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Joy 6d
i can’t control
when people leave.

i can’t control
whether he’ll love me.

i can’t control
who lives or dies.

i can’t control
their opinions.

i can’t control.

but I can control my body.

I can control my calories.

I can decide when to stop.

I can decide whether I live or die.

I am the only one
who has that control.
The Vault Jul 29
Save my soul for I have sinned
Red hot on my thigh
And regret in my chest
nandhitha Jun 18
From being said as  "mad,wild and a good actor" whenever I got panic attacks in high school to  becoming an insomniac now , not only I grew up,but my sadness also grew.
Probably, nobody understood what I was going through.
I let them use me, I let them take me for granted.
I am scared that probably, one day... I'd let people know my actual worth when I leave,when I go far away from this cruel world... Probably!
Jay M May 8
Loving and fighting
Wordlessly and real
Inaudible and echoing
Accusing, denying
I wonder what has become of my mind

Helplessly crying
Forever denying
Won't let them in
They won't know
The deadly truth
That will get me sent
Far, far away
To a land unknown
Destroying my home

I deserve to be alright
I deserve to sleep at night
Suffocated by regrets
Past mistakes

One day
I fear
I could lose all I hold dear
All so near
To my heart
To my very soul

I can't imagine a world
With them all gone
Lying on the floor
Would they hear me screaming;
"Please don't leave me!"?

Take my hand
Help me
Make it alright

Pacing back and forth
As threats fly
Slipping for a second
Then I hit the ground
Play dead?
I've been dead

The aching in my soul
Driving me to suffer the extremes
Of the what the human mind can do
All to itself

Hold on
That's all I'm trying to do now
Not stay strong
Just stay

I swear
I still love you
Even if I'm doing these things
They're to myself
Punishment for my wrongs
Yet they are seen worse

Hold me
That's all I want
One person
Whomever they may be
Hold me
Tell me it'll be alright
Maybe not now
But someday

Give me someday

Help me
Give me a tomorrow
But don't take me away
Don't strip me of everything

Don't take all I have left

- Emily M
May 8th, 2019
This is probably my greatest fear....some of you will understand...
Cole Maxwell Apr 1
The tragic path to a self made torment is awakened in me. The inevitable remains paramount to death. Just as with those who cause me pain, I cause them pain as well. The Lost Vision becoming more lost. The undeniable lover questioning her motivation to stay. Such love I regulate within my heart. But still, the strength to carry on fades to black. The biggest struggle I possess at the moment is that of the Lost Vision. The greatest promise I intend to keep is driving the Lost Vision into madness. It fears my departure and careless nature, though through all the emptiness, I do not plan to leave the Lost Vision's life.
I've caused so much pain, so much worry and insecurity.
As if I've stolen a key to the door of their heart, never again to give it back. A prisoner in my own soul; a build up of guilt now from the inevitably caused pain to others from myself. The essence of God still not being discussed, for I wait for that perfect stranger still. He came once, but I lost him amongst the hopelessness. I strive to escape this hole I lie in. But now this hole has become my home, my wasteland, my reality. I can't apologize enough to you, the Lost Vision, for making you feel that I will soon depart. I can reassure you I am not leaving you now.
But still, I cause many people grueling heartache. I am given so much love, so much that it's nearly overwhelming. Yet I still dream of ways to throw it all away.
So many tears I shed over a broken mirror, broken in spirit. It lacks the ability to reflect my happiness. For happiness was also lost to the hopelessness. So for now I continue my days, waiting for the end of heartache.
(Cole...1-23-12...11:04AM)
Cole Maxwell Apr 1
Within the endless void in which I constantly dwell, I struggle more and more to keep my sanity from escaping me. The more I dwell, the harder it becomes to remain from a vast, parallel reality, which opens up to me freely. My own home, a sanctuary of hate. For myself, for this life I "live." I cannot depend upon myself for happiness and consolation anymore. Only a few others can provide these essentials. The lost vision; the girl by the lake; the undeniable lover. As I listen to ecstatic waters, and look beyond the lake in front of me, I witness the sunset; its wondrous power to bring, give, and nurture life. At this moment, I feel as if I'm waiting. Waiting for that stranger, that perfect stranger, to walk by and discuss the essence of God. The bench I sit upon: empty. God does not provide a soul to bring it warmth. You may ask, "How can the bench be empty if you are perched upon it?" I will tell you, I am no soul bearer. I have given too much of myself to others to have an inspiration or warmth to give to this bench. For I am only temporarily using its space for myself. Those in my life are very much alike. Most are only there for a temporary time. However, there are those who will be present for a much longer time. Unfortunately, the inevitable is the death of a dream. Because even though they are here to console me, I'm afraid they inevitably cause me pain. But nonetheless, if they were not present within my life, I would have no life at all. But what is a life without a soul? Put your head against my chest and you will find there is an absence of sound. I pour my heart out for others, and it keeps me from knowing my self. So for now I will remain, dreaming with a broken heart.
(Cole...1-22-12...5:37PM)
Fox Friend Mar 26
these scenarios are stuck on loop in my head
my palm full of pills,
& The Orange Bottle of Liberation, now empty
as I fall asleep
The squealing of tires on tar as glass shatters
& I become one with the street

so many ways to stop being
what do you mean these thoughts aren't normal?
this is all my brain plays

on loop, on loop, on loop
Aeryn Mar 19
when I die,
leave me as I am
with my greasy face,
and the streaks of blood,
keep me as the disgrace
I am.

Let it be in the night,
so that you may see the constellations
that I always treasured,
wherein I found Cancer,
and felt that Mom might be there.

So find Virgo,
and find me.

Play the theme from
Up,
and believe that I am
Up
there,
in the stars above.

For now,
I'll be here,
in the dumps below,
burying myself.
Makayla Jane Mar 13
Greasy hair,
No sleep,
Forgot her glasses,
That's me
Notice how they all kind of have to do with my head hence, the title.
Feel free to share revision ideas (:
Makayla Jane Mar 13
Most times I imagine myself committing suicide
And actually dead,
I find myself running away from my home
Only time end my life somewhere alone in the woods

A few times I see myself going behind my best friend's house
Others the woods near my home;
Sometimes going somewhere where I know nobody would think of looking
But rarely in my home in the bathroom

I know exactly how things would go if I did it at my trailer home;
In the early morning hours, I'd cut and overdose on my pills I've saved up,
My mother would try to come in the bathroom at 6:45am when she wakes my brother up for school
The door will be locked, she'll call out my name thinking I missed the bus
Though she'll receive no response and can't get in
So my mother will wake up her boyfriend and ask him to unlock it
Only for them to find me on the ground unconscious

But if I left my home,
No one would know where to start looking
And I'd be successful -

The End
Just my honest thoughts and facts.
Feel free to share revision ideas (:
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