****.
Hot, wet, nasty and painful.
Why is that all they want to do?

I just want someone to hold my hand,
make me smile and laugh.
Why cant I find someone who wants that too?

Rotting flesh
Something isn't right
Troubling smell
Aching heart
Darkness closing in
Silence echoing loudly
Shadows claw their way through your heart
You're breathing stops
It's inching closer every second
The emptiness

From pain comes growth
and brings beauty in the end
.

Forgive me
As I fall to pieces at your feet
My pores rotting
A stench so foul
Can you feel my heart
Reach now, Keep it
As I fall away
Can you feel my broken
My bones won't heal
My heart won't mend
All is a puzzle
Can you smell the rotting
My flesh at your feet
If looks could ****, yours did
Can you hear the silence
I scream without sound
I don't know what to do
I tear at my throat, trying to tell you what's inside
As tears fall
A lake deep enough to swim
My rotting body falls
Through the dark abyss
Can you feel my heart
Miles apart
Can we journey through the land far apart
I'm begging on my knees
Can we heal what's falling to pieces
Please?

It's been so long
Since I've felt your hands run up my thighs
As your eyes peer up at me
Show me your hunger
Your body covers mine
As your tongue hits the most wonderful spot
It's been such a long time
Since I've felt that heat
The trail of fire your lips leave on my frozen skin
Its been such a long time
Since I've last felt your lips on mine
The heat has faded and frozen over
Waiting

The rain is falling,
and the skies are gray
It’s beautiful
but that's not how it was
when we woke up.
This morning,
the sun was shining,
and we were smiling.
Then the rain came
and washed the smile right off my face.
The spider dreads,
the clouds are here,
and where we stand
Is blurred.
And I’m hiding.
The rain is falling.
My smile is gone,
and my eyes are crying.
because they all want you,
and I’m not with you.
The messages mean nothing,
What if it happens again.
Breakdown or not.
I’m scared to lose you.
My everything is you.
My papi, no one else’s
My chulo, no one else’s
Im real scared, that she’ll worm her way in
She’ll take you away, maybe i won’t even know
I’m begging, tell me I’m wrong, because i have fear
My heart is heavy
An anchor weighs me down
I’m supposed to be home,
But i feel kinda alone.
Because my home is with you.

I tear my skin apart
Trying to fit in
Maybe what's inside really is all that matters
So I tear apart my outside
Trying to show the world my inside

I love you
You make me feel empty
Is this love
Or is this something else
What to do with these emotions
The sun rises and sets with you
The rain falls because you wish it so
My heart breaks because you will it
I feel like I'm falling in an endless pit
I'm not Edgar Allen Poe
My world is not dark
My heart is not black
I live in the sun
And would **** to have fun
Now I am empty
Holding myself together
Hoping one day
You'll want to keep us together

It *****
To want to die
When your life starts to come together
But your mind is screaming
Begging
End it here
Before it gets worse
Before it comes back to get you
The depression says
No
Not. Enough. Energy.
The anxiety says
It'll get much much worse
My heart
That
Left a long time ago

i am nothing
personality functionality deficit
and i attract
people with certain similarities
people who have embraced solidarity
will you hide with me?
brought forward an onslaught of emotions
my love
you’re running bargaining
i end up alone
with false hopes
to an end of my own personal
apocalypse
as i write in this
mindset
brought on by
a year of internal struggling
and endless working
my mind wanders
as insomnia sets in
will I be alone?
will I die today?
a dose of the unrequited effort
my mind wanders
what if my world would go black
would that be my win?
ramble ramble ramble
this existential poem
would it be ironic to like it?
ramblings of death
the end and personal pain
if one truly hates the pain
and yet loves the idea
of the darkness
are you afraid to die?
alcohol i bid thee a fair burning welcome
how long will you stay
enough to to see my lack of coherent sentence structure
or enough to see i am a flawed creation
going on and on about existential problems
for i shall exist regardless of my best intentions
as the wheel continues to roll on despite the moss covering this rain slicked track
i am done
all alone
But I don't want to be

i knew it
i knew it
i was never, enough
not now
not then
not ever
you'll always, cheat on me
your fingers don't
trace her collarbone
they don't follow her curves
to dip at her waist
they won't grip her hips
or hold her close
but your words cut me deep
shes ****
she appreciates you
she isn't me,
your wife
who does your laundry
cleans your dishes
turns your shirts inside out
when i fold them because
you believe its good luck
I won't ever be her
doesn't mean
I'm not ****
doesn't mean
i don't appreciate you
but you don't appreciate me

Someone asked me where home was for me,
I paused, I didn't know how to answer without saying it was you
you're my home
now I feel really alone
Kinda empty inside
And that feeling won't ever go away

Why does it hurt so bad?
We weren't anything
but your rejection stings.

You said all the right things,
I fell for all your promising.
I guess its my fault, at least just a tad.

Tell me please,
what happened,
Bees?

You spoke with ease.
Then ghosted
me.

Why does it hurt so bad?
We weren't anything
but your rejection stings.