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1.1k · Jan 26
The Castle
Lieke Jan 26
After the sunset I hide
Nothing can hurt me there
No tears to be shed
No flesh to be torn


The castle shields me from the war
Prevents me from hurting
Even if just for a little while


The castle is what I love most
Kissing the dark of the sky
Dancing in the moonlight
Even if just for a little while


Making me look up from my scars
Getting me to dwell on the little piece of life left in me
In the castle, I am alive, I am home
Even if just for a little while


When the sun goes up
I have to return
To the **** I was born in
Getting beaten to filaments


All the hate flows back in me
Insulating me
Dragging me down deeper and deeper
Burning me to ash


In the dark heat I long
To the cherry nights under the stars
And in the dark paradise I prance
Under the bright glazing sun
4 January, 2019
Lieke Feb 1
I yell and I yell
enclosed by the air
and yet I can't feel it.


I want to hurt myself
just so I can feel something
So I try and I try
but not a drop of blood shed.


I shoot and I shoot
I clash my cymbals
I set myself on fire
I bomb the whole **** cloud.

Nothing moves.


I am stuck in an infinite circle of an alternate reality.
Isolated from life.
I sit and sob
in a cloud of white air.
about a dream I had a few nights ago. 1 February, 2019
821 · Jan 26
Him
Lieke Jan 26
Him
How could I,
Let myself be oblivious,
Miss all the red flags,
Ignore the warnings the universe was sending me.


I got cut.
A million shreds of pain stuck into me.
The way he looks at me glues to my hair.
His words became needles thread through my skin.
His touch on my body became tattoos of pressure.
Seeing him alive became my biggest fear.


I want to peel off my skin,
Start over again.
Untouched,
Unharmed,
Un-youed.
So I bought a new bra,
And rebooted a brand new me.


But no matter how new I am,
No matter how many bras I buy,
I keep falling back.
You've got me leashed.
Trapping me,
Until I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.

I

can't

breathe.
18 January, 2019
651 · Mar 31
Love me, please
Lieke Mar 31
i stand here
screaming for your attention
i could climb mount everest
and still it won't be enough

how come they are?
they get kissed and hugged and praised
all i get is a bowl of disappointment
at which i stare with my dumb eyes

i tell myself i don't care
but i'm racing on the inside
looking for a way to break through
notice me, i'm begging you

all i need is a nod of approval
your absence drives me mad
i'll even settle for half a smile
after all, you are my dad.
31 March, 2019
643 · Jan 26
imaginary escape
Lieke Jan 26
my life is a puzzle
and the missing piece is


i want to run
as far as my legs will take me
away from people
away from places
I'll keep spinning circles
into infinity
i'll spread my wings and fly
as i draw cloud with the wind
to a world far away
to a place so peaceful
to a paradise so cherry
that it becomes unreal


a state of mine
a perfect philosophy
to which i'll never arrive.
6 September, 2018
408 · Jan 26
Boxed
Lieke Jan 26
I will put in a box
How our eyes locked when we first met
When we finally kissed in the light of the dark party
And when I found out- this was getting heart-to-hearty


I will put in a box
The way you'd gaze at me biting your lower lip
Tension when you pulled me closer
With both your hands on my hip


I will put in a box
Every time we hugged goodbye
How you adapted to my liking
The breath-taking look in your eye


I will put in a box
Our late night walk
How you'd pleasure me anywhere
The way our lips would perfectly lock


I will put in a box
The texts that made me smile
Your shield of protection
Even if that means I won't be happy for a while


I will put in a box
Every **** remainder of you
I will put in a box
All the tears, all the blue


Every cry, ever scream
The pain of not belonging
Hoping that one day
I'll wake up, and no longer be longing.
21 January, 2019
392 · Jan 28
falling
Lieke Jan 28
i lay here on my bathroom floor
whirling
spinning


i can't move an inch
nothing
matters
anymore


i've done what i've done
and
loved
what
i've
loved


no regrets, no mistakes
it's
part
of
the
puzzle


now all there's left to do
is wait for
the
last
piece.
8 July, 2018
390 · Mar 20
Why me?
Lieke Mar 20
It was around midnight
I was alone with you
You filled my blood with alcohol
Little did I know what you knew

