Now it is the world.
Yes love, the world standing between us.
But I am here.
The world can be left in the dust.
I will always be here love.
Always.
When words are spit at us,
Those words won't matter.
When people threaten violence just be aware that the violence is never the answer.
We are safe.
We are okay.
The humans can't hurt us if we don't let them.
So no I will not fight.
I will not spur words of hate.
I will stand my ground and keep you close.
When the world knocks us down we have each other.
Now I am not afraid.
Afraid of what the world can do.
Yes I am frightened of the people in the world.
But we are strong.
We are stronger than we know.
I love you.

Just beginning.
Wyd are still young.
Still being educated.
Only 40 years ago homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder.
Now equal rights are still non existent.
Sure since then things have gotten better.
But we still are not equal!
People still laugh when they see two men walking down the street holding hands.
People still thing lesbians are just there for there own nasty pleasure.
Kiss your girlfriend it's hot.
You don't say that to straight couples.
You don't stop and yell out the window when you see them.
You don't tell them to kiss for your own pleasure.
You don't go shoot their clubs.
The world is not equal.
We are no where near equal.
We are still lower than heterosexuals.
We are still thought of as sinners by churches.
We are frowned upon.
Youth are thrown out by there parents.
We still live in fear.
No rights til we are equal
**** right I SUPORT it!

So today is earth day.
A day where we celebrate.
After all the earth has done,
We treat it like ****.
We are slowly killing it.
We are filling it.
Filling it with trash and gunk.
Making it smell worse than a skunk.
We are contributing to global warming.
Yes we are killing the earth here is a warning.
Stop.
Let the earth live.
Stop killing it.

Mom screamed at night.
He never avoided a fight.
So as I sit here and I write, I listen to them yell.
Back and forth the voices always tell.
This was you fault the voices say.
No! No! No! Go away.
I can't listen anymore.
I slam closed the door.
One cut, two cuts more.
I feel the tears begin to fall.
Slam my fist into the wall.
What will they think?
I watch the blood drip in the sink.
Off my wrist the red falls.
Into a dark room my conscious crawls.
When mom finds me she screams and bawls.
How could you do this to me?
I'm sorry mom.
I know it was wrong.
When the blade turned red,
I don't know what got in my head.
I just couldn't put it down.
Then she began to frown.
Your not my daughter she said.
I downed a bottle of pills and like that I was dead.

My anxiety is terrible.
It controls my every action.
I can't even have fun anymore.
Anxiety has me ******* under water.
Today it kept me away from my family.
It keeps me away from friends.
Away from people who try to love me.
Away from loud noises.
Everything is a trigger.
Everything kills me.
When I'm yelled at I cry.
People raise their voice I cry.
People are unrecognizable I cry.
Gun shot fires in distance I cry.
I have really bad anxiety.
And because of it today I sit alone at home.
By myself.
With no one but a blade.
Guess I'm the end it was my only friend.
Anxiety brought us closer.
So now I sit here considering od.
Considering starving myself.
Being buried a million feet under.
The waves beating me down.
No I don't think I'll cut.
Not Doing it for Emily.
Then again anxiety likes to think different.

Play dates
Soul mates
This is how it was
Constant fun
Young one
As we grew old
If we only stayed.
If we never wasted away.
If it just stayed how it was.

This is how I feel...
...........................................………...........­.....................………................................………......­..........................………................................……….­...............................………...............................­.………................................………..........................­...... Blank

Thoughtlessly I wander.
Wander back and fourth.
Here I sit and ponder.
What if I never was here?
Let go of a tear.
What if I just stepped away.
Never stepped into the light of about her day?
I wonder who would be sad.
Or on the contrary who would be glad.
Dad wouldn't mind.
Mom wouldn't be far behind.
I know it would crush many.
Put smiles on some.
When I'm done I'm done.

Here she stands smiling.
Grinning she stares.
A girl without a care.
Always lost in her mind.
Always careful not to waste time.
Still I wonder why did she choose me?
She could easily be with anybody.
For some reason we were pushed together.
A special day in smiths, all the way up till now.
The morning I can wake up next to her are the best.
I won't even begin to mention the rest.
My mind wanders as she lets me think.
I'm just taken away by all the memories.
Memories of the past.
Memories yet to be had.
I'll share them all with her.
She is my world.
I love her to death.
Til death do us part...
That's the words right?
Yes, til death do us part...

