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Liz May 2020
It starts when you're 15
And you desperately want to be seen
By others

Now you have that group of friends
And spontaneous days on end
Just to be cool

But then something happens
Unexpected, your life turns and then
You don't know what to do

You can't tell anyone what they've done
Because then they say "where's the fun?"
At least its not illegal

But then everything changes again
And you still haven't told anyone, so you begin
To bottle it all up
And you teach yourself not to cry

A few years pass and still no one knows
But you got to tell someone before your mental state blows

But you don't know how to cry

Now you're 19 and don't know how to cry
People sometimes ask but you don't know why
You simply say you don't

Now this is the part where you begin to heal
You need to start to remember how to feel
So you can learn to cry again
2/18/19
Liz May 2020
I'm broken
I'm cold
I'm sad
Can you hold
Me?

I'm blind
Its dark
It binds
I can't
See

It hurts
I scream
But I'm still
Too quiet
3/6/19
Liz May 2020
Do you not remember how you treated me then?
What do you mean you "miss me"? When I was there you didn't see me but now that I'm gone you finally notice me.

Don't you remember what it was like? I was the place holder,
the one no one talked to,
the one you ignored for 3 years.

Did you forget?
Do you think I'm someone else?
Do you suddenly miss me now cause I'm finally making something of myself?

Don't you remember all the times I was ignored,
all the times I had panic attacks in the bathroom,
all the times I was afraid to go to church cause I didn't want to feel worthless again?

Its ok, I wouldn't expect you to.
You were young, friendly, outgoing, just what everyone wanted in a friend.

I don't expect you to remember me.
Liz May 2020
They forgot the skill of understanding
Cause everyone's caught up in demanding
That their voice be heard
But no one cares to listen

Conversations become debate
And lovers learn to hate
Each other because no one knows
How to listen
Liz May 2020
I can't see through the fog
When I wake up in the morning
Because of the night before
And the pain, always haunting

The tears always fade away
But the stains they leave continue to stay

The more I cry
The more I find
That all of humanity
Leaves each other behind
Liz May 2020
The fire inside
Burns your eyes
But the tears can't put it out

The shadows move into patterns you choose
But the friends you choose
Don't always choose you

Dehydration
And contemplation
Bring back thoughts of home

Thoughts of a home that dosnt exist
Thoughts of the opportunities that you missed
Friends who betrayed
Hate was displayed
What is home?
Liz May 2020
My dreams are where the shadows creep
Exhaustion lurks but I'm afraid to sleep
Liz Jan 2020
I cant think of what to say
We haven't talked since that day

The distance only grew
While from our friendship you drew

Do you even know me?

You grew
You didn't love me
You left
You didn't need me

I don't know who you are anymore
2/10/19
Liz Feb 2020
Felicidad, a donde va?
Quiero estar donde está
Mi vida se rompió
Cuando de mi salió
Quiero estar contigo
2/20/2020
Liz Jan 2020
I see the world and fall into despair
Confusion and anger scatter everywhere
I know I'm blessed but emotions still burn
Because the thought of a world that refuses to learn

Honesty is valued but only if it alines
With the premade opinions of the ever-changing times
The drenching pain of extreme loss
Some may understand, but few know the cost

I don't understand my thoughts
The fill me with things that make me distraught
Heart broken people and lost ingenuity
But amongst this mess is undeniable beauty
10/15/18
Liz Feb 2020
Today I cut my own hair
Locked in my room
Drowned in despair
My eyes are more green today

Today I cut my own hair
I'm always so tired
But sleep can't compare
Cause the noise sneaks through the door

Today I cut my own hair
I notice patterns in myself
Yet I can never prepare
For the lingering threat of the dark
7/31/19
Liz Jan 2020
I don't know what to do
I saw the poverty of the world in June
But "at least its not me"

Everyone is depressed and broken
They're filled with pain, unspoken
But "at least its not me"

The weight brings me down
All the colors blur into brown
They tell me "just be thankful"

How can I be thankful for a toilet
When my friends are escaping a bullet?

How can I think of comfort and the fireside
When broken children are committing suicide?

