my liver may be ****** but my heart is honest
and that is something you could never say
I loved you for the person that you were
not for the person that you are trying to be

you always told me that demons were haunting you
and that you couldn't do anything to stop them
except to give in, give them your life, your soul

he just never understood the things I said
how badly I needed him and only him
I didn't care about his demons and his dark moments
I didn't care about him not easily showing his emotions
he just never understood how much I loved him

one day at twilight the girl woke up at a crossroad
she could choose between two paths, one time, one path
one path was filled with light and the other was filled with darkness

the devil whisperd softly in her ear to choose the dark path
and she knew she would, her demons were stronger than her angels
her love for this boy was stronger than the will of going to heaven

her choice was darkness
her choice was to be his forever

and maybe hell wasn't that bad
because from the start he was her only light in this broken world.

it were the city nights I fell for, the cheap parfume you smelled like

if life was for the living and living was for the dead
than what is the space inbetween.. hate and love are not the same thing
and maybe a long time ago someone should have told me that

feeling like an outcast was like sitting in a train with no destination
you always felt useless, rain was falling that day, like it always did
the times when she was sad, she was so miserable, she felt nothing.

the childeren of the light always were afraid of the darkness
we were never afraid of the darkness because so far as we knew
we were the dark, the kids to be afraid of, the bad youth, the wolves

nobody ever wanted us and thats why all we ever had was each other
and the rockstars who sang along the broken words of songs with us
the tragic melodies were the only sort of comfort I found at night..
when you my bestfriend just as wasted as I am was sleeping..
I needed them, my idols, their voices, the music, to keep me breathing

and maybe we lost her that night for a reason wait no many reasons
it was all meant to be, the shouting and crying, the need to die..
it was a bigger part of our lives, all of that than she will ever be

the girls who had to much alcohol in their blood at night, to much fun
were also the girls who cried to many tears at daylight, to much sadness
we never knew how to handle ourselves, just seeking for aception..
a person who would give a **** about us, someone who would care

life was sad darling, you were so sad, I was so sad, everything was sad
but all the sadness never stopped us from having an amazing time
we needed each other to be happy, I needed you so much..

now it is just us again, you and me against the world
and I think it will always be just you and me, just us
and for me that is okay

because I wouldn't want to make all these memories, these adventures
with anybody else but you, my bestfriend, my sister, my everything.

Summer always was my trigger season
the time were always everything would change

my heart got broken more than once this year
every time you made me feel worthless another piece broke

this cruel summer
I have cried over everything that ever happened to us
I have died about everything that ever happend to me

I have learned how much my own happiness means to me
and that the happiness I always saw in us was dead

loving you was like selfharm,
I know how bad it was and still I could never leave

I needed you to leave first so I could see how much it changed me
the secret sharing stopped, you weren't my favourite person anymore

I wasn't my favourite person anymore

this summer everything changed
I've learned my first crush will be nothing than just a teenage crush
and that it's okay to cry over someone who isn't good for you

this summer I learned it's okay to feel totally ****** up
and that feeling like you are 16 again is totally fine

there is this new someone with beautiful rare eyes and an insanely beautiful smile who I can share my secrets with and be myself with

it's crazy how I can feel more loved and more special with you

you learned me
I am not too much and I deserve to be loved for everything that is me

don't say my name out loud
don't speak to me like you do

my love for you was pure
the most real thing I have ever felt
but you had the nerve to ***** me over
not even once not even twice

thanks to you I didnt wanted to breathe
my heart was dying and my soul was weak

the devil kept calling my name
and after a while, I gave in.

