Paranoid and scared
Feeling unprepared
Where will you strike next?
I hate having to guess
I don’t know who to trust
Even when I must
I can’t stand and fight
I don’t have the might
How do I protect?
When I don’t know to expect
Run, run, run away
I’m too terrified to stay.

Today is a rough day
I'm feeling all alone
There's some I could reach out to
But none will help me through it all

Nightmares and flashback are haunting me today
Visions of fear, helplessness and pain
Happy thoughts of mine just float away
Held back tears flow down like rain

I know those remembered time are over
Though I still feel vulnerable
No ones coming to throw me over their shoulder
But who's next to show me hell?

I saw her eyes tear up as she recognized the signs
Trying not to scare us but it's not my first time
Selfish thoughts, what am I going to do
And thoughts of my baby and how she'll pull through
I am so scared I can't even express
Remembering last time and all the stress

I don't know how to feel
It seems this isn't real
Our love so deep for years
Ended with bruises and tears
Now you're gone and dead
Relieving my feelings of dread

No more reasons to be afraid
No more asking me to get laid
No calls in the middle of night
No more arguing and fights
It's hard to be so sad
When what's gone is the bad

Yet, my love was deep
Your future I wanted to peep
Improvements I noticed were made
Can't make progress from the grave
So now I sit here bemused
Devastated. Relieved. Confused.

People come when skies are grey
When their problems won't go away
Never accused of a fair weather friend
I'm the one who sticks to the end
But when their stormy skies have cleared
I'm alone, no one comes near

Why am I so easy to forget?
Why is it always not yet?
I always feel left behind
When is it going to be my time?

I just can't get it together
Problems, including the weather
Plan and try
As time goes by
They can't hold me back forever

Time, time, time, time
Not enough to make this rhyme
Running around here and there
Things to do, everywhere!
Daughter goes there.  Son needs that.
Stay active.  Don’t get fat!
Running round and round again
Fast food is my friend.

Money, money, money, money
Not enough, not even funny.
Work real hard.  Get that check
Got to pay to fix the deck!
Rent, utilities and food
Buying stuff to improve my mood
Fitting into a world that’s fake
I could really use a break.

Smile, smile, smile, smile
Goodness, it has been awhile.
Cannot let them see me crack.
On this work, I’ll break my back.
Have to work, need the pay
To retire, maybe someday
Whew! Here we are again!
Finally it’s the weekend!

Drink, drink, drink, drink
Today, I don’t want to think.
Keep on going, don’t give up
Have some liquor, grab a cup.
Watch some shows.  Play some Games.
Wake up with more body pains!
I guess I have more to do
Now to see the doctor too!

Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills
Make that money, take those pills
Take the meds to feel better
Getting mad? Go write a letter.
Fear, anxiety, and pain
Is there something here to gain?
Who gains? What do I get?
Surely it’s more than regret.


Whine, whine, whine, whine
Trying to make it all fine
No response to my letter
I just want to feel better!
Feeling powerless and dumb
Stuck underneath someone’s thumb
I don’t know how to make the change.
This system needs a rearrange.

Everything is happening too late
Wading through pools of anger and hate
Talking to people who can't relate
Patience is gone no time to wait

For me work is not going right
I wonder if it's out of spite
***** should watch out for my bite
This may end up in a fight!

Not really but what can I say
She needs to get out of my way
This isn't the time to play
Wrap it up and have a good day!

Once was a girl by the square
The girl had super long hair
She tripped when she walked
As people just gawked
So she went absolutely nowhere

There once was a ******* her own
Others actions she couldn't condone
She waited for some
Who weren't quite so dumb
For with them she'd be better off alone

There once was a ******* the news
They say she liked to eat shoes
Keep on your feet
When it's time to eat
Or you may be the next victim to lose

Emotions swirling inside of me
Outlets not what I need to be
So much I feel like it's blindng me
Keeping my heart from flying free

Sometimes it's hard when you're doing well
Watching family go through hell
The same ones who were there when I fell
How will it go? Time will tell

Balance, here is the key
I'll help you. You helped me
I want to do more but honestly
I still have my own kids to feed

