It was a cart once made for shopping
Now lost and long forgoten
It was a cart once silver and shiny
Now old, disgusting and grimy

She found it there in an unused lot
It was exactly what she had sought
In it she placed her worldly belongings
Including her hopes, her dreams, and longings

She took it with her wherever she went
Hours organizing it where spent
Not one thing about that cart was inept
She knew every scrap of paper, and were it was kept
There was room for her clothes, she had very few
Far less than anyone knew
A spot for the table scraps she managed to find
Who knew you could live on less than a dime

But there in the middle you'll find two old tattered tins
Her most prized possessions where tucked safely within

One tin was for the past and things that are no more
With child like eyes, she'd peek in and explore
For both Joy and Sorrow are contained inside
Amongst the Polaroids of life, a lock of child's hair did reside

The other was for her hopes and dreams
They carried her on, when there seemed to be no means
Even when all the dreams eventually explode and collide
Hope will still be standing strong by her side

Her life as it is now, out here on the streets
Was unexpected, not planned......the memory repeats

A bright sunny day
Soaking up the sun's rays
Both out by their pool
Him sitting at the bar on a stool
But little boys sure do like to giggle
They squirm, and they wiggle

Her out stretched fingers grazed his shirt as he fell
Her screams of anguish no one could quail
As she held his limp body pleading for him to open his eyes
Screaming at the heavens..... WHY.... WHY.... WHY

Now on this block you can find her every day
Pushing that shopping cart as she limps and she sways
Come bare witness to the sad aftermath
One split second, changed a life's path

©Pauline Morris

Alone again, on the same furrowed land
Knees trembling to much to stand
I find my feet firmly planted in quicksand

I'm sinking yet AGAIN
There is no need to pretend
My situation is to much to comprehend

I'm tired of all the abuse
Forced into being a lonely recluse
I once again raise my flag of truce

This suffering is way to much to bear
So I let go, raise my hands into the air
To an uncaring entity, I offer my last prayer

I hear the last toll of the bell
As the tears in my eyes swell
Sinking into my own personal hell

I watch my life slowly dissipate
I listen to the last beat beneath my breastplate
I could no longer carry the weight

©Pauline Morris

Locked up tight in a lover's cage
Easy target for all his rage

Lies being continually fed
I love you was said
Caught in his web

Sweetly tainted words he continued to weave
How was I ever that ****** naive
Blindly continuing to believe

Moved far from home and friends, freedom firmly suppressed
Long sleepless nights and days of no rest
As his crazy obsessions slowly manifest

Walking on eggshells till the next rampage
Locked up tight in an iron cage
Easy prey for all his rage

Never really knowing why or when the next attack
One word taken wrong, my jaw he would jack
Kept constantly pregnant, so I couldn't fight back

I realize from the outside looking in it's hard to construe
People say leave, but they haven't the slightest clue
But here on the inside, he means every death threat that's spewed

They just don't know that type of griping fear
Of keeping your children safe and near
While trying to hide all the violence from their eyes and ears

What if I left, tried to break free
Would he **** me, like he promised with glee
Would the kids survive, there's no guarantee

I know if he raised them, they would surely be twisted  
As adults would they follow in his steps, also be addicted
I fear their view of love would grow so sadistic

I was determined to get my kids out of his hellish cage alive
One day my opportunity did faithfully arrive
Leaving him to rot in his own putrid cell, while watching us thrive

               NEVER AGAIN

Will I be locked up in a lover's cage

               NEVER AGAIN

Will I be an easy target for rage

©Pauline Morris

The wind will blow, the chimes will dance
Be you in the throws of grief, or great romance
Our feelings, nothing but a victim of circumstance

©Pauline Russell

I see the tears welling up in his eyes
As he sets there, with a heavy sigh
These thoughts on his mind heavily weigh
Under his breath I could hear him say
"I'm getting so very forgetful"
"I'm looking so **** pitiful"

He turned 87 a week ago
His age is starting to show
He feels deaths grip closing in
His skin is paper thin
He's always cold even in the sweltering heat of summer
His hearing is almost gone, it's all just mummers
He talks of how his legs don't work so well any more
The act of getting up is such a chore

He has taken to cussing like a sailor
But reads the bible, getting ready to meet his creator
"Growing old in not for the weak or faint of heart
This growing old **** is hard"

©Pauline Morris

Close to death
A finale breath
Reaper's touch
A finale hush
Pain dissipates
In loved one's eyes reinstates

The walking dead in the land of the living
Soulless eyes and hearts unforgiving

They seek to destroy
******* out your joy
Shatter your skull
Make your mind dull

Rip out your heart
That's just the start
Dead set eyes
You'll never relize
Till it's to late 
Your heart they ate

Breathing remains
Nothing else the same
Now hollow of feeling
Soul was sent reeling

Some don't know
Out of them life flowed
We're all missing parts
Mostly the heart
Also gray matter
Obscenities spatter

Growing in number
Pillage and plunder
All must be fed
Living in the land of the dead..