You wouldn’t keep your hands off me
As if I didn’t have a choice
Forcing yourself onto me
I couldn’t seem to find my voice

I tried to push you away
As you pulled me closer to you
I told you to leave
But you stuck to me like glue

The next morning
I tried to ***** up all of my tears
But your hands were tattoos on my body
And the look in your eyes became my biggest fears

You see, I was a steady moving girl
And you broke me in two
Now I’m chained to my fear
And I can’t seem to break through

You stole my freedom
And left me with paranoia and deep cuts
I want to tell the whole wide world
But you know I'll never have the guts

You've no idea how much damage you did
Just the scent of that night haunts me
I have nowhere to turn
There’s no place to where I can flee

I can't seem to escape you
If only I could count to three
I have just one question for you
Why me?
20 March, 2019
385 · Jan 26
They Are Vampires
Lieke Jan 26
they hunt you down to slaughter you
they are done when they see you bleed
they drink your blood to stay alive
they feel like they have a purpose


they look in the mirror and see your blood
they burry it in their heart full of ice
until your blood has frozen.
5 May, 2018
324 · Jan 26
My Best Favorite
Lieke Jan 26
To me, you are a noun, verb adjective and beyond.
You are a flash of lime green in this black & white world.


I love you.
I love you and nothing can push me away.
For you are a beautiful warmth,
comforting every corner of me.


Your smile is the key to opening me up.
You squirm inside and set a cozy fire.
Then you distribute the love by waving your heart.
And sprinkle my soul with your golden sunlight.


You'll never even know,
but darling, you own my life.
I'd let you **** me,
drown me,
and torch me on fire.
But I won't ever let you look away.
You never know how one glance can make me you-less forever.


Everyone has standards holding them up.
But I have
and only need
my precious baby you.
18 July, 2018
312 · Jan 26
E.
Lieke Jan 26
E.
I'm trapped in a box
Just me and you
You've come back to haunt me
Break me in two


It was a sweet summer fling
That smelled of fresh water
But little did I know
My heart was a lamb to the slaughter


When you kissed me goodbye
And we shared one last glance
I was falling really fast
And I realised I wouldn't stand a chance


If I could do it all over
I would've never let you go
I had you wrapped around my finger
Now all I see is your shadow


How did I end up here?
In this empty ice cold box
Holding nothing more
Than nostalgic dreams of the rocks


Blinded by desperation
Drowning in doubt
Struggling to be free
Looking for a way out.
11 August, 2018
268 · Feb 1
Eyes Wide Shut
Lieke Feb 1
they're here, i said, we've gotta run fast.
who's here, he said.
they're here to get me, i said, don't you hear them?
hear what, he said.
the voices, i said, the scraping on the wall, getting closer and closer and closer and closer... they're going to hurt me, they're going to.
you're okay, he said
they're hurting me, i said, they're here, right here, it hurts.
they're not, he said, it's all in your head.
deep breath, deep breath, now open your eyes.
1 February, 2019
228 · Jan 26
cursed
Lieke Jan 26
I want to punch you 'till you bleed
twist you bones 'till they snap
vacuum the remainders of your heart
then squeeze your veins 'till you no longer


But when the starting gun is fired
I am stopped by gravity
pulling me back
humanising this creature dressed as you
solidifying the sea of hatred a mile tall


The more I fight
the more I cry
each drop that splashes on the ground
is a piece of my heart
sweating
           sweating
                       for all the creatures in this world.
7 July, 2018
206 · Jan 26
Lust
Lieke Jan 26
as the dense look in your eyes embraced me
your lips grip onto mine
clutching me tight
cloaking me from all pain.


i am a solid woman
but to you i am vulnerable
you contain the power to break me
melt me to pieces.


your dark eyebrows protect me
as the essence of you comes closer
you fix me with your glance
seasoning me with a smile.


lifting me up
                               up
                                            and away.
7 January, 2019
195 · Jan 26
A.
Lieke Jan 26
A.
I was a wobbly little girl
Tortured by my devil
She chased and chased me
Hunting me down


