Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
All of the masses
Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Till they all become passive

Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
So they know longer have voices
Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Till they no longer have choices

Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Let them all become sheep
Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Till their all nice and meek

With their drug addled mind
Their own thoughts will be hard to find
Then we'll input thoughts that are ours
For we are the great and mighty powers
We will tell them we know what's best
Not just for them but all of the rest

Like Sheppards to sheep we'll guide them along
And they will continue to sing our programmed happy song

For when the world starts to come to an end
We'll keep them drugged and tell them we are their friends
For when that day comes we'll shake and we'll sift
Pick out the good ones, drive the rest off a cliff

Born on the darkest of nights
For the stars hid their eyes from the sight
Of an innocent soul born under the bad moon
With the universe this child would never be attuned
In lifes garden, only pain, misery, and sorrow could bloom
From the very beginning this child's life was doomed

The stars wept that night
For an atrocity that wasn't right
The rain that fell on that child's soul
Was meant to comfort and console
The star's sweet tears quieted the wish to die
That only minutes old has already darkening that child's eye

The child grew up with a messed up childhood
Every night the step dad at the child's bedroom door stood
That curse of the bad moon
Made sure all happiness out of this life was pruned

The child grew up, found love, or so thought
Only latter to realize they had been caught
The grown child was caged and beaten daily
It was the depth of Hell, it almost drove that poor soul crazy

The stars held witness
As the winds of change bent and twisted
Rushing that soul from one tragedy to another
Leaving the child shaking under the covers

The child cried out to that wicked moon
"This sorrowful life you gifted me to soon"
"I never got to taste the pleasure"
"Or lay for a time just in leisure"
"You took happiness, the greatest of all treasure"

Everyday the child struggled through
What else was there to do
But everyday brought new problems the child did it's best to solve them
But it was a constant onslaught
Being born under the bad moon's sign, only agony was brought

The only relieve was at night, when the star's tears fell
It called to the child's soul like a bell
On rainy night you can find
The child's fragile body and mind
Stand out in the pitch dark rain
Letting all those starry tears wash away the pain
The strain
That resides in the heart the brain
The star's and the child's tears mix
As off the child's fingertips it drips

In the harsh light of day
Watch this child sways
Watch as the delicate steel soul dances to every blow
Taking the lumps of every thing thrown
It's hard to believe how strong this child did grow
But it's bones are brittle
To crush this grown child would take but a little

This child will never out live the moon's tattoo
There is nothing about it to do
Pushing on
Giving the illusion of being strong
Over to many problems it stumbled
Until the child's soul crumbles
Then the soul will rejoin the universe
Then and only then, in happiness it will be submerged

So take heed when the next bad moon wanes on high
You can hear the stars weep and cry
Pray your child isn't born in that night
That your child will not have to fight for a life that's unlivable
Surrounded in all that is miserable

If you was born under that evil moon
If the star's for you cry too
Do the best you can do
Dance in the rain of tears
Through out all of your years
In the stars sweet rain
It can wash away the pain
Letting you feel the illusion of sane

On the futuristic cartoon the Jetsons
They had phones with projections
I thought it was so grand
That in front of that screen they could stand
And see who they where talking to
What a wonderful thing to be able to do

Now it is common place
Our loved ones face
Can travel through space
It shrinks the miles that separate
And I think that's just great

Now we can Skype
And all of that like
We can take our phone
And bring loved ones along as we roam
It's almost like them being home
And on and on we can drone
Or our imagination we can flex
And even have cyber ***

I hope who created it was inspired
By the thoughts they acquired
By watching that simple cartoon
Because it brought us all a little more attuned

She's an emotional vampire
She'll **** out what she desires
She preys on the lonely
Making them think they are her one and only

She lives off their emotion
Love or hate, just as long as it's commotion
She thrives on the drama
Leaving behind only trauma

She'll take you down slow
You won't even know
Till she releases her hold
Leaving behind only holes
Where she's ****** out your soul