©Pauline Morris

I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns

I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire

Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce

This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire

It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire

The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing

It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead

Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma

©Pauline Russell

One loose Pebble could send me plummeting
And I feel an earthquake coming

Besides the screams and panic
Besides people becoming manic

Was the most haunting of sounds, ever to be heard
Surreal and hysterically absurd
As loved ones try to leave nothing unsaid
Was the continuously ringing cellphones of the dead

©Pauline Russell

She left on that Desert highway
Running at top speed
She didn't stop for days
She wanted to end the bleed

Took a few left turns
She found herself lost
She had watched it all burn
Her soul had paid the cost

Her wildness enthralling
As in darkness she was drown
Storms of memories falling
Screaming silence the sound

Do not try to follow
Disappearing into herself, leaving only a blur
She'd taken all she could swallow 
With this life she  never did concur

©Pauline Russell

Oxymoron

Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized

The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground

We all were marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pain you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through

So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning

But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living, then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death, at your door calls

©Pauline Russell

Last night I cried myself to sleep
Counting tears instead of sheep
I need a shepherd to guide my feet
Lost out here on this mountain steep
With every memory I just stumble
Trying to climb over my life's rubble

Inside my eyelids is a projection screen
Showing me  things I've lived and seen
Every bad decision I've ever made
All of life's punches, vividly displayed

For young and broken it was true love I craved
Making easy prey for human monsters to enslave
In my youth I was taught the rules
Of how to be the victim of those human ghouls

I'm bleeding out, but none can see
From the head is where I bleed
Memories continually running full throttle
Like lightning caught and sealed in a bottle

Desperately scrambling up the mountain's face
Trying so hard to find my place
In this world, where I'll never belong
Never allowed to sing my song

This little bird will never cheep
For my spirits broke, I'm way to weak
The pain and agony to myself I'll keep
Till my eyes close to that ultimate sleep

©Pauline Russell

There in the belly of the city
Way down there where it's dark and gritty
Lives a very complexe man
There in his Window he stands
Watching the atrocities that parade down his street
He's seen the dealer's and the junkies meet
The homeless that set at their feet
The thugs that prey on the weak
Children abused,  made to be meek
It plays out every day of the week

He's seen it all
He's watched humanity fall
It's hard for him to digest
On this life's problems his mind rest
He knows there's not much that he can do
He watches and writes it all down, he's one of the few
Sent to bear witness to the inhumanity of man
To make us think of where in this life we stand

Yes he is a poet
He's watched it all and wrote it
He has a big heart
Which makes it hard to play his part
Of watcher in the tower
As those below cower
But his calling, well that he is sure of
To watch the dying of love
To watch the darkness closing in
To watch all of man's sin
To sound the alarm
Of humanity going wrong

He stands at his Window and cries out
But no one pays attention to his shouts
So he soaks the page with ink and tears
Hoping that at last somebody hears

©Pauline Russell

It's hard living in a world where no one cares
While your smothered and shallowed by despair
Sitting here wondering why I was born into this place
Not wanting to be part of this sad human race
Where money is the great and powerful Oz
It doesn't matter what's the cause
I look and see their hearts have grown cold and calloused
Everything is so off balanced
There is no more unconditional love
No loving  help from up above
We have been abandoned
The trumpets have sounded
Humanity has been stripped of it's compassion
Empathy is in short ration
Gone are the ways of old
To these values we no longer hold
Now it's I'll do for you,  if you can do for me
That's not the way it's supposed to be
But everyone's eyes have been closed
Their souls have become thorny and cold
We are no longer judged on our thoughts and actions
But by how much money we have for the coming attractions
For if we don't have enough to pay
We become part of the play
We are condemned to be the *****
They feed to the machines of war

©Pauline Russell

There was a bird that grew up caged
It didn't know it should be enraged
It had seen other birds fly
Thought to it's self "they are going to die"
For from what it had lived and witnessed
It thought they must have a sickness
To make them fly
Way up there in the sky
In it's cage it was quite content
Never knowing what for, it's wings where ment
So it thought the other birds where more than bent

