I want to see something I've never seen before,
   because I've already seen the worst of it all.

I want to open that door,
   And have a new place to walk every day.

I want something unfamiliar,
   Because everything I've already known has hurt me.

I wish tomorrow could be the new day it really should be,


The past, is not the future I want.

The Truth will never hurt me,
And a Lie will never save me.

I want the world,
But I am entitled to none.

He.llo
The Days:
Tearing by,
It's? Terrifying. Me.

Everything; IT'S all just moving too fast...
"Wearing," My hearts on my knees,
Just* waiting for me to fall upon them.

it's all just happening far too quickly,
slow my everything.

Good.Bye

Bygone are the maybes of yesteryear,
Make way for the probably's of today.

Goodbye,
Gone are the ways of those festering years,
All those tears of sorrow.

Twenty-Five years, and far too many fears,
Have given way,
to the absolutely,
The easily,
The finally's of tomorrow.

One flake of snow on a well-perched mountaintop,
Could make the entire mountain Drop

This is it.
The role of the dice so maybe I can finally sleep,
Hopefully these are the last words I write so my heart can slow to the creeping I wish It'd be,
So I can dream of things that I will never have to have the pleasure of seeing again.

Immaculately organizing every letter of the alphabet in slightly different ways to make what you read today.

My brain is the battery charged with the words I say in different ways,
And until I am depleted,
I am defeated to keep writing the words flowing like a fresh summer's flash flood monsoon,

Hopefully soon I will fall asleep,
So I can put away this curse of a brain that keeps saying things I can't help but see.

Fare well hello there,
Put the comma where you like,

Goodhi,
I am pleased to had been meeting you,

In this world of mime,
Our hellos, the same as goodbyes,
As soon I say hi, you already said bye,
And vice versatile how we speak our words to mean different things.

Hello Poetry,
I am please two half met you,
Under these circumstances,
If only I could see you later,
Talk to you next time we meet again and again we find ourselves in these strange situations.

What ever will we do things really have to be this way?
Fare well hello there.
I guess it depends on what words you decide to read me something nice so I can fall asleep.

.Goodbye Poetry.

Some way I know this pain,
It shamed me to love the way it flowed,

I'm looking at my scars,
Beauty in the burdens.

But I only masked my true pains,
For every night I bled outside,
I also bled within.

Find the blade that cuts your heart,
And get away...
So you no longer have to search for the blade that cuts your arms.

Love is pain,
Love is shame,
Love can be hatred and evol...

But...

The way I see things,
If you flip love the other way,
Love, is the evol..ution of a heart.

Unforgiving when wrong,
But unforgivable breathlessness as the love you'd once hated evolves into a joy,

A love that costs,
Nothing.

A love that is not pain,
Or shame,
Or hatred and evol.

A love that is true to the name.

To shed my fears
I bleed my tears away

Many people say that, actions speak louder than words,
these short little lines we write speak to us in a way a gift or a hug could never,
Actions,
do speak louder than words.
But words,
speak directly to our mind and heart:
bypassing the inconsistencies and shows us one's intentions,
words, do mean something

Shall I paint you a picture?
With my pen and paper I may yet sing you a song,
With these scrolls I scribe, away to see my each and every perspective, prospective to today's little happenings,
blissfully ignorant to what happened just a few seconds ago.

You see,
My words are the arts,
You paint with your heart.

tick,
tock,
the drippling droplets,
escape like clockworks,

to fly,
and fall upon my mind

Plick,
Pluck,

the tiny little strings in my mind.

dancing to a different tune each and every day,
the world plays my songs.

eyes wandering around the room while I play with my thoughts,
like the child I never won't be.

cross-legged and slumped over as the heated droplets dribble down my spine,
and fall from my weary lips,
that which are worn from the words I never got used to saying,
singing the songs of my each and every day,

coalesce the thinkings that have somehow let me dance to where I sit today,
forlorn petals fall from my branches in beautiful pastels, cursed to live in the winding winds.

Aday to each and every day that I sing and prance within my tiny little heart,
washing my pains away.

ill-weighed upon my shoulders,
as yet i dance some more,
beneath the turbid downpours engulfed in shades of red.

i wish't to see the blue,
the green,
the steam, arising from my skin.

narrowly weeping within my little box of horrors i keep by my side,
in remembrance of each and every day i have and will yet shed a tear.

haunted lullabies revel on and on,
each and every day,

i crave the pieces of the peaces i'd once known.
to here,
today,

i shut my eyes,
and into the blackness bursts forth colors i've never seen,
and will never see again.
to see that which i've never seen.
silent shapes shaping away falling through my fields of vision,
and inform themselves to the visions I write today,
so here,

i simply continue,
to plick,
and pluck,
the tiny strings inside my mind,

each,
and every day.

