***
****
All night long till the sun comes up and gose back down.

Let your hair down
And ****
And ***

Let everything ago and enjoy the exctasy of ***.

The pumping of his **** in you,
And her nails in your back.

Fuxk make love.
*** and moan so the naighbour a cane hear.

So **** it and enjoy it.

I worry so much about you,
About how you feel,
What you feel,
Wether it's pain sadness or happiness,
I worry all the time,
I worry or that fact that I will not always be here for you,
That one day you'll need me a I won't be able to come,
I worry that no matter how hard I try,
You will take the most painful route,
Of death pain and sorrow,
I worry all the time ,
I worry over little things and bigs,
But my worrying is justified because I care,
And I care with all my body mind heart and soul,
About you,
So I worry all the time.

The blur of life,
It's quick,
It's silent in reality,

I sit and watch as the people go by,
Watch as people say hello and good bye,
Watch as they shed tears as they watch the other leave,

The blur of life,
It's quick,
It's silent in reality,

As I sit i see,
See the happiness,
See the joy in a young boys face as his mother buys him a ice cream,
And yet watch an old man cry Becauaes he rembered when his mum did the same for him,

Life is blur,
We never truly know when it will end,
Or what we will see in a day,
It's all a blur and when we sit,
We see it for what it is quick,
And in reality it's silent.

Don't let life pass you by, smile at a stranger, make a child laugh,
Help an old
Women across the road.

Because life is a blur and you never know when the end will come.

Close your eyes,
And hear the world around you,
Close your eyes and see with your heart and not your mind,
Close your eyes and feel the world
Around you,
Open your hands unclench your fists,
And feel,

Let it all go the day to day crap,
Close your eyes and listen,
Open your hands and feel the wind on your finger tips.

Close your eyes and open your mind,
To the world,
To life.

I worry all the time,
Not for what I've done or did or even may of done,
But for the people I care about,
When someone says don't worry Lu,
I worry even more,

It's like it's an in built programme that dosnt turn off or down it's set on constant,

And really for me if I worry about you,
It means I care,
It may be annoying but hell,
It's better than me
Not Being,
There.

I want to runaway,
I want to runaway,
Anyway from here,
I want to lose control,
I want to let go of all the strings,
Let go of all the emotions,
I want to runaway,
And be free,
I want to runaway,
Be free of all this.

secrets,
mysteries,
dishonesty,
misleading,
illusions,

all of this words mean a lot to me,
i've used all of them,
had them used on me,
but most of all i understand them,

understanding is the most important,
because its not just about seeing when they have been used,
but how to use them to protect yourself,
protect your heart and mind,
your soul and your life,

there will be times when you need to mislead people so you are safe,
times when you need to keep secrets so others are not hurt,
but also when to tell a secret or break one open,

but understanding is more than that,
its about seeing that no matter what you do,
it will be painful,
it will make you cold inside,
and it will change you.

secrets,
mysteries,
dishonesty,
misleading,
illusions,

all­ of this are important,
to see,
to use,
to understand.

life is hard, life is tough, secrets hurt but they also protect, mysteries surround every person we have to break and untangle them, dishonesty is hard and nasty but is needed in a world where every one leads us astray, misleading is every where we need to understand how to find the right path, and finally illusions are simple yet complex we use them to hide our pain but we get hurt by the through out our life.

for us to live,
to see,
to be free,
we need to understand,
to be set free.

I'm in two minds,
One of love and one of hate,
She makes me so mad so angery yet I love her all the more,
She has her rules and god it's a teasing game,
The way she holds me,
The way she leads me astray,
Yet she's isn't the one I'm with,
But she melts my walls with one touch and one word.

Darkness seeps in into,
Every crack,
Every crevice,
Darkness is like water and air,
It's everywhere ever  where this is light,
There is also darkness.

Darkness is truth,
Darkness is the friend that is always there,
Darkness knows your secrets,
Darkness knows your sorrows,

Darkness is and always will be that frotten thing that seeps out and into ever crack and crevice when we least
Expect it.