it was yesterday when the screaming started
there was blood on the floor, your mum was crying
I can't remember the last time I saw you smile, happy
you once told me this story about angels, about demons

this boy never felt like he belonged here, this was not his home
the world we live in is so beautiful, so wonderful but not for him
darkness always found it's way to strangle him when he was alone
thoughts about falling appart, breaking, terrible thoughts about dying

it was at night when these creatures came to haunt him
the innocent soul of this boy couldn't protect him, never
almost every day when the moon met the nightsky, the stars
it was time for the monsters to wake him up and torture him

the tears he had cried were expressed in different types of scars
no single soul in the world could understand the way he felt

it was yesterday when the screaming started
there was blood on the floor, your mum was crying
and maybe I wished you had took me with you, above

you once told me you wanted it this way, it needed to happen
you were so afraid, so scared of these monsters in the dark
your own soul was playing sick little games with you

so tomorrow will be a new day and I will be there
alive and breathing, for myself and for you darling
and every single day I will be thinking about him

this oh so lovely boy with his brown eyes and beautiful smile
the boy who got haunted by demons, haunted by himself

I always thought he looked like an angel
and now he is one..

a million shining diamonds

we are at this point were I could call you my bestfriend
but I am not doing that because I dont want you to be

I could write songs about you and your pretty blue eyes
I could write stories about you and your clever mind

these kids get a little bit to wasted when the sun goes down
and the worst thing is that they dont have a reason not to be
they have parents who don't give a **** so why should we

it's okay not to be okay but there is a line you can cross

the sun goes down and Ill be standing there on the edge
wearing a black dress with dead flowers on it, red lips, sad look
if it wasn't for you I was the first person to jump

the whole concept of dying doesn't even scare me anymore
my demons took that part away from me when I was young

maybe it was the way you looked, but I don't think so
maybe it was the way you kissed, but I don't think so

it was everything what made you not like the others
because you give me butterflies and I want to **** them all

darling my heart isn't save in your hands

the life I lived was like a fairytale

than you came around with your mysterious charms
and decided to make a mess out of things
that weren't even there to begin with

you came in my life and everything changed
colorfull flowers turned into ashes
stars didn't shine like they used to
and suddenly my world revolved around you

I couldn't think about anything else but you
I couldn't dream about anything else but you
I couldn't even breathe

your white blonde hair and black eyes
you always had this kind of speaking that impressed me
he was elegant, he was smart, he was bold, a leader
and all these little things made me fall for him even more

you were evil and everyone could see it
this boy was the king of not showing emotions
he was kinda heartless sometimes, but I didn't mind

he always made feel loved, special
like nobody else excisted for him, it was only me

but sometimes even I didnt know how to handle his demons
everytime the darkness took him over I was afraid of him
and I could see in his eyes that he enjoyed me being scared
he liked having this control over people, it was wrong

this boy was the best yet worst thing that ever happend to me
I found comfort in the way he saw things different

everyday I needed him a little bit more
he was like my personal drug and he knew it
without him he knew I wouldn't survive
he made me need him

and everytime I looked at him I saw a demon
but this kid was so so beautiful, it made me blind
and I still don't know if I should walk away or not

the childeren of lucifer,
the most beautiful of all God's angels
we are so much lovelier when we fall.

I used to call them brave, the people who would misbehave
but it was destiny one day I would become like these kids
broken and alone, not feeling loved or happy

the bond between those youngsters was unbreakable
blood is thicker than water is what the old people say
but it in their case the water had won

some people call them tiger stripes
others choose words like battle wounds
you always called it beautiful
but for me it was a curse

something I could never stop
demons whispering in my ear

the devil loves pretending
he always seems to care

and for me that was enough.

the look in his eyes told a different story
it was a sad story about his love for a girl
and how he wanted to give up everything for her

his hands weren't made to hold me
my heart didn't beat to love him
we always thought that we belonged
but the blood in our veins was from other planets

he was mars and she was venus
we weren't made to live happily ever after

but everytime they kissed the colors in the world
came back to life, it wasn't only black and white
and everytime they touched it was another kind of madness

it was a cold dark night
the full moon was shining bright, the stars were out
and everything in the world looked a little more magical
eyecontact and not speaking became our secret
the way your golden eyes looked into mine
you always looked right into my soul

if it's meant to be it will be her grandma used to say
and so they both died alone.