~Robert van Lingen

A twist,
A burn,
Drown, you say?

Shall I spray these letters on the page for you to read?
May I display the writhing writes that within I keep?

I slash the pen against the inside of my skull,
To write my stories...

We call this,
a poem.

but does that make me,
the poet?

To read my old conversations...
That are long now passed,
It is both more, and less jarring than I expected it to be.

I am taken aback,
Not because I am taken back,
But only due to the sharp and nigh painful retrospect of our mistakes.
How differently I wish I did anything,
Not because I wish I still had you,
But, because I am disappointed in myself for not living up to my own values...
Blinded by the blind, blind love I was in.

Retrospect and nostalgia may be similar,
In fact...
They're either edge of the same sword.

What is this curse I bear...
To always be aware of my doings,
But never knowing why?

I am a lost ship with no rudder or flares,
I am a roaming car with no wheel,
I am a scout with no compass...

I am,
a soul,
a heart,
a mind,

with no truth
no light
nigh even a tenuous sky...

when I lay these eyes upon where the stars would be,
Mindnumbing shudders grapple my limbs and slay me forth against the walls I'd built but only to keep my heart safe,
mindrunning awild as I can only see behind me.
Time, rushing away from these brittle bones.
I,
have no idea

To play the heartstrings plays a song only we can hear,
To love the artist of words,

Every string you pluck,
Becomes our canvas.
Make us cry,
The world will read.

To love a writer,
Is to publish your deeds.

i am the ripple on the pond
\
the pebble you've cast
makes me see my own reflection
/
i

Chicken scratch,
Chicken scratch...

scribbles,
   Slashed against the page...

What is this rage?

This ink is my blood.
   Let me bleed some more.


~Robert van Lingen

You asked for the truth,
I offered, yet I am graced with silence.

This isn't a battle, yet somehow I'm losing.
This isn't a war, but I am still defeated.

This wasn't a fight.
T'was a slaughter.

A senseless homicide of a friendship that I don't think I could ever understand.

I will not be the mannequin for you to unload upon your confused attacks,

I do forgive you though.

I bear no grudge,
I hold no anger.

My role in this play is now,
To patiently wait for your truth.
Even if it will never arrive.

To speak of my pains is my release from which.
It is not merely my drudgery within the muds of self-wallowing.
It is an awakening when I read my own words and learn who I am in that moment.
It is a point from which to move on, a stepping stone.

Watch the silent fire,
Watch me scorch my battered heart,
Ashes cannot burn.

Should you kindly tell your tales,
I may blindly slash and flail,

Send the ink to paper and scribe the thoughts in immortal time.

Count the syllables,
One by one,

The eternal tale,
Spoken lines,

Reading our silence,
Word for word.

~Robert van Lingen

When my fires burn invisibly,
Blissfully I stand across the path of my pain,
Aging to wonders I'd never known, but,
I dare.

Broken Light,
  shattered nights,
My blight with which I dance and weave.

To and fro,
   my wonderlust flows.
My fascination with the fight.


The shortest distance between peace and I,

Is through Hell.

~Robert van Lingen

When the world falls upon you and more,
   To gaze back,
Eyes glazed over the destruction.

The heart bleeds as if cut a thousand times,
And bleeds some more.

As to the beating tune beneath,
   It rages on.
...and so does the war.

The fight with oneself,
and the carriers of the pains you've now taken for granted...

There's only so much earth to break.

   Spread these ****** bones across the fields of my unvisioning,
Blind wakes close behind...

Warpath, I have taken.
   Shaken, is the thought of finding peace, again...

Until my end.
I will fight.

I sit here, once again.
Gazing back to the past.
Head shrunken down as I wonder what could've been...

But yet I silence myself for the better,
   for it doesn't matter what could have been.
What I could have seen...

I sit here,
   quietly picking up the pieces of my yet again shattered heart,
even if it didn't take much this time around.

I'm, just trying to make the best of what could be,
Not so much concern myself with what shouldn't.

So,
   be still my stricken soul,
   and my scarred heart.

The path to peace is paved with pains,
And every brick I lay brings me that much closer.
In these stones I set, I send the sickness away.

And I glue together the weathered feathers of the wings with which I will fly.

Yet the sky is so far away...

All the more to learn along the way.

