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Makenzie Oct 8
Zero.
One.
Two.
Three.
Fast asleep on my porch
in the middle of the day, dreaming my worries away.
Like how my doll broke and I’m still mourning the loss.
In my sandbox that doesn't have sand,
replaced with my most beloved stuffed animals,
I lay there not knowing what’s happening outside my world.
My mom shakes me awake with worry covering her face.
She screams at my father, how could he forget me here?
Four.
More fights.
Five.  
Dad’s never home.
Never has time for me.
Doesn't talk to mom much.
Red flags, brighter than a firetruck, I didn't see at this young age.
Six.
Dad’s moved out.
I have a new sister.
But at least I get a new puppy,
and whatever food and toys I want.
Plus more presents.
Seven.
Another sister.
This one has a different mom.
The fake mom is mean.
She thinks she's my mom but she's not.
“YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!”
I scream and cry until my dad comes back from the store,
wondering what happened while he was away.
He takes my side of course.
I’ve always been daddy's girl and always will be.
Eight.  
Things are changing a lot.
I don’t like it.
Nine.  
Dad got a house with her,
2 new dogs with her.
Of course my puppy gets neglected.
Favorites are picked and now I'm last.
This fake mom’s gone at work all day
while I look after my real sister and my fake one.
I grab my phone that I use only for emergencies,
and call my mom, my real mom.
“Dad’s sleeping…Fake mom’s at work…My sister’s are crying.”
I stubble over my words, not able to get them out due to panic.
“I'm coming. I promise.”
The fake mom hears it and grabs my phone.
“You can't call your mom while she’s at work. And where did you get this?”
‘Hurry mom.’ ‘My real mom.’
I run away, grab my bag,
make sure my real sister is good, and grab her hand.
It's only real if she has the same mom I thought.
My mom gets here thank god.
Ten.
Fights with fake mom,
fights with mom,
fights with me.
I hate dad's house.
I was first, now I’m last.
I feel out of place.
Eleven.
Twelve.
July 6th, 2019.
Less than a month after my birthday,
he left.
Left to live with this woman states away.
A woman that probably doesn't care about him.  
Thirteen.
I don't talk to my dad,
I guess it works out that way.  
Fourteen.
I wanna help, really I do.
(TW)
P!lls, dr!nk!ng, p@rty!ng.
No job, no phone, no contact.
I just sit and listen to my mom trash talk him.
I know he’s awful, but he’s still my dad.
I try to tune her out, keywords hit my eardrums.  
“Lazy.” “Selfish.” Worthless.”
‘But he's still my dad.’
Now.
I wonder what happened to daddy's little girl.
The one that would make him dress up,
or color while sitting on the balcony.
I wonder how it would have been if he stayed.
I have lots of questions to ask but I can’t.
Fear covers my body every time I  try to text or call.
No happy birthday this year because I was too scared to answer.
Christmas coming up and scared to ask for a simple thing:
To be daddy's little girl again.
hehe yea
riri Aug 16
laying in his arms, huddled up right beside his chest
next thing you know we're kissing, while he's touching my breast
grabbing onto my waist, his hand running down my back
he's playing with my hair, while whispering down my neck

sirens going off in my brain, telling me to run
"run as fast as you can, you are not the only one"
his touch was an indicator for me to leave, but i didn't know how
temporary affection is what held me back, so i thought "it's only for now"

his hand was like a vacuum, every touch ****** bits of my soul away
i knew deep down his desire for my body was the reason he wanted to stay
the more he said he "fell" for me, the more i became sweaty
sweaty with genuine anxiety, for the fact that all i felt was empty

i gave every reason i could to leave but he twisted each excuse in his own way
"it's just a phase of emptiness & numbness you're going through, please stay"
every opportunity i grasped onto to escape
just led to me having my mouth covered with tape

not even self sabotage could free me from his control
so i decided to permanently walk away, but in my heart remained a hole
i constantly asked myself why i stayed when i couldn't feel a connection
but i realized he gave me what daddy didn't: just some affection
******* dad
Kennedy Jul 29
i fear nothing,
not nothing as in: i am fearless.
but nothing, as in nothing.
i skip the end-credits of movies.
i love and trust way to easily.
i trauma dump.
i forgive people no matter what they do.
honestly - pt 1
alexis Jul 14
I picture your arms around me
Caressing my hair behind my ear
Oh what I would for you to really be here

I’d cross the seven seas just to see you smile
Just to feel your warm embrace I’d walk a hundred miles
Just to see you for a while those are the things I’d do
Because nothing, truly nothing, compares to seeing you
alexis Jul 14
I truly over-romanticize
I think about them day and night
And it isn’t wise

Because I know I’m not crossing their mind
So why can’t they leave mine?

The idea of them dances around in my head
From the moment I wake up
To the moment I go to bed

Oh to have my dreams come true
I don’t know what I’d do
If I were to finally be with you
alexis Jul 14
I think about you a little to much
I’d love to know if you think about me
Or is this just my young naivety?
Why? Why did you leave? What did I do? You said I would be living with my mother, you were moving to Texas because you were leaving a relationship and you couldn't take me with you. I thought nothing of it. Thinking only that I would see you during the summer. I was happy for you, you were moving on from that relationship. It wasn't until I started 7th grade at my new school to realize that you had lied to me. You lied to my face. You and she went to Texas with the rest of my siblings and moved into a beautiful home with a nice yard. You lied to me. Is this what being betrayed feels like? To know that you were being sent to live somewhere that didn't include them. You lied to me. You had the ******* audacity to sit me in the car and lie to my ******* face. Why? Did you not want me with you? This was 6 years ago. To this day, you have not once called me to see how I was doing. You never visit me either. You never offer for me to stay with you during the summer. I guess I am an unwanted child. But what I still can't get over, is that you had lied to me. Why couldn't you just tell me the truth. I could've handled it. You didn't have to lie. I have so many things that I want to say to you. I want to scream at you. To tell you that you had no right to lie. Not to me. I want to hate you, but I can't find it within myself to actually hate you, so I've settled on being disappointed in you. What's worse is that I want to hurt you back. For you to feel the pain that I'm still going through. I need it. I need that closure. I need you to understand what you put me through. But what hurts most is that you had lied to me.
This ia a true story based on my life
Lee Apr 29
I will never get apologizes for the words that have left your mouth.
I will never get to erase the trauma you inflicted.
I will never get the relationship I longed for.
The love I so desired.
Today I’m reclaiming my life and everything you stole from me.
I’ve taken the monster out of the cage today.

I suppose it was bound to happen at some point.

This is what happens when you tempt a beast in hiding.

Like my father’s sobriety, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
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