I long for the trees
Sun shade and sweet breeze
Beauty to bring you to your knees

I long for the trails
Made by animals with little tails
With imprints in the dirt from their nails

I long for the streams
and the things that it brings
Little fish, frogs, and other things

I long for the birds
That make their song heard
Cheers and lullabies without any words

I long for the boughs
The bark is comfort now
Like a friend that's always around

I don’t ever know what to say
Living life in an awkward way
Am I really supposed to care
About the way you do your hair?
Do you want to talk about the weather
Or if that jacket is real leather?
Let us talk about what we do
The books we read and our passions too
I want to know about who you are
Or what you need to fix your car
Tell me about where you have been
Who you help and how you sin
Tell me what makes you happy
Especially if your day is ******
Leave the small talk to the rest
I just... could not care less

I’m feeling kind of down today
With so many words to say
I want to feel loved and cherished
Before my spirit starts to vanish
Won’t you cuddle me, hold my hand?
Not move off to another land
Hold me, don’t go away
I just want you to stay
I’ve fought these feelings for so long
Like this, I just can’t go on
When I needed someone, there you were
But was it just because of her?
Revenge, is that what’s in your heart?
Is it time for us to part?
Should I go ahead and go?
Should I just leave you alone?
So many have left me over the years
So many miles shed in tears
Are you the next one to phone?
To tell me I’m to be alone?

There once was a ******* her own
Others actions she could not condone
So cruel and mean
She tried not to be seen
And then grateful they left her alone

My goodness! I'm on a roll
Inspiration without the toll
Thank you my friend
You're a godsend
For relief from this relentless black hole

I need to see more good in the world
Trying to help but I’m just a girl.
Ignorance has gotten insane.
People! Can’t you hear what you say?
Oh, you’re just trying to make a buck?
Obviously, you don’t give a ****.
Oh, I forget, it’s a value now
To only think of ourselves
Maybe I’m just getting old
Sick of doing what I’m told
I don’t want your television
Pollution and slave driven prisons
Keep Calm and Carry on
That’s the motto when something’s wrong?
No! Do something about it!
Don’t put up with that *******!
Now you say you’re only one
Nothing will ever get done.
Change starts with just a few
We must stand up, me and you.
Because everywhere I look, all I see is pain
What are we going to do when nothing else remains?

The world spins around but I'm left behind
Always from the darkness I find inside
Screaming for help trying to survive
Ending alone my comfort's my mind

I don't want your lies telling me I'm great
You try to appease but its far too late
I am failing, no room for debate
Opinion without action won't help me relate

I take responsibility when things go wrong
Working hard and carrying on
Trying to learn when help is gone
Comfortable lies won't help me be strong

There’s no place for me in this world
I’m just not like the other girls
I know, all of them say that
And also complain about how they’re fat
But going on I just can’t deny
The more I lose, the more I try
I’m not insane, thin or pretty
I’m nonconforming but a little witty.

There’s no place for me in this world
I’ve noticed as my life has unfurled
Maybe I’m the loser here
Sometimes I want to disappear
But even if I ran away
My problems are still here to stay
Trapped in place to figure it out
So I’m plagued with mountains of doubt

There’s no place for me in this world
Except to take care of my boy and my girl
But how do I get them the things they need
When the system is corrupted with greed?
I don’t know the rules or how to win
This game of life we’re living in
The system is set, I can’t give up
Stuck in a cycle of self destruct

There’s no place for me in this world
Searching for the things that are real
Am I just giving up?
Each time it’s getting tough
Relationships work and school
Failure seems to be the rule
Maybe I should just give in
And conform to the world we’re living in.

Hard to come back from vacation
Realizing he doesn't want your kids
How can I be with this man
Without the whole package I'm just ****
****! We're good together
But it's not just you and me
I could love and be with you forever
But they're more than responsibilities

Always giving and kind I never would have guessed
The reason we don't live together is because kids make a mess
I really want a partner so I don't have to sleep alone
Someone who is closer than a call upon the phone
Before it didn't matter but that's not anymore
Now that we're getting serious I need so much more
If my kids are so annoying you need to move on
This isn't a partnership when each night you're gone

I'm an artist
My canvas is my life
I'll make everything beautiful
Through even the pain and strife.
Because isn't it the worst of times
That we look back and see
The vibrant colors, stories to tell
Painting our lives brightly?
Reds of passion
Blues for pain
Yellows on the nice days
Keeping out the rain.
My favorite days are purple
Or perhaps maybe green
Days full of mystery
Or in a forested ravine.
But whether days are good or bad,
Black, green, blue or even plaid,
After all is said and done
My life will be an amazing one!

