The beauty of
a broken heart
That doesnt need
to be healed

Your actions
Are like a bold pen.
Never erasable.
Always visible.

Why is it that you can
Wish for things you have never felt

How is it that I can
Wish for something I have never experienced

Is it possible
Is there a chance
Even the slightest

That one day
Someday
I will have it
Right next to me

A friendship
So strong
Neither of us could break it
Even if we tried

They say
If you run fast enough
All your thoughts
Will finally be left behind
I used to believe that could be true
But I say
If you run fast enough
Youll finally catch up
With all your thoughts

Always looking for
An explanation why
I never fit in
But facts will always remain facts
I am different
Even if Im the only one
Who doesnt know why

A form of art

The most intimate thing you can ask a poet,
Is the meaning behind their poems...

A puzzle I am
You wont figure me out
A puzzle I am
You will not find all my pieces
A puzzle I am
You wont put me back together
A puzzle I am
You see the broken, tattered pieces
A puzzle I am
You did never solve

The forbidden words,
Never to be spoken aloud
Tumbled out of my mouth
From the moment we met
And I let them.

You called me beautiful
And my smile is still here

From behind
I hear a whisper
Barely audible
Is my mind a trickster
I turn to look back
But see no one
I know I lack
The things they see
But does that mean
Im not pretty
In the corner I spy
Something standing
Wide eyed
I quickly glance away
from the fear
of him knowing Im a stray
Yes he does
really see me
But thats cause
Im a real beauty

Every moment of silence,
Is stolen by you.
In my mind,
You are always there.
In reality,
Life isnt that fair.
Someday in the future,
No clue when or where.
Ill know you like nobody,
Till the end, I swear.

"Youre forgetting."
My mind tells my heart,
when the petals wont stop falling.
"It takes time for the season to come,
And the flower to bloom."

Hope wants you to be happy,
But Reality wont let it break you

Ive always been
Broken.
But,
I thought we're all whole
Before we break.
Lies
Ive always been
Broken.

My hands
Too slow to write
Cannot keep up with my thoughts
My lips
Too slow to speak
Cannot keep up with my thoughts
My mind
Too slow to understand
Cannot keep up with my thoughts
If I myself cannot keep up with my thoughts,
Why should you?

Lurking in the dark
I do not see
He comes around
And buries me
My throat closes in
The world goes black
But I cannot tell
Because Im in the back
When my mind comes to
A masked face stares
I pull away
Hes from my nightmares
My body is bound
My head is throbbing
I can only do one thing
And that is not sobbing
I open my mouth
And out comes
A chorus of chaos

Fluttering Insides
Dizzy Head
Take a step
Do not fall
Right there it is
That which you seek
But my mind
Is playing with me
Feet of lead
Loss of words
I cannot do this
Collapse without words

Twisting throughout me
Is
The Color of my Soul

Dull yet shimmering
Rough yet soft
Dark yet bright

It hides what no one will ever see
My darkest secrets and pains
And my brightest memories and joys

The color of my soul
Is meant to be mixed with
The color of your Soul

And meant to become not the Color of my Soul
But the Color of our Souls

Chin up high
Even though you did this
How many will die, until you notice?
So many smiles are gone
Too many tears fall wronged
How much will we pay?
Until you take this away
COVID-19
We are a team
You will fall
We will stand
Hand in hand

The only time it truly isnt about how I look,
But how I feel

The place where reality and hope cross paths

A heart of gold
Silver is sold
Bronze is told
What diamonds behold

I've always been different,
haven't I?

Yes

You know the girl who always says shes fine,
Even though no one really asks.
Whos at your side, after you have left hers.
The one who wont, cant, even gently step on your heart,
When you are shattering hers.
Shes not okay.
She hasnt been, for a long, long time.

At least these drops of water are falling all around me,
Instead of from me.