Are you like that little bird
Thinking that flying is quiet absurd
Are you locked in a cage of your own design
Content to live your life so confined
Take a closer look and open up your mind

© Pauline Russell

I can feel the monsters skull trying to break out
I can feel the snout slowly growing stout
I can hear the growls deep and fearful start
A crack of all the bones, a moving of the parts
Writhing in pain falling to the ground
No longer can a human form be found

Why are you braced to run
Don't you want to have some fun
After all you called it out from me
When you made my emotions bleed
You was so very **** obstinate
Now turn and face the consequence

He licks his lips, he can taste your lies
He stares intently into your eyes
There is nothing he can't find
Nothing can you hide
Looking you over
He takes a big sniff of your odor
He takes your face in his claws
To him you must plea, he makes the call
Are you worthy of me at all
For my Monster won't rip, won't tear
He'll simply make you miss what use to be there.

©Pauline Russell

I am no one
I'm but a pun
I am nothing
I'm but string
I am naught
I'm but rot
I am an outsider
I'm but a cypher
I am an introvert
I'm but dirt

Just a splatter
On this life's platter

©Pauline Russell

I went down to the sandy bay
Just to watch the water sway
I chased the tiny ***** at play

Sitting on the sand to enjoy the view
***** closing in, quickly withdrew
Dimonds twinkling on a field of blue

Sea gulls screeching a hello
Eloquently they ride the winds flow
As off to the sea they go

The small waves start to dance
Sun and water have such a romance
Everythings perfect at first glance

To speak of this is quite taboo
Even in paradise things are askew
There in the waters deep deep blue

In the darkness or brightest place
Monsters of all kinds still give chase
They inhabit every single space

There is no heroes, they've all died
There is no need to wail or cry
No comforting can be applied

There is no one left to intercede
Come and have a seat by me
We can witness the ocean bleed

We will sit and watch the scene unfold
As they greedily munch down soul after soul
Plainly now all can see, we never did have control

©Pauline Russell

A man of pain
A man of Cain
Entered my life
Like a two edged knife

Fist decorating with bruises
There is no release, he refuses
Sleep is denied, mind turns to mush
No escaping, till my breath is hushed

My death is there within his eyes
Air shut off, harshly denied
Hands wrapped around throat
Till mind shuts off, then floats

©Pauline Russell

Late last night within my dreams
Chasing the wind, it showed me scenes
How it carved the mountains steep
Made the canyons very deep
Showing me cities centuries old
Glittering in the sun layerd in gold
I watched as the wind carried the sands of time
Burying the cities up, it felt like a loss it felt like a crime

I chased the wind so very far, I had to know
How do you pick where and how hard to blow

"Child by now you should see
I am not in control of me
Like every force of nature, we harken to His voice
What I do is His choice
From the gale winds that tosses ships
Or tornados that through communities rip
I'm the cool kiss on a soldiers sweaty brow
At their feet I spread the sent of death so foul
I touch every single blade of grass
Flowers nod a greeting as I pass
I do my masters bidding without question
Every single thing is but a lesson"

"Brace my friend, Your Winds of change are about to be
You'll no longer have to go chase me
Begging the creator to let it be good just this once
To let you taste happiness and joy in abundance
Through way to many years I have watched you cried
It saddens me all your tears I have dried"

Though you will look but never see
You will always fell the essence that is me
I was your first breath of life, that first pain filled cry
I was there every step, every stumble along your journey, I promise to be your last sigh

©Pauline Russell

If only my loved ones knew how hard I've fought
If only they knew all the directions I've sought

Agony finally overcame me, now out on the rim
I hope they know my last thoughts are of them

©Pauline Russell

Refined by the fire
Of others sins and desires

Brash and bold
To hot to hold

Beaten with wrath
A ****** aftermath

Left with the weight
Of guilt and hate

Made to succumb
Reliving what was done

Every night in my dreams
It plays like a movie screen

Echoes of screams
Bounce off of moon beams

Thrashing in a sea of white
Over and over, the same fight

There's no leaving the past in the past
As every night it leaves me aghast

So take that advice
That's like raw nerves under ice

Think about it thrice
For it is far from suffice

My war rages on
From dusk till dawn

©Pauline Russell

I thought you were a friend of mine
I thought you was a treasured find

Only when it came to fruition
Did I see the true situation

I was no more than a pawn
You just played me all along

I opened my home and heart to you
On my friendship you just chew

As you spitting out words of friendship and love
While holding that anvil out of sight, high above