Go out side and sit down,
Leave everything inside,
Your phone,
Your laptop,
Everything,
Just sit outside and listen,

Listen to the world,
Just listen.

And maybe just maybe you see peace.

It dosnt matter really what the weather dose,
Dosnt matter what's in the way,
Who or what stands in front of me it dosnt matter,
Becuase if you call I will come
For you,
Always,

So come rain or shine,
I'll be there,
To hold your hand,
To hold you when your sad,
To wipe away yours tears,

It dosnt matter the distance,
The problems or the past,
When you call,
I'll be there at your side,
Come rain or shine.

All you have to do is call.
And I'll be there.

A spiral
A staircase
A long fall

How ever you decend it's always down,
Never do we see the light before we go,
It's forever darkness,
Never do we know what waits for us,
We think we know,
We hope we know,
Never do we get a chance to change our minds,
It's there it's easy once you've made the distance to get there.

What ever we do we decend,
I won't romanticise it it's not a decision we should make yet we do,
I won't tell you to stop because that will push you even harder than before because hell what do I know.

But I will say is this:

My mind is my prison
My body the vehicle I use
My soul the fuel
The decent my escape

Every morning it is there
Every night it welcomes me like a lover
Every time I close my eyes it becons to me
Every time I get up it threatens to pull me down

Yet I stand strong
Resting on the edge
Like running a knife across my throat hard enough to bite but not bleed
A damgours game to feel alive
To feel at all

A decent into darkness
A game we play alone

Your silence is killing me,
Your held tounge is twisting the knife,
Your disapearence from my life untie the ties I have to it,

I am on my last legs,
My last stand,
I'm trying understand but I can't see,

I'm losing it and you know.

Violence,
its simple
its easy
its pure,
theres nothing complex about violence,
there doesn't need to be a motive or a reason,
its just there,
as a voice,
as a physical force,
as pure emotion,
violence doesn't need to be made complex,
violence doesn't need a reason,
its part of nature our nature,
we fight,
we ****,
we ******,
violence is everywhere in our everyday life,
everyday violence is committed and used,
so **** this PC crap,
**** the PC crap or turn the other cheek,
**** society the one that tells me i'm wrong for being angry,
**** the people to tell me to calm down who have no clue,
who don't know how it feels to beaten and abused,
**** this PC society who believe Violence doesn't exist.

Violence is simply, its easy and clean.
**** the people who believe it doesn't exist,
**** the people who have no clue about pain.

Violence is here it always has been and always will be.

Cold,
Wet,
Rememberance,
Flowing,
Silence,
Deafaning.

Rain,
Everything we need and don't,
Good and bad,
Memories we want to remember but also ones we want to forget.

i want them gone
i want them out
i dont want to think anymore
i dont want to shake in fear at the thought of them.

nightmares

i want them gone
i want them out
i want peace and i want sleep.

sitting on the edge,
letting the water rush past,
the mist crawling over my skin,
the coldness spreading over me like a trickle of rain,

but all of a sudden the trickle turns into a torrent,
washing me all over pushing everything from my head and heart,
making my body tense up and lose control,

this torrent is like a dam,
its held back but then the flood gates open,
and it all comes crashing over me,

(because **** when i think of you my body gives up all my thoughts are on you, lust is a n evil thing it is a flood and it is never ending)

then as soon as the gates were open they close,
leaving me empty of all feeling,
with the fleeting memories of you,
your voice,
your touch,
your breath against my neck,

Lust you evil ***** why do you so this when all i try do is forget you bring it all back up to the surface.

There's nothing simple about simplicity ,
It's complicated and complex units iwn right,
It's just like truth that's not simple either,
It's less complex to tell a lie then to tell the truth,
But why is simple not simple,
Why is a lie easier than the truth,
Why is complexity easier that simplicity.

I wish upon a star,
To brighten my day and sweeten my dreams,
I wish upon a star,
To awaken me every morning to a better day,
I wish upon a star,
To take away all the pain in this world,
I wish upon a star,
To heal all this illness and death,
I wish upon a star,
But that wish never comes true.