Criticised my success
Laughed at my victory
Shortened my smiles
Prevented my laughs


My first tear
My only snap
My loudest sob
The whitest flag


I cried for help
there she was
I called emergency
there she was
I raced to school
there she was
I ran back home
there she was


Darkness flowed through her veins
Jealousy kept her running
Black magic empowered her
Sorcery concealed the *****


my head ******
my hands tied
my face torn
my vision blurred


Now she shoots and shoots
and shoots right through me
She strikes and strikes
and strikes up my smile


Protected by my love
I realised right then
I tried to die once
Never again.
13 September, 2018
174 · Jan 28
You.
Lieke Jan 28
You happened to me.
Why me?
Why you?
You hit me like a gunshot.
And hurt me soft and careful.
You inhaled me like a cigarette.
And locked me with your lips
You embraced me with your eyes.
And held onto my collar.
You wrecked away my ambition
Without pulling a single hair.
January 2018
144 · Jan 26
Empty Screams
Lieke Jan 26
I can't stop
Accelerating my the second
Salty tears are flooding my eyes
Air stuffing my windpipe
Each breath is spiralling upwards


I feel it all at once
Years of hungry pain rushing into me
The sorrow is starving for my cries
So it pulls and twists and stabs


My voice is muted
Death is craving me more and more
Longing to meet again
To bleed me dry
And drain me away
21 November, 2018
142 · Jan 26
Up
Lieke Jan 26
Up
With my red lipstick on
flying
soaring through the deep
careless
fearless
melting through it all


hair behind me
chin raised up high
arms spread out
vision clear


look back
see you
deep breath
keep going
With my red lipstick on.
December, 2017
112 · Jan 28
Girl In The Mirror
Lieke Jan 28
I am staring at this person
not knowing who she is.


I've known her before
but now the image is drained dry.


her eyes possessed.
her lips blurry.
her body empty.
her skin thin.


There's nothing more to this person.
This person is dead.
March, 2018
107 · Feb 1
haiku about lust
Lieke Feb 1
i'm a fool for you
one day without you with me
and pop goes my heart.
1 February, 2019
97 · Jan 28
LoST
Lieke Jan 28
i am a shape

                       i dOn't know what kind

    i dOn't knOw what dimensiOn

                                          i give myself answers

            that i dOn't have the questiOns tO

                                                         my bOdy tries match a silhOuette

                        but there are nOne

                                                         i am an existent piece of sOmething

and that is all i knOw.
5 May 2018
96 · Jan 28
Naked
Lieke Jan 28
I feel the water against my skin
I know when I am almost drowning
I can sense the snakes poking my atmosphere
As I draw my knife.


One of my eyes pinned
The other one the watch
Because I am *****
And nothing will hurt me again.
28 January, 2019
91 · Jan 28
Hooked
Lieke Jan 28
I want to stitch your hands onto mine
You're the glazing moon
in a village of only dead grass.


I choke when I can't see you
Your glance is heaven to me.


As I claw my love into your mouth
I realize

that your love
is out of my
grasp.
8 July, 2018
89 · Jan 28
The Power of Power
Lieke Jan 28
You can't back down now
Now is happening
Gather all your fear
Sprinkle it all over you
Take a shower in the darkness
Dive in the sorrow
Because drowning
will teach you how to swim.
August 2017
73 · Jan 28
shOOk.
Lieke Jan 28
It's a dark night
Purple veins are conquering the sky
The haunting thunder is surrounding me


Teardrops are falling from the sky
rolling down my icy cheeks
The cry of piercing wind is petrifying
slithering in one ear
crawling out the other


I kept inhaling
Not knowing which breath would be my last
My head light
My vision faint
The last bits of life were bleeding out of me.
July 2017
63 · Mar 5
with(out) me
Lieke Mar 5
i want you to leave

                                                                      hold me tight

don't enter my life again

                                                                     and never let me go

run away from me

                                                                      pull me into you

don't you dare look back

                                                                      and kiss me forever

find someone new

                                                                      be mine forever

and start a new life

                                                                      never leave me alone

be happy

                                                                      be happy

without me.

                                                                      with me.
me wondering if this guy would want to be with me if he knew the real me.

— The End —