a black bracelet, it started with a black bracelet and so it will end.

we fell appart that night under the screaming of the oh so loud crowd
you because of the pills you ate, I because of the whiskey I drank
maybe this was the sign, it was supposed to happen that night..
a sign everything went wrong in our little heads, we were gone

it was that night you called me and telling me to leave
not only you wanted me to leave in spirit but also to leave your heart

she always was so beautiful with the light of the moon shining on her
I loved her like the childeren loved playing with broken dying dolls
and I hated her for wanting me to leave her ugly ****** up heart

it were real feelings, everything was so real..
the feeling of your lips on my cheeks, your hands on my waist
so please don't cry tonight or tomorrow, please be happy my dear
you are a thousand miles away but I still want you to feel like home
the birds aren't singing when you are so far away from me, crying

the ocean was dying and the waves were red from blood, tears.
the smoke in the sky started to form a mirror, I could see myself now.

a black bracelet is were it started, a black bracelet.

I loved you because you were broken
my soul could look at yours and see home

every minute we spend together was like drowing in the ocean
I would sink deeper and deeper and eventually I would choke
but the darkness of the water never botherd me, I liked it
maybe because you were always there with me

in the morning I would look up and see the sunlight
coming through my window, the lights would touch my face
and every single morning when I would open my eyes
the first thing I always think of is you and how much I love you

I wish I could have you near me, like everyday
but we both know that never was a great idea
after a while we would remember how much we are a like
and I would hate you for being that way, you would hate me
maybe that is why you are my soulmate, why I love you

Im looking for parts of myself in the people I love
it gives me comfort knowing there are kids out there who are like me
a little bit mad, a little bit broken, but with golden hearts and voices

I always loved the idea of us being in love forever.

an emtional wreck
is what you can call me these days
tears touching the cold hard floor
thinking about our memories together

I'd wish my heart was smaller
that there was no room for you
it would make things so much easier

and maybe I was stupid
and all of this really was my fault
but you can't blame me for being in love with you
the truth is all I ever wanted was for you to like me
not because I am pretty just for who I am

when she was around him
the world began to open, it was something magical
every single little bird in the sky was singing
these were the melodies that I would never forget

and it is okay to be crazy in love with someone and to get hurt
and it is okay to cry your eyes out and to feel like an complete idiot
you are only seventeen, be dramatic, be angry, be dumb, be young

but please remember my little girl
you can't be broken forever, you need to get up
look into the sun and embrace the beauty of life
count all the stars in the universe and sleep on the grass
get way to drunk and party way to hard

be your beautiful self

because you are worth so much more
than just some ****** up, blue eyed badboy

I like skies the most when you are in an open field
and the stars are out, you lay down in the grass

counting these beautiful lights and than suddenly you realize
you are breathing, you are alive, you are worth so much more
and that the world is beautiful even though you feel like crap

she always had this feeling, this girl was different
he always had this feeling, this boy was different

they both had broken pieces and feelings they couldn't place
but when they were together it all made sense, it was right

I have this dream to see the world
to escape from the city and follow the sun
I just want to be lost in more ways than one

and all I ever wanted was you to go with me on this adventure.

it was on a saturday night when I first saw you
a party filled with all kind of strange faces, friends and maybe enemies..

you told me I was special, a work of art with eyes that could tell a story
he wanted to know everything about me, it was scary yet warming..
what I adored in life and why, what made me cry, what made me smile

he wanted to know about the things I feared most, my demons, angels
the stories about how I always get way too drunk and the reasons why
the scars on my wrists and the tattoo on my back, like everything..

her darkness was bright like the moon and the stars in the sad sky
but she always shined like the sun, she was so full of life and beauty

it was just like the nights before, the music was smashing , it was loud
we had way too much alcohol in our veins more than was good for us
you were craving for my attention and there were moments I gave in..
he smiled this cheeky smile sweet but dangerous, my heart jumped
he was charming but oh so mysterious..

you were there in the club, in my mind and in my heart
and darling you looked so beautiful with the lights shining on you
and I was missing you so much even though you were next to me ..