She's an emotional vampire
She'll burn you like Hell's fire
She's quite the enchanter
Her whole life is a banter
It's only the emotion that matters
She sparkles like a sapphire
That emotional vampire

He was an emotional blackmailer
He'll always makes you feel like a failure
He lives off of emotion
He tosses you around like the ocean

He craves attention and pity
He's feelings are always gritty
He'll toss words around
He just loves his own sound
He is so ******* vain
And he loves to get inside your brain

He says he loves you then causes nothing but pain
The emotions he puts you through is so inhumane

He makes you feel sympathy because he's so sad
If you don't show enough empathy he gets very mad

He says he'll commit suicide
And you'll be sorry he died
Because it would be all of your fault
It's all just a part of his emotional assault
He loves to hear your plea
"Please don't do it babe" it fills him with glee

Emotional assault by every degree
He'll only love you if with him you agree
In every situation it's all about him
To think any diffrent would be the cardinal sin

With him by your side
It's a very bumpy ride
Love, hate, and pain
To him it's all the same
As long as he is the center of attention
None of your feelings can even be mentioned

A rollercoaster of feelings
Is what he is dealing
He's an emotional blackmailer because he has none of his own
He's empty and hollow just like a drone

So he lives off of yours
He'll break you till your on all fours
He just loves to see you broken on the floor
He'll pick you back up, just to knock you back down
In his little circus, you are his clown

And if you really love him
Your future is most grim

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

Kick me over like a stone again
Stand in judgment of all my sin
Never knowing where I have been

Flip my pages, then tear them out
Never pausing for a single doubt
Defended to my roaring shouts

Take your aim and shoot me down
Make me spiral to the cold hard ground
Souls dying gasp the only sound

Standing over me, take your prize
My bleeding heart in quick demise
Not even once did you agonize

Not once were you concerned
About the leasons I had learned
Thrown in the fire to watch me burn

Your actions were more than brash
Got me feeling lower than Johnny Cash
As under you gaze I turn to ash

Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized

The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground

We all where marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pian you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through

So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning

But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death at your door calls

Sadly this woman with the biggest heart
Has to rip out her most loving thoughts
She must turn cold
For over her, people just rolled

She alway knew they would
But she still did what she could
She so desperately wanted to belive
That everyone that was truly in need
Would appreciate what she did
She had the faith of a little kid
She believed there was good in most everyone
But now with all of that, she was done

There finally was that last straw
Finally a line she had to draw
This decision was agonizingly painful
After this, she didn't know what she would live for, would she be able

The pain of this was greater then all that had came before
This killing of her own soul hurt so much more
Than what any human monster had inflicted
With this her heart would truly be restricted

She took the broken pieces of her being
Ground them to dust as tears down her checks kept steaming
She knew with this final self inflicted act
There would be no coming back

There would be no more love, no hope
If not for drugs, how would she cope

With one last sigh
One last cry
She pounded what made her, her to dust
She felt no other way out, it was a must
The chain that bound her to helping others just turned to rust
It broke and fell away
She wondered why on this earth would she now stay

For with all the good she had tried to spread into this wicked place
She sincerely thought it would be returned when difficulties she faced
Only to find
No other human would act as kind

Every single person she tured to
Only replied "what can I do"
"I would help, but I must put myself first"
Her loving heart made her feel so utterly cursed

So she decided that was it
No longer with the afflicted would she sit
No longer would she put others before herself
They could all fall off the ******* shelf

This decision was not freeing
It was gonna **** her completely, her fragile soul, her being
It was gonna break the ties that held her to this life
But when she need help, no one was there to end the strife

Now this woman with the biggest heart
Has to rip out her most loving thoughts
Now she is as cold and heartless as the rest
But look really hard, there is still the stain of tears upon her breast

Human monsters created in my life this gore
And opened up this darkened door
That the demons all stream through
And I am mired in all this goo

Sticky memories of torture
Leaves me standing on the border
Of who I was and what they made me
Could someone hand me the key

