I bleed a bit to find the words
I dig deep,
Uncovering things I’m afraid of seeing.
Maybe I should turn around
But for the sake of expression
And finding beauty in pain,
I will do it over and over and over
This is what it feels like to be an artist, to create.
If I hit rewind,
If I just start over,
Would I actually be happy?
Or would I just find another thing to fret about?
Life isn’t about perfection,
But about finding the good in the imperfect.
Why can’t I go to sleep?
When I do it just repeats.
“I don’t care if you don’t like this beat
It’s what I think, it’s me, it’s me,”
She said to herself in her bed.
I’m fighting against myself
The battle turned into a war,
And I’m not afraid, I’m just worried
Worried about being a warrior.
I fight all day, my soul is tired
But I don’t let myself rest when the time is best or when it expires
The night falls but my heartbeat rises,
Racing thoughts run circles in my head.
My head, my bed.
My brain is inside of my head.
My head is part of me.
Aren’t we all just a brain in a cage?
Tonight the cage is electric,
Nothing soothes the rage or stops the sizzling pain.
I’m numb to the zap of the cold, hard metal.
I want to lay in a field of sage,
Lay me among the wildflowers.
I’ve never seen blue sky or blinding light,
At least not in the night.
The moon shines, but not enough for me!
This perfect creation isn’t bright enough for me!
At least not in the night...
I will lay my head when all this passes
I’ll wander off to sleep
And the next time I come to bed,
It will just repeat.
You can talk to me
There's no need to flee
You're not my enemy
You know, I'm so lonely
I really do like you
I only talk to few
'Cause I'm scared of you
Am I getting through
I want to talk to you
I'm really dying to
Why am I scared of you
I shouldn't be scared of you
Scared of you, scared of you
It makes me scared of you
Scared of you, scared of you, scared of you
And now you're scared of me
My whole life has been
It’s hard-wired into me.
But that much tension is fragile.
That’s why I’m easy to break.
They say you’re never alone
And the people I love say they’re always there for me.
Then why am I laying here, lonely, cold?
I could talk
I could text
I could ask for help
But, what would I say?
Would I even feel better?
The questions churn around in my head for so long that I become numb to the idea of finding out the answers.
So I’ll just lay here until tomorrow, keep to myself.
I’ll lay here,
Alone with my thoughts,
this life is a fraud
people lie all the time
they live that way, too
18 was supposed to be
much more than this
at least that’s what
they told me.
yet here I am,