will you stay with me

Stay with me
Forever more
For this I ask of you
Will you marry me

Am I just a phase?
Or will you hold me true
I feel like if I come
You still won’t have me

Will you respond
with love and affection?
Or would it be
with regret and anger

Would you laugh in my face
And call me names?
Or hold me tightly
And call me yours

Will I be the one
Will I be the one who’s true
Will you keep me
Or push me away with not a chance

If I appeared upon your step
Would you be with me
Or would you be disgusted
And call the police

I love you
This much I know is true
But to show you i love you
An old condition I will use

My heart and mind
Ready to move on
And yet it’s been years
You still have me bound

I try to resist
But the grasp is firm
And with every pull
The grip gets tighter

My heart now aches
The burning gets hotter
I see you again
And My knees begin to quiver

I hope and pray
That my heart stay strong
But in the moment of remembrance
My soul begins to shatter

I fear that if you notice my face
You will see the mask that’s in place
To hide the craving I have for you
And the wanting of which I beg

My tears are at the bars
Threatening to bust through
I hold fast and true
Yet somehow you pull them through

I long for the phrase I use to hear
The simple words ‘I love you’
For if you utter those words with truth
My being will cave and I will begin to fall

Fall to my knees
I begin to shake
Holding my chest
It begins to quake

Looking up and seeing your face
My heart does flips
My stomach full of butterflies
And yet I can not speak

My throat becomes dry
My eyes begin to pour
For when you say those words
The flood gates opened more

Buckling down and pressing tight
The pain in my chest grows with might
The love I have for you is strong
And hearing you say you love me back

Makes me fall into the black
Lost in a world of aching joy
Hoping your touch will bring relief
And waiting for your sealing kiss

I love you

Three words that should be easy to say right?
Well they are easy when you don’t mean them
But when you do, it’s like a war inside you
And it’s the hardest thing to ever do

Thoughts of denial and being outcasted
The fear of rejection and laughter
These build up as you look at the one you wish to say them to
And you realize simply that it just takes two seconds

Two seconds that can either make or break your world
Two seconds that can build you up or shatter you to the ground
And yet you pray that it’s received
You pray that the words are reciprocated

Those two seconds can feel like an eternity
And the second after can make you regret ever saying them
The fear can build so great that the words never come out
Or it builds so much that the words turn to a plague

A plague in which the fear takes hold
And once the words are uttered
You have instant regret and shame
So much that you run and hide

Let not the fears of these words control you
For if you just take a moment and breath
It might become easier to pass them out
And finally say them to the one they are truly meant for

The one that those words built so much fear
The one with whom they are mutual
The one in which will smile and feel relief
For they too had difficulty saying

I love you

Talking
It use to be so simple
Yet now it’s all a blur
Rushing and hammering in my head

Fear strikes out
As words hold tight
My throat clenches as sadness jerks
And yet nothing comes out

I want to say so many things
But the thought that you might reject
Turns me into a statue
Begging to be released

So I sit there silent
Hoping that I can muster the courage
Hoping that I get through
Hoping to break down this fear

I hold back tears
Wishing that something would happen
Wishing that something would come out
Hoping that the words just break free

I’m in a corner now
It’s either speak or be forgotten
And I fear it will be the latter
For nothing will escape this cage

Pleading and beaconing
The words tangle up
Getting stuck in my throat
As the rush all at once

Will they ever be free?
Only time will tell
But I fear that time
Is one thing I don’t have

Death like all things
Are a simple state
Permanent in most
But subtle in others

Eternal peace must be achieved
Before death can be final
A life of wealth and luxury
Can never find peace of mind

Nor can a life of sorrow and misery
Find balance in all things
Life is a path in which to follow
We must choose the right path

Or we suffer eternal damnation
Fighting amongst our brothers
Spouting words of hate
Will never bring one salvation

Words of truth and love
Hope with all things
We attain everlasting peace
For there has to be a balance