Short stories 1

  I sat there in the church staring at the ground. My breath was shaky and I was nervous. She sat beside me. Her eyes stared attentively toward the preacher. She told me God would help me. I told her that she helped me and made me want to live everyday. She had shown me life and shown me pain. Both sides of perfection and imperfection.

Well honey today you hit your head hard.
You had nothing to say.
Completely forgot about what we did today.
That's okay though baby.
We can make more memories.
Here's a little sum it up for you.
We walked like we do.
From my school to yours.
I had to turn around because I couldn't go anymore.
Too close to the past.
It was too soon too fast.
Well baby just know.
I love you so.

I just wanted to take time to say, thanks you. It means a lot to know you guys would take times out of your lives to listen to me rant and complain about how broken society can be and about broken relationships and other random things. So I just want to say thank you a lot. It means a lot. Just know life gets better and you may think life is very hard but it gets better. I have a friend I've known for almost a year now who helped me learn that life gets better. This is also to thank her. She showed me that being okay includes not ditching everyone and that nobody is perfect. I noticed that people are actually perfect. They all are made up of billions of cells. Each cell making a very unique human. No humans act completly the same. Nor do humans completly understand each other's emotions, or even at the very least there own. Nobody knows theme selves. Well anyways, thank you guys. Again life WILL get better! ❤️

Dear inspiration,
In times of being broken you showed me light.
In times of my true self being woken you taught me wrong from right.
You smiled and laughed with me.  
You showed me everything has a price but friendship is free.
I was a strange thing.
A skinny little  voiceless soul left tingling.
The world told me who to be.
They took away every last piece of me.
I let them judge when the shouldn't.
I refused stand when I couldn't.
It started with a simple common ground. Then I fell in love with you being around. A criticized teen.
A nightmare waiting to be seen.
You helped me stand.
You gave out a lending hand.
For that I say thank you.
And I'm in debt for everything you do.

The polar bear died.
I cried.

Trembling beneath my hands
If I could I would rip it out of you,
Your pain, your cries,
But the tumor metastasizes.

Tumor never die.
Tumor holding on tight,
Tight to the very foundation of our lives,
You.

You are everything,
The first and my last each day,
The distant prays all aimed towards you,
Let him be okay,

Trembling beneath my hands,
Holding tight unable to release,
The tumor clinging to you from beneath.

I lean over the edge. My feet never touch the ground, but I fly.

2. She ran her hand down my arm. Then she proceeded to wrap her arms around me.

3. Dancing is an outlet. Soaring to the music instead of putting a gun to you head and pulling the trigger.

My body began to sink.
A wave of depression was sweeping me under.
I was low.
Back at the bottom of the ocean.
I had reasons on why I was drifting in and out of waves.
Being pushed by the currents.
Being drug farther down by my mind.
I shouldn't let myself drift like this.
I shouldn't let the waves of past push me down.
Too bad I don't control the ocean.
It controls me.
It decides if I will fly or swim.
Be caught in a storm or burnt by the sun.
That is reality for me.
This is reality.
The pain.
The silver blade breaking my skin.
The achohol drowning out the past.
The sleeping pills making me sick.
Then pain from people.
Friends ignoring me, not you Emily.
People acting like I'm a ghost.
The laughing.
Elementary school really ****** me up.
I think everyone is laughing.
It's killing me slowly.
I can't be in the same room as some people for fear one day I'll just break and beat the **** out of them.
God how I'd love makayla to do something so what happen in middle school can happen again.
Stupid lying jerks.
Afraid to trust.
Afraid to love again.
Unlovable?
That's a good description.
Untouchable.
That describes it...
Dead?
Spot on!

I'm going to egg a house.
I shall walk to the door quiet as a mouse.
Take the white egg.
Fire away!!!
Egg splats.
Sorry I slashed your tires leaving them flat.
Shouldn't have ****** with me *****.
Hope u got a tow hitch.
Your car payed for your actions.
Can't wait to see your reaction.