Now I'm flattened once again
Loving people my greatest sin

This time I refuse to mend
This time I snapped, I didn't bend

For evil is what I receive from men
This time I refuse to have another friend

©Pauline Russell

The count down has begun, imploding inside
Memories run rampant, bump into, collide
Explosions hidden just behind the eyes
Self destruction lies just under skin and a grin, a worn-out guise

Most never caring, never looking any deeper, tell them your fine
On the outside making it all perfect, every thing looks aligned
Self destruction, grief, and sorrow combine
With tremendous anguish and pain I've been assigned

Desperately reaching for a caring hand to guide
Want of love and hugs are implied
But my cries are ignored and denied Anger shows it's hand, as I shove everything to the side

Why is it on my heart this torment that lingers, forever to stay
All the while these rapidly changing emotions I'm trying to slay
Pushing everyone and everything away
Loneliness settles in for the long harrowing stay

Only love will make the sorrow depart
Every fiber of my being pleads for that fresh start
It will only take one caring heart
To picking up pieces as I fall apart

©Pauline Russell

Please little pill
Help me not to feel
**** it where it starts
Right there in the heart
As sorrow gathers up and multiplies
Tears trickling, gone is my disguise
Please dear pill rush to my side
Let you chemicals be applied

Awww, feeling no pain
As the drugs tickles my brain
Maybe I'll live through today
But as for tomorrow who's to say

©Pauline Russell

If the sign on my door says "Don't come in, call 911"
Just turn around, walk or run
Knowing that my demons won

For many years I fought this war
I'm bone tired, down to my core
Gonna let my demons settle the score

I'm thinking only of your sanity
You don't need to see the depravity
Of the way I set my self free from gravity

You don't need to see the gore
So I'll just let you know, I am no more
As I place this sign upon my door


DON'T COME IN, CALL 911


©Pauline Russell

Mind, nothing more than a swollen abscess
With long forgotten memories, pressed down and repressed
With enough pressure, the accuser becomes the accused
As agony is seared in, and infused
Childhood stolen, of ignorance deprived
Innocence lies rotting where it was buried alive

©Pauline Russell

Walking continually in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my dire situation

Mired in my grief by the muddy suction
Shackled in barbed wire chains of my self destruction

Watching the Wind's of Change, bring life's next squall
Surrounding me, protecting me, is my wailing wall

As the Sand's of time unmercifully does it's eroding
Agonizing memories, the darkness keeps exposing

Thoughts start to spin, start to twist and contort
Demons there to greet me, in my mind they love to consort

Struggling with all my might, still doesn't help, I am stuck
Sinking, I'm getting enveloped by life's gooey muck

Slowly submerging in suicidal quicksand, seeking only peace
Depression sinks in it's sharp teeth, for death is release

©Pauline Russell

When it's my time to go
My spirt from my body will flow
It's off to the crematorium, I know

Don't hold on, just let me go
My ashes just let them flow
I'm no longer here, this you know

©Pauline Russell

Help me, help me
You have till the count of three

Help me, help me
It's more than just a plea

Help me, help me
Or my brains you might see

Help me, help me
One.. two.. three...

         BANG

To late, to late
The gun I just ate

©Pauline Russell

You said "I don't know if you think you're just a burden to me or what"

The answer there is yes, that's exactly what I fear
I've been made to feel a burden since the day I was born
But at times I feel like I'm worth so much more
That I'm not just a burden
But maybe someone to be loved, maybe even cherished
But then I think, maybe I'm really nothing at all

Maybe the universe saw I wasn't fit
Maybe in life, I deserved all of it
You have a hard time showing any feelings
In that void you leave me in, sometimes it sends my thoughts reeling
Everything gets tumbled, my words become jumbled
My actions become erratic, so not humble
It's because I fear the worst, that's exactly what I am

A Burden

©Pauline Russell

Born on the darkest of nights
For the stars hid their eyes from the sight
Of an innocent soul born under the bad moon
With the universe this child would never be attuned
In lifes garden, only pain, misery, and sorrow could bloom
From the very beginning this child's life was doomed

The stars wept that night
For an atrocity that wasn't right
The rain that fell on that child's soul
Was meant to comfort and console
The star's sweet tears quieted the wish to die
That only minutes old has already darkening that child's eye