Life must come with sorrow
As it also comes with bliss
Abandon all you don’t need
And share upon those who don’t have

Leave not in a state of anguish
But in a state of calmness
Shed the unnecessary
And bring only love

For when these things are at one
We find ultimate truth
Hidden in the mind
For us to truly see

The heart bleeds
A crimson red
Destruction and Mayhem
On the bend

Lifeless corpses
Maggots and flies
Clean the once living bodies
That now cling to the floor

Death and his horse
Have so much work
They enlist the help
Of the fates at work

Plagues rise
From hollowed graves
Killing everything in sight
Leaving nothing but decay

Souls arise
The sorrow of mankind
Death follows swiftly
As a helping guide

Pointing to their once warm home
Now but a cold and lifeless feast
Acknowledging self pity
The soul does weep

Crying out for salvation
Of their once beautiful temple
Leaving so suddenly
They take flight

Life seems pointless
In the aftermath of plague
Souls scream out
In hopes of something safe

River of salt
Flowing endlessly
Down a rocky shore
To an endless black

The heart clenches
Pain sets in
For the moment
It relieves the pain

For when the river
Stops it’s flow
The pain revives
Only this time stronger

Stronger and stronger
The pain does grow
Until unbearable
The source lie still

Unbroken pain
Chest tightening
The loss of a love
The torture of mistakes

Hidden away in pasts vault
Lost to us as passage of time
Memories vanish
But the pain remains

The feelings we once had
The pain we once felt
Rushes to us
Like an endless stream

Losing our way
We focus on this
Torturing ourselves
In order to feel

Rip the heart out
Cast it aside
Nothing works
Cause the feelings don’t hide

Yanking and gnawing
Ripping out your soul
Pain pain pain
Is all that’s left behind

Silence feels safest
Until the thoughts arise
The gentle voices calling
From which they can not die

Anger and frustration
Easy to mask the pain
Hiding behind a twisted smile
Or a demented sense of humour

Yet deep inside
One thing holds true
That slowly but surely
They are rotting inside

Crimson drops
Silent killer
The darkness falls
A Pool of tears

Thy darkest deed
So simple and pure
Thy shallow breath
Gasping for life

Heart beat slows
Death is upon you
For in this darkest hour
Your worst fears come alive

Shadows lurk
In hallowed halls
Terror rises
As they begin to move

Silent forest
So sincere and divine
Casting evil
Where thoughts may lie

Evil begins to flourish
The light all but vanishes
The darkness grows
Upon this devilish night

And in the hallowed halls
Of a once great heart
The beads of deceit
Begin to unfold

Travesty awaits
All who enter
For in this heart of crimson
Lays the demon of defeat

When I look into your eyes
I see the sparkle of your love
the fire burning brighter every day
when I see you smile I feel the heat of love

I see the darkness you once held to
Disappearing before my eyes
seeing this I can't help but feel
I was the one who cause it so

I see the flame of our love
Burning so bright I can’t help but feel alive
I see the glow of love and happiness
I feel a burning inside

I feel like singing you this song
In hope it reaches your gated heart
To see you smile brings me joy
I want it to last forever

My heart goes out to you
to protect you from everything
All the bad to disappear
and only joy and pleasure remain

My heart
it feels like burning
I see the passion in your eyes
Everyday I see you smile

And it brings me nothing but joy
cause I'm the one that caused it so
I'm the one that caused it so
TI'm the one who has your love

I see the flame of our love
Burning so bright I can help but feel alive
I see the glow of love and happiness
I feel a burning inside

I feel like singing you this song
In hope it reaches your gated heart
To see you smile brings me joy
I want it to last forever

My heart
it sings out to you
In every joyous way
My heart is burning with the passion

Of our flame
that can't be doused
I feel the love you have for me
and I can't help but say

I want it to stay
I want it to last
I can't help but say
I love you

I'm holding onto threads that were once
A double braided rope
Dangling over an ocean of sorrow.

Of fear.
Of Anger
Of Hopelessness.