It doesn't matter anymore
I don't matter anymore

I hear the sweetness of your voice in my ear.
Only a hallucination.
Never real anymore.
They all tell me to get the hell away from you.
That you are hurting me.
Yes you are hurting me.
I've never been in more pain.
That's okay.
I've always love pain anyways

Self hate is so much more than based off personal looks.
The way your eyes slant downwards or are just a little too squinty, the way your nose takes up a fourth of your face.
The way the kids tease you that your lips are too big or small.
The way that girl called you fat,
ugly,
skinny,
sick.
The way they told you you can never be loved.
Self hate routes from something bigger...
A fire burning deep inside.
Self hate comes from emotion.
It comes from the people closest.
The ones your told to trust.
Mom, dad, sister, brother, aunts and uncles.
Mom and dad used to fight...
Your older sister said it was all your fault.
You blamed yourself for so long.
Then one day you took a blade.
First time you ran it down your arm.
Let out your demons.
They screamed inside.
And now they are free.
Sure the kids at school all play into this.
But it's so much more.
If only you could see.
Within you there is still beauty.
You survived.
Therefore insperation remains alive.
You got past every name you've ever been called.
Every word your parents cursed.
You got through it all.

All the voices here and there.
You are worthless screamed everywhere.
My thoughts scold me for the past.
She I knew you couldn't be in a relationship that last
Remember all the nights you spend together?
******* ****.
Hope you never get out of the depressed rut.
Go take another pill.
Drink till your guts spill.
Achohol poisoning might do you well.
That was why our relationship fell.
I got a habit.
One that became an addiction before I could grab it.
Remember the time the girls came and jumped me?
Left me there bleeding?
Yeah that was fun.
Who helped? No one.
I'm pathetic.
I'm a lunatic.
So drugged up I cant think straight.
So high I can't do great.
I'm an idiot.
Should have never slept with her.
She was my murderer.
I'm an idiot.

Today in an overweight society,
The type of society that deals anxiety,
Anxiety, anxiety, in this overweight society.

Today in an overweight society,
The type of society where diet pills are a normality,
Normality, Normality in an overweight society.

Today in the eyes of an underweight tragedy,
Influenced so greatly by an overweight society,
Tragedy, Tragedy, in an overweight society.

Influenced by a society of fatty foods,
Fear becoming a more common mood,
The fear of falling into the normality
The normality of this tragedy.
The overweight society.

Influence by obesity.
Striving to be what their minds see,
The minds of the children trapped,
Trapped by this overweight society.

Influenced by the skinny girls on TV
Only followed by ads showing fatty foods society demans you eat
Have a cheeseburger, upgrade to a large fry, yet still look like her, it's pounded in her mind.

Young minds believe what they see.
Morphed into the tragedy of society.
A society where eating disorders strive
A society where an 8 year old can consious you starve themselve to feel pretty.
The definition of pretty based simply on TV
Yet nobody questions this more than imperfect society.

Elementary ages childern being fed fat then forced to stand in front of a mirror.
Put a toy in poison and call it magic.
Oh yes, what a fantasy.
A fantasy forcing you into reality.

The reality becoming your worst nightmare.
The reality of your fears driven by society.
I'm overweight, yet pizza is the best choice for a happy family.

A society where mental illness strives.
Why can't people open their eyes?
Spoon feeding childern poison and expecting them to love themselves.

In school teachers force health into thier minds.
At home, parents feed them poison to save time.
Re-creating, reprogramming their fragile little minds, yet still expecting them to feel fine.

Feeling down?
Have a happy meal, gain a pound.
Overweight?
Shame, shame, you must maintain the image.
The image forced into your mind.
           This was our greatest fall.
           Upon dieting we call.
           Skelington stave me.
Anorexia at it's finest.
Anorexia thin and spineless.
Some call you timeless.
But only recently you made your debute.
Make me feel brand new.
Reprogram my mind.
Make me feel fine.
Thank God for thinsperation.
Oh Anorexia, my new inspiration.
Make me feel pretty.
Just like the skinny girls on TV.
Loosing pounds, one by one.
Still weighed down by a ton.
The weight of pleasing it.
The nightmare society created.
Influenced by what we see.
Finally morphed into the tragedy of the normality of this weight obsessed society.