No matter how big or how small it never comes true,
My day Is never sweet nor bright and never is the pain gone or the illness and death healed.
Never dose it come true for wishes do not work nor do miracles.

I still wish in the vain hope that one day someone's wish comes true, no matter how big or how small we all deserve a wish or two.

The feel of skin on skin,
The feeling of clothes being pulled torn off,
The push of her hands to make me move,
The feel of her hands trailing over my body,
The tingle the leave,
The feel of luxurious lips kissing my skin,
The final push the gasp of pleasure,
The joining of two hearts and soul,
The glorious Ecstasy.

Have me i'm yours.
Take me i'm yours.
Own my i'm yours.

I'm Yours.

People tell me to calm down,
Calm down getting angry won't help,
Calm down the tears arnt gonna bring her back,
Calm down getting frustrated won't get it done,

What if I don't want to calm down,
What if I want to let go of calm,
See where it takes me,
Calm calm down for what,
For pain,
Loss,
Sadness,
Calm down for what,

It's like everyone says calm down,
Like it's magic and will make it all better,
When I calm down it dosnt make it better,
It makes it worse makes me think of all the things,
That I did wrong,
Of all the bad memories,
Of all the bad times,

What if letting to of calm,
Means I can be free,
Free to live life like I should,

Because to me to stay calm,
Is to put your self in prison,
A prison made by everyone else,

Staying calm is not what it seems.

Lay down and dream,
Open your eyes and make your dreams a reality,
Take that step forward,
And keep on going.

Lay down and dream,
Open your eyes and believe,
Believe in the future and what is to come.

Believe in dreams.
Believe in yourself.
Believe in your future.

Lay down and dream.
Wake up and smile.
Knowing you are taking that first step.
Knowing you will get there, where ever there is.
Smile knowing you believe.

Take my hand and follow me,
Follow me to end of the world
And back again,
Take my hand O dear sweet angel,
Spread your wings and fly with me,
Hand in hand.

Take my hand and never let go,
Never rember those tears,
Take my hand and let's fly away.

The hub bub of the local pub,
The endless chitter chatter of pointless conversations,
The no point small talk of weather and how do yous do's,

The noise of comfort and solace,
The shield of silence,
The comfort of anonymity,

This is England,
This is the pub.

sitting back and relaxing,
turing the screen on in my head,
i turn up the volume and cant hear anything,
the screen crackles to life,
where once there were colours there is now,

Black,
White,
Gray,

life passing by in a blur,
colours seeped out and washout,
peoples faces blur,
actions lost of meaning,

i tried to change the channel,
nothing happened,
stuck in a loop of the same colours,
the same meaningless expressions and actions,

life is a film meant to be enjoyed in colours and life and sounds.

im lost looking at the black and white screen.
Lost for what seems to be a life time.

The Sound,
The Feel,
That Crazy Electro Beat,
The swing of your hips and the sound of your tapping feet,
The infectious sound of your voice,
The husky **** feel of the sound against my body,
The infectious feel of your hip sway,
God that Electro swing has infected me.

The pain like cuts deep into my soul,
Release a bliss,
An ecstasy,
The pain like deep cuts of a razor blade,
The blood running over like an eclips of bliss and pleasure,
Why does pain have to give pleasure and yet take so much,
Devoid of feeling I'm left hopeless the pain is the last thing I hold onto,
Like the cuts of a razor
A ladder further into
Insanity
The pain like deeps cuts into my soul,
Release a bliss
An ecstasy.

The rolling sound if thunder,
That signifys hate and anger in ones mind,
Has come to pass today in mine,

While from time to time I let it pass today I let it go no hiding back.

That rolling sound turned to lightning,
Bright quick painful,
Sometimes it can create something utterly beautiful like glass made from struck sand,
And others the charred remains of a tree made dead.

I feel empty once again,
No life,
No love,
No laughter.

Just a faint flash of lightning.

