Four words
Coming in a massive shock
As time stopped
My heart dropped
All hope lost

Hidden among
the London masses
Lies a goddess so young
who's beauty surpassed
That of the heavens

Skin like powdered snow,
Lips like Cupid's bow;
& with Curves bestowed.

She snaps the neck
Of Everyman that
Passes forth

French inhaling cigs,
Chasing the burn
With mixed drinks,
The nights oh so cold.

Who would've known,
That I'd find myself alone,
This night is ****
And I can't believe,
That I'd drown my dreams.

Nothing is as it seems,
Staring at the bottle
I'm just tryna find relief.

Chain smoking cigs,
Cause my lack of ****
Numbing the pain
Just so I won't see -
.....what's down memory lane

My walls are big n strong
Like that of Babylon
None can do me wrong
As I stay on my toes and strive on

The walls seem seamless  
But it's all for a reason
So I'll let you in on a little secret

The pain hid the door
And the gate won't open
Till I'm reassured that I'm not letting in a Trojan horse

Earths anxiety; she feels too crowded her heart beat racing; volcanos erupt and the ground shakes. She's just trying to get rid of all the waste

Finger tips tread lightly around her navel; chills exploding loudly, trying to refrain her movement projected in short rhythmic oooooo'ing

Shrooms*

Stems & caps divided in 8ths. Handful taken, pupils dilate; things get smaller others larger, pictures dance; your in a dream with open eyes

Snorting Line*

White snow piled high broken up into single filed lines, across her coccyx and snorted of her ***.

Rolling Up*

Swisher split; gutted out, stuffed back in with some indo trees. Tucked right in, pull it over lick the edge close it up & roast that ****!

I use my words; I let it be known
That my feelings are true,
But it's up to her to make the move

I was taught to respect her skin;
After all even the devil
Needs permission to be let in.

If she wants her hand held;
She'll fidget her fingers against mine,
If she wants a kiss; She'll get real close,
If she wants something more;
She'll take control,
& remove some clothes.

*Only then will I have permission to explore her flesh.

Just the kid with
Rose colored glasses
Who saw nothing but joy
Till the world turn their back
& beat him whole

Glasses dropped and crushed
Beneath the shear weight
Of pure hatred and pain;
He'd never be the same

Glasses broken;
Now flame rules his eyes
Cynical ******* rises from the pain

Where there's Stars beneath your soles
Reminder of those that made it
Such glamor n poise is thought
But it's a town of broken dreams
And where the poor sleep on stars.

Runaways, crooks, two faces
and aspired actors
All looking for their big break.
Some risk it all to come to LA,
Some don't make it n their soul
Sleeps on the stars where they're closest to their goal.

Broken city with false smiles
Where souls cost a dollar
N beauty is worth a fortune.

...............*A place called Hollywood

Cold metal around your wrists
Restraining your moves,
Smirks and smiles exchange;
Feather tips on skin,
Sending chilling signals in-between, *your legs

There were plenty before you,
But don't get me wrong
You were my first love.

The priors i loved but
I was never IN Love
Till the day I met you,
Your innocent smile & golden heart
Never will I forget;
How you told me
I was only your second kiss,
You were 18 how could this be;
You were reserved n pure
Before you met me.

A year of on and off
& we fell IN Love
You knew the ****** deeds I did
& one day near the end of summer
You invited me over; caught me by suprise
When you lead me to your room
And removed your shirt

The pregnancy scare
Is what tore us apart,
I wasn't there;
Trust was broken,
& faith in men destroyed,
You never smoked
nor drank till after this
You must have been trying to escape

We stop talking
Cause you needed space,
I never once thought I should text.
You felt unwanted n used
By the way I lacked to try
I destroyed you,
corrupted you,
And I'm guilty of that

We agreed to stay friends,
But that didn't work
& we went our separate ways
Then last Christmas as if a miracle,
You came back into my life.

I never stoped loving you,
Never stopped hating myself

I let be known
That I'll lend a ear
When ever your down.

You must think I'm being sweet
Just to get another hit,
But the truth in the matter is;
I know you'll never take me back
Not after what I did

But I still feel guilty
And I wish to mend the wounds
After all I'm the one who caused
Them all.......

I hope words ignite
A flame that inspires you to
Write your hearts content

Gasps escape the lungs,
Hands gripping sheets; toes curled up
Body tenses,
Electric fire spreads;
Hands let go, In an explosive moan

I'm not attracted to people. Never have, never will. See I might get aroused; it's like my body is rejecting my decision it doesn't care it acts on it's own, but I'm fine with platonic relations. We don't gotta touch just cuddle and kiss and I'd be more than fine, but I'm a pleaser so ill subject myself to such acts, In accordance to their needs.
*** doesn't come to mind when out on dates unless it's been made clear that ****** activity will be in place. When *** comes to mind all I can think is "*** ugh no" The only ******* in my life comes from my partners needs. I'm their bf I'm supposed to cater to them. I don't mind it but I also don't like it.