I can hear your voice when Im laying in my bed, when its dark
oh baby I can hear your voice every where but I wanted his instead

I always heard you cry at night and I knew it always was because of me

maybe I do have a jet black heart.

when I was a little girl I used to walk the streets alone

I met this man with horns and a tail, he was all alone
something about him was charming and made me stay
he asked me to sit with him, he wanted to tell me a story

it was a story about the ABC's of death
and I could never get it out of my head

A was for accidentally falling for someone
B was for broken, something all humans are
C was for compassion, a thing he never showed

the story was long and cruel, it always made me wonder
if all these things are really true, what does love mean
if the demons that are haunting me at night are real
and they are here to come and get me, what does life mean

Im scared to go to sleep tonight I dont want to die
if I could just lay my head on your chest to hear your heartbeat
maybe when Im with you the devil wouldn't dare to torture me
maybe the voices would stop talking when Im around you

but you always was more like the sun
something the moon could never touch

the ABC's of death, my death.

he loved my craziness
even when I had these mood swings
even when I had depressed thoughts
I took him with me on my bipolar ride

I would love you till the end of time
if you stopped breaking my heart everytime you saw me
if you stopped being this human that you are not

I love you for who you are and for who you are not
we were meant to be together, it was written in the stars
but thats were I made a mistake, thats were I went wrong

I shouldnt have let you go so fast
but maybe opening my heart wasn't something I could
I waited for you to speak the three words I wanted to hear
the words, I love you

but he never did.

maybe it was drugs maybe it was love maybe it was something else

I kissed you that day but I blame you for being gorgeous
everyone is addicted to something, you were mine addiction

the kids were a mess and everything was dark, a good kind of dark
I was cold but you always kissed me, even that forbidden night

nobody was patient and nobody was fine and nobody knew love
we were loving to each other when the others weren't watching

this love was bad, you were bad, I was bad, the world was bad
you could turn an angel into a demon without even trying

and I saw you staring at me again that night, I notice everything you do
it was the same look again and I couldn't do anything to handle myself

maybe I hugged you and it was wrong of me to do that
maybe you kissed me on that midnight street and it felt right

this fairytale isn't finished yet and everything will end up destroyed

so maybe it was the drugs or maybe this is all made up in my head.

there will be a time when your story will end
but for now you can just turn the pages forward
looking for the better more beautiful chapters in your life
making some good old memories you will never forget

there will be time when you will fall in love
maybe with your bestfriend or maybe with a stranger
you are young and gorgeous, a little bit to innocent they say
so please my love don't let them take adventage of your broken heart

and one day you will find your own way to happiness

loving this girl was so magical and strange
she has these blue eyes that make me go crazy, all the time
she has this smile on her face when she looks at me, it makes me melt

Im searching for more words to describe how I feel but I simply can't
and maybe that's what being in love needs to feel like, rare, special
the fact something is so complicated and mysterious
that you just can't find the right words..

summer is coming
and everything what I see reminds me of you
the sand on the beach reminds me of your blonde hair
the sea reminds me of your light blue eyes

summer is coming
and the flowers are blossoming
butterflies are being in love
and everything reminds me of him

I want this summer to be like last one
you and me together watching the stars
spending more time than there was in a day
the feeling of wanting to be with you forever

when I first met you there was something about you
but when I first met you my attention was not totally yours

he always told me how special I was, how wonderful
and I coulnd't even hear it, the biggest mistake I have ever made
now Im just waiting for you to come back to me

and deep inside he knows he wants her
but she isn't good for him
and deep inside she knows she needs him
but he always had his doubts

summer is coming
and my biggest fear came true
you never came back to me

never tell your stories, the adventures you lived
to someone who doesn't bother to listen to them

he never wanted to steal my freedom or to make me mad
we were both obsessed with the kind of love me had