No Army,
Can Stop An Idea,

No Bullet,
Can Stop An Idea,

No One Can Stop An Idea,
Why, Why,

Because an idea is not a person,
it is not a thing that can be shot,
or burned,
or tortured.

No.
An Idea Is A Belief.
It Is a Catalyst.
It Is everything and nothing at all at once.

An idea can be created by one person,
but shared and given power by all.

Thus....

No Army
Can Stop An Idea.

what is the meaning of life?

some say its to find love,
others say its get rich or die trying,
some even say its to die,

there are many people who have searched for a meaning,
religious men believe the point in life is to get to there heaven to meet there maker,
the pessimists say there is no point in life they don't see why they should care,

Tbh i don't know who i'm inclined to believe,
in all honesty i believe in my own meaning of life,

"the meaning of life is different from each person, there is no one answer that fits all, there is no  easy answer either, we ourselves have to find our own meaning, our own passion and drive"

i myself find that the meaning of life is to live,
to run, jump, fight, cry, laugh and love,
to feel everything thing that you can possibly feel,
both good and bad.

the meaning of life to me is to live like everyday is your last
because really we only live once.

so to everyone who reads this,
Smile, laugh go to your friends have a beer, go to your loved ones and embrace them like you haven't seen them in years,
because if we truly live once,

*live it likes your last day

This isn't really a poem at all this is what i go through every night.

im standing on a long narrow path, i can feel the cobbles underneath my feet, they are uneven and cold to the touch. I know thats its night time but there is no moon and no stars, just black, dark and cold. I start to move forward on the cobbled street but as i move forward i hear a scarping sound behind me i turn round slowly my whole body shaking cold sweat running down my skin, what i see frightens me, all i see is a face and a dark shadow covered body, the face is moving darkness tendrils of shadows moving across his face, he has eyes like burning embers i can almost see the smoke escaping his eyes, he has horns dark black like a rams horns poking through his darkness, he starts to laugh and when i see his mouth its full of the faces of people i know but they are on fire screaming the skin melting off there bones the arms and hands outstretched reaching for help but there is none there, i'm stuck just standing there i can move i cant run away as he turns his eyes on me boring into my soul seeing me for who i am and ripping my memories apart bring up the ones i buried he laugh he's enjoying it,  he moves forward grasping me with his hands the tendrils of shadows holding me still i cant breath i cant move, he moves closer to me his hands grow claws sharp as razors he digs them into me i feel be flesh tear i scream but he dosn't stop he just laughs at me saying to me that i'm pathetic, worthless, he digs further with his claws i now feel my blood pumping down my arms down my legs i cant stop it i can't move, he just laughs at me goading me i scream more and more till my throat cracks and nothing comes out, he looks at me and just drops me, i get up he looks at me and smiles i run as fast as i can running for my life, i turn back to and see hundred of eyes like his each one holding a painful memory of mine reminding me of it pulling at me, i run but they are always behind me they all laugh and again i see the people i know in pain and i cant do anything, i keep running my lungs burn my legs feel like dead wights but i don't stop i keep going one foot in front of the other, the the cobbles fall away and fall through the air and hit hard flat ground i look up but its just darkness i know i'm in a tunnel i can feel it sense it i stop running i take a deep breath but then i feel my skin tear all along my back and he's there smiling again i run the blood running freely down my back now, as i'm running i hear a sound one that made me stop from fear a scream that chilled my soul and rattle my bones so high pitched it hurt me to listen, but it didn't stop i carried on i felt my ear drums burst and blood dribble down my neck from it, i fall too my knees clutching my head to stop the sound stop the pain, as soon as my knees hit the floor theres a thunderclap and the walls and celling crack, the walls fall on me cracking my bones the tear through my skin my muscles rip and my vain's burst i can only feel pain the celling collapses trapping me my intestines rupture my lungs pop, i can feel it all happening, i scream for help but no ones there, i scream till my throat bleeds but no one hears me, i can see them  the demons laughing, i can see the people who i thought would helping standing on top of where i'm buried they do not notice they just walk away. i start to grow cold and weak my eyes are shutting the last of my strength escapes me and then as i'm about to die.

i wake up.


