Its 2am
I'm lying on the bathroom floor again
Heavy breathing, I got pills in my hand
Shaking and waiting for the sandman
To take me to sleep so you can understand

This is not a claim to fame
Only an attempt for you to remember my name
When you see me in the headlines saying "He wasn't okay"
Oh you miss me now? Ain't that a shame.

I'm not coming back, there is no replay
You can't take back all the words that you say
Today you're gonna learn there's a price to pay
For every single action and every mistake

Everyone says they understand but it's not the same
I try to focus on the positives but my mind goes astray
Point all the fingers you want but you're to blame
Your actions and your words caused my body to decay

Do you still think about me?
Am I one of your painful memories?
Do I cross your mind when you're all alone and trying to sleep?

I can say that all is the truth for me
I'm just a grain of sand and you are the sea.
You wrap around my brain until I can't ******* breathe.

Do you remember trying not to cry?
The day we finally said goodbye.
Feeling like we're alone but surrounded by a hundred eyes.

Did I move far enough out of state,
So that your memory of me is completely erased?
Do you still linger on my words and our mistakes?

Losing you, I was always afraid.
You used to tell me that we would be okay.
I guess you can say we were never meant to have our Always.

I'm sorry for inviting myself I just wanted to spend more time with you
And if I'm in your way I'll stand in the corner and wait for you

Now I'm sorry to be a bother but do you think I can have some water
To wash away my insecurities but I know you'll give them back to me

I don't know what you want from me but I just want your company
Find what you're looking for and take it all from me

Walk in my shoes for a day I have nothing more to take
Come on just give me a break if not for me for goodness sake

While you're pushing me away remember what I say
You might think you'd be happy but I know that you'll be sorry

So take your time but don't be long give me a feeling that I belong
I know everything about this is wrong but I'm just not very strong

I know you're hurting baby and feel like giving up.
You're building walls now baby but I'll climb on top.
I'll break them down now baby and lift you up.
You don't have to do this alone now baby, we'll partner up.
Don't think you feel too much now baby, I know it's tough.
I see your flame is dimming baby, I'll light you up.
You must be exhausted baby, you've fought enough.
I'll fight your battle baby, I'll take the blunt.
If I could turn back time my baby, I'd wind it up.
You know I need you baby, please don't give up.

Please don't give up.

I've got me a best friend
His name is Jack
I put him on rocks
Then mix him with black

He and I hang
With a lady named Mary
Jane is her last name
Though I'm careful not to carry

When we're all together
My troubles slip away
I don't worry about anything
But I have to watch what I say

We get into some trouble
But most of the time we're
All alone in my room
With a twelve pack of beer

Jack helps me cope
He listens to my worries
Takes away my anxiety
And the **** my brain buries

Oh and Mary is here too
She helps me sleep
When my brain won't stop
And my thoughts get too deep

They say friends are forever
And I hope that's the truth
Because without them here
I wouldn't know what the **** I'd do

I only write when I'm sad
Cause I use my words to cope.
So what am I supposed to say
When I feel the slightest bit of hope?

Love poems and positive thoughts?
I've tried that but it's all been said
I start writing and all I can think about
Is the times I wanted a bullet in my head.

Pretty typical stanza coming from me
Everything I write is basically the same
Oh no, I broke down the fourth wall
Am I still a poet or am I stripped of that name?

This is not me giving this up
Its more of me finally giving in
I think we all saw this coming,
That it's time to drop this pen.

I want to say thank you
For all your love and support.
And if anyone is saddened by this
Just know that I'm not sad anymore.

You think that time would make it easier and maybe I'd just forget.
I still think about that day often but I'm starting to think about it less.

I don't know if I should feel guilty because you're not always on my mind.
Or maybe that's just what happens when you've been gone such a long time.

I do wonder if you'd be proud of me and the things that I've done.
Would you tell me that you're happy because I finally found the one?

I do have a lot of questions that I know will never get answered.
Because you left your body here and your beautiful soul was transferred.

Thank you for the memories I'll hold them close to my heart.
I promise to try my best when I think of you not to fall apart.

I hope that you're happy there and you're able to get some rest.
I'll always have a place for you inside my hollow chest.

Maybe the truth is I was never really meant to be happy.
Not in the sincerest form of the word anyway.
I'm content and I do have my happy moments.
But sincerely and truly happy?
I don't think that word was invented with me in mind.

You can say that I'm a little out of touch
I fell down but I can't climb back up
None of my friends give a ****
I guess I'm **** out of luck.