The child grew with a messed up childhood
Every night the step dad at the child's bedroom door stood
That curse of the bad moon
Made sure all happiness out of this life was pruned

The child grew up, found love, or so thought
Only later to realize she had been caught
The grown child was caged and beaten daily
It was the depth of Hell, it almost drove that poor soul crazy

The stars held witness
As the winds of change bent and twisted
Rushing that soul from one tragedy to another
Leaving the child shaking under the covers

The child cried out to that wicked moon
"This sorrowful life you gifted me to soon"
"I never got to taste the pleasure"
"Or lie for a time just in leisure"
"You took happiness, the greatest of all treasure"

Everyday the child struggled through
What else was there to do
But everyday brought new problems the child did it's best to solve them
But it was a constant onslaught
Being born under the bad moon's sign, only agony was brought

The only relieve was at night, when the star's tears fell
It called to the child's soul like a bell
On rainy nights you can find
The child's fragile body and mind
Stand out in the pitch dark rain
Letting all those starry tears wash away the pain
The strain
That resides in the heart, the brain
The star's and the child's tears mix
As off the child's fingertips it drips

In the harsh light of day
Watch this child sways
Watch as the delicate steel soul dances to every blow
Taking the lumps of every thing thrown
It's hard to believe how strong this child did grow
But it's bones are brittle
To crush this grown child would take but a little

This child will never out live the moon's tattoo
There is nothing about it to do
Pushing on
Giving the illusion of being strong
Over to many problems it stumbled
Until the child's soul crumbles
Then the soul will rejoin the universe
Then and only then, in happiness it will be submerged

So take heed when the next bad moon wanes on high
You can hear the stars weep and cry
Pray your child isn't born in that night
That your child will not have to fight for a life that's unlivable
Surrounded in all that is miserable

If you was born under that evil moon
If the star's for you cry too
Do the best you can do
Dance in the rain of tears
Through out all of your years
In the stars sweet rain
It can wash away the pain
Letting you feel the illusion of sane

©Pauline Russell

Tears like rain, on her cheeks is found
They are always there, falling down

The sorrow is etched in lines on her face
Still she carries herself with beauty and grace

She's always there when someone is in need
Happy to help with every deed

Yet there she sits all alone
Not even a place to call her own

There's no hero for her to call
She feels like a little rag doll

Kicked to the side
A downward slide

cobwebs of memories are forming in her mind
Twisted and contorted she is now misaligned

She's coming undone, seams ripping apart
If only someone would give her their heart


©Pauline Russell

Red Rover, Red Rover
Is long ago over
As submachine guns are now slung over our children's shoulder

Hide and Go Seek
Is not for the meek
Now it's played by survivors or victims, the out look is bleak

London Bridge is Falling Down
Wouldn't actually hit the ground
But in today's reality there is probability to be found

War was played with cards
Now human life is of little regard
Open up your eyes, for war is now in  our backyards

©Pauline Russell

When I look in your eyes
I see the agony of a thousand goodbyes
The tears in your cries
I see the sadness of the wise

When I look in your eyes
I see the depth of love, it's no surprise
I see the twinkling of a thousand stars in the skies
I can see the moon rise

When I look in your eyes
I see the seasons turn, Autumn comes, summer dies
I see the death of year's, our slow demise
I agonize

When I look in your eyes
I sadly realize
One day we must part, there'll be no tears, no goodbyes
I'll just look into your eyes

©Pauline Russell

Give me my warm pajamas, my heart has been covered with snow
There are only lonely nights, no one to hold

Give me my warm pajamas, there's no one to hold
My bones are weary and so very cold

Give me my warm pajamas, my bones are cold
My heart is frozen over and growing old

Give me my warm pajamas,my heart is growing old
Winter has came, summer's been sold

Give me my warm pajamas, summer's been sold
With the hand of cards I've been dealt, I just want to fold

Give me my warm pajamas, I need to fold
In this world, I never fit it's mold

Give me my warm pajamas, I'll never fit the mold
By my past, my future has been foretold

My warm pajamas won't be why they find my body cold

©Pauline Russell

I'm hidden, shivering behind this curtain of rain
Seeing live through shades of pain
I'm so tired of listening to the sound of my tears
They've been falling for way to many years
In this life of mine, it never rains it only pours
In my head, the scarred battle ground of wars'
Of a million thoughts and memories
Trying desperately Pharmaceutical remedies
Only to discover there is no cure for my disease
Forced again and again to my knees

