I forgot what it felt like
To be burned
The familiar sting of sensitive skin brushed against fabric
All too real for me.
I wonder if she, too, felt pain like this.
Days spent basking in the sun on summer days,
While cancer scrawled upon her skin like a signature.
Sometimes I think she knew what she was doing,
Laying there,
Letting herself be killed,
Slowly,
But surely.
I hope she sees me,
Walking with friends.
Hundreds of us,
Marching for racial equality.
Would she have scoffed at the idea?
Or scolded me for not protecting my delicate shield?
Say,
“Your heart may armor your conviction,
But it does nothing for your ivory skin”?
But I know,
The lace on my wedding dress may hurt now,
But I will heal.
I cannot say the same for my brothers and sisters of color.
I will not let them lay there,
And be killed.

You knew how it would affect me and my relationship and you still did it.

I'll have wounds that can never heal because you chose to let it happen.

Was your own heartbreak not enough? Why did you want me to hurt too? What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing but care for and support you and help you.

You are both to blame but still, you messaged him first.
You didn't shut it down when you knew how much it would hurt me.

You're a bad friend.

I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get married October 3rd, 2020.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk down the aisle in a white gown I picked.  
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk myself because I'm not an object to be "handed off".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get closer and closer but yet it feels so far away.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to see eyes on me I only wished would have given me that much attention growing up.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to vow to the man I love that I will "always be with You".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to cry because life feels like its moving so fast yet the moment's pass so slow.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to pray that people care enough to come.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to hope his family accepts me without a second thought.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to convince myself that "I'm strong enough" to hold it together.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to marry the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm getting married in October.
"I'm going to be his wife."
I'm getting married in October.
I'm getting married.

.

sometimes

i think she forgets

i

was

his victim

too

You head over at 6 pm on Wednesdays,

You call me.

You leave on Sunday mornings,

I call you.

You've only been gone 3 hours,

You call me.

You leave for work at 5:15 pm,

I call you.

You don't get your first break until 10 pm,

You call me.

You get off work at 6 am,

I call you.

Every day.

We call.

The days you're gone are the hardest,
I sit alone in the living room,
trying to find the courage to do the impossible;
live without you.

Seconds feel like hours,
hours feel like days,
moments pass me by,
moving in slow motion.

No matter where you go,
no matter how far,
I will be waiting,
til the end of time.

I eat ***.

he touched me like i was fragile piece of glass
held me in his arms as if i would shatter if he let go
kissed my forehead so gentle it was as if his lips weren't even there
wiped away my tears like they were made of vapor
and spoke like he was telling me the most important secret in the whole world
"I love you"

A lonely melody played in slow motion,
flashbacks of laughter and words unspoken,
a haunting memory of hearts being broken,
I am a fish swimming in my own ocean,
fists tightened and heart ready for devotion,
with that lonely melody tearing me open,
veins of fire with loves potion,
a boy and a girl and a life chosen,
you can't contain the purest emotion,
a lonely melody will always been golden,
once the course is set and guns are loaded,
love cannot be destroyed or mearly stolen,
it is the one true token,
so hold fast to your love and cherish the moment,
after all that lonely melody can turn to a poem.

For the girl who makes me wish I had a sister like her,
don't let them break you or stand in your way.
They need you and love you,
no matter what your stepmom might say.
I know my opinion is not desired,
but I know better than anyone,
those little ones need you.
So **** what she says and don't back down.
You're strong and brave,
a fighter, a lover,
a hero,
a sister.
And that's worth fighting for.

Your ego
is about
as fragile
as glass.
And
I'd rather
cut myself
on the shards
than piece it
back
together.
And
I may be
"crazy"
but
at least
I'm not
you.

I made the initiative
to board the train
got left with nothing
only pain

I tried to fly
and fell a great height
maybe that's why
I can't put up the fight

I hide away
I sit at home
maybe that's why
I'm all alone

until the next life
I carry this weight
the darkness is now
my natural state

Trying to describe your depression to someone is like trying to describe a color to someone who has been blind their whole life.

Strength is the ability to stare fear in the face,
*and smile at it.