Human beings... we have a flaw.
Can't you see?
Wait no, you can't see.
Only the others can see.
Humans flaw is we strive to achieve others visions.
It starts when we are young.
Mom wants you to graduate school with good grades.
You go out graduate school with c average or higher.
God forbid you drop out.
Through out school you dress to satisfy the eyes of others.
You act as a member of society.
Do what is seen as normal.
Once my therapist educated me on social norms.
Who is one to decide these social norms though?
Who decides what is acceptable and what is not?

Her hands always quick to throw.
Spit the first words.
Throw the first punch.

Relationships aren't perfect.
Mine was far from.
Words biting deep into my soul.
Tearing me apart bit by bit.

I was a doll in her games.
Her hands constantly put up one me.
Non consensual things.
Yes **** still applies in relationships.

All the people would come to her house.
Watch the door while we roll this.
Watch the door while we crush these.
I was nothing but a pawn in her games.

Sneaking ***** into my drinks.
Calling me nothing at nights when I couldn't sleep.
Holding me close only to destroy me later.

A.C. Long gone.
Down a road very bad.
A road of **** and ******.
Going to collage to be a psychologist until she fell into the arms of the monster.

The monster she hold so dear.
The monster who changed her.
The monster clenching her soul.

This monster can be injected,
This monster can be smoked...
this monster is impossible once it gets a hold.

She became the monster.
The one I was afraid of.
Started off small then bigger.

Drugs won't affect you unless you do them,
A common mistake people say.

No, never once did they affect me.
Or at least I can say.
But that was a lie.
Depression, eating disorders, self harm, emotional abuse, physical abuse, trauma, hallusionations, trust issues, fear.
All lay deep within the hands of the monster.

The monster chokes the good memory out of me.
The monster put me on a leash.
Home by midnight.
Locations on my phone.
Who is he.
Why are you not home?

A controlling girlfriend.
Talk to no one.
Only her.
Her whom was held dear by the monster.

The monster took the form of a black blur.
The one that sneaks up when you least expect it.
Yet she was excellent at hiding it.

I'm fine.
Nothing is wrong.
What's wrong with you.
Why do you question me.
Keep your mouth shut or things will get bad.

Tape over my mouth because god you don't want to see her mad.
Clothing may have hid my bruises.
The emotional pain still apparent.

All because my girlfriend held a contract with the monster.
The monster held her at night.
And that is what the hands do.

So you wonder what it is like?
What it's like to rely on drugs to get by?
No it is not the greatness you were promised.
No you are not cured with a bit if lithium.
No not even the Prozac helps.
It just pushes you deep into the ocean.

You wonder what it is like?
What it is like to drown in the ocean.
I will tell you now it is not fun either.
The grey waves push you down to the depths and the light disappears.
That's when you are introduced to the silver.
That is when the silver begins to nip at your pale freckled wrists.
The ocean is not an easy swim.
No sun tanning here.

You wonder what it is like?
What it is like to be thrown into the sky?
Yeah it's fun at first.
But eventually what goes up must come down to earth.
I crash hard from my natural high.
And you thought it was fun.

Just a word of advice.
Never try to experience first hand what it is like.
By doing that you pretty much sacrifice your life.
Hand over your light.
Exchange it for a contract with the blade.
Get ready to meet the doctors.
Get ready for the long white halls to become home.
Get ready to take nasty tasting pills.
Because that will be your life.
Never wish to e mentally ill.
Those who are would trade anything to be sane again.
At least I would.

What they didn't tell you about me,
They didn't tell you I have a problem called bpd...

What you don't see about me,
I am trapped, yet oh so free.
I am black and white,
Both at the same time.
Day and night,

Yet for some reason night is way scarier. No rationality behind it but it still is... oh it would appear I'm ranting...

What they didnt tell you about me,
One day I'm a writer,
The next I'm a fighter.
Fighting my nightmares.
Taking on friends double dares.