This happens every night.

There once was a posh boy all alone in town,
He saw the sign for a good night going down,
The sign was neon and bright,
and all it said was,
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS,
So down he went and started his decline,
Shouting SHORT'S, SHORT'S, SHORT'S.

I miss you more than you know,
It brings tears to my eyes when it remember what we used to do,
What we used to be like,

I miss you more than you know,
You plague my dreams both at night and during the day,
I dream of you it's what gets me through.

Danm I miss you,
Every wall I see your face plastered on it,
Every blast of wind is like your breath on my neck,
Goosebumps raise every Danm time.

I miss you so ******* much.

And there's nothing I can do.

One day I'll see you again hopefully we will both be happy.
I miss you shnufflepuff.

Stars above my head,
Gently caress of wind on my face,
The sound of song birds in the distance,
The smell of wild flowers in the meadows below me,

O life how you can be so beautiful.
O life how you can tempt me to be at peace.

Tall moutains around me tall enought to have snow caps resting on top of them,

Forests so lush with life even the deafest ears can here the songs of forest life,

O life you, you tease me with these sweets.

Even as I stand here in this meadow of flowers dressed in moonlight i can not stem this feeling of unease,

It's the knowing that at some point this will end this peace.

Because peace never lasts long.

I will give you my all,
My heart,
My soul,
My love,
I do not want anything in return other that you are happy,
Smiling,
Laughing,
I will give you all that i have,
I will not ask for anything,
I will not beg,
I will not stand in your way,
I will give you everything so that you may open your wings and fly,
So that you may find your happiness,
Find your love,
Find your solace,
I will give you everything so that you may be happy.

I give you everything so that one day you can love and need nothing in return.

I close my eyes and let me self go,
I drift away with smoke of my cigarette,
Drifting high into the sky,
With the clouds and birds,
I see everything,
See the couples fighting and kissing,
Seeing the child run away from its mum,
To the girl in tears in her mothers arms,
I close my eyes to escape but on get closer to the problem.

There is no escape.

**** it hurts when you think you love someone,
And find out they don't love you that hurts,
But that's life,
We go through moments of
Passion and love and lust,
And yes these are good and bad.

And then you find that one person,
You be with them,
And you both say it's forever,
Then it breaks apart,
And you find out,
From the new person there with,
That you were a mistake,

A big ******* mistake,
That hurts,
That cuts deeper than anything,
The fact they can't say it to your face is like rubbing it in.

A big ******* mistake

Tonight is gonna be difficult, I'm in Leeds and in a Hotel I tell a very old friend that I'm on town she comes to meet me we talk and talk, all the way back to my Hotel, time flys I thought to my self yet she was still smiling at me and Danm that smile it could melt anyone's heart, I let her in she puts her bag down and turns round " so you've been alone without anyone for how long" I'm lost for words didn't know what to say I swear I blushed, she smiles and takes
My hands and says "not tonight".

That was last nigh never got a chance to post it, happy and bad memories,
She made me
Smile and I get we both slept after and she woke with a smile that I've never seen on her face before.

I'm going to miss her.

No matter where I am
No matter the time of day
No matter who I am with

I am lost

No matter what they say
No matter what they believe
No matter what they know

I am lost

No matter how I try
No matter what I do
No matter who I try to be

I am lost

Lost in a crowd
Lost in a family
Lost in a world of people
Lost in my own mind

I am lost

Think I might just let go this time.
Say good bye.
And fall away like the autum leaf.

To let my soul rest at last.
Have peace.
To stop the fighting the worrying the pain.

Lettin go is easy.
The goodbyes won't be big.
Don't have anyone left to say good bye to.

It's a bitter sweet end tbh.
With out pain there would never be.
Peace.

Tears don't help,
Tears don't stop the pain and anguish,
They don't stop death or bring people back.
They won't stop anger or abuse.