When I was little,
I used to hate having my door closed,
I would scream and cry
In fear of what the shadows could hold.
I was afraid of a box
Where I’d be held hostage
Caged with a lock
And no key
Back then
That pain was like the sting of a bee.
Now at 17 I realize that I wasn’t afraid of the dark
I was afraid of depression
Making its mark.
I was afraid of the endless battle of trying to fall asleep
Not wanting to wake up
But not wanting to dream.
I was afraid of the hope I would lose in that battle
Afraid of the chains
That made my hollow bones rattle,
Because in the light of a new day
I’d stay inside
“I’m tired” I’d say,
But the truth was much simpler
Than a cheap fix
I am afraid of myself
And I can’t change it.

As we drove down ES,
20 minutes away from "goodbye",
The Weekend was blasting,
I received a text.
"What now?"
You asked.
"It's Emilie."
I replied.
I read her question aloud and sighed.
"Baby?"
"I'm sorry,"
My voice is shaky and I know what you're going to say.
"I love you."
And at that moment,
My favorite lyrics play.
And you sing along as if replying to my confession of love.
"I think we need to take a break."
A sob ripples through me,
You ease on the breaks,
And pull over.
You take me in your arms,
Stubble pressed to my forehead.
We sit there for a while,
Silent except for my sobs.
"I'm afraid all of this 'Mark' stuff has really impacted how your friends trust you."
"I'm sorry,"
I choke out once more,
"I love you."
I love you.
*And this won't change that.
I will always be with You.
I love you.
I'm sorry.

"Think about it, we have each other and all she has is her rage."*

Because one can't simply be happy in this world without there being people to try to tear them down.

"Tell me how much"*

I love you like you strung the stars in the sky, just for me, because I swear you did.

I spoke your name like a prayer,
and you sang mine like it was your favorite song.
I loved you like puppy loves her person,
and you loved me like star in the night.
We were torn and broken,
lost and hurt.
I will always be with You.
You will always be with Me.
No matter what happens,
how far apart we are,
we will always have each other.
And that's true love,
isn't it?

I will never give up on you.
No matter how hard the tide pushes,
no matter how strong the wind may blow,
I will stand with you,
strong and tall.
You,
are afraid and brave.
I,
am terrified and resilient.
Together,
we are in love.
Together,
we will overcome.
Together,
we are one.
Nor hell or high water,
will tear us apart.

You'd think after 2 years,
the feelings would be gone.
You'd think after all of the pain,
I'd be able to forget.
But my heart is still attached.
You got the biggest piece of me I could offer,
and you treasured it,
but you were hurting and lost,
didn't know what to do.
But you loved me.
Truely.
You did.
You gave me what you could.
You tried to make me happy.
But you were damaged
and so was I.
So I hope,
after all this time,
we can find our love again.
Because my love don't die easy.

1.91667 years
23 months
99.9406 weeks
699.584 days
16790 hours
1,007,400 minutes
60,444,000 seconds

That's how long it's been since our first 'I love you'

I miss him.
I miss the way he kissed me.
I miss the way he would hold me.
I miss the way he smiled at me.
The way he looked into my eyes.
How he made me feel content.
I miss how he'd joke about my tiny hands.
I miss the scent of him on my pillow.
I miss the love he gave me,
and how he showed it.
He's all I want and need,
so I miss him.
And I don't regret it.

The world is full of things I hate,
things I could much rather live without.
When people are rude to their parents,
when people complain about their hardships but do nothing to overcome them,
when people **** shame girls for the same things guys are praised for,
when I get told something about me is wrong when I can't help it,
when people project their problems onto those who do nothing to deserve the suffering,
when I'm harassed for even existing,
when people lie when they know the other person knows the truth,
when I come home to drug and alcohol use by someone I have no authority over,
when I have nightmares so vivid, I can't tell what's reality anymore,
when people try to control other people's lives,
when I can't even get out of bed without wishing I was dead,
when I accidentally rhyme,
when I can't even be happy on my Prom night because my depression prevents any kind of happiness from truly being my emotion,
when I can't stop shaking at Post Prom because my anxiety is killing me and I hate feeling alone when I'm surrounded by people who love me.
I hate this.
I hate you.
I hate them.
I hate myself.

I miss you.
I've missed you every day.
I wish you weren't so stupid.
I wish I wasn't so dumb.
I wish we could be happy.
I wish you were still my fork.