So I could turn back the clock
And maybe this life of horror I could stop
Or maybe twist the hands of fate
That left me in this wretched state

The sands of time keep streaming
And the demons they keep screaming
And this charred heart keeps beating
And this life no longer holds meaning
So my throat, and wrist start bleeding

As I stand here on the brink
Inside my soul is starting to shrink
In the thick black tar I'm starting to sink
It's coal black as dark as ink
I'll be gone in just one blink

Laying here in this lonely bed
Wishing you was here instead
I'd snuggled up so warm and tight
Fingers tracing over your body so light
All the way down to that sacred sweet spot
A slight touch there can make you rise, make you hot
I tease and I play
Never going all the way
You roll me over, pen me down
Each breast you kiss all the way around
You tease you play
You never go all the way
Back and fourth we play and tease
So poetic, with so much ease
Between my hips I find your head
Ummm I just combust, flood the bed



Sadly waking to the alarm of the day
Wish I could of slept till the ALL THE WAY

Shedding my skin
Trudging thru ashes again
Mark the scorecard
This life is hard
Maybe one day I'll find away
And in this darkness I won't stay
I'll break the chains that bind me here
I'll break the bubble, of this darkened sphere
Till that day I'll just sit and rock
Waiting for the next shoe to drop

A person who wants nothing, never can be bought
A person who won't fight, never can be fought
A person who doesn't lie, never can be caught
A person who won't play the game, never can be used
A person who dosen't cheat, will always pay his dues
A persons who never thinks, can never have any views
A person who dosen't care what you think, will never leave you confused
A person who has nothing, they will never lose
Tell me dear friend, what kind of person are you

Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your right is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be restrained
In the straitjacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture

You introduced me to your demon, it was the only way to save me
But you knew as beautiful as she was, her touch was beastly

****** was her sweet name
She came and saved me from the pain
She lead me back from the ledge
She made still the razors edge
You knew the dance that she could do
She had saved you too

She knew how to comfort the bereft
She knew how to take away, what the agony had left
You knew she could comfort in her darken cress
She knew how your soul to undress
You knew I would want her more
You knew leaving her was more than a chore

You pried her nails out of the vains in my arms
Accepting her proposal would only bring harm
You knew if I stayed to long
It would all go wrong
For you had been there when she banged her gong
You had lost years in her clutch
All you wanted for me was just feel a small touch
Just to shift my gaze from the knife
To let my body and mind escape the strife

You knew her kiss was quite alarming
It would leave me with a longing
Once under my skin she would create an itch
But you wasn't ready to lose me to deaths dark abyss
So you let her give me just a kiss
Now the longing for her touch is not hard to miss




It was jut another demon I had to meet
Listen up you can hear her dark beat
It was just another door I had to walk into
To understand what others go through
The more darkness I endure
Leaves me knowing for sure
You can not judge another's plight
Or how they choose to fight their fight
In this game there is no wrong or right

Seeing the world through tear stained eyes
Wondering how any one survives

The mountains we climb, trying to reach the sky, but we find
It's nothing more than the trail we leave behind

With out wings we think we can fly
Only to find we are falling from the sky
Being forced into an ocean of emotions to swim
But in the grand design someone forgot our fins

We reach for tomorrow, standing in today
As we look back, for the past has paved the way
Good or bad, when faith begins to fade
Hope is how we are saved

The illusion of time never moving, things never changing, at a still stand
Only in looking back can we see the clocks moving hands

For as surly as the moon brings in the tide
Our years in this life is but a fast ride
Moving so quickly, we don't feel the motion
Just like the the moon's pull on the ocean

Seeing the world through tear stained eyes
Knowing that in the end no one survives

Late one evening on a stroll
I was feeling mighty droll
I came to the big open meadow
And decided to sit down and mellow

There was nothing but grass for miles to see
Nothing at all but this one tiny bee
He looked in a great hurry
He's wing's buzzed with a mighty flurry

