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Apr 2019 · 119
Do something, anything
julianna Apr 2019
There are things inside my head that overwhelm me
I’m not sure if I’m overreacting
I don’t know if it’s just me who feels this way,
But I am too overwhelmed to get it out of my head
But I’m screaming internally because it’s all too much
I know I need to do something but I’m too paralyzed to do anything.
Apr 2019 · 653
/Lyra/
julianna Apr 2019
Spinning metal hoop
The beauty starts with pain
Learn man in the moon,
Advance to double elbow hang.

It hurts behind the knees,
The first time is the hardest
Your hands get callus-y
But you’ll feel like such an artist.

White chalk will dust your hair
And after class you’re stiff,
But first time in the air,
And you’ll always have that aerial itch.
Draft... I might add more later
Apr 2019 · 272
Good Mistakes
julianna Apr 2019
Sometimes I make mistakes,
In reality I make a lot of them,
But sometimes I look back
And I realize that maybe, that’s what I needed.
Apr 2019 · 140
Mental Space
julianna Apr 2019
I don’t have the mental space nor clarity to deal with you, for I am mostly just like you
You make mists into fog and steps into mountains
I would apologize if the words didn’t make me feel so sick, and I’m afraid of falling, too
So goodbye or goodnight, whichever comes next
~
Apr 2019 · 318
Red
julianna Apr 2019
Red
Red, I feel red.
I feel like
Comptine d'un Autre été: L'Après-Midi
Blue, I feel blue.
I feel like
Victor’s Piano Solo
Green, I feel green.
I feel like
To Build A Home
Orange, I feel like orange.
I feel like
Wicked Game
Yellow, I feel like yellow.
I feel like
idon’twannabeyouanymore
Black, I feel like black.
I feel like
Free The Animal
Purple, I feel like purple.
I feel like
Leave Me Alone (feat. Caitlin Henry)
~
Colors playlist. What song I associate with each song.
Mar 2019 · 385
You are not a burden
julianna Mar 2019
Not a burden
Not a bother
If you’re broken,
Pick each other up
It doesn’t have to be literal
You can have a wounded mind
And still be worth their time
Mar 2019 · 456
questionnaire
julianna Mar 2019
I can’t stop asking.
How could I not ask questions?
I don’t have answers.
Mar 2019 · 258
reminder to self 3.12.19
julianna Mar 2019
It’s not always me
Me me
Sometimes it’s you
You you
Mar 2019 · 278
night | day
julianna Mar 2019
I’m not sure how else to say this:
I am darkness
He is light
I am blinding
He’s the night
I keep thinking
Awful things
He will fine me
I will pay
Mar 2019 · 1.0k
catching
julianna Mar 2019
It hurts.
Not in the hellish,
****-myself-kind-of-way,
But in the way a muscle does when you over extert it
It burns.
When my mind sparks, it catches,
and burns.
Mar 2019 · 452
toomuchtoomuch(toomuch)
julianna Mar 2019
too many words. too fast. hard to explain. hard to understand. I have so much art and so little time. so much pain and not enough rhyme. i’m running from reason and dwelling on regret.
Mar 2019 · 371
(uncomfortable)
julianna Mar 2019
shifty bones under skin,
wires rubbing against it
blood pumping, flowing,
eyes heavy and weak
mind sending hormones
to send electric messages
all blurring together to
form uncomfortable existence
Mar 2019 · 456
Human
julianna Mar 2019
I’m tired of bodies and thinking
I’m tired of hiding, I’m tired of restricting.
Sometimes the weight bears lighter, but today I was undeniably human
So animalistic,
So human.
Feb 2019 · 751
Static.
julianna Feb 2019
Depression is like a static
You don’t know where is starts
You don’t know where is begins
It’s just the noise
White noise
Nothing else but empty noise
Feb 2019 · 774
déjà vu for the lonely
julianna Feb 2019
déjà vu
a fleeting feeling
that goes away
but the emotions stay
and for that second,
you’re alone.
you may be be surrounded
by loved ones
by friends
by laughter,
but if you’ve been here before,
what’s the point?
am I even real?
Feb 2019 · 275
Worth
julianna Feb 2019
What’s my worth?
Am I as bad as I think?
Am I as good as they say?
Feb 2019 · 227
Step One
julianna Feb 2019
Step 1:
What is step one?
I don’t want to be abandoned
I don’t want to put in the effort just to fail
I want to impress
I want to improve,
But there’s no step one without you.
I have no self-motivation.
Feb 2019 · 702
goners
julianna Feb 2019
We’re stuck in a web
Inter-connected
Hyper-connected
But sometimes some get lost
They become a diaspora
Of goners.
Once here
And now
Disappear
It’s like what you say these days matters more than who you are.
Feb 2019 · 340
Bad Habit
julianna Feb 2019
How can you do this to me?
Make me feel these things,
Build me up then break me.
You’ve given me art and habit,
Just to hand me the truth of your *******.
Take back the truth
I don’t want your defiled love.
julianna Feb 2019
I tried to capture the feeling of growing up.
You only realize that everything changes,
that’s it.