Tears are just water cascading down your face as they do mine.

They are cheap and do nothing other than cause pain.

I learnt the hard way of learning that tears do nothing.

Don't do the same.

We are the stories we tell ourselves about,
But when those stories are lies,
We are the most suprised of all.

Boom,
Emotional explosion,
HAHA too ******* right,
****** up right,
Just sat here steaming,
Boiling to a point of losing control,
Boom Explosion.

Boom,
Anger,
Rage,
Agression,
Its all there just under my skin,

now its raising,
up,
up,
up,
it comes,

its coming haha,
nothing i can do now,
better to just let it go.

this is what happens,
with no sleep and just nightmares,
this is what happens,
when you have nothing and no one.

this is it.
its time.

Explode,
implode,
destruction,
BOOM

theres nothing left.
no breaks,
no control.

Midnight long since past,
Dawn approaches,
Sleep evades,
The mist rises,
Midnight long since past,
Dawn approaches,
Sleep lost,
The mist clings.

All for nothing the nightmares are still here even with no sleep, life and death, sleep and no sleep.

Dawn approaches faster than I can grasp,
The sun rises,
The mist dissipates,
My hope lost in the eddies of thy mist,
The day has come,
The night has lost.

Here comes the daylight war.

I miss you,
You know the hardest thing in the world is waking up and realising your not there,
That your voice won't be the first thing I hear,
I miss you terribly,
And honestly I don't know how to put it into words.

I miss you........

Early mornings are te best time on the day,
It's quiet it's peace swallows me,
Helps me forget the pain and sorrow,
Helps me let go of the pain from the night before,
The night of nightmares.

Early mornings are the best time during th day,
It reminds me of you,
Your smile your laugh was like the the rising sun,
The cold that sends shivers up my spin is like your touch,
The sweet song birds are like your voice whispering good morning.

But now my my mornings are empty with out you,
My mornings are filled with pain from the night before the night of nightmares and pain,
So my sweet angel remover the that each morning is a new day,
A clean slate a new start,
Smile at the world and remover the the sweet songs of the birds the warmth of the sun on your skin.

Early mornings are the best time during the day.

I need you, why do I need,
I'm at a loss as to why I dispear so much,
My heart aches,
My eyes shed tears like a dam that has broken,
My soul is a deep dark pit of dispear,

And yet you are not here,
You are not there,
I can't find you,
I need you,
I am weak and you are strong,

Where are you,
I beg O I beg,
Where are you.

A slow rhythm,
A beat,
Slow steady,
Beat after beat,
A pulse of life and death,
Beat after beat,

Like rain falling from the sky,
The drops fall repeatedly,
Over and over,
Beat after beat,
It's never ending,
It never stops,
There are no breaks in this storm,

The storm is life,
The rain drops are my heart beats,
The lighting and thunder my nightmares,
The cold is how I feel,

The beat of my heart keeps going no matter what,
No matter how much I want the cold to take,
No matter how much I want the rain to drown me,
No matter how hard I try the beat is still there,
All be it weaker every day,

The steady rhythm,
The beat
Beat
Beat.

Take my hand and join me on a adventure into the unknown.

The land of dreams and fantasies that's the unknown that we take a step into which turn into a spiral decent of madness.

Take my hand and join me on this adventure into the waters so warm and air so fresh and of mind and body that nobody can express.

Take my hand and let us explore the deepest and darkest desires and let us explore the body shaking mind shattering expirences of our fantasies.

Take my hand and join me on this adventure and let your explore yourself.

Sometimes i wish life could be easier:

i wish that i could live in a cabin in the moutons of Austria,
where snow blocks all the roads,

and the only company i have are deer and birds maybe the odd bear,
i wish for peace and tranquility,
for a time where everything just stops moving so fast.

i wish for a place where even the most mundane jobs take hours,
like chopping wood for the stove,
hunting for food,
foraging for sweet berries,
making everything yourself,

i wish for a time where i can just be at rest and not worry about coming back to this life that i live.