I couldn't stop staring at the pictures me made last night
how your heart skipped a beat when I touched your bare skin

it was like reliving all the things we lost in the cold ground of hell
the mermaids were done singing their songs when we met that day

true love was like walking in a forest were no trees were growing
finding my soulmate was like the moon waiting for the sun to rise again

everything was the same and everything was not the same

the little things that I adored about you were kind of fading, gone
it was the way you said my name what made me fell for you back then

but now your voice doesn't sound the same anymore..

I wrote this poem because you never did

you were my friend and I loved you for everything you were
the tears you cried because you were insecure, not beautiful enough
the smiles you smiled because you could even enjoy the little things in life
the fights we had because we were always oh so stubborn..

we always found a way back to each other, that was our friendship
it was like a mountain and believe me at one point we did reach the top
but also at that point we were starting to fall down and we fell hard..

you were the one who always cared about me even when I didn't
but you also were the one who always was jealous at the things I had
most times because of me you never felt good enough that must hurt..
and I know I made some bad decisions and you didn't deserve my choices

but I wont ever forgive you for stabbing me, our friendship in the back
for leaving me when I needed you the most all because you were scared

she always was afraid, never had the guts to chase her own dreams
always lived up to the expectations from her mother, she was weak

you dropped out of school and started to gain weight, we could see
we drank more alcohol and let go of the stress and anger we felt..

both we had ways to deal with our problems, this was the end my dear

and I can still see you dancing in my room singing all the lyrics wrong
and I can still see you laying down in the grass counting the stars
and I can still hear you say how you would never leave me alone....

so this friendship was broken and so was a piece of my heart...
I hate you believe me I do but still you have my favorite memories..

I could write a story about my life
how everything went wrong in december
the day that I turned sixteen

my old world closed and a new one opend
a world filled with drugs, alcohol and good music
it was a time of badboys, overthinking and heartbreaks
it went on with wearing too much make-up and crazy hair colors

first I was scared for all these things
my world was changing and so was I
but after a while I got used to it, it began to feel like home
a place where I could be myself, filled with lovely broken people

when I was sixteen I met this girl
she was a bit like me but different
she had something special..
maybe it was her smile

I always was surounded by demons, everyone could see it
but this girl really was an angel, she was the light in the sky

so maybe I shouldn't write a story about myself this time

I should write a story about you
how you make me crazy and confused
how annoying you can be sometimes
but more important about
how much you mean to me
how you make me feel special

but it always made me feel like falling
it should have made me feel like flying

oh sweet sixteen you were so bad for me.

I would descirbe this girl as a piece of art

the color of her eyes was not from this planet
details that could never escape my dark twisted mind
the little mole on her face and the piercing in her ear
small things a stranger, a friend would forget about

there were some reasons why I wanted her to leave
but there were so much more reasons why I needed her to stay
the fun we had together, the memories we made, the tears we cried

nights like this when I get really lonely, I dream about you
it's 3 am and I can hear your voice whisper my name, I freeze
the stars are telling me you are coming home soon, am I dreaming
I can't wait to see your pretty face again and to have you in my arms

life is so beautiful and I would never complain
but Im missing a piece of myself and that piece is you

our love was so right even the angels wanted it to go wrong

ineffable.

the angels ****** me up with their blue heavenly demon eyes
and still everything just seems more clear here on the other side

you were white and I was black, you were the sun and I the moon
most of the time we belonged to each other, we just never belonged

it was a game for the one's who wanted to play, you never wanted to play

love was like walking when there was no rain, walking in the sun
and leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did, until I did it

you never loved reading books the way I did, we were different
but again we always knew that we were not the same human being

this boy would consider himself smart when I could only see sadness
his broken dreams made me question my own broken little world

