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In the last hour I dealt with a lot
My own definition of why I look dour
Memories I hid six feet under the ground
Came emerging, grasping, and clawing at me 'till I'm found

Saying what's good for me, but my thoughts aren't considered
Ignored by a mother, a father, a neglected child
A child that mimicked Rapunzel locked up in a tower
A child that had gotten their smile devoured

Each day they get thinner, all hopes get hindered
Clouded thoughts, faded scars, and their music gets louder
A habit to cloak emotions, not being able to shed a tear
Refraining from going to beer, avoiding others out of fear

Consolation comes through rose lenses,
A gun held to their head but not packed with powder
I wrote this short poem because the deadlines in my life on top of dealing with emotional trauma and having no time for myself all at once ******.
Alicia Aug 16
these days without a dad are strange
in ways I wish I cared more about
things are suddenly easy to let go of
when you are tired and
you finally loosen your grip,
an ode to visceral reactions
things are simple to never need back
if nothing seems real
in the first place
it's never even that deep
just that picturing a future
seems more like
getting hopes up
there is an important distinction
to be separate from  "looking forward to something"
life grows disheartened when these two are confused
used too closely to tell
is this realism? or a ****** distraction
from the fact that
I wouldn't mind dying
Sam Jul 14
you love me unconditionally
taught me the world is more than what we show to the ones we want to love us
/
I wont waste my energy trying to change your mind
or remind you that i am your universe
because that would be selfish
/
you are a brick wall
i can write on you and tell you what i need
/
but you'll never be there when i'm drowning beneath the breakers
/
you will stand there acting strong and tough
but you wont do a thing in the world about it
not even protect me
Lee Matvey Jun 28
A wilted flower,
plucked by a scary black crow,
growing in new dirt.
It's been awhile.
alexa Jun 23
if you love me so much,
why do you keep leaving me?
please stop.
M Jun 5
I look at my dad laying on his side:
a shoulder pinned to neck.
Opposite arm relaxed, open-palmed.

His heavy body leaned on a crusty elbow
and you’d think his eyes swelled in utero
because he’d just fetalconjured the invention
of the television and its screen.

My brain swims in a bone basin
and I’m human because I can’t stop moving.
As narration and pixels flash in the bedroom,
(this room could be a womblike calm),
my dad is beached, rejected by the waters he denies.

In and out of sleep, he snores awake.
Other times my mom wakes him and says
she hasn’t stopped all day.
Sometimes families do not know to build safe spaces.
My brain shudders when I’m ****** and
when I have to weigh my cargo.
Cc Dec 2019
tools are used to fix things
but this tool has broken me
more specifically the man who hit me with this tool has broken me
over and over again
my mind keeps replaying it
the silver metal surface
the pain that had tears streaming Down my face
the bruises it left
Ronin Sep 2019
Dear Dad,

You said you'd always be there
But you're nowhere to be found
I can't believe you left me
Feeling worthless and confound

There's nothing I can do anymore
I trusted you with all my heart
And you just left me aching
You're the one who tore my life apart

You learned me not to trust
Your promises you would keep
But you always betrayed me
And made me feel so cheap

Now you're the one that’s backstabbed
And left all alone
I told you you would ache like I ached
At last, it’s my turn to disown

I could never forgive you
Even if I tried
And how could you make it up to me
You still think you were right

I hate you for what you did to me
And I wish you would just die
Don’t take me wrong, I know it’s selfish
But I already said goodbye

And when you need me
I want you to know I won't be there
I hope one day you’ll read this
And feel the same despair

I don't want your broken promises
And the empty words you speak
All I wanted was a Daddy
One that’s strong instead of weak

I'm truly sorry, Dad
For all the words I say
You know I'll always love you
But your so-called “love” can’t make me stay

I've moved on with my life
Without you to watch me grow
But I’m done letting you hurt me
And with feeling oh so low

In a way I want to thank you
Because of you I'm strong
And I just wanted you to know
Unlike you, I didn't turn out wrong.

Love,
your Daughter
Gut wrenching and open. Raw. Exposed. Loving yet truthful.
Those are the exact words used to describe this poem. It's about my Dad, and the way he always treated me. He didn't physically abuse me, so it took me 14 years to realize that he was hurting me, but with his words rather than his hands.
fray narte Aug 2019
I wish you told me that wounding my knees was a part of the joy and that my hair already looked perfect in waves, and that bedtime stories weren't lame. I wish you told me these when I was a kid, instead of giving me the cliche ******* — those spilled stories over spilled beers about how you were forced to marry Mom instead of that girl named Beth.

We were caught in a story, the one with that school money thoughtlessly flung on the floor, road trips arguments and drunk-driving over eighty, and nonexistent goodnight kisses and hugs. As a kid, I believed those were the indicators of affection and love. But they're not and had I known that earlier, I wouldn't have stayed with someone who walked all over my mental health
with someone who took me on a desk and spit knives in his drunken slurs,
with someone who dialed another girl's number while thinking I was asleep,
with someone who only dialed my number while he thought his girl was asleep,
with someone who faded in the curtains after he saw my razored wrists,
with someone who said I was his ***** and called it his idea of love.
Had I known it earlier, I wouldn't have trusted men who hurt me just as you had. Had I known it earlier, I wouldn't have stayed with someone who had a ****** up notion of what love was. Had I known it earlier, I wouldn't have stayed with someone who was exactly like you.

Dad, had I known earlier that abuse wasn't supposed to be confused with love, I would have stayed alone.
just emma Aug 2019
You weren’t around much when we were growing up,
There were so many things you missed,
Like when I had my first kiss.
I get that you thought you were doing your best,
But you never noticed that I was a mess.
You were trying to give us a great life by always working,
But that meant I couldn’t tell you when that boy came lurking.
All I needed was my dad.
You were never there, and that made me sad...
You didn’t know how to be a dad,
Not even a tad.
You left when we were young,
And that’s how my story without a dad begun.
But then one day that changed,
You saw how lost I was in life’s maze.
You helped me,
You loved me.
You told me you were sorry,
And that this chapter in my journey was nothing but a short worry.
So I forgive you for not being around when I was a little birdy,
You’ve come into my life in the middle of my journey.
I know you are trying,
Thank you for holding me when you see that I’m crying.
So welcome to being a dad,
Life without you was really bad.
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