They have to be my friend.
Just my friend.
That would make me okay then?
Possession...
No that is not friend.
Confusion...
How does this thing work?

What they didnt tell you about me,
Is in no way can you ever expect what's next day to day.
You can never know what to expect,
But if we sway..
To far from what's next from day to day,
I will begin to hate,
I will probably make you late,
With my super sudden mood change.

I am zero to sixty in .01 seconds.
You love me or hate me,
I cant see the difference.
If you bleed out everything I will still be the same.
I hate being stuck in this stupid game.

When I want help my brain tells me I don't.
When I think I'm fine, my mind screams no you won't,
Won't be fine...
Won't be finw...  
Won't, be...
Won't....
Does he love me?
Is he with someone else?
What are we going to eat for breakfast on the first of next month,
What you don't know,
What you don't love me.

My mind is discombobulated all due to a condition called bpd.

When this girl talks to me...
I instantly freeze.
Something about her.
I've never known anyone like her.
People talk cap about her but I don't know why...
Is her looks acting as a disguise?
She is always really nice,
She is also very beautiful.
Why the hell cant I just talk to her like a normal human would.
Instead I freeze up and look like a goof.
She said what's good?
I stared at her stunned and then she repeated herself.
What's good?
I continued to stare then started to laugh.
What is wrong with me?!?
She is only a human being.
I don't know why I freeze up.
I don't know why I try to duck.
Avoiding her at times like the plague.
Sorry you crazy redhead.
I don't mean to seem strange.
I just really really really am bad at talking to people.

Everything makes sense.
Everything has been leading me to this moment.
Everything has been pushing me towards her.
The ups and downs.
Emotional breakdowns.
The break ups.
The first time I saw her stars lines up.
They pointed me straight to this girl.
I disregarded it.
Now I see.
I see what you were doing.

I wanted to help you.
I wanted to make you happy.
You brought music into my broken world.
I wanted to bring music into your.
Yours was getting darker and darker.
I watched as you sunk down.
Deep into the depression that used to loom over me.
I watched you scream inside.
I heard your silent cries.
I couldn't save you from the darkness
Because I hadn't been able to save myself.
Sweet love I can't promise the darkness will never touch you.
I will fight to keep it away.
I will fight with every ounce in my body to where you don't have to feel the same pain I have for all these years.
Leaving an ex is hard.
Chae killed what was left of me.
You brought new life.
Then she killed what was left of you.
I wanted to be the light but didn't know how.
I had no clue how Emily and you managed to light others up.
You said you were depressed.
Said you needed time.
Sweet girl I understand.
Moving on is hard.
I asked if you wanted me to disappear like nothing ever happened.
No you said.
But it was only because you couldn't do that to me.
Never once did you mention that you wanted to stay.
Now I lay here knowing I ****** up.
Lay here knowing it's not okay anymore.
I'm always going to be in the darkness.
Maybe I can help lead you out.
I'd rather walk in the dark with you
Than walk through the light alone.

When I look at her I see pain.
In the dark nights I hear her silent pleas.
She screams about the rain.
How it never stops.
How it's pounding her Brain.
Yes down falls the rain.
Yesterday night she fell weak to the blade.
Told me she'd be strong.
Promised nothing would go wrong.
I went to bed only in the morning to hear her gentle voice say...
"I'm sorry I wasn't strong."
It's okay I replied. You made it through the night.

Yesterday was absolutely amazing.
Until it actually began.
Step dad was high.
Mom was angry.
The fought.
They screamed.
Everything blurred out.
Yelling
The
Voices
Panic attack.
I

Can't

Breath

Here.

No... No.... No....
Don't touch me.
Don't hugs me.
I don't like you.
Stop trying to do what you do.
Go away!!!!!

The way the blade bites.
The way it runs down your skin on lonely nights.
When the voices in your head won't stop.
Take the sliver blade and feel it drop. One cut.
A little deeper.
Feel it dig in to your skin as a pain reliever.
Sweet relief.
No more grief.
Wait how am I gonna hide this from mom.
She'll  wonder what's going on.
Why is your arm bleeding.
Why are the red lines seeping.
Why the hell????