Everything changes.
-
Feb 2019 · 340
January
julianna Feb 2019
January was the weirdest month
My life changed a little
It’s been good and better and great,
and bad in the middle.
Goodbye, January. It’s been so long since I’ve sat down to write. I guess I’ve been so preoccupied and not particularly inspired lately.
Jan 2019 · 626
julianna Jan 2019
Time is unmeasurable.
It goes so fast,
Except for when it goes too slow.
Like last week, I felt out of control,
And
Today felt as if it was never ending.
Jan 2019 · 608
Crash down
julianna Jan 2019
Sometimes they crash down and the waves take me with them.
Like a tsunami, it’s unexpected.
You usually know the signs, but once it starts, there’s no changing it.
There’s no going back, it’s not a choice.
It’s just a deadly fight against nature and water and time...
I always come up for air before it’s too late, but with my eyes closed, I don’t know up from down.
Am I plunging into the depths or rising towards the horizon?
I don’t know...
I’m just swimming.
julianna Jan 2019
My head wanders through the clouds,
But time still passes.
I can distract myself
And try to avoid life.
But it’s inevitable,
Someone will always yank me back down.
Jan 2019 · 305
Runaway
julianna Jan 2019
I just want to run away
From problems
Feelings
Responsibilities
Truths
I want to run and never stop
Run and never look back.
No time for regrets...
Not now.
Not ever.
Jan 2019 · 478
Girl
julianna Jan 2019
What a lovely girl
She sleeps for 8 hours
But is always tired
And exercise makes her
Anxiety worse.
Jan 2019 · 249
What Happened?
julianna Jan 2019
This was stupid
We made a mistake
Tomorrow will be better
And when we wake
We’ll ask, “what happened?”
Jan 2019 · 317
liar.
julianna Jan 2019
When did lies become the promise
And tears become a certainty - ?
Jan 2019 · 204
TV Dinners
julianna Jan 2019
We didn’t eat a TV dinner,
But **** we put on a show.
You wouldn’t take us for actors,
But we know how to fake a smile.
My family is not plastic,
We are not.
We’re just a little “staged”
And when things aren’t perfect,
We know what part to play.
julianna Dec 2018
Where are you, my childhood?
You were a fool that I loved
Kites remind me when they fly above.
You’re gone but not dead,
Gone but not forgotten.
Your memory still breathes
When your winds blow my heart in.
Dec 2018 · 798
reckless
julianna Dec 2018
This wreck is a boomerang
It goes away and comes right back
The dream I had was like real life
I got angry and hurt someone
The guilt was unbearable
And even though their scars would fade with time,
I would (forever) feel broken
As if I was flawed.
Dec 2018 · 298
Another Love Story
julianna Dec 2018
This time, unconditional
I asked for a “kissy”
More than once, mind you
And I received what I had wanted
  <3
Dec 2018 · 450
Woolen Beret
julianna Dec 2018
This time of year, I want a beret
Woolen and soft,
It’s cafe and chic
We’ll go ice skating
Catch the train
Take Polaroid pictures
And be happy
But I can’t find that stupid,
Perfect-colored beret

