There's a part of you that still grows,
within me
But you've been buried deep in soil,
beneath me
Every day, I encounter,
the thought of our possible future
But maybe that was the world's way
Of telling me you weren't meant to stay

TheLonely Dec 2017

Baby won't stay
Body not a home
Doc looks for heartbeat
But baby's long gone

Charlotte Dec 2017

I’m sure sometimes even
doctors
have to practice
telling bad news,

until eventually they
think they’re desensitised.
But I’ve seen when
they have to tell themselves
it’s a just story,
to deliver it without crying too.

A little vial of blood
determined the difference between
losing life and growing it.

You were something I never thought I’d have,
the news was delivered like a punch to my ribs,
even after the fist had left
I still felt the pain between each breath.

You
could have been gorgeous,
could have smiled at me from bed
every step of mine reminds me
of the ones you will never take
could have laughed at school and
become the cure to our misery.

Instead, you became the cause;
a tender bruise too new to touch,  
a ripping of my stitches,
the beginning of my end.

To this day
I imagine your smile
in every baby.
I hear your every laugh and every cry
through them —
every video of first steps
reduces me to tears
for they,
could have been yours.

It’s cruel of mother nature,
to remind us
something as common as life
can be so precious, so fragile
that just a crack in the window

in a sheet of glass,
thin as my patience,
lies  between
life and death
and can leave us both
breathless.

Losing a life is hard

In that time
When we were whole
When all we could think about
Was each other

And my soul was clean

We spent time
Learning the riddles
In each others skin
Painting with lightening
And ice
Words like brushes
Arcing across dimensions
All circling about our hearts
A wind in the weaves of fate
Whispering a gift to us
Like we had never known

In the morning
Before work some days past
You came out from about
A wooden corner
You seemed to have a billion eyes
And they all smiled at me
Like the calm luster
Of the moon

"I'm late" you said
And I got half way through
The stupid " you don't work toda...."
When my soul slapped my brain
Across the face with such raw ferocity
That I was worried the neighbors
Would call the police

Stammering like a drunken lunatic
I went to her and embraced the
Glow of her, the energy piercing us
Coiling about in infinite design

Just this once did I ever know peace

We talked about everything
My body went to work
My mind dreamt and my soul...
Well it danced. We brought life
to our parents eyes
and hope to ours.


It was just a few weeks in
And that same wooden corner
And that same beautiful woman
But there was fear
So much fear
A red red fear
And the world turned grey

Her words were like ashes to me
Cast over my frozen body
I stood blank
holding her heaving form

"It doesn't want to stay" she said
"Why doesn't it wan't to stay ?"

I wanted to say something
Anything!!
But I died right there
Still breathing
Holding her in Pompei comfort.
Like a little wooden man
Holding a plastic flower
Begging to forget the answer
To whether or not
God gave a damn.

Mims Oct 2017

My brother is somewhere else.

I don't know what he's doing or where he is,
I don't know what his favorite color,
Or what his favorite song is,

My brother is everywhere
except right here
And it hurts

I dream about him sometimes
Just having conversations
On a couch
Drifting through space

Is that where you went?
space?

I picture his face
He looks like all the rest of us,
With dirty blonde hair
And a crooked grin

I don't know who you love
Or if you ever loved

And it used to be
When I was about to do something stupid
I'd think about how you would be disappointed in me

You kept me alive


Even though I've never met you

Even though I've never seen you

Even though you never breathed the air

Of this cruel world

But we shared our mother's body,

Christopher,

Do you ever see me?
Do you ever long to talk to me?

Do you ever wish,

You could've known me?

Miscarriages.
Muted Aug 2017

isn't it ironic
that a body
that was once
capable of
creating life

can also manage
to destroy it

Penelope Winter Aug 2017

I hear my brothers
Laughing in the nursery.
I'm an only child.

- p. winter

Penelope Winter Aug 2017

i was walking through the frozen park
a day or two ago
when a saw a flash of memories
i never got to make

a family of five
was playing in the snow
a daughter with two brothers
opened mouths catching snowflakes

they started throwing snowballs
their laughter rang for miles
noses red and icy breath
not a single care or fear

i stopped to watch them play
couldn't help but crack a smile
i imagined we were they
and wiped away a single tear

soon they headed home
for some hot cocoa and tea
and i was left feeling the cold
slowly numb my hands and feet

i thought for a moment
of my family of three
and mourned the loss of two
that i never got to meet

i often think of you
the adventures never had
branches never climbed
birthday candles never blown

i hear your throaty laughs
exact copies of dad's
i get a melancholy feeling
climbing these trees all on my own

i think of that family
and wonder if they cried
for the loss of two strangers
who never took a breath

i wonder if i could have been
your big sister, hero, guide
but what kind of big sister would i be
if i couldn't save you from death?

- p. winter

I was supposed to have two little brothers
Myrrdin Aug 2017

I was only 18
I didn't know you were hungry
When I starved my shrinking frame
You got sicker and sicker
Every time I breathed chemical
Pushed pins in my veins
Replacing our blood with poison
I didn't know you were there
When I shared my bed with monsters
Heaving and screaming
My stress, my pain, my burdens
I placed them like chains around you
They were twisting you up
Knotted too tight for you to breathe
To stretch and to grow
I didn't know you were there
I hadn't bled for so many months
I forgot I was a woman
I was reckless
When you arrived so quietly
The whispers of your beginnings
Could be drowned out
But the day I knew you to be real
I loved you
A little girl was to be mine
Your gentle, fragile little heartbeat
I dreamed of hearing it forever
You were with me 5 months
When the blood came.
That night I stopped dreaming
And I haven't since
They said you didn't grow enough
That I was too small, too fragile
Too deep in my problems
To ever sustain us both
I loved you too late, I'm so sorry

Heather Horner Aug 2017

Let the bland world steer you
Through the mundane motions,
Ambivalent.

Logic is silenced.
Sympathy ignored.
The vacancy within
Is dimly lit,
Desolate and cold.

Continue on
Demoralised
Paralysed.
Crippled by loss

Inspired by my recent miscarriage
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