Many different people are out...
The sunset so beautiful.
Then it goes down.
Darkness.
Her and I sitting on the hill.
The peaceful noises around us.
Sitting close.
Her hand in mine.
She's so beautiful.
Especially her eyes.
The color drawing me in.
I lean in to kiss her and she pulls back smirking.
She asks, what's on your mind?
I can't even begin to describe it.
So here in the dark we sit.
Our words minimum, barely any.
The shadows surround us, so many...
I pull her close and kiss her.
I melt just by her touch.
She's amazing.
The way she wispers in my ear...
The way she freezes and stops when others are near.
The way she has to be high to feel alive.
The way she can talk half the night and still be nowhere near ending the conversation.
The way she smirks when looking me in the eyes.
****... I can't get her off my mind.
So **** amazing.
So love, when you ask what's on my mind, just know it's too much to describe.
I have nothing to hide.
I'm just mesmerized.

You are gone.
I was so little.
You left me on the streets.
You taught me to never trust humans.
I am a stray dog.
Wandering aimlessly.
My mom abandoned me as a puppy.
Thought pitbulls were ugly.
To everyone who ever abandoned their dog...
A big old duck you!

It's been all for her.
I don't even know how it came to be.
How I even became so close to melody.
Today was different.
Can't decide if it was good or bad.
Today we kissed and I wonder if we should had.
In the bathroom hidden.
Her eyes stared into mine.
What would you do if I kissed you?
She whispered staring.
I smiled gently.
I'd let you Mel.
Then it happened.
Her lips locked with mine.
It was heaven but still I was terrified.
I hadn't kissed anyone for a year.
Anyone but Chae.
What if I ****** up?
What if...
Mel isn't Chae.
I was dazed.
She held me close after and I wrapped my arms around her.
She made everything okay.
I just wanted to stay there with her.
I wanted to kiss her again.
And again.
Instead I walked her back to class.
A different girl had walked in.
I want to be with melody.
I don't know what to do.

I watch her in the corner of my eyes
Often looks can lie
She is beautiful in so many ways
I could get high off her looks for days
She has blondish hair
Looks around the room without a care
I know people stare
They watch me to
There disgusted by what they think I do
They are not right
No conclusions should be drawn from sight
She has short hair
A look of dare
A face that says everything
Her voice is beautiful and rings
She stays there like a stone
Beautiful and alone
I yearn to speak to her
But I don't have the nerve
It's not a good time, nor place
But yet again I look at her face
I would never know what she was like
Again I am just a ****
A crushing hard ******
Nobody ever knows
They are all fantasy
Never reality
I've always made things bad
Made my girl sad
I am done trying
Never knowing what these girls keep seeing
I'm a moody *****
Half the time I want to go die in a ditch
I take pills every night
Drink until I see the morning light
What do they see
All I see is worthless me
Never meant much
My ex said don't talk such
She said I cause the pain
I say I'm just on the verge of going insane
And anyways half the girls I have liked have been straight
In the end I found it to be great
At that I roll my eyes
Every time a bit of me dies
An I love you
Then a babe do you know what I do
The sad truth
It still kills me
And makes me be
The ***** who's moody
Who nobody really sees
I cry at night
Am growing less acquainted with the light.
I am going back to dangerous ways
Cutting my wrists with a blade
Today it bleed all morning
That was fun to hide.
I went in the bathroom to wash it
Watched a girl stare horrified and just shrugged.
Nothing left to loose.
I don't really have anyone except maybe Em and a few others.
Gosh if she knew how much she helps.
I feel like I don't show her enough.
Enough emotion and change.
I know I hurt her.
If she ever reads this I want her to know that no I am not okay.
Yes I look up to you everyday.
You made me out down the knife.
You saved my life.
Multiple times you've showed me light.
You've talked me out of suicide late at night.
That means so much you don't have a clue,
Emily just how much I love you.