~Robert van Lingen

The writer's mind,
Thoughts unwind,

Bring unto me your curiosities,
Your challenges and fears,
Your joys and salvations,

If I may,
I will speak your stories to my pen and paper,
Your thoughts unbound,
Unwound,

Speak to me your soul,
And forevermore may your tales speak to me,
Back to the writer's mind.

~Robert van Lingen

I have lost it all before,
What's the difference if once more?

To you I gave my little trust,
Now you've thrown it on the floor.

Don't worry,
I'll pick it up, once and evermore.

I will reassemble my heart,
and my mind, and my core.

For I am stronger,
Than my pains of yore.

~Robert van Lingen

In my estranged daze,
I now fall from the floor,
The utter sadness flows in like a summer's rain.

It is okay, poor one,
My child, it will soon be over.
And soon you will grow.

So be kind,
You cannot drown in tears of joy.

~Robert van Lingen

Just. Stop. Talking.

I'd buried my only fear so deep as to make the Gods wonder,

I'd built my trust,
Back up from the rubbles of my decimation,
I'd trusted in one more than any other.

And yet,
You'd managed to find that too.
Well done, sir...

Once more you've taken my trust to a ****** ropes' end.
Again you've manifested the fear I'd kept locked away.

That's too bad.
Now There is none more for you to bring to life.
There are no more towers for you to topple...

Yet I stand before you.
I.
Will.
Not.
Fall.

You've no more stones to cast.
I will use your wretched ammunition as bricks,
And my blood as mortar.

It is no longer I who will fall.
You have nothing left.
I am.

Laying there,
Almost asleep.
Silent, Rustling thoughts.

Reach out for my friend,
...The Heavens stamp upon my weakened chest,
My relentless, petrified trembling.

Is this my becoming?
No.

I am Stronger than This.

~

Let the beast trod his energy asunder until he trods his last.
And there I stand.
I labor these embrittled bones to rise.

I stand here.
I bleed all I have and more,
as I stare into your pestilent eyes,
and I say,

I.
Am.
Strong.

You will not take this from me,
I fear you not.

No matter how many times you crush my heart,
I will rise.
Again.
And Again.

Until the day I rise above you and I can finally...

give you my thanks.

This endless torrent of pain that pours from my heart feeds the earth within which my roots are planted.
I grow stronger with each drop.

You cannot take from me what you've never known.
But,

I forgive you...
because I am strong.

I am.

~Robert van Lingen

Peace, my steel-eyed friend,
You are ever present,
Yet eternally elusive.

Devilishly tugging away at my silken heartstrings,
You play,
Tease my fragile soul.

The written battles...

I cry, inside.
I scream, on the other.

The feeling of separation from that which I should not have been,
has me feeling more alone than I'm used to.

The feeling of lostness and anger transpires in my bones and
flows its way through my already pained veins.

This, I suppose, is my reality.
To find my way in the place I've never belonged.
And might just never do...

I lost the only one who had a mind anything near my own,
The only one who knew my pains...

But even she left me behind.

On the days that I don't mind,
It's as if it had never happened.

On days like these...
It tears me apart like no one ever sees.

What does "family" even mean...


~Robert van Lingen

The day I wept,
Today I slept,
I swept aside that which kept me awry,
And I breathe a sigh of relief to those who listen.

The days I wept,
Long passed,
Long avast are my tears, the yearning and the burning,
Fears abound.

A year's past and I have found that which I thought I had all along.

Yet, today I am not blind to agony, the fight,
I remember that which I lost of myself,
Now regained in a new light.

Her name?
Peace.

-Robert van Lingen

When I give,
Everything I have and more...

My sleeplessness' solace,
Is buried in my dreams.

My world away from the world,
Where there are no more problems to solve.

In my dreams,
Life, is just a flow,

The effortless stream of events,
That I never have to think about again.

The blissfulness of the temporary,
Escape from my woes.

~Robert van Lingen

Once in a day I wake,
And once in a day I fall away.

Once in today I looked inside myself to find the ways I used to be.
Once in one day I still cannot see who I will be.

Once in two days I fall astray and I forget what I've meant to forget to remember.

Once,
I sway to the sounds of my approaching sleep,
Everything goes away.

One, in this way,
I slip,
I fade away into the peace I wish I'd find,
Every other day.

~Robert van Lingen

Just when I thought I was ashore,
My waves crack once more,

Here I stare at the walls above,
Lying, aware of nothing more.