I use to pray to a distant faceless God
Religion preaching of His grand facade
But He too must be flawed
For I stand daily in front of His firing squad
Mental health continually erodes
Desperately waiting for a lull, as He reloads

Coal black darkness paints my life's canvas
As I watch yesterday's loss become today's madness
Wishing I could feel the firm hard dirt at the end of this hole
I fear it's bottomless, just like my soul

©Pauline Russell

Depression so deep
Only escape is sleep
Sleep conceals
All I feel
It steals away
Every day
Everythings gone wrong
Depression marches on

The dead keep dying
The birds quit flying
Sun no longer shining
Darkness keeps defying
Anguish always raining
Voices quietly crying
Mentally declining
Madness is smiling

Depression so deep
It's determined to keep
It all locked up tight
I'm shackled, can't fight
I'll never know, the why
So I close my eyes
Whisper a cry
Then wait to die

©Pauline Russell

Looking into the mirror, what do I see
Shadows crawling on the wall right behind me
Some would get a hell of a fright
Seeing such a sight
But I know they are just shadows cast
They linger for a while, but they never last

There's a shadow for what could of been
Before that first forced sin
There's a shadow of the past and what was supposed to be
Pieces of me stolen, never to become ME
There's a shadow of what there was
My sickness was the cause
There's a shadow of the present
My live still so very far from pleasant
There's a shadow of the future and what will soon come to be
At those I won't take a look, they're not for me to see

I like to see the shadows crawling on the ceiling
That means in my head, with them I'm not dealing
With all these shadows you can tell my life is dark
While swimming through the ashes, on the next life I embark

I keep trudging, struggling along
So the darkness to me alone belongs
Until the day I must, I don't want to pass them on

©Pauline Russell

I am the lock with no key
I take in all I see
I existed before space
I was here before the human race
I was the watcher all along
I just keep marching on
I will never ever die
I am time, I just fly

©Pauline Russell

Wanting feelings of warmth, but only ice instead
Done with the sorrow, I just want to be dead
Serious voices of suicide are singing through my head


Should I swing from a tree, in childhood they constantly saved me
Snuggly wrapped up in their limbs, a million books I'd read
Years were spent up above reality, the safest spot to be

Should I slice my wrist my throat, with my favorite knife
Many times I've felt it's bite, the lines on my body it's made rife
The smell of iron will be strong as red becomes black, an end of life

Should I drown, heavy blocks tied with the strongest rope
Water filled lungs, fish nibbling on my corpse when it bloats
Flower in an underwater garden, not sprawled in a dead man's float

Should I take a gun, get a good taste of cold hard steel
Shattering my cranium, my brains it will no longer conceal
Ending it all in the deep dark woods, has a strange appeal

Should I take some pills, lie upon the side of a mossy hill
Watching the birds in flight, till I feel deaths darkened chill
Suicide seems the only way out, stuck in my head, mentally ill


To my knees I drop
This rain never stops
Watching lightning from my rooftop

Wish I wasn't this way
Wish I had bright days
Wish in the sun I could play

Guess I'll see what comes my way
Guess I'll see how my life will sway
Guess I'll give this life one more day


But just in case I decide to jump instead of slide
Please believe me, I really tried

©Pauline Russell

My Diamond

By this life I've been cut to pieces, they're all there on the floor
Thousands of jigsaw shaped pieces, I'm not easy to explore

Only one person could look and see what was really me
Now that he's past, what will I become to be

For I'm constantly walking in circles, getting lost in the dark
Instead of a loving hand, all there is, is a question mark

I feel myself slipping backwards, further down the hole
Slide past the diamonds formed by pressured coal

You promised to be my diamond the hardest of all rocks
But even diamonds crack, with the ticking of the clock

I'm so very lost now, even more than before
Because you'll never again walk through my door

Only you could look at the jigsaw, seeing the beautiful picture it was supposed to be
Only you ever had the love to see, all that made me......me

©Pauline Russell

My child you never need to say a word
Your prayers unsaid are loudly heard


The crickets cry out constantly your pain
Every morsel, every grain

The Barn owl screeches out all your fear
Be Still my child, I'm always Near

The coyotes nightly howl, echoes your remorse
It's OK my child you'll get back on course

Wolfs scream of the agony you've been through
I'm sorry child, but there's still more for you

The fireflies light shows me how dark your world has gotten
Don't fret my child your not forgotten

You may cry, scream and blame me too, my shoulders are broad
Or just be Still my child and know that I am God