The gun to my head.
The bottle empty.
The cuts deeper than ever before.
The blood streaming.
Flooding my thoughts.
The words piercing me.
Singing to try to save me.
I am not going to be saved.
I can not be saved.
Not when my baby is ripped from me.
Not when my wrists bleed.
Not when I cry at night.
Not when I'm dead inside.
**** I really am broken.
I pretend to be happy.
Pretend to be over it.
Pretend to move on.
Well it still haunts me.
I still hear the voice.
It is ******* killing me!!!!!
I'm dead!!!!
I can't do this anymore....
I drink a little too much.
Cut a little too deep.
Pull the trigger a little too fast.
When you find me I'll be dead.
Sorry.

Indeed I fight.
I write and write.
No no violence.
Violence is how people get killed.
Can't have that happen now can we?

Instead I stay up at night.
I write and I write.
The voices that scream in my head.
I put them on paper.

I've lost most of the light.
I write and write.
A friend drags me back.
Put discovering the light takes time.
Time I don't have.

The silver bites.
I write and write.
The silver runs down places only I see.
Others can't because it's covered.
Nobody sees thin lines.
Nobody sees scars left behind.

It exposes my frights.
I write and I write.
The shadows that haunt me.
They tap the wall in the dark.
Mom says they aren't real.
Dad says it's not a big deal.
I hear them.
They want me to do things.
Terrible unthinkable things.
Luckily I have some self control.
Barely enough.

I walk on a line that's very tight.
I write and I write.
The line can snap anytime.
It has before.
It left me falling into nothing.
Chae pushed me off balance.
I fell for someone not worth falling for.
I fell hard for someone not worth falling for.
Please help me.
I don't sleep anymore.
Atleast not without the drugs.
Not without the silver.
Not without the voices.
Not without her.
I still feel her here.
Somehow I'm glad she's gone.
I like staying up with the voices.

So in the dark of the night...
I write and I write.

You take away the pain.
You are the sun in the rain.
A strange girl.
Yes you came into my broken world.
Showed me how to love.
I didn't try to push or shove
You away.
Please I wanted you to stay.
I dream of us
What we could be
Why can't you just love me?

I
Am
Not
You
Nor
Are
You
Me.
I
Will
Not
Ever
Be
Like
You.
In
Everything
I
Do.
You
Expect
Me
To
Be
Like
You.

*******!
Told me to trust you.
Told me you loved me.
You lied to me.
God I really loved you.
This is why I don't love!!!
This is why I hate people.
*******.
Go **** your tall stupid *****.
Stupid ******* trust.
Always comes back and stabs you.
You were everything.
**** this.
I'm dead inside.
You just killed me more.

He looked at me.
Who are you?
I stared back deep into his eyes searching for emotion.
Nobody knows do they?
He said I'm not a lesbian
I've never done IT with a guy so I don't know which way I bend.
I just want to slam him into a wall and punch him.
I want to knock him out cold.
I want to take out all my rage.
Instead I just continue to stare.
Then technically speaking your not a Hetero... You've never done it with a man...
His face turned red with rage... I am not like that. You are different being Herero is normal. I don't have to be with guys to find out I'm normal.
I smiled back... Well honey don't know what makes us different. Technically speaking again, it's homosapian not heterosapian. So... Anything to say now? That's what I thought...

You are not over.
Your time has not yet been served.
You learn from assuming.
Yes I assume.
Assume the worst.
For my love I appoligize.
Sorry for assuming.
Assuming the worst.
I just don't want to loose you.
You mean so much.
I've never been this way.
Never felt this way.
Never felt happiness without meds.
Now I know what it's like to be happy.
You have showed me happiness.
I love you.

Brightness illuminates the path.
Darkness reaches out as you jump.
Feel your feet hit the light.
Darkness can't touch you here.
The light provides shelter.
Now picture the light.
Can you feel it beneath your feet.
Can you feel it wrap it's rays around you?
Is it hot or is it calming?
What shape does it take.
Now remember what this light looks like.
You walk farther away from the darkness.
Turning around you say Goodbye Darknesss
Say it aloud, "goodbye darkness"
You are alive and healthy.
General but strong.
Here the Darknesss Cannot touch you.
The light pushes it away.
Whenever depression comes at you picture your light.