Comfort is nice, but does it really matter? Just look around, humanity is shattered
But "at least its not me"
3/6/19
Liz Jan 2020
I don't know what I don't know
I don't know where I'm supposed to go
I don't know what I'm supposed to be
Lord, I need you to help me see

You
2/10/19
Liz Feb 2020
When your past holds you back
And your future is under attack
b r e a t h e
Today you are alive
The past is dead and the future dosn't  exist
But today you are alive
Breathe freely, knowing you have outlived your past
2/1/20
Liz Sep 2020
What if we couldn't think in our head
How loud would the world be?
How gruesome, disgusting and torturous.
How many people would be betrayed?
How many would stay truthful?
How many songs, poems, dreams, and nightmares would become general knowledge?
What if we spoke our minds without fear?
What if we could not lie.
How terrible that would be.
9/1/2020
Liz Feb 2020
Maybe being sad is okay
Maybe I'm not supposed to always be happy
What would be the point of that?
Maybe I'm supposed to struggle
So that when I survive I can say I lived rather than simply existed
Maybe being sad is okay
9/2/19
Liz Feb 2020
Skeletons in the closet
Poison in the cupboard
Strangers in the hallway
Life without a lover

Knives in the kitchen
Needles in the drawer
Pills in the dresser
A knock on the door

Brilliantly disturbing
I begged from him no more
"Hello, my name is Death,
And you're the one I've come for."
2/4/20
Liz Jan 2020
Despite me
I am loved
Despite me
I am forgiven

Despite me
Jesus came from above
Despite me
Eternal life was given

Despite me
I was shown real love
Despite me
My whole life, I'll give him
3/25/19
Liz Jun 2020
I held my father's hand for the first time that day
My grandfathers blood fell cold
"Don't you ever get old"
Emergency calls, laughing through the fear
Try to remember to
breathe
breathe
breathe
Dinner was silent than evening
Beause the reality of death grew closer in our minds
And our heart beats matched the thunder
Liz Feb 2020
When your thoughts scatter
And you don't know if you matter
Don't panic

When laughter masks you hidden tears
And you suffocate at the thought of fear
Don't panic

When you want to die
And you dont think you can take it
Don't panic

Because even if the darkness devours
God's love overpowers
And gives you the strength to live

Don't panic
10/24/19
Liz Jan 2022
I want to feel known. I want to bring someone home and tell them about how my brother and I used to live in elaborate mansions in the trees.

I want to drive them around my home town and tell them of all the places I got heartbroken and all the places I ran to hide and all the places I smiled at the sun believing I could never go blind.

I want to tell them of all the friends I've had and how I miss some and am scared of others, to tell them of how theyve grown while helping me grow too.

I want to show them the home I grew up in and how I thought it was the best place in the world, surviving tornados, fires, and sadness but we lost it to the lawless.

I want to show them my birthmarks and all the constellations and myths my grandmother wrote about the stars on my skin.

I want someone to know every curve of the letters in my name. To be able to hear me in my quiet, see me in my dark, hold me in my cold, and love me in my despair.
1/10/22
Liz Sep 2020
When the sun takes his first breath each morning
And he is greeted with your gentle smile
It gives him joy to illuminate the day

When you rise above the horizon each morning
And are greeted by the sun's radiance
He gives you strength to live another day

When the moon conquors the world each night
And gives you comfort to sleep in peace
He prays for your reign when the morning comes
Liz Jan 2020
The room is empty
The curtain blows
Out through the window
Nobody knows

The room is empty
The window is shattered
Too far to be seen
Escaped, she never mattered

The room is empty
She's long gone now
Only glass shards
Lay on the ground
6/16/18
Liz Jan 2020
I put on sunglasses
To hide the loss of eyelashes
The tears pull them out
Leaving me in a drought
My eyes are tinted red

I put on sunglasses
To dull how intense the past is
It's brightness blinds me
But God's grace finds me
Even in the dark
7/11/19
Liz Oct 2020
Everyone I talk to always does all the talking
I listen
I never answer questions because they never ask me any
It would seem selfish to suddenly change the topic to my self
But how else will they know who I am?
How will they learn to listen?
Is it my job to do all the listening
I'm told I'm good at it
But maybe it's just that they're good at talking
Liz Sep 2020
How do I know if I'm me?
How do I know if I'm lying to myself?
How do I know if I'm not someone else?

What parts of me are real?
Learned?
Mimicked?
Faked?
Lies?

Who is this soul inside me?
How come I barely know her?
What does she feel?
What is she pressured to think?

Is she brave?
Confident?
Friendly?
Generous?
Afraid?

What does she believe?
What are her dreams?
Does she love the life she lives?
Or is she just getting by?

How do I know if she's me?
Or just a passerby?
Why am I so sad all the time? Am I lost? Am I the result of my past? Am I my fears? If I'm always changing, am I even myself? Am I behind of where I should be? Am I a disappointment? Am I alive?
Liz Jan 2020
Can you hear me?
I try to speak
The voices are louder
I can't compete

Can you hear me?
I make a noise
Still too quiet
You make a choice

Can you hear me?
My voice is small
I need you now
Before I fall
7/23/18
Liz Mar 2021
When I look at you I see the sky
I see all the colors that make up infinity
All those together result in the color of your eyes.

When I look at you I feel I can fly
Your eyes in their lightness hold freedom in the clouds
And in their darkness I see pain in the storms

Your eyes hold the innocence and freedom of a child
That sense of wonder that you fought to keep alive
I'm so thankful you kept it alive

When I look at you I see my favorite color, I see the sky and it's various shades of lovely from sunrise to sunset.