But cause of you,
I can actually try to rebuild that rope
I  finally be able to climb up and away from the cliff.

I won't have to fear.
I can actually hope again.
Hell I can actually smile and it's cause of you.

There is no way I am giving all that up for uncertainty.
Not if it means that I will be back here
Dangling on the threads of what once was.

Just to be barely hanging onto life.
You are in a way my savior
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The light fades to gray when the shadows come for us.
Run while you can we are just prey.
We walk and talk like we are hunters,
but we all have something to hide.

It maybe just a simple illness.
Like we're sick or in pain.
But if we talk a closer look,
We see that all of us are ill.

You run around in circles accusing,
Looking down upon others.
You need to take a second to look deeper,
We may look crazy on the outside.

But if you open up your eyes and see the ones who hide.
You will see that we are just like you.
All afraid and terrified.
Yet all you do is run and hide behind fake masks.

None of you will face the truth.
For the only ones who can are labeled the crazies or possessed.
Just take a look and find it in your heart.
Take a chance,
See the future.

And find that we are all just one.

Heart strings tug
Chest feels tight
The time spent
Talking with you

Time passes slowly
Like a leaf
Flowing down stream
Caressing the waters

Time goes on
It starts sinking
It slowly drowns
In blissful serenity

Days go by
Still tugging heartstrings
Chest tightens more
Starting to fall

Fall deeper down
The spiral gap
Between the life
Of eternal bliss

Will it stay
Will it grow
Time will tell
The hearts wish

Thy solemn vow so sincere
Burning bright with truth divine
Casting shadows of faith entwine
Thy harpies gaze be herald on high

Thy sorrowed being
Cast astray
With little repents
Under twilights eye

Fear thy demons of borrowed time
Thou darkest fears do come alive
Gazing out into the dark
Feeding terrors hungry bite

Thou hearth be solemn
Thou love be strong
But alas a lifeless corpse lay upon thy arm
To which no more will be adorn

I fell
head first
Into the quiver
Of Cupid

For the first time
I feel as though I'm free
Free to laugh, smile and joke
Free to be the true me

So long have I been hiding
So long has it been
Since the sky has graced my sight
So long since life filled me

Warmth
Safety
Comfort
Things that should be there

All rush forward
Seeing the light for the first time
Feeling the warmth of it's glow
The comfort it brings

Eyes grow wide
As the mind comes to realization
Maybe this is real
Maybe you are finally whole again

Reaching out with a simple gesture
Grazing against such a familiar touch
Feeling the warmth grow hotter
Seeing a smile for the first time

Things long forgotten
Finally risen to the surface
The familiarity of this presence
Gentle brush of ones true self

Shell has now crumbled
Lost forever in the void
No longer needed
By this one true self

The heart
Such a confusing thing
Filled with happiness compassion and love
Yet also filled with sadness resent and hate

Once it starts to flutter
The beats can't be stopped
Time needs to flow
For confusion to end

Listen to your heart
At least that's what they say
But why listen to it
When all that comes is uncertainty

To be with one
But also grow to despise
Yet to meet another
And grow to aspire

We meet again
Feelings grow stronger
Yet hearing something from the other
Annoyance and hate only grow wilder

Heart calls out
To the one it's chosen
Yet also hangs on
To the one it starts loathing

Pulling it's strings
It tangles in a web
Hurting itself more
With just a simple beat

Til another kindred heart
Comes by to help
Shedding light
Upon a darkened scene

Finally free
No tangles left clinging
Time to follow it's plea
And chase the one it adores

I like you
Words so hard to speak
Hiding in plain sight
Yet so easy to flee

I want you
Such a nice ring
The heart is fluttering
But the mind is afraid

I need you
Such simple embrace
The want of passion
In such pleasant grace

Fear of rejection
Tightens our bonds
The words we wish to say
Never finding it's way there

Words we find so simple
But hiding they do like
For when we try to speak
Our mind says no way