I hardly go out anymore*
It's been a almost a month,
Since I've last seen her mouth
Form a smile
It's been a while since I've heard her laugh, I've felt dead knowing
She's in another state.
So far from a quick visit
Can't stop by just to say Hi,
I fear she'll forget me
She'll make new memories
And forget her favorite uncle.

Sometimes I wanna write about her, but I gave her this link,, so every so often she comes to read. It'd be weird if I spoke about her cause I hardly ever talk,, but if only she knew my discomfort around her sister and friends. They got this LA based logic that glamor is everything. So they pry and pluck and criticize everything. She's great I know she's a libra, but I won't make a move. Mainly cause I'm still building my life so I ignore most girls. I'd say I'd date her but be her bf I don't know, I can't really since I don't really know her but I'd love to court her, get to know her bit by bit. All she is, is my friend nothing more. It'd be nice if we could spend more time alone I'd have more to say than when placed in a group. New yorks the dream n so is hers I find that kinda heart warming. Like who knows maybe I'll see her one day walking down main ave. with a ring on her finger n coffee in hand, n we'll catch up n she'll tell me how she's got keychain licenses from every major city. She's a great girl, that she is and she inspires me n fans my flames. I'll make it someday.

Sometimes I feel her eyes avoid mine,
As if she's trying to hide
the love in her eyes,
As if she knows if we made eye contact
I'd know n call her out on it.

She's bottled up n reserved
With such poise that no mans ever known,
They chase after her,
They come in hoards
And maybe that's why she avoids
Subjecting her self to being known.

She's got questions about me
And she's so unsure, she's just being protective of her self and more.
I'm never chasing after her though,
Cause I know the hoards that come after her,
Why subject myself to being like the rest. No! I won't,
Ill just say hello n hope you notice my tone,
It'll be a tone I rarely use with anybody else, and I just hope it'll be enough to let you know.

This summer. I shall explore my city pick a place to sit. N choose a subject. N I'll write about Him,Her or It.
All poems will be placed in this single thread.

~Winchells Donuts~
She sits crossed legged
With coffee in hand
Chewing on a pencil top
Perhaps she's had too much coffee
Or probably not enough.
She's dotting something down
N looks disappointed every time
She looks up.
Maybe she's awaiting a lover
Or an old time friend
But as it's getting longer
Her chewing gets louder
I can hear the grinding of her teeth
On the wood of a number two.
My order is up n it's time for me to leave.
6-14-14 6:35am


~Local Transit~
She's biting her nails
And rubbing her belly
Maybe she's sick
Or pregnant with a baby.
6-14-14 12:44pm

~My Ex's Home~
Her eyes follow me,
everywhere I go
Yet she doesn't move
Nor say a word
I guess silence engulfed her whole
I don't blame her though,
it's been two years
But how was I supposed to know
That she'd visit her family home
She's fidgetting n she's nervous as hell
I should know, it's how she first felt
When we went on our date.
Four hours pass n I say "lates"
As her brother gives me a handshake
N starts closing the door
An exasperated yell
comes from the kitchen corridor
"Good bye -----???"
Is all I heard, I guess they still
Have that sound proof door.
I walk away n I see her peep
Out the curtain window.
Watching me as I leave.
6/14/14 6:40pm

You can hold a pebble
in the palm of your hand.
But when it's been pummeled
and turned to sand,
no matter how tight
you clench your fingers together
it'll slip through your hands.
Oh how the damaged ones slip through time.
Forgotten n spread across shore lines. Where different waves reach their lips only be pulled away before they reach,

Untouched n unfaze they become apart of the maze.
Left,
Right,
Up or
Down,
It's such a confusing haze. Her walls are high n you'll never find the center place.

Placed on the spot, People walking by
Eyes shift to my direction,
Snickering and smiling
My anxiety rising
Trying to grip reality,
My superficial temple artery starts pounding, as my heart rate rises.

I can't take this any more I must find the door.

Abandonment in the form of a 8 year old who's most loyal friend triped n left him to be beaten by the 5th graders

Abandonment in the form of a 10 year old boy, told to wait outside before going to the park only to wait an hour n see his siblings return in a sweat from the park.

Abandonment in the form of a 15 year old boy, told to wait in front of school for rehearsal only to be told a lie n wait there for countless hours while rehearsals were somewhere else.

Abandonment in the form of a 17 year old boy, told to come out to eat with friends only to return from the restroom n be left with the bill.

Abandonment in the form of a 21 year
Old man, who realized people aren't what they seem n abandoned them all.

Receiving,
So here's the thing
I can only receive so much

I don't like to take,
If offered I take a considerate amount
It'd be rude to turn down a gesture of kindness.