If I'm not feeling blue I dont feel much
I know they'll tell me to **** it up
Moving on is just hard as ****
I'm tired of being down on my luck.

Its like holding in the clutch
I press the gas but just rev up
Going nowhere fast my motor is ******
I blew a gasket, yeah just my luck.

I hope I won't always need a crutch
I need motivation to just wake up
Get me a drink until I don't give a ****
I guess I've been making my own bad luck.

When I try to sleep, I remember all my fears,
And every mistake I've made in the past five years.

My heart feels heavy, alone in a crowded room.
Suffocating claustrophobia, will this be over soon?

This is exhausting, trying to win this fight.
Hand over mouth, nothing's felt so right.

I'm running out of breath, I can't make this climb.
Chasing down the clock, seems I'm out of time.

First cut, not always the deepest.
Watching in the mirror, I dont wanna miss this.

In debt, I guess you can say that I owe you.
All these years, still can't say that I know you.

Close your eyes, tell me I hit close to home.
Lie to my face, I'm tired of feeling all alone.

Always changing, why do I feel the same?
Pointing fingers, I know I'm to blame.

Tell me you care, don't cut all ties.
Don't lose focus, I'll find some truth in your disguise.

Tell me how am I supposed to end this?
This feeling in my stomach, is it endless?
I can't say that any of this makes sense,
but this has got me feeling apprehensive.

In my brain all I get is emotional feedback.
It always makes me take a few steps back.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain.
I can feel the static flow through my veins.

I'm trying to end the ringing in my ear.
A sound like voices that are not quite clear.
Do I have a loose wire or bad connection?
Can someone point me in the right direction?

So testing, testing, one, two, three.
May I have your attention please;
Why am I letting this get the best of me?
Pull the plugs so I can finally get some sleep.

I don't need a doctor just an electrician,
So they'll fix me not just give me medicine.
Maybe I should stop expecting everyone to help.
But this is something I just can't fix myself.

Is sobriety killing my creativity?
Or is it better off this way?
It's hard to find some comfort in this
When all I know is pain

I couldn't go on much longer
With the way I was feeling inside
But who am I now that I'm sober?
Loss of identity will reside

Let me feel the lines of your hands
From your finger tips on down
I don't know how to fix me
But your skin is safe and sound

My addiction doesn't make me
Or at least thats what they say
I created my own hell
And breathes are getting harder to take

Step one is to admit that
I have a problem with this well
This shouldn't be news to you
I've been crying out for help

I can't go on much longer
With the way I'm feeling inside
Who am I now that it's over?
Give myself to the fleeting tide

I need to feel the lines of your hands
From your fingertips on down
Give me something to hold onto
When I feel like I'm going to drown.

I heard a sad song
On the radio
It reminds me
Of the note you wrote
Of when we first met
And I was alone
You said I would never be
Ever be
Miserable

If there was one moment I'd regret
I would trace it to when we met
Nobody wants to cash in what's coming to 'em

Not when you're breaking hearts, so fluid

If I drive
Right off this cliff
Will people know
That I forfeit
And just let go
Is this an accident or incident
(Oh please) Save me from myself

I heard a sad song
On the radio
It reminds me
Of the note you wrote
Of when we first met
And I was alone
You said I would never be
Ever be
Miserable

But here I am in
Late September
10 months ago
You remember?
Barely breathing
Sinking feeling
You left me hanging
How can I trust again?

I heard a sad song
On the radio
It reminds me
To just let go
Of your words
And all the hope
And I pray that
You're miserable

I'm afraid to have kids
What if they get my depression
Or addiction
Or ******* alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say to them?

"Sorry kiddo,
**** it up.
You'll soon find out,
Life just ******* *****"

It's just not fair
To pass on an ongoing burden
To watch my kid suffer
Knowing that I can't relieve them

They're supposed to be protected
But I can't save them from themself
It just kills me to think
That we'd be drinking from the same well

What kind of father would I be
If I so carelessly
Had myself an offspring
That grew up to be just like me?

This bed it is a bridge
Of what is real and fantasy
I despise reality
I'd rather keep dreaming
Where I am free
To be alive
Where I will thrive 
And my heart can be
Free from knives 
I will not cry 
I can not feel
I stay in bed to escape what is real

I spent
My last $20
On you.
I hope
You like
What I got you.

I know
They're not
The nicest ones there,
But I,
Wanted to show
That I was thinking bout you.

I know that,
Times have been
Tough for you,
And I
Know that this
Wont make everything right.
But I've been thinking bout you.