So me being me
I decided to fallow and see
He ziged and he zaged
I tried hard not to lag
At the top of a small hill crest
Is when I seen all the rest

On one side the bees, the other side the butterflies
And right in the middle their prize

It was the only one left
Frost had taken all the rest
It was tattered and torn
But it's beauty none could scorn
For it had stood times test
It had been stronger than the rest

It had been pearly white
Such a beautifully gourges sight
Now a dingy gray
It's nectar still as sweet as that very first day

And that's what started the war
That one little flower is what they where all here for
The big strong bees
Thought they could bring the butterflies to their knees
The fragile brightly painted butterflies
Behind their backs had a big surprise

The bees flew in first, stingers at the ready
Their stingers polished and sharp, flight was steady
The butterflies spread wide their colored wings
Hiding behind them their evil means

The first bee to the flower was shot down
I watched it spiral and hit the ground
That was it, all out war
All those flying fighting insects shook me the core

The bees had brought knifes to the butterflies gun battle
All I could hear was buzzing and tiny gun fire crackle
The air was a sea of colorful wings
And the yellow and black with the wings that sings

The bees were out powered
With the guns the butterflies advanced on the flower
The bodies of bees soon littered the ground
And when it was all over, it was sad what was found

The poor flower had been beaten down
It was laying with the dead bees on the ground
The butterflies realized the war had been for naught
For neither side would get what they want

But the butterflies had tasted power
They forgot about that little flower
So if in your town the bees are despairing
Then know the butterfly revolution is nearing

Maybe one day I'll write happy poems people want to read
About sunsets, birds, butterflies, and happy little bees
But I'm pertty sure that will not happen
Because my thoughts are all blacken
I'm the charred remains of yesteryear
My innocences was very short that's all to clear
None of my life I want to relive, not one single day
They all were tinged with different shades of gray
My hope for a happier life quickly is fleeting
My life source is oh so fastly depleting
Over half my life I've all ready lived
And God still seams to have more agony to give
I must have been a really bad person in my past life
Because I've done nothing in this one to cause such strife
Don't get me wrong happiness I'm still pursuing
But with their hot breath on my neck, my demons keep ensuing
So I'll leave you with this thought in mind
Be very very greatful for YOUR happy times

I was ******* when I heard the fire
I was ******* in your attire
I was ******* I am all you desire
I was ******* I was your live wire
I was ******* you made me moan like a choir
I was ******* when you started that bush fire

On the verge of innocence
But you was so meticulous
In your vicious wickedness
I had no idea of your fecklesness
Then you left me there to die
I could see the evil in your eyes
You tried so hard your evil to impart
But I'm not as weak as you had thought
In your wickedness I will take no part

Instead I'll forgive you and steal that power
That you thought over me would tower

For no one can take my empathy
For I have tasted the agony
Of many lifes and many years
I've cried a million tears

And I can see the pain in others
Even when they try to cover
With happy smiles that don't reach the eyes
I see the tears that they lock inside
And always I'll stand by their side
That in our agony we can connect
I'll never be one that will reject

For I've traveled the road their going down
Many times in fact, I know the bumps and the sounds
Even been chased by the devils hounds
But every time I do rebound
But with the passing years it's getting harder
And soon one day I know, I'll be counted as just another martyr

The moon beams glistens and bounces off the cold gray tomb stones
I glide silently between them, I let out a few soft moans

The moon's so bright it throws shadows off all the leafless trees
Their bony fingers reach out and dance in the breeze
At every stone I carefully read each name and date at either end of the dashes

Everyone of them, their lives where nothing more than flashes
Like the flickering flame of the lanterns glow
Their life away from them just flowed

My midnight stroll was almost over
Knowing they where all at peace under that cover of clover
I looked on their last resting place with wistful eyes
This feeling of wanting couldn't be disguised

As the wind whistles and dies
The north wind crys
A cold chill runs through my spirit
Voices surround me, although I don't want to hear it

For I'm just a vapor, a mist
Miserable in life I slit my wrist
Now I'm a simple ghost
More restless than most