If i engage in such acts
I feel ashamed n worthless
I feel like a pariah
Just feeding of the scraps.

That's not me
I wield too much pride.

Your name sudden appears
In every billboard n sign I see,
I find you in the books i read
N your personality is presented
In the tumblr quotes I repost

Modern technology and advertisement
Could be the culprit of why your
Always runing within my mind
But that be a lie cause while in bed
And the lights are dim I think of everything me and you could be.

Your changing your behavior
Your changing your style
Your changing your beliefs
Just so they can match his
You call it love but it's for from it

If he loved you for you
Then you wouldn't feel
The need to change,
You'd be comfortable
In your own skin.

Conformity isn't love don't let them fool not even once.

I'm never one to get cold
Or get goosebumps
But with the subtlest touch
From her can make my hairs
Stand *****, send chills down my spine
And expel a sigh of relief.
That's the power of her love
So precise so Devine so powerful
That with the tip of her finger
Can make me feel all that at once.

Your my universe. I hope you know,
Your the earth beneath my feet
Supporting my every need
Your the sun high above
Refreshing me every morning
With your warmful glow
Your the moon above my head
Illuminating the way
Your the stars shooting across the sky
Attempting to reach me to make
My dream come to fruition.....

If my mind is as vast as an ocean
Then you must be my moon
Raising the tide every night,
Memories long forgotten
Wash up on shore
For my conscious to hold.

I toss n turn in bed
Fighting the image
Of you in my head;
Your memory plagues me
Disrupting my sleep
Slowly driving me insane.
As I lay there and contemplate
I can tell I won't get sleep
As I turn over to the analog clock
It's 3am, where'd the time go
I coulda swore it was
Eveleven fifty O' clock.

The abyss is empty
But it's filled with
Whispers of past lovers
Drawing you near
Like sirens
Making deadly voices
Sound alluring
Till the voices manifest
And drag you down,
Back at the bottom
Where you once began.
Memories resonate
And you think
They'll change
Believing their lies
Once again.

T ough resourceful,
I ntelligent and admirable
F ound face first in the pages of books
F reeing herself from the cages of the world.
A spired writer with pent emotions
N egligence of vent
Y onder is her ability to write for fear it may
                                                                  come to light

Standing in the crowd I was
Surrounded by strangers
In the dead of night.
People from across the globe
Connected through this single
Experience. Sharing tells
And their walks of life.
The ball drops
And confetti springs
People look around in awe
As I look to
My right,
My left,
My front and back
I'm not surrounded by strangers
Anymore.
The Portuguese behind us,
the Brazilians to my left,
The 7. Foot New Yorker in front
The spaniards to my right
N in my group two new friends
From 2 hours away.
The crowd disperses
As we all say good bye
Carrying with us the joy
Of new life, friends and
An experience that connected
Us all.

You whisper sweet words
But to your surprise
My cheeks don't turn a rosy pink
It's does not move any nerve in me
You see it in my eyes
That your words mean nothing
They lack the power they once had
You could conjure the most beautiful
Words placed together but in the end
They'll be just Sweet Nothings.

Fingertips racing across bare skin, signals repulsing to your brain. Eyes lock onto yours; pupils dilated. Free falling backwards on the bed. Wrapped in silk sheets our bodies becoming one.

I think of karma of a mental parasite rather than a celestial courthouse. Yea I mean they'll get what's coming to them but this "mental parasite" is so much worse. It's a mental parasite as in the way you've done something you now believe everyone is capable of that. The way a thieve thinks everyone is a thieve. Its something that plagues the mind, makes one weary of others.

(Expand at a later time)

Let go, just let it go
It's your past
Don't let it keep you
From moving on with life
I know it's shiny and it makes you happy
But it's doing more harm than good.
He moved on and so should you.
Don't be the raccoon who
Took a gander at something shiny
And got stuck in place
When she she could have just let go and left.

The memory is unbearable
I cringe as it rises from
my subconscious; haunting me
It plagues my mind
I need to find a distraction

Write, write, write, write
Stapling papers drawing forms;
Archiving documents.
I get on my 20 n get time alone.
The memory creeps up,
I can feel it as my mood keeps changing.

Distraction distraction distraction
Look at the cars speeding down the streets
The couples huddled close for warmth
Hmmm that's could have been us

*******

Your memory is creeping in
Everything I see reminds me of thee.

*You can only distract yourself for so long before you have to face the truth

The Universe has a vision for me, of what I am to become and Life is the artist, the sculptor. Everyday it chips away parts in which I don't need. It refines me n smoothes my sharp edges, it carves into me intricate details which will grow to define me. Everyday a part of me dies, but only to be reborn as a newer more refined individual.  Every strike of the chisel hurts, but pain is required for growth so I embrace the pain I embrace the hurt cause ultimately it will help me grow. I'm not completed yet so the blows still come, I'm an unfinished work of art. Half a stone tablet and half a man.