Like
Want
Need
These words wont do

The mind is a safe place
Words get lost
Wanting to reach out
But the fear is oh so real

Speechless
That is what I've become
Use to have words flying through my mind
Now there is total silence

Mind freezes still
Heart aches
For the first time
Happiness isn't faked

Head spinning
Thoughts start to race
Pounds of the soul
Beat harder than ever before

Confusion sets in
At this puzzling action
The eyes wander aimlessly
As the mind tries to grasp

Grasping on thin straw
The mind collapses
Lost in utter chaos
To what it has become

The smiles consist
The laughs genuine
The feeling of safety
The passion of hope

Feelings that are foreign
Ones I've never experienced
Now become known
As I meet you now

Lost and betrayed
This chest starts to waver
Heart pounding faster
Threatening to break free

Confusion here at last
Fully settled in
The mind is now silent
Once again

Eyes can't stop staring
Lips can't stop smiling
Ears beg for the voice
From the one they adore

Pain starts to peek
Holding tightly to the heart
Not sure of what to do
Or what is going on

Fear rushes in
Throat tightens up
Eyes start pleading
As heart flutters deep

Yearning for attention
Craving your touch
Desperate for approval
Just a simple glance

Mind goes blank
Unclear of whats to come
Time to leave
But don't want it to end

This feeling is confusing
It hurts yet
This sensation is pleasurable
The need to be wanted

Darkness
Such a pleasant comfort
Void of sight
Where demons lay

Void of the pain
The loneliness
The despair of seeing reality
And bending to it's will

Blinded in life
We walk the narrow path
Hiding from ourselves
And the people around us

Darkness
Our only true friend
One that presents honesty
One that never judges

The hope we get
The joy it brings
The desire we seek
It can only bring

Living in darkness
It brings such bliss
But we all have to face
The bitter reality

The bitter truth that
Darkness is fleeting
The bliss we feel
Is slowly dying

We lose that comfort
That safe blanket
We all wrap in
And gaze upon the bitterness

The sour taste of reality
One so bleak we cringe
One so dank we cry
The loneliness returns more bitter

We reach out for a bit of hope
We seek those who can help
Ones that have beaten the shock
The desire of companionship

Yet in reality out demons awake
The ones we can keep in check
With the darkness that once surrounded
Are now peering with hungry eyes

Weaving mistrust and fear in our heads
Paving a path of self destruction
We fight hard but some lose hope
Some lose the battle and become cruel

The hope we cling to
That we ourselves can fight on
To prevent such a fate
To happen to ourselves

But in the end
Few survive
The ones that do
Are tortured with that knowledge

The knowledge that they have won
That they have defeated their demons
And come out the victor
Only to see the pain of those around

The only true way to see beyond the words of another is through the eyes of a child

I am a bad person
I don't belong here
I never did

Don't you see
I'm a nothing
A nobody

An emo piece of trash
That should never have existed
I get called ****
I get called fat

And yet
I won't eat
My body won't let me
And it hurts

4 days
4 days with nothing
4 long days with crying
4 days telling myself I should go

4 days telling myself
You all would be better off
If I wasn't here

You would be
And he tried to stop me

Break downs
Not eating
Cutting

I thought I was doing good
But the cycle goes on and on
And he was the only one to notice

I hide behind a fake mask
So none of you will worry
But what do I get

I play mad so you won't see I'm sad
I play happy so you won't see I'm tired

I get blocked
I get called names
And worst of all

I thought I was getting better
But I broke
So have fun

And I'll have fun as me
And my blocked life

The love
Trapped within this crystal heart
Beating it's wings of ever delight
Waiting for the freedom of flight

Shining bright the darkness passes
Burning a hole in the fiendish nightmares
Casting hope of a brighter future
While holding tightly to reality

Across the vast seas of turmoil
The hope of ones love becomes clear
Sending vibes of great fortune
From lands that are foreign

Bright smiles and burning desire
Binding the love upon the souls mast
Casting away the evil grip
Of demons from a long past