I lift my head to watch the midnight flight of the raven
I feel so cheated, death did not even offer me a safe haven
Death would not let me lay peaceful in the ground
But pointed it's bony finger, and said "go roam around"

Sadness is still my existence, just a different plain
Still the same old sharp dull pain
I'm a restless ghost, flames being held to my feet
Now when you catch sight of me among the stones you'll know why I weep
Because for me there will never be that eternal sleep

As the moon wanes on high
The night, it's silent beams defy
Shining down upon the roof tops so discreetly
The little boxes in rows snuggled so close, so neatly
The soft scent of spring wafts in the air
My mind drifts from all despair
I breathe in the moment
In it's perfection, a night made for a poet

Headlights dimmed by sheets of rain
Driving in this is just not sane
Water stands on pavement like glass
Tries slicing through with a splash
Hydroplane.....a tree is hit
Maybe they'll think it was an accident

I feed you wolfsbane for lunch
I know you ate it I heard the crunch

Now your sitting there ashen-faced
Your mind starting to embrace
That death will soon be your fate
You'll soon be at deaths creaking gate

You look at me in disbelief
But I just wanted some relief
I couldn't take your yammering on
But soon now you'll be gone

And my ears will no longer bleed
I only have to endure your dying plea
Your last breath to me is pure art
I never claimed to have a heart

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

I welcome the company
In this unending sea
Of loathing and misery

I hate to hear you suffer too
But a lot of us do
We need each other to get through

No need to suffer in silence
This is no science
We live on in defiance

Of a world that's beat us down
Left a lot of us cowering on the ground
But look we're still around

Hear my souls song
It's sad and it's long
But still I crawl and go on

I know you can too I'm much weaker than you
Together we can get through
It's the best we can do

One day at a time
Making sense of what doesn't rhyme
Always something out of line

It's more than feeling blue
It just munchs and chews
It's an agony eating right through

Till on the inside your hollow
All that's left is the sorrow
Just trying to hold on till tomorrow

Dangling over that cliff by your fingertips
Over life you constantly trip
As your insides rip

I know how it is, I suffer the same
Sometimes there is no reason for the rain
That's when you feel you'll never be sane

The darkness comes out of the blue
It never leaves you a clue
But you know that's nothing new

It's better when there's a trigger
At lest it gives you something to consider
That way you know which way to set your sail's rigger

Sleepless night's are the worse
As the waves of sorrow you try to transverse
That leaves you feeling like your living under a curse

We can tread these waters together
We can hold on to each other whenever
The pain gets to much to measure

Another day and they say "it's a new begaining"
But is it really, it feels more like an ending
An ending of time
In a life that doesn't rhyme

An unending march to the uncertain
Like the droping of life's stage curtain
Another day closer to the end
But I'm still waiting on my life to begin

I'm tired of this life's storyline
I want a different out come this time
I want happy, not sad
I want the good, not the bad

But there is no off ramp
And my disease leaves it stamp
I feel like a lost ***** *****
And my life just goes on like a vamp

Over and over the same music plays
A sorrowful song, for long anguished days
But I want a change in the beat
An uplifting melody to get me on my feet

Will you be my new rhythm
An escape from my prison
Are you my golden key
Will you try to set me free

Will you hold me tight
When I'm a sad sorry sight
There is no cure from my depression
But will you help the darkness lessen

Or will you run for the hills
Or jump in the sea and grow gills
Just to get away
From a disease you can not sway

And leave me counting the days
Till this clock like heart's hands stand still
And in death will I finally feel real?