And with
Every petal that falls
I hope you
Know that it's
Every thought I have bout you.

Yes I
I love you.

Sometimes I over drink.
Oops I mean overthink.
Ah **** it, it's the same **** thing.

I over pour my glass leaving no room for coke.
The voice repeating in my head of the last words you spoke.
You ask why I'm self destructive but the truth is I dont know.

I'm starting to think that the devil is a lie.
The only evil we see is what we bury inside.
I'm going to lose to myself, it's only a matter of time.

I'm starting to get lazy and just copy and paste,
All the words that went nowhere so they don't go to waste.
Maybe i'm just over this **** and need a change of pace.

I have a lot to say but a lot remains unspoken.
My creativity is asleep and dares not be woken.
I write what I feel but my pencil needs sharpened.

This used to keep my demons from making a revival.
Now when I write it's like I dont even try at all.
I dont know how to escape this so I live in denial.

What's left to say that I haven't already said?
The devil lives inside of me it's inside my head.
I'm thinking it's time to introduce my brain to some ******* lead.

There's a ghost in my room
That sings me to sleep
Whispering in my ear
A sweet symphony

With a simple melody
That has a heart mending remedy
But the words that it sings
I can't remember for the life of me

The voice is familiar
But can't put it to a face
I remember something similar
When my mind was in a better state

All I can hope
Is that it never leaves
Because if it were to depart
I don't know how I would sleep

I don't think you understand the the severity of my depression.
If you did you'd know it justifies my smoking sessions.
I don't do it to get "lit" or to have a good ******* time,
I do it cause I can't sleep unless I'm really ******* high.
My brain it eats at me and won't let me breathe.
The destruction and misery that's inside of me.
It keeps me awake and when they ask I just fake
a smile until they nod, say okay and walk away.
It may seem like I'm angry and I must say that's the truth.
How would you feel if it was you murdering you?
From the inside out until theres nothing ******* left.
But you crucify me because I have to clear my head.

I'm trying to find serotonin
In bodies and whiskey oceans

Floating above water isn't working
Fighting the gravity, so here's to hoping

I don’t feel right unless I'm wrong
I told you this all along

It's like there's a switch that flipped
No longer writing my own script

Can you tell me why you're still here
Why you haven't disappeared

I know I'm always next to you
(But) I'm only physically here

I finally figured it out
How to get up there pre-death.
I crawled my way up to you
Without leaving my own bed.

I tried to break you out
But they wouldn't let you leave.
I tried to break you out
To bring you home with me.

I got kicked out of heaven
No they won't let me back.
They said if I ever tried again
To prepare myself for attack.

I'll go back everyday
If I had the slightest chance.
I would play their little games
And I would dance their little dance.

You may call me selfish
Cause I know that you're safe.
But you took apart of me
That I can never replace.

I tried to break you out
But you didn't want to leave.
I tried to break you out
But you made a home there without me.

Best friends until the end
You know that will never change
Things might be different now
But they'll always be the same

Fourteen years old
Just two punk rock kids
Skateboarding and sneaking out
All the classes we would ditch

You know that I spent most of my nights with you
At your house there on Laredo Vista Avenue

Fast forward 10 years
There's no classes to ditch
I know if I didn't finish my beer
You'd be the first to call me a *****

When you and I get together
We're always doing stupid ****
Memories we won't remember
Except the fences that we've hit

If anyone asked I was always getting drunk with you
At your house there on Laredo Vista Avenue

I know I've left home
More times then I'd like to admit
But with you still at home
I just couldn't commit

Although a thousand miles away now my home is still there with you
Right there in Lake L.A. on Laredo Vista Avenue.

A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts

Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.

I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.

You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
But then I'd really dig deep into every mistake I've ever made

I'd go on to talk about the crushing weight of all my guilt
The guilt I'm tired of hearing that everyone has felt

"Just leave the past behind" they say and "move on to better days."
How the **** am I supposed to do that when I want to **** my brain

Therapy and medication only helped me for so long
Now I've come to realize I'm the only thing that's wrong

I'm not angry with anyone and would never put blame on you
I just can't handle my thoughts being the loudest in the room.

