I'm sorry for inviting myself I just wanted to spend more time with you
And if I'm in your way I'll stand in the corner and wait for you
Now I'm sorry to be a bother but do you think I can have some water
To wash away my insecurities but I know you'll give them back to me
I don't know what you want from me but I just want your company
Find what you're looking for and take it all from me
Walk in my shoes for a day I have nothing more to take
Come on just give me a break if not for me for goodness sake
While you're pushing me away remember what I say
You might think you'd be happy but I know that you'll be sorry
So take your time but don't be long give me a feeling that I belong
I know everything about this is wrong but I'm just not very strong
Maybe the truth is I was never really meant to be happy.
Not in the sincerest form of the word anyway.
I'm content and I do have my happy moments.
But sincerely and truly happy?
I don't think that word was invented with me in mind.
Do you still think about me?
Am I one of your painful memories?
Do I cross your mind when you're all alone and trying to sleep?
I can say that all is the truth for me
I'm just a grain of sand and you are the sea.
You wrap around my brain until I can't ******* breathe.
Do you remember trying not to cry?
The day we finally said goodbye.
Feeling like we're alone but surrounded by a hundred eyes.
Did I move far enough out of state,
So that your memory of me is completely erased?
Do you still linger on my words and our mistakes?
Losing you, I was always afraid.
You used to tell me that we would be okay.
I guess you can say we were never meant to have our Always.
I'm searching for a genie at the bottom of every bottle.
But three wishes will only last a little while.
So I'll just sit and sip on my own sorrow,
But you know I'm still going to try again tomorrow.
I'm searching for some rhyme or reason,
Why I'm still here in this mental prison.
Maybe so I'm forced into self-reflection.
But you know I'm stuck in this misdirection.
I'm searching for a mountain at sea level.
Hardly a man and more of a scarecrow.
I look like a person but I'm **** near hollow.
But you know you're a mountain and I'm just a pebble.
I wish the abyss would stop looking back at me.
I look in the mirror and I swear that's all I see.
Not a monster but a void I cant escape.
I was born with a heart but it seems mishaped.
Someday I swear I'm going to leave this place.
Find my way to the light that people praise.
But for now I think it's better if I hang my head.
Bite my tongue and drink until I just forget.
I don't know how my story will end,
But I'm starting to think I can rip out some pages.
Skip the middle and get right to the very end.
Where you lay me six feet deep and reminisce on the things I said.
Scars show where you've been, not where you're going
Death is the only god that answers when you're calling
Time keeps moving forward there is no slowing
Will you miss me when I'm gone or while I'm going?
Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you
I should have never trusted you not to
Please don't do that thing that you do
You bat your eyes, fake a smile so I forgive you
I trace my veins follow my scars they lead me backwards
I wish I didnt see myself as a coward
Eyes straight walking in reverse but moving forward
Try to get ahead but staying focused on your words
After all these years in my head I rewrite our history
My monster summons memories of it's own for me
Running from myself like my own life is in jeopardy
Carried away by the grudges you made for me
I don't think you understand the the severity of my depression.
If you did you'd know it justifies my smoking sessions.
I don't do it to get "lit" or to have a good ******* time,
I do it cause I can't sleep unless I'm really ******* high.
My brain it eats at me and won't let me breathe.
The destruction and misery that's inside of me.
It keeps me awake and when they ask I just fake
a smile until they nod, say okay and walk away.
It may seem like I'm angry and I must say that's the truth.
How would you feel if it was you murdering you?
From the inside out until theres nothing ******* left.
But you crucify me because I have to clear my head.
Trying out a different style I guess. Kinda burnt out on writing and I'm hoping this changes things up a bit for me.