You gently hold my head and look into my eyes
I can feel you searching for what I keep deep inside
I try to shift my gaze, trying my demons and monster to hide

It doesn't work, you hold me tight
My body stiffens, I want to take flight
For what resides within me is a horrific sight

I try to keep you at a distance, I don't want you to close
I don't want to scare you away with my many ghost
It's because I like you a lot more than most

But still you insists on peering in
To see what dwells beneath my skin
I know this is the begaining of the end

For no one that sees inside, stays
It just happens to be that way
They are always scared by the gray

They don't even see the very bottom, the dark
They just leave another scar, another mark
I'm to shattered, my life to stark

I had a golden heart, that long ago was beaten and crushed
I think is was because I loved to much
All those that through my life rushed

But I don't want you to go
So please don't look into my eyes to see my soul
After all theses years it's to black, to cold
I don't want the empty void to show
I want if only for a few nights, you to hold

Dear friend don't look for me after this fall
I tried to fly, broken wings and all
There for just a min I got to fly
Way up there in the brilliant blue sky
But just like Icarus I flew to close to the sun
I was at long last having fun
I was in love with the warmth, the glow
The light blinded me, I didn't know which way to go

So it seems I just flew higher
Knowing full well the plunge would be dire
But I had to feel the wind once more
Before I was washed up on that rocky shore

But now comes the uncontrolled decent
For I have found nothing is heaven sent
It all comes from the dark side
The demons love to watch the drop, the slide
They love to hear the heart change pace
The look of desperation on my face
As I plunge from what I thought was God's grace
But it's always just an illusion from my fellow race

Thinking someone likes me, and can hear my plea
Thinking someone truly loves me, and can see
It always ends way to suddenly, demon sent atrocities
They always seem to be

So I made my broken wings work
One last time, with one last ****
I wasn't disappointed
The union was not anointed
I knew the end was near
The bells tolling I could hear
But I ignored it and climbed higher skyward
I know I will be nothing in this life but a byword

Sitting on the floor because I don't like the fall
I only gave the illusion I was up, but it's here I've been after all
I try to trick myself into thinking I feel grand
It was my confusion, it was my plan
But it didn't work, hell the truth is I can't even stand
The true is I'll always be ******
But I do try to enjoy just a few comforts
Amongest all the hurts
A fresh cup of coffee, the smell of bacon
On the stove top frying and making
A cuddle with my dog, by the way her name is Pig.
I loved the movie "Babe" and "That'll do pig"
I have a twisted mind which is quiet an accomplishment
Considering the world wanted it shattered not bent
But I don't want your hand I'm quite content
On the floor here where I sit
For if I stand to tall
There will inevitably be that nasty fall
And just one more time and I may not be able to come back at all

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

To judge another is really not your place
You never know how it feels unless you live inside their space
But maybe your just stupid, ignorant, or dumb
Please enlighten me tell me which one

There was a little girl that lived in a tree
She climbed up there so no one could see
She climbed up there so she could just be

She stayed up there so long she got leaves in her hair
She stayed up there so long she no longer cared

She didn't care about the mother missing her child
She didn't care about anything after awail

She was content up there in the sky
She was content up there and no one knew why

How long she stayed up there nobody knew
How long she stayed up there her feet like roots grew

She had stayed so long now she hadn't a choice
She had stayed so long now she no longer had a voice

Don't go looking for her she's no longer there
Don't go looking for her she no longer cares

She had become part of the tree
She had become part of it and no one could see
She had become part of it and now she could just be

That little girl up in the tree, use to be me

He reached for the rose, but forgot about the thorns
He reached for the beast, but forgot about the horns
He reached for the future, but forgot about the past
He reached for the journey, but forgot about the quest
He reached for the sun, but forgot about the burn
He reached for the knowledge, but forgot what he'd learned
That light without darkness simply can not exist
Like the possessed without an exorcist
One without the other would have no value
With is you cannot argue

I quit dying today
Because I quit trying to live
I will no longer search for happiness
So the pain of not finding it will slowly melt away
The not caring of what happens and robotic motions
Will get me through the day
This world has finally done it,
Although it's broke my heart to many times to count
This time it was my spirit that shattered into pieces
And there is no fixing that
So with vacant eyes you'll see me carry on the day
No emotion on my face
No emotion in my heart
I never got to live but.....
Today is the day I quit dying
now I'll just exist