It's just one of those days that suicide seems like my friend
I try and I try but these thoughts never seem to end
I know it hurts you seeing me this way but I can't just pretend
That I'm okay and I'm happy but my brain just descends
I write out my suicide notes in a message to you and contemplate pressing send
I can't bring myself to burry you in my problems and this burden
Most times I look thoughtless but I just know you won't comprehend
What I'm thinking and what I'm fighting in this losing war within
I'm still trying to fight it but my only weapon is this pen
And since this pen is running low on ink I think its a good place for this to end

I'm sitting in purgatory
A deserving end
To my ****** story

You think you know who I am
But you don't know what I've done
Some call me the devil
Some call me his forgotten son

I'll take your heart at the start
And say you have mine
Once you realize I'm empty
I'll leave you all alone, crying

I've done a thing or two
That I can't say I regret
I'll dig into your memories
Make it impossible to forget

They say that there are monsters
That live under your bed
But I lay beside you
And plant doubt in your head

Now the question to ask
That you'll have to figure out
Am I talking about someone different
Or am I describing myself?

Don't call it a comeback
My depressions been here for years
I still smoke myself to sleep
And calm my anxiety with 3 or more beers

It's just goes to show
That I should stay in my lane
I stare at the bottom of an empty bottle
Just to focus on something other than pain

I knew it'd come back
I knew it was too good to be true
Depression isn't a state of mind
It's something that controls you

You would think I'd be used to it
And that it'd get a little easier
But I really didn't see this coming
It must be getting sneakier

I don't care about punctuation
I don't give a **** about my grammar
The only reason I'm doing this
Is to try to feel a little better

It used to work, ya know
To keep my demons at bay
Now it's starting to feel like work
Because I have all these people watching what I say

I guess you can say it's my fault
Since I'm the one that posted them online
Maybe I'm just not meant to have something as simple as a peace of mind.

It's odd for me
To be down on my knees
Praying to a God
That I don't believe in

I asked him why
There's so much pain in my life
And the one bit of joy
Was cut off like a knife

I was angry and mad
Didn't expect a response
I was crying and yelling
In my little tiny house

I heard in my heart
The reason to be
That there wasn't a soul good enough
To fill the love that I need

He said "I looked and I looked
But I just couldn't see
A soul with enough love
And joy that you need"

I trembled and I cried
I jumped to my feet
"Is that really you there?
Are you talking to me?"

"Don't give up yet boy
Though you don't believe in me
Ill keep on looking and looking
For the soul that you need.

And when that time comes
You'll know it will be
The soul of your child
That has all that you need."

Everything in the world is crashing down
Everyone around is out to get me
I've got voices in my head
And they're so **** condescending

So let's dance to the sounds of rockets
Cause chaos is all we know
Let the bullets fly right past us
And make this battlefield our home

Why do we wait for tears to fall
Before we ask if we're okay?
I'm not one to complain of nightmares
We need the night to appreciate the day

Let the ****** mist surround us
Like it's a beautiful yellow fog
Bombs blowing up through the night sky
We'll pretend that everything's alright

So let's dance to the sounds of rockets
Cause chaos is all we know
Let the bullets fly right past us
And make this battlefield our home

Let's make the best of this nuclear winter
And make angels in the ash
While the world is dead and rusted
We'll watch the lights of sattelites crash

Everything in the world is crashing down
Everyone around is out to get me
I've got voices in my head
And they're so **** condescending

So let's dance to the sounds of rockets
Cause chaos is all we know
Let the bullets fly right past us
And make this battlefield our home

I have nothing to show for these past 3 years except a broken heart and a taste for whiskey
Now the early mornin' hours is when I think the most
Though you know I'd really like to get some sleep

See my body has a home but my soul is all alone and I know that it's all my fault
So I'll pour another drink and light up this roach while I sit and think 'bout the last 3 years wishing that this whiskey still burned deep

I'm listening to songs about New Orleans thinking that maybe thats where I should be
But who am I kidding I hate the humidity and I can't escape the shakes no matter how far I run away

And although my body has a home, my soul is all alone and I know that it's all my fault
So I'll pour another drink and light up this roach while I sit and think about the last 3 years and work on a new approach

The sun sets around this ***** glass.
Just a few more hours until I become someone new and forget who I was.
Im waiting for the fireworks but they'll surely never come.
There's no celebration for killing the demon that's been killing everyone.

You think a simple crucifix could fix this.
I don't think I can send my monster back to hell.
I've killed my insides I'm nothing more then a shell of myself.

Looking in the mirror and reading the lines that I split with a razor blade.
Like memories made behind the closed shades as I held my hand on your face.
I'll try to shake the things I can't take haunted by the other me's mistakes.

It has control, I cant get a grip,
I'm a passenger on this sinking ship.
Maybe I'll fight and I'll come out alive,
But what's the point of living when I have to pay for his crime?