My brain has chemical imbalance
held inside a ceramic palace
The fabrication of lies
and blankness behind the eyes,
with bloodstains on my body,
assault is my hobby.
Not on others you see,
just on 'lil ol' me.
And hunger isn’t a concern,
I want my body to burn.
My own pulse drives me insane,
I’d rather devoured by pain.
You’d think I’d wish the reverse,
but I love it, and that’s my curse.

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face,
I didn't know what it meant so I just hid it away.
That's my problem,
you see,
whenever the sun shines,
I hide in fear,
that's my sin.
I
don't really know what I'm fight'n for,
but I do know it's important so I implore
myself to get up,
wipe away the tears,
forget the grinding gears
in my soul.
I know it's hard to comprehend
the things I've been through
but ya gotta understand,
I'm just 17 and I've seen the worst of life,
been kicked down every time I tried to fight.
I can't win,
I can't lose,
'cause I got nothin' left,
just me,
myself,
and I will never forget,
how I fought those battles,
broke down those walls,
stood up and braced the impact
of every fall.
I'm strong but I'm weak in way you can't understand,
I work hard so I don't have to see it again,
that world I was brought in,
the pain I saw,
the and I will never forget.
This is my fight song.

I love when people,
think they can do no wrong.
Think they're in charge,
of everyone else's fate.
Hurt just feel
a sense of superiority.
But,
you see,
when you play with fire,
you will get burned.
And if you play with a rose,
you will get the thorns.

If someone is gay,
Don't relentlessly pursue them.
You seem to miss the point,
They don't like your gender that way.
So please leave them be,
They doesn't deserve this from you.
Just because they're nice,
And you think they're cute,
And you like them,
You seem to think you can get whatever you want.
Please don't put that on them.
They have no need for pointless drama and lies from you.
They're not stupid.
They know the truth.
So it's best to save yourself the trouble of changing something you can't,
Just because you can manipulate others,
Doesn't mean the same can happen with sexuality.

I've been kicked around,
that's a fact.
I've fallen down,
but I've come back.
I've stood tall,
through all the ****.
I've broke a couple falls,
and taken some hits.
I've had to crawl,
to find my grit.
I've been stayin' alive,
so I can fight.
I've had to strive,
to make it through the night.
I've learned to use my drive,
to see my own light.
I've found a way to thrive,
without ruining someone's life.

So to those who a still fighting,
don't give up,
stay strong,
don't let them bring you down,
you are powerful,
and you can make it through anything.

-V

In my entire life I had never noticed,
how much I mean to others.

I saw myself as a spec of dust,
hardly worth the oxygen I needed to survive.

But once I opened myself to the warm arms
of the many people who love me,
I knew who I was.

I made a list,
of all of you.

108 and counting,
of people who care.

When I posted about it,
so many of you said,
"I'm on there, right?"

Of course you are.
I wouldn't be who I am
without you.

So thank you,
all of you,
for helping me survive.

My strength lies with them

the people who make me feel at home

we are not a club

we are a family.

We stand strong

hold each other up

protect our own .

We thrive on the happiness

we give each other.

We are one

like the song from The Lion King 2

we sang together today

right before double run through.

I love you guys

and I'll never stop.

Thank you so much

for being my family.

I am Strong

I am  Powerful

I am Brave

I am Strong

I am Powerful

I am Brave

**I am Strong

I am Powerful

I am Brave

I'm happier,
I promise.
I'm doing better,
okay?
You don't have to this,
please.
I'm sorry that I'm hurting,
and I know,
you are too.
But what I don't understand,
is what I mean to you.
You say I'm your best friend,
but you don't act like it.
That night we hung out,
you made me feel things again,
and as much as I hated that,
I loved it all the same.
I'm happier,
I promise.
Now that you're not sad,
even though,
it hurts me,
I love seeing you smile again.
I care about you,
in more ways than one.
I can't escape it,
I wish I could.
Believe me,
I wish I could.
I'm happier,
I promise.
Even though I'm lying,
I know it's what you want to hear,
so I'll just fake it.

ven·det·ta
venˈdedə/
noun
noun: vendetta; plural noun: vendettas
a prolonged bitter quarrel with or campaign against someone.