Just when I thought I was home,
Just when I thought I could be alone,

You came,
You've grown,
In, and out of my fleeting realities,

I fly athunder'd by this reckless mind,
I fly, blunder'd into the past I'd thought I'd left behind.
Sleep,

Quiet, I say.
There's nothing left to say but,
Just wait.
There's no need to cry,

I'd merely thought I'd lost my way,
Silently,
I just have to remember,

My yesterdays,
Will never be my tomorrows.

~Robert van Lingen

Curiosity killed the cat,

But a cat has nine lives,
And I have none.

What can we lose but time?

I've already lost my mind

~Robert van Lingen

Never let anyone make you think you're anything less than amazing,
   This is how we fought.

Think thoughtfully about why we're here.
  Why we are.

Here.
   Take me by my most scarred hand and I shall guide you with the lessons that burned me,
So you are spared.

Hello.
   Welcome to my heart,
It is a warm place,
  But rather quite small.

I will guide you with my wounds,
  For reason only so you should not receive in kind.

Be brave,
  But be kind,
I will show you,

That a love is not consuming,
  So breathe easy.

I will teach you the love,

   Of the truest kind.

That,

     Of the heart of a friend.

Who
                               Are
  You
           To
                                     Judge
                  Others
For

     What
                       You
                                      Are

              NOT

Fear, Is a battle.
Fear is a Disease.
My disease.

Fear, puts me in places,
That I know I shouldn't be in.
Like I woke up in a dark attic, not knowing how I got there, or why.

See, it's not...things...I'm afraid of.
It's not people, or pain, or injury, or death.

Fear puts thoughts in you, that are totally and completely out of character, until they begin changing how you define yourself.

I am,
The fearful.
I am,
The untrusting.

Trust and fear come hand in hand, but purvey the opposite effects of one another.
Trust, puts fear to sleep. A silent, peaceful slumber. A place fear would rather be anyway. Trust allows you to see what is hopefully the truth in others.

Ah...you see. "Hopefully." There is that little seed of doubt.

Fear is the abusive sibling of the relationship. Always hanging over trust's shoulder, whispering worst-case scenarios in his ear.
In mine, it takes trust's confidence and gently, throws it into the nearest garbage can.

Trust is powerful.
But fear cuts deep.

When trust, faith, in someone is broken...
Well...we've all been there at some point.
When trust is broken, he half-heartedly stumbles to his bed, and stays there. Not asleep. Just, broken.

At this point fear doesn't have to do a thing.
Anytime you look inside yourself, since trust is gone, the only thing left is fear, just...sitting there.

Normally trust...gets up and brushes himself off to try again, especially with the help of friends.

But, in a few of us...


In a few of us, trust falls asleep, and disappears.
Hope, the half-sibling tries and tries to wake him up, to no avail.
Trust is gone.
Fear just sits there. Doing nothing, but doing everything.

Hope is a stubborn one, and pushes, and pushes, and pushes.
Sometimes it works.
Sometimes, it doesn't.

Fear. Trust.
They walk, hand in hand.
Toe, to toe.

I am,
The fearful.
I am,
The untrusting.

Hope, through valiant effort, keeps on trying.
Her energy is not limitless.

At times like these...
Hope, is not enough.

Trust has died.
The only way, to restore the balance,
Is for another's heart to come forth, and share their trust.

It's not fair, asking your trust to keep my fear in check, as well as yours, It just isn't.
At times like these,

I need the trust of someone,
Who is willing to share,
With one, who trusts no one.

I'm not ready,
   to hold a heart.

I've been too long apart from my own.
Today is just the beginning.

I'd love to see love in another's eyes again,

But,
I don't know I'm ready,

To hold a heart,
Unprepared,

Will tear apart,
   the very bones and thoughts,
   you thought were yours.

So be ready.

Hold your own heart,
   Until it no longer burns.

Do not lay your aflamed heart in another's hands,
Just to watch them burn.

Be ready.
Set free the flames that be,
And breathe deep the air you've never seen.

Then you may hold a heart.
You will hold them together,
With only the unburning flames of a true love...
A love,
That costs nothing.

But today...
I am not ready,
To hold a heart.

~Robert van Lingen

I caught myself,
Staring at the sun...again,

It pulls me back,
To places better been,

I am but a moth,
   Chasing the stars,

The light ablaze,
   phases me away from my pains,
   and draws me closer, closer again.

I wake up hours later,
   In shock,
   disgusted with myself.

I walk to the lights I see that blind me,

"Come closer,"
"Come closer,"

I am lost in my own skin
My eyes deceiving.

Tonight,
I'll join the flight that takes me to where I hope I've never been.
Closer to the sun.