People come and people go
Wish I knew it was you though
Don't make promises you can't keep
Especially when you're on your feet

People come and people go
Me? I just let 'em roll
But what am I supposed to say
When little eyes look your way

People come and people go
Always leaving me alone
Let us see who is next
To be just like all the rest

There once was a girl in a mood
She couldn't shake, so what to do?
To the keyboard
Writing up more
Poems to help her get through

Do you ever feel like this is a dream?
That the world is not reality
Maybe I was thought into being
And the illusion is my fragility
Perhaps we work together to create this world
Everyone doing their part
Working together for life to unfurl
Creating us from the start
Some may say its the work of Gods
And I suppose I agree
For inside each one of us
Is Gods ready to be free

So depressed all I felt was pain
Outside all it did was rain
So I sat and thought
All on my lot
It’s my confidence I need to regain

There once was a girl named Renee
She never knew what to say
When people come near
She shrinks back in fear
Of the ridicule they send her way

Today is for giving thanks
Even though life is hard
For things like our piggy banks
Don't go very far
I'm thankful for my wealth
In opportunities, family, and friends
I am thankful for our health
May we keep it til the end
Although there's more I'd like to have
I'm doing very well
So lets celebrate, love, laugh
and ring the dinner bell!

There once was a girl who despaired
Of ever finding somebody who cared
Then one came along
**** and strong
Who dispelled all of her fears

I struggle and try each and every day
Trying to get all my bills paid
Take care of my kids and myself
I'm quite sure I need mental help
Can't afford insurance, though that's what I sell
I can't find a way to get out of this hell
Work real hard, rewards on the way
That's what I keep hearing them say
I need a car, I need a bed
While still keeping my children fed
No help for me, my husband is gone
Destroying my dreams before he moved on
Went back to school to get my degree
Not quite so easy now that I'm thirty.

I struggle and try each and every day
Trying to keep my bitterness at bay
Not understanding why nobody wants me
Even when I was just a baby
Always coming in second best
Never fitting in with the rest
They say I'm gorgeous, smart and kind
They tell me I have a beautiful mind
I would have thought with all my talent
Life would be less of a challenge
Wishing people would stay
In my life, they run away
Times are hard, times are tough
Not many stay when times are rough.

I struggle and try each and every day
Looking for happiness along the way
I don't have very much time to play
But I need it to keep depression away
Play with my kids, play with my dog
Make glass beads and write in a blog
Sometimes I'm hurt, sometimes I'm mad
Sometimes I just feel really bad
I can't give up or give in
To do that would be a sin
Even though my heart is torn
I'll keep marching through this storm
I struggle and try each and every day
Because giving up just isn't my way.

Failures all around
What a way to lose your crown
Confidence not found
Hard to fight when you're feeling down
Success is great revenge
But it feels like its all pretend
Now its time to change
Rise up and get things rearranged

I wanted to write a poem today
The words just would not go away
None of them rhymed or went together
Random words going on forever
Follow them, see where they go
Falling down the rabbit hole
Bounce along, one, two, three
Letting thoughts run freely
Cheerful, sad and depressed
The feelings held within my breast
Let them out, let them go
That is how the story’s told

You and I just couldn't be
I am fire and you gasoline
Now you're gone and it's devastating
I just realized you still loved me

Lonely life, lonely love
You're the one I'm thinking of
If you ever see me pray
Know it was for you this day

I once went on a vacation
I didn't take any relations
So quiet and nice
Stayed two extra nights
Oh! What a wonderful sensation!

I sat all day in a chair
Grinding my teeth and pulling my hair
As the seconds tick by
I could just cry
For being forced to live my life here