It starts when you're 15
And you desperately want to be seen
By others

Now you have that group of friends
And spontaneous days on end
Just to be cool

But then something happens
Unexpected, your life turns and then
You don't know what to do

You can't tell anyone what they've done
Because then they say "where's the fun?"
At least its not illegal

But then everything changes again
And you still haven't told anyone, so you begin
To bottle it all up
And you teach yourself not to cry

A few years pass and still no one knows
But you got to tell someone before your mental state blows

But you don't know how to cry

Now you're 19 and don't know how to cry
People sometimes ask but you don't know why
You simply say you don't

Now this is the part where you begin to heal
You need to start to remember how to feel
So you can learn to cry again

They forgot the skill of understanding
Cause everyone's caught up in demanding
That their voice be heard
But no one cares to listen

Conversations become debate
And lovers learn to hate
Each other because no one knows
How to listen

The fire inside
Burns your eyes
But the tears can't put it out

The shadows move into patterns you choose
But the friends you choose
Don't always choose you

Dehydration
And contemplation
Bring back thoughts of home

Thoughts of a home that dosnt exist
Thoughts of the opportunities that you missed
Friends who betrayed
Hate was displayed
What is home?

I want to feel known. I want to bring someone home and tell them about how my brother and I used to live in elaborate mansions in the trees.

I want to drive them around my home town and tell them of all the places I got heartbroken and all the places I ran to hide and all the places I smiled at the sun believing I could never go blind.

I want to tell them of all the friends I've had and how I miss some and am scared of others, to tell them of how theyve grown while helping me grow too.

I want to show them the home I grew up in and how I thought it was the best place in the world, surviving tornados, fires, and sadness but we lost it to the lawless.

I want to show them my birthmarks and all the constellations and myths my grandmother wrote about the stars on my skin.

I want someone to know every curve of the letters in my name. To be able to hear me in my quiet, see me in my dark, hold me in my cold, and love me in my despair.

When the sun takes his first breath each morning
And he is greeted with your gentle smile
It gives him joy to illuminate the day

When you rise above the horizon each morning
And are greeted by the sun's radiance
He gives you strength to live another day

When the moon conquors the world each night
And gives you comfort to sleep in peace
He prays for your reign when the morning comes

He laughs with the darkness
Takes joy is others' screams
His mistress is the night
He is not what he seems

Don't believe his ominous smile
Don't give in to his twisted love
Don't follow him into the depths
Don't mistake him for a dove

His mind is painted black
His eyes are tinted red
His tongue is like a serpent's
Injecting poison into your head

He devoured me
He blinded me
Showed me what love is not
His venomous blood infected me
Leaving me to rot

What is sleep?
All I ever do at night is think
The thoughts moleste my mind
And there's no air left to breathe
Am I even loved?
Is it worth it still to be?

What am I even doing here?
I don't know my purpose
There's always someone loved more
Is this even worth it?
Is it worth it to struggle to socialize
With people who cant see
With people who don't care individually about me?

They say they do but everyone loves someone else more

It's ok to not be sunshine
It's ok to cry at night
Because other people cry too
And for them, the sun is too bright