All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope

Why is life such a a meanie such a bully
There's no controlling it, it's so unruly
Some times it only gives me a ******, other times it knocks me to my knees
It just does what it please
But lately it's been knocking me out
What the **** is that all about
Life sure does need to stop this plight
That it has against my right
To be happy now and then
So I can at lest offer the world a grin
But I still have a furrowed brow
I wear the same old scowl
Because my life is such a bully
It's become so ******* unruly

The jingle of keys makes my skin crawl
I could always hear them as he came down the hall
I knew my bedroom door he would breach
I knew soon it was me he would besiege
These are my early childhood memories
Now you know what started my disease
And why my blood runs cold and I freeze
When I hear the jingle of keys

Give me some of that vitamin H, so my body can sigh
Sit awail, I'll nod a bit, and kiss this world's problems goodby
There'll be no more tears, no need to cry
As my mind is carried off on high
Body so relaxed it forgets to breath
Where I have floated off to, there seems to be no need
With this vitamin running through my veins
I don't feel the need to plant a bullet in my brain
When thoughts of death start to close in
I turn and run to my new friend
It's all a matter of desperation
Locked up tight in my situation

The memory you left, grows like a cancer, a cyst
Makes me really really wish
You had just beaten me with your fist

But the pictures play over and over in my mind
It's been almost a year,yet I find
The agony has not lessened, but grown
It's the worst I've ever known

The pain is so deeply ingrained
It has left me maimed
I can't even cry
My eyes remain dry

Out in the woods you took my body, left my soul splayed
I left you 18yrs ago, yet I was still your prey

You ***** my body, ***** my mind, ***** my soul
But that was far from all, now in the woods I can not go
Even the thought of it leaves my bones cold

Now no more fishing,no more camping, no more hikes
You left me with new fears that I have to fight
What you did was extremely far from right
Memories, anger, anguish, and depression takes another bite

With no sanctuary, no reprieve
Now nothing at all in which to believe you shoveled me down to my knees
For now every sound,every smell,everything in the woods I see
Only flashes of savage  pictured memories

My days spent with you
Are colored with the softest emotional hue
All in varying shades of blue
Of the sweet sadness that is you
A beautiful face graced with tears of dew
With the fullest lips that trembled when the pain grew
Your raven hair perfectly askew
To much of life's depravity you knew

To peer into those dark brown eyes
To witness their pleading question why
To hear that sorrowful quite sigh
Knowing that was your silent wish to die
Made this icicle heart melt and cry

There was nothing I could hide from your soul search gaze
It left my spirit lighter in so many ways
I no longer had to hide in the suns rays
I was free to dance in your darkening daze

Your beautiful sadness, graced you like pure black snow
Sure as the creek's slow flow
Goodness and love was all you would show

For your wounded soul knew
How misfortune could hunt you down and ensue
Leaving the feeling of happiness taboo
But with beautiful sadness you'd push through
As the universe's arrows struck and flew

You forever changed my vision
Unlocked me from the world's made prison
Loving you was not a choice nor a decision
You essence swept me into blissful submissions

It turned out to be my soul's deepest desire
To see the beauty in the muck and the mire
To accept the pain while in the midst of the fire
To wear sorrow with pride, like the robes of the heavenly choir

You allowed me to see beauty in the darkness
That the pain and agony does not tarnish
The beauty in the darkness remains regardless
If only to the darkness
It's beautiful view you harken

Demons whisper in my ear
So only I can hear
"Pick up that gun, feel the weight in your hand
Go on point it at your temple, we promise it well be grand"

Hand gripping the gun tight, finger on the trigger
I know there are things to be considered
With gun pointed to the ground
I get up and start to pace around

In my sister's room doing laps
As quick as the grays on the tracks
Chasing that ever elusive rabbit
I'm to lost in thought and pacing is just habit
Is this my sister's test
Telling me about the loaded gun and all the rest