We’ll still go ice skating
Catch the train
Take Polaroid pictures
And look happy
But I’ll still wish I had that beautiful, perfect, stupid beret
Dec 2018 · 1.0k
Under Pressure
julianna Dec 2018
Keep it to yourself,
Under pressure I will break
Off of balance,
Off my game.
Disappointing,
Disappoint
Expect nothing
Expect nothing.
I have a fear of rejection and it sometimes gets in the way of me making new friends. If you have no expectations, I can surpass them, but if I do surpass them, then I’m afraid of not being able to live up to them again.
Dec 2018 · 495
No More Poems
julianna Dec 2018
No more poems about the past,
None about the future.
I’m working I’m on being present
Instead of excusing myself to solve
old problems.
I’m trying hard to be in the moment, give people the attention that they deserve, and enjoy life. It’s hard with all the thoughts that constantly run through my mind, but it’s definately a work in progress.
Nov 2018 · 159
How Bad Is.
julianna Nov 2018
How bad can I be?
When I’m safe and happy
Something crumbles apart
I start questioning myself
Am I a bad person?
Is this my fault?
Why am I like this?
Yes, the thoughts go away
But I’m afraid, waiting
For the moment when they’ll return
julianna Nov 2018
Everything begins with I,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
These two words go together, my
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
They make me say or not be able to,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
They usually come in a pair, the two,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
I know that they will go away,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
But some days they just flood my brain,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
Nov 2018 · 1.6k
My Name
julianna Nov 2018
Introduce me to you
Say your name, I have one too
My name is so, so far away
Galaxies can fill the fray
Between what I feel
And what’s my name
I’m dissociating again. My name feels unfamiliar...
Nov 2018 · 232
Moon Child
julianna Nov 2018
The moon, again, is hollow
Like my bony wings
I will fly until tomorrow
And breathe in dust while I sing
The condition of this living
Can’t hold me back when I die
And one day I’ll finally wake up
And, with mine, see your eyes
Nov 2018 · 15.9k
Monsters
julianna Nov 2018
Monsters don’t exist
Still, we are very afraid
Because we made them
Monsters. A concept so often used to represent anything dislikable to society, which we are afraid of. Yet literal monsters don’t exist.
Nov 2018 · 184
Phone Habits
julianna Nov 2018
I have phone habits
Are they the same as yours?
How do you talk when you’re nervous?
How do you act when you’re bored?
I want to see how you’ll move
When together, we’re alone
Do you touch skin to skin
Or peel back bone to bone?
What kind of cook are you,
The type that stresses out?
Can you relax in tense moments
Or do you freak out?
Will you be my rock
And will I be your stone?
One day we’ll wrote the story that, for now, remains untold.
In general, I am so intrigued by people and how they handle even mundane things, like phone habits. Do they wait until it is low battery to charge it? Do they charge it intermittently all day? Small things like that are interesting to me. This poem, though, is written from a romantic standpoint, as if I were speaking to my romantic interest. It’s about learning the little things that make them who they are and how they interact with you.
Nov 2018 · 201
To The Living
julianna Nov 2018
I’m counting the slices that left
And the ones that populate your body.
You’re a beautiful being,
An ethereal creature with life.
It’s a life that belongs to you and it’s precious.
You are worth something
If not to you, then to me
So make the effort to own your value and use your voice.
You need oxygen to breathe
And eyes to see,
So why wouldn’t you need help to get better?
Nov 2018 · 1.1k
Red Tide
julianna Nov 2018
Oh, when the pain comes rolling back in.
Like the red tide.

It kills.
Wow, the past few days/week have been bad.
Nov 2018 · 293
Recovery
julianna Nov 2018
I was allowed discharge after one year of progress,
And after a few measly weeks, I’m going back.
I don’t feel like a failure,
I’m just frustrated.
I thought that maybe the uphill battle would finally mellow out, but I’m getting bad again.
So I’m going to pick up the phone before I lose function,
Make and appointment,
And regress a few weeks.
But that’s okay,
Because recovery is not a straight line.
Nov 2018 · 371
Guilt is a heavy chest
julianna Nov 2018
I wish I could go back and say sorry
I’m still young, and back then I was even dumber
Forgive me for things I’ve said,
Because hindsight is 20/20
But most of all,
Forgive me for things I did
And maybe the guilt will go away
Nov 2018 · 611
Mother’s Migraines
julianna Nov 2018
The hurt behind my mom’s words
I call you mommy, aren’t I too old?
No, I will never be.
Because you will always love me.
At least that’s how it should be...
But your headaches are dissolving your sweetness along with your common sense.
That’s why I cried in the doctor’s line.
Your sharp words and accusations have been brewing
But I try to forgive
I’ve tried, I promise.
I try to understand my mother’s migraines.
Nov 2018 · 656
17
julianna Nov 2018
17
Is 17 too soon?
I don’t think I’m ready
I look nothing like her
Or what I thought.
Age complex... I feel weird turning 17 in 2 months. I don’t feel like I’m ready for it even though nothing will really change.
Nov 2018 · 412
Sweet Boy
julianna Nov 2018
Sweet boy turned sour,
Like the flavor you left
I’m not sure whose fault this is...
Is it bad if I’m too clingy?
Is it considered clingy to hold on tight if you don’t want to lose someone?
I'm slightly emptier knowing that you’re
Doing okay without me.
Friend,
That’s what I still regard you as
And, sweet boy, I always will
But if you ignore me forever
I’m afraid that it’ll hurt more than I can bear.
Don’t break me.
Nov 2018 · 228
Let You Go
julianna Nov 2018
Let me let you go, I beg
Tell me that you hate me
Erase your joking smile from my memory
And just leave me aching
I’d rather blame you for leaving than have this never ending fling
I thought we’d be forever
But to you, best friend and boyfriend don’t seem to go together
Nov 2018 · 327
Discipline
julianna Nov 2018
It’s difficult to enforce
Discipline
Whenever you feel like it.
You need to enforce it
All the time,
Because if not,
There’s rough times ahead.
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