These smooth talking pills will get what they want.
I'll just cave in and forget I don't need another shot.
It's never felt so good to not feel at all.

You think a simple crucifix could fix this.
I don't think I can send my monster back to hell.
I've killed my insides I'm nothing more then a hollow shell of myself.

He will keep coming back, there is no escape.
I'll constantly ask forgiveness for his mistakes.

I'm terrified to see what this new year has in store for me.
I'm starting to believe that there has only been one me.

If I went to a professional they'd probably say it started when I was younger
Which begs the question why it didn't affect my older brother

Maybe it's just the way my brain is wired
I'm just so ******* sick and tired
Of being so **** sick and tired
Why am I always so ******* tired?

I just go through the motions
All the days just blend together
The only thing keeping me going
Is the hopes that this won't last forever

I can say that I care about a few things
But it'd be only to myself that I feed lies
There's a lot I need to get off my chest
But it's hard when I have to make it rhyme

I don't consider myself a poet
More of an alocoholic with a pen
I get myself into a drunken haze
And spill all the thoughts in my head

You're probably wondering where this is going
And I can't say that I have the answer
I kind of just type away
Until I start to feel a little better.

Who am I to you?
Do you want me to stick around?
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
But you still don't hear a sound.

Hang me from your promises
As I choke on your words.
You said you want me forever
But you cut my heart in thirds.

Where the **** were you
When I needed you the most?
My world was crashing down
You turned into a ghost.

You left me all alone
And I've been lost here ever since.
I wanna say I love you
But I can only say it in the past tense.

You promised me the light
But left when it got dim.
What would have happened
If you saw the darkness I have within?

If I took my final breath
Would it finally be enough?
Would you regret your last words to me
Would it be enough to fall back in love?

Hang me from your promises
As I choke on your words.
You said you want me forever
But you cut my heart in thirds.

Who the **** are you
To treat me like I'm trash?
You promised me so much
Than just took all your promises back.

I had that dream again
Same place different time
I asked Chris if we can have a minute so he exited, stage right
We were laying and I was holding you so **** tight like if I let go you'd float away.

Wood was falling from the roof and it was coming straight for your head
It probably would have killed you but I stopped it and saved you instead
You were so relieved we both started crying and I couldn't stop hugging you, not that I tried.

I want it burned into my memory forever
I never want to forget how it felt to be touched by you again.
How it felt to have your lips on mine and that smile that you show, lighting up the entire sky.

God ****** I miss you, why did I have to wake up?
I'm begging for a coma in hopes that it's the reality I relive everyday.

Next time I have the dream maybe, hopefully, I'll be able to say goodbye.

Tell me baby who's on your mind?
Who do you see when your lips are on mine?

Is it the guy you kissed?
Or your friend you miss?
Or somebody that I completely dismissed?
Anyway, I guess I deserve all of this.
I put you through hell when I promised you bliss.

I know i'm getting fat,
And my habits are pretty bad,
I need to trim my nails,
And I'm just always ******* sad.

What a drag.

I wouldn't think about me either.
But I'll do anything I can just so I can keep her.
I can't imagine rolling over and not being able to feel her.

God I need her.

But do I really think she needs me?
When I don't know if when we kiss it's me that she sees.
I'm begging you, please, I'm on my knees,
Tell me what I have to do so that it's me that you need.

Baby please.

I just want to feel like I'm enough.
I'm sorry for the way I am and making things so tough.
I feel so helpless, I'm even asking up above;
What can I do to keep you from falling out of love?

Tell me again how fire is dangerous
As you're standing there playing with matches
You strike the sulfur that would ultimately end us

You beg me not to leave but you push me away
I never know what you'll be feeling today
Tell me how you love me but cause me dismay

I know that you're trying I see it in your eyes
The first time I learned not only your mouth can tell lies
Say I give you life but you're already dead inside

You never hit me so I can thank you for that
Instead it was my mental state you attacked
I'd much rather you make both my eyes black

As I walked out you stood in the doorway crying
I probably would have stayed if I wasn't the only one trying
I hope next in line soon finds out they'll be dying.

Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbings of my hand
Eyes wide open in a pile of sand

Tell me how is it I can fix this
Walk around the house feeling like a misfit
How can I numb this without a drink
Emptying bottles in the kitchen sink

Clean my wounds with a bottle of Jack
Drinking my way to forget the past
You followed me into the pits of hell
Just to show you that I can't get well

Don't rely on me and I wont let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

Red lights
Blue lights flashing
Sirens screaming
These 3 employees
Hoping they can save me

I cut my wrists
I just won't stop bleeding
I hope they don't succeed
I know I won't ruin their evening

I just want to sleep
They're still speeding
Red lights
Green lights passing
Bandages and monitoring

5 minutes pass
I start crashing
They start panicking
I can't stop myself from smiling

My eyes fade to black
My memories pass me
I'm finally happy
I'm finally happy
I'm finally

I'm a sorry sad sap addicted to your mess
How you ever cared for me is still an anomaly
Your touch on my skin is a drug to me it's an addiction, this feeling is odd to me

So let's lay together and sing our favorite La Dispute songs
We'll talk about how sad songs make everything better
I think I knew I loved you when you said "let's be sad together"
I never thought I'd like to be but I'd like to be sad with you forever

Let's talk about suicide and all the ways we wanna die
But we'd never go through with it being in eachothers lives
Your eyes never looked so bright standing under these 4th street lights

So let's drive forever and scream our favorite Senses Fail songs
We'll talk about how sad songs make everything better
I think I knew I loved you when you said "let's be sad together"
I never liked to be sad but I'd like to be sad with you forever

I'm searching for a genie at the bottom of every bottle.
But three wishes will only last a little while.
So I'll just sit and sip on my own sorrow,
But you know I'm still going to try again tomorrow.

I'm searching for some rhyme or reason,
Why I'm still here in this mental prison.
Maybe so I'm forced into self-reflection.
But you know I'm stuck in this misdirection.

I'm searching for a mountain at sea level.
Hardly a man and more of a scarecrow.
I look like a person but I'm **** near hollow.
But you know you're a mountain and I'm just a pebble.

Boy just take it easy
Boy just take it slow
Please don't give up now
You have so much further to go

Put that gun down boy
Step away from the ledge
All the demons your fighting
Don't have to stay in your head

Let me help you boy
Let me be your light
You and I together boy
We'll give 'em a hell of a fight

This is it boy
It's time for war
With me by your side
It'll be easier than before

We got this boy
We won't back down
We'll take 'em all on
We'll knock 'em to the ground

Boy let's take it easy
Boy let's take it slow
All the demons you fight
Will no longer call you home

It's 12am and I'm 20 feet up its 32 degrees am I brave enough?
The misty water from the falls sprinkle my face
Not a soul around just my skateboard and I to fill this space

One light illuminating the rocks below as the water dances upon them
I'm getting butterflies just thinking about cutting in
A man walks by does he know my intent?
I begin to panic, this consuming paranoia is it just in my head?

I can see my breath, is it getting colder?
I bet the water is freezing, what if I just break my shoulder?
All the scenarios are depleting my course of action and I can feel my feet back off the ledge
Maybe tonight's not the night, maybe I should sleep it off instead

I grab my skateboard and turn around
What I didn't notice was the ice on the ground
My knee buckles from under me and the concrete meets my head
I start bleeding, panicing and pleading

It's 12:07am and it's my turn to dance
In 1.6 seconds I made my way to the dance floor
I thought this is what I wanted but no, not anymore

Warm blood covers my face while the ice water fills my lungs
I should stop fighting it I should accept this is where I belong
I close my eyes and see your face
I put on a smile and meet my fate

I don't have very long,
Will you tell me that you need me?
There's something wrong,
I know you see right through me.

I try my best,
But those intentions were lost.
A burning flame,
On a candle wick that's been gone.

It's becoming clear,
That my simple words are useless.
If I just disappeared,
Would you say it's me that you miss?

Please lie to me,
Just to try and save face.
I know you're already gone.
I know that I was too late.

I'll soon be gone,
But you won't be sorry.
My back holds your knife,
In my heart it's burried.

I'll take a drink,
In the morning I'll regret it.
The words I spill,
"I think it's time to forfeit."

I'll haunt your dreams,
But not as a ghost or a spirit.
You'll see my grave,
And you'll know that I meant it.

I'll see you around,
In your hometown in hell.
I'll be burning alive,
All because in love I fell.

Have you ever thought of ending it all?
Facing your fear when your backs to the wall?
Crossing the bridge and paying the toll?

Nobody know's the feeling better then me
I fantasize while in bed, rest assured I can't sleep
Knowing it's me I fear is murdering me

Drowning my face in my own reflection
Disconnecting myself from other's connection
Removing my head from self-loathing dejection

Addicted to things that help me forget
All the memories and laughs that came and went
Everything that I've done that I can't just repent