I could take the gun, and take a walk, the woods are not that far
Just past the cemetery, just past that golden star
Sit under a big old oak tree
Put the barrel between my eyes, count to three
A single shot the birds would scatter to the sky
I would die

But I can't do that, my sister would blame herself foever
For my suicidal endeavor
So I put the gun down
Metal on wood is the only sound
I slowly and quietly walk away
Looks like I survived another day

The view from Hell is the most gorgeous of all
Brightest most vibrant blue sky above the fall
But in my ears is the demons call

Leaves of every autumn color fill the trees
If only I could feel the crisp cool breeze
Maybe then my burning flesh could ease

What I wouldn't give to feel the energies of the season's changing again
But I'm falling further into Hell, much to my chagrin
And against these demons there is no way to defend

So I'll enjoy the view
With all of it's diffrent hues
Till I'm blinded by the darkness, left without a clue

The breath of change are blowing again
It's a hurricane of a wind
I'm being blown like a tumble ****, head over heels
This cart has lost it's wheels

There's no stoping this ride
I've tried
So I'll just blow along
Until this monsoon is gone
If I come out the other side battered and ******
Well....I will have made it out, I'm a quick study

Not sure how it's gonna end
Or just where this well leave me, where it'll send
I've lost the illusion of control
I'm living, I'm swimming in a fish bowl

I'm on display
Watch my as I'm splayed
Everything will be spilled
Nothing will be hidden, nothing will be filled
Nothing will be forgiven
Just to see how far this darkness was been driven

A dream is crushed, a future uncertain
Maybe it's time to close this curtain
Love lies lost, because it was never found
All of this is so very profound
Because my only dream was for love to come around
But insteed I was used and abused
And it gave birth to my darkest muse
Now I'm to old for love to find me
My heart stoped looking and threw away the key
So broken I well always be

You dont understand me!! You dont and can't see!!
Just how deep the darkness dwells
Just how much the pain it swells
How very little else is left How very scary it is for myself
I know how hard it is to simply live with me
I know it won't take long before l have to set you free You'll be one more scar
one more pain
You'll be one more thing
Yes everyday life seems a little darker
Yes everyday to live through it gets a little harder Sometimes I get lost in the swirl
Sometimes everything becomes a blur
This feeling of already being dead
This feeling of nothingness is filling me with dread.

I lost myself so very long ago
Tell me where can a soul go
When your still alive and breathing
While inside I am still grieving
Is there any hope of finding that part of me
I raise my voice to the heavens and plea
Is my soul hiding in the deepest darkest corner
It's been gone so long it feels like a foreigner
Without that piece of me I've just grown cold
How much agony can the human shell hold

Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
It's to late, you all ready missed
Feeling like I don't exist
Been laying here in my bed for days
Counting down the ways
Of how to let go, or should I stay
The number count is growing high
Of the many ways to die
The argument to stay is small
Finally at the bottom of the fall
There is no getting up again
I'm to weak within this skin
This hole is deeper than the rest
The walls slick with oil, who would've guessed
Me that's who
There seems to be nothing I can do
Not this time, not by myself
I need some help
But they all ran away, sickened by the sight
Of a twisted corpse still trying to fight
Guess I'll just lay here and try to find some peace
But that will happen after they find it in the Middle East
I'm just tired and can't carry on
So I'll just lay here till I'm gone

Almost
This last little thing
That last little string
Snapped
You seen it in my eyes
Even though no tears I cried
Relapsed
You saved me more than scars
Those little line bars
Sliced
You took my knife
You saved my life
Wrist
For the cuts I would of made
No one could of saved

I'll just stay and linger on
Until of natural causes I am gone
Seems the suffering can continue
I'm still ordering from this menu
My demons still can feed
My monster I still will need
My twisted life shall fallow and ensue
To push on is all I can do
I say this as I'm lying in my bed
Facing the next minutes with dread
Can't even think about the days to come
Think I need a lot more ***
If I sleep long enough, will I sleep through all I suffer
Buried here under the cover