When I look at you I see the comfort and peace found in your shade of blue.

When I look at you I think I'm in love
Liz Oct 2020
He laughs with the darkness
Takes joy is others' screams
His mistress is the night
He is not what he seems

Don't believe his ominous smile
Don't give in to his twisted love
Don't follow him into the depths
Don't mistake him for a dove

His mind is painted black
His eyes are tinted red
His tongue is like a serpent's
Injecting poison into your head

He devoured me
He blinded me
Showed me what love is not
His venomous blood infected me
Leaving me to rot
Don't believe everyone you meet
Liz Jan 2020
My mind is racing
My thoughts are pacing
Drowning in the things unknown

My best friend no longer exists
And the rest aren't seen through the mist
But I'm continuing to move on

The lack of sunshine that I see
It makes him sad, the bumblebee
But he continued to fly on

Where is the happiness I once felt
There it is continuing to melt
But the candle still smells pretty
1/26/19
Liz Jan 2020
He was the aura of autumn
With a beard of falling leaves
He was guarded from the cold
With his long orange sleeves

He was the aura of autumn
With a brisk walk into battle
He was alone in the cafe
I heard the doorbell rattle

He was the aura of autumn
With a hand on his case,
Coffee in the other
And fogged glasses on his face.
11/7/19
Liz Sep 2020
The wind is my friend
He's always there
Sometimes he sings to me
Or holds my hand when I'm sad
He'll hold me softly so I know I'm not alone

The wind is my friend
He's always by my side
And he always lets me know
I just need to breathe
And remember to take it slow
Liz Jan 2020
All the creatures down below
Say goodbye, and up I go

Iridescent waves reflect the sun
And greet me happily, as if for fun

Higher than the birds, up I fly
"Welcome to the ocean in the sky"

Where the horizons gently touch
The worlds of land and air collide

And everything in between
The ocean in the sky
7/10/18
Liz Feb 2020
What is sleep?
All I ever do at night is think
The thoughts moleste my mind
And there's no air left to breathe
Am I even loved?
Is it worth it still to be?

What am I even doing here?
I don't know my purpose
There's always someone loved more
Is this even worth it?
Is it worth it to struggle to socialize
With people who cant see
With people who don't care individually about me?

They say they do but everyone loves someone else more
1/29/2020
Liz Feb 2020
I am a library book
Borrowed and temporary
But loved and kept safely
Only to be returned the next day
When another book replaces me

I am your pair of shoes
I follow you and support you no matter what
But once you see a hole you deem me worthless
You think I don't feel bruises
But you throw me away
To love another pair more

I am your best friend
I'll be with you till the end
But that's come and gone
When you met the love of your life and moved on
Don't get me wrong, I'll always be your friend
I'm happy for you and I should be
But I can't help but think
"What about me?"
1/29/2020
Liz Jan 2020
Who said the sky was blue
When it's made of other colors too?
They must have been colorblind
Because they couldn't see what hides behind

The clouds
1/1/19
Liz Jan 2021
I thought my roommate and I were exactly alike
Until she said she hated The Great Gatsby

I thought my childhood friend and I were similar
Until he said he dosnt care about the lyrics, just as long as the song sounds cool

I thought my best friend and I were essentially the same person
Until I noticed how little she pays attention to detail

There's pieces of each of us in each other
But there is only one you and there is only one me
I was looking for myself in other people, trying to express myself by mimicking them
But that's not me. That's them.
I am me

But the thing is
Who am I?
Liz Oct 2020
It's ok to not be sunshine
It's ok to cry at night
Because other people cry too
And for them, the sun is too bright
Sometimes people don't need happiness and sunshine, sometimes that's too much for them. Sometimes they just need someone to cry with them to let them know they aren't the only ones who cry
Liz Feb 2020
Despite the poems, I'm at a loss for words
Can't stand to be alone, so I listen to the birds
They sing me songs I've yet to write
But I can't think up the lyrics, I'd be up all night
7/21/19
Liz Feb 2020
I don't know what to write
All my thoughts are scattered
Even if I get this right,
Will this have ever mattered?

People are all the same
But they're all so different
They all understand
Yet they just don't get it

Same problems and tendencies
Yet we all make enemies
Innocent people in wrong situations
One guilty person and no confrontations

The problems are ignored
Just cause we're bored
Of hearing the same thing
Our individuality is king

We're so caught up in making a difference
We often forget what the point is

Overused words and forgotten definitions
We all think we are in competitions

We are all human and we all know pain
Yet we fight each other as if there's something to gain

We are not meant to win
But simply to begin
Learning to love
Like our God up above
7/21/19

— The End —