Sink
Drown
Steal my
Crown
Ocean
Wave
No one to
Save
Deep
Down
I am
Underground
Pearl
Shore
I am
No more

Just there.
Not sitting.
Not standing.
Not laying down.
So then what?
Nothing.
Dust.
Brushed away.
No.
That’s not what does the harm.
Without a thought.
That is the root of the pain.
Once brushed away, gone forever.
No one will remember.
No one will care.
Nothing.
Dust.

Why do I feel embarrassed,
That no one has the heart to hold me?

Why do I feel embarrassed,
That no one has the guts to save me?

Why do I feel embarrassed,
That no one has a mind that can see me?

The words you send
Make my mouth bend
Then I tend
To think of the heart you lend
to me, your friend
whos heart you mend
please let this never end

The universe told him
He could never
would never
love her
enough
to heal
her broken
empty
dark
thundering
heart
but he didnt care
he didnt listen
he loved her
enough
to heal
her now
full
bright
shining
heart

These walls heard
me when no
one else could.

They gave my
words a home,
kept them safe.

Cheered, cried, listened.
Changed my life
for the better.

It wasn't enough.
But they heard
every last word.

Every time this happens,
I wonder
If its a pattern that will ever break,
Or if maybe I should just
Give up?
Its not like anyone cares,
That Im trying.

Looking for you
What else can I do
My heart is still lost
But its paid the cost
Of trusting your cover
And until I discover
More pain to numb this
I'll hold on to fake bliss

this gloomy,
sunshine.
these cloudy,
rays.
the softness in,
these Fall days.

When the world becomes black
Im almost safe
The impossible becomes possible
And the unreal becomes real
My darkness is kept low
And my imagination flys high
But that can only last for so long
The world will come to color
The impossible will escape out of reach
And the unreal will hide away
My darkness will creep back
And my imagination will be shoved in

But eventually I will go back to the blackness,
Forever
We all will
And then we will be safe forever

First Impressions
A funny thing
Why does the first time you see me
Define me
Why will that forever affect your thoughts
Of me
And why are they so hard to change

It isnt fair
That you take second chances
All for yourself
And leave nothing for others

I want people to see the truth
Of me
Of others
And of themselves

First Impressions

For reasons unknown
My mind is always filled with darkness
Im always alone
But I am not heartless

I want to see light
But my mind is buried too deep
I have no sight
So I only weep

Maybe I dont deserve it
And Ill be here forever
But I always show grit
No matter, wherever

Say goodbye
Maybe Ill see you one day
That is a lie
Only I would say

My heart is breaking
For you
But you arent real
How can I feel your pain
But never shed a tear for them
I want to connect
But only you make it possible
And maybe that is because you have no say

Dont treat me like glass
Because you think Im fragile
Treat me like glass
Because I am beautiful but breakable

The love for you Ive always had,
Left me the same time you did
But the regretful thoughts never will

Next to her.
Behind her.
Above her.
Below her.
Everywhere.
Guilt.
The words, there's nothing you could have done, echo in her mind.
She doesn't believe them.
Because she knows she could have saved him.
His soft blue eyes stare at her.
She won't apologize because she had to.
But that doesn't mean she will forgive herself.
Ever.

Time has passed
Since I was last here
And I wonder,
Is it because
Im happier now?

Regret scratches at the edges of Grief,
Widening the hole left in my heart

At least if you are heartless
You can never be heart broken

She had a heart of gold
So beautiful and bold
Eyes that drew you in
Not looking felt like a sin
Steps as light as dust
Looking was a must
Smile that broke your guard
Not staring was just too hard

Heaven once spoke
With laughter I feared
Powerful vocals
That threatened me
But time in hell
Let me see
Heaven once spoke
With laughter filled with fear
We have united
But drifted apart so slow
In my mind
I will never let you go

I wish I could be
Anonymous to the world
Like I am here

Gone I am
Into the past
Where memories haunt

Gone I am
Into the future
Where possibilities fly

Here I am
In the present
Where I must survive

Twisted truths
Circle around me
Sent by demons
Hiding reality

Look beneath
Look under
Look past

And you will find
What only I know exists