Bobcat 9h
I don't think you understand the the severity of my depression.
If you did you'd know it justifies my smoking sessions.
I don't do it to get "lit" or to have a good ******* time,
I do it cause I can't sleep unless I'm really ******* high.
My brain it eats at me and won't let me breathe.
The destruction and misery that's inside of me.
It keeps me awake and when they ask I just fake
a smile until they nod, say okay and walk away.
It may seem like I'm angry and I must say that's the truth.
How would you feel if it was you murdering you?
From the inside out until theres nothing ******* left.
But you crucify me because I have to clear my head.
Trying out a different style I guess. Kinda burnt out on writing and I'm hoping this changes things up a bit for me.
Bobcat 15h
Sometimes I over drink.
Oops I mean overthink.
Ah **** it, it's the same **** thing.

I over pour my glass leaving no room for coke.
The voice repeating in my head of the last words you spoke.
You ask why I'm self destructive but the truth is I dont know.

I'm starting to think that the devil is a lie.
The only evil we see is what we bury inside.
I'm going to lose to myself, it's only a matter of time.

I'm starting to get lazy and just copy and paste,
All the words that went nowhere so they don't go to waste.
Maybe i'm just over this **** and need a change of pace.

I have a lot to say but a lot remains unspoken.
My creativity is asleep and dares not be woken.
I write what I feel but my pencil needs sharpened.

This used to keep my demons from making a revival.
Now when I write it's like I dont even try at all.
I dont know how to escape this so I live in denial.

What's left to say that I haven't already said?
The devil lives inside of me it's inside my head.
I'm thinking it's time to introduce my brain to some ******* lead.
Bobcat Jan 7
I know you're hurting baby and feel like giving up.
You're building walls now baby but I'll climb on top.
I'll break them down now baby and lift you up.
You don't have to do this alone now baby, we'll partner up.
Don't think you feel too much now baby, I know it's tough.
I see your flame is dimming baby, I'll light you up.
You must be exhausted baby, you've fought enough.
I'll fight your battle baby, I'll take the blunt.
If I could turn back time my baby, I'd wind it up.
You know I need you baby, please don't give up.

Please don't give up.
Bobcat Jan 2
The sun sets around this ***** glass.
Just a few more hours until I become someone new and forget who I was.
Im waiting for the fireworks but they'll surely never come.
There's no celebration for killing the demon that's been killing everyone.

You think a simple crucifix could fix this.
I don't think I can send my monster back to ****.
I've killed my insides I'm nothing more then a shell of myself.

Looking in the mirror and reading the lines that I split with a razor blade.
Like memories made behind the closed shades as I held my hand on your face.
I'll try to shake the things I can't take haunted by the other me's mistakes.

It has control, I cant get a grip,
I'm a passenger on this sinking ship.
Maybe I'll fight and I'll come out alive,
But what's the point of living when I have to pay for his crime?

These smooth talking pills will get what they want.
I'll just cave in and forget I don't need another shot.
It's never felt so good to not feel at all.

You think a simple crucifix could fix this.
I don't think I can send my monster back to ****.
I've killed my insides I'm nothing more then a hollow shell of myself.

He will keep coming back, there is no escape.
I'll constantly ask forgiveness for his mistakes.

I'm terrified to see what this new year has in store for me.
I'm starting to believe that there has only been one me.
Bobcat Dec 2018
You think that time would make it easier and maybe I'd just forget.
I still think about that day often but I'm starting to think about it less.

I don't know if I should feel guilty because you're not always on my mind.
Or maybe that's just what happens when you've been gone such a long time.

I do wonder if you'd be proud of me and the things that I've done.
Would you tell me that you're happy because I finally found the one?

I do have a lot of questions that I know will never get answered.
Because you left your body here and your beautiful soul was transferred.

Thank you for the memories I'll hold them close to my heart.
I promise to try my best when I think of you not to fall apart.

I hope that you're happy there and you're able to get some rest.
I'll always have a place for you inside my hollow chest.
Bobcat Dec 2018
Clock out, start my car and check my phone.
I look down, see a text "Hey, you doing okay bro?"
Confused and realizing I missed about 12 calls.
Didn't know what was going on, nothing was clear,
Incoming call from 'enter name here'.
I answered "Hey what's up?" and then I heard the tears.
"What's going on? What did I miss? Are you alright?"
'You didn't hear? She was driving and passed away last night.'
I dropped my phone on the floorboard and head hit the wheel.
Thinking to myself-****, this **** can't be real-
This 10 minute drive home felt like forever.
I turned on our song before I stopped to get liquor.
I didn't know what to do and I didn't have much to say,
So I just decided to drink my night away.
I remember calling my mom, it must have been 4am.
She started to cry and asked me, what happened?
I just kept apologizing for not being able to cry.
I tried and I tried but my tear ducts were dry.
I just had an overwhelming feeling of hollowness inside.
I know they say there is 5 stages of grieving,
But I just couldn't accept that forever you're leaving.
You had plans, goals and so many ambitions.
It all changed when you were taken by the ambulance.
Flashing lights and sirens never sounded more silent.
Ear piercing screams heard miles from the accident.
I remember when we wanted to move and start a life.
On our drive home you looked at me and said "Idaho feels right;
We can both work and I heard they have really good schools
Now can we stop somewhere so I can get some food?"
You were so funny and always could make me smile.
Sure, we fought and argued but that only lasted a little while.
Though we hadn't talked in just about a year,
I was still living my most awful of fears.
No matter what happened or time spent apart,
We'd always find our way back to each others heart.
So, though each year gets just a little bit harder,
I know that someday soon we'll get to see eachother.
Bobcat Nov 2018
Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbings of my hand
Eyes wide open in a pile of sand

Tell me how is it I can fix this
Walk around the house feeling like a misfit
How can I numb this without a drink
Emptying bottles in the kitchen sink

Clean my wounds with a bottle of Jack
Drinking my way to forget the past
You followed me into the pits of ****
Just to show you that I can't get well

Don't rely on me and I wont let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown
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