I wanted to escape for the summer, maybe for the rest of my life
living my life on the run, forever avoiding your killer green eyes

I could never swim in cold water and you were never here to teach me

I could swallow a pill to take away the poison, I could do it all
my heart was beating for the people who didn't have one

dancing in a crowded room with all kind of different people, wonderful
drinking to much alcohol and you knew this was going to be the night

he never loved her in the way she loved him or he just never showed it
either you want me or you don't, just know that I am going tomorrow

she was leaving to a place were nobody would know her name, no one
somewhere were she could find peace and happiness with another human

after I told you to leave, you didn't even try to stay in my life, you left
my door was open, my heart was open and there you went, like the wind

the flowers kept growing just as the distance between us, the distance
once we were close, we couldn't be apart, that was a long time ago

he loved reading novels and so did she, they were the same yet weren't
they weren't the same but maybe they wanted to be the same ..

he loved reading novels and she pretended that her life was one...
but he always was a little bit broken, a little lost, he could never save her

heroes don't belong in a world were everything is perfect.

I never asked you to bring me the horizon
I never dared to dream about having you

after a while I still didn't knew where I was looking for
I always thought that I was looking for something called love
but I began to realize love is not just a simple word made out of letters

I adored him for the way he looked, dark and dangerous
the tattoos on his arms and neck, the piercing in his lip
I fell in love with his personality, his kind and loving heart
the way he looked at me everytime I walked into the room

this boy could make my heart skip a beat without doing anything
loving him was the most real thing I have ever felt in my entire life
through all the tears and constant fear of not being good enough
he always made me feel special, he gave me everything I needed

I still remember the first day I saw you
you were wearing a black band tshirt with ripped sleeves
it was your smile what made me stare at you, it made me melt
I knew I wanted to have this human in my life, forever

from that day love wasn't just a word anymore.

I always could care less about my own feelings as long as you are okay

you are my favorite human being because you make me feel complete
because she was the only one who didn't see me as a crazy psychopath

and I thought she was so beautiful with her green eyes and white scars
it was the kind of beauty not a single soul could ever describe.

this girl was the light in my world and yeah she kinda saved my life
all the demons were gone whenever she was near me, she was my angel

the way you talk about your passion for guitars and your favorite bands
I love you for the way you speak about life and our future together..

and would never ever dare to let you go my darling, you are mine

you are so insanely sweet and so insanely beautiful, you cant even see it
I love you for everything that you are and everything you want to be

this cant be healthy now how much I want to be with you, always

there was a point in my life
my whole world revolved around you
I could only think of you and I needed you close
every single thing made me think of the memories
we have made together, the smiles and tears we shared.

after a while things had changed
you had changed, or maybe it was me
the people always needed me more than they needed you
it was my way of life to live in my own world and be myself
you were always jealous of it and I never understood why

I became a child of the dark and you choose the light
from that day you looked at me different
no more spark in your eyes, it was disgust.

autumn came
the leaves let go of the tree
they left the save place they called home
and so did you

little do her parents know they lost their daughter years ago

in her sadness she started having nightmares, cruel thoughts
and confusing them with dreams, everything looked so real

maybe it were the pills she never dared to take or the liquor she drank
the constant need of hiding the fear of being left alone again like always
winter was coming and so was the depression, it scared her to death

everybody's got their demons either wide awake or dreaming
and somethings just need to be mine and mine only..
I always loved to have secrets little things, big things, mysterious things

but with you I felt like I could share anything, the small things, huge
hysterical laughter, feeling miserable and crying like somebody died

if I had the choice to **** myself tonight without hurting you..
I would probably have pulled the trigger a long time ago my darling

and let's be honest it isn't you that keeps me alive, it never was you..
you can't live for another human you have to live because you want too

and maybe I didn't die that night because god wanted me to have this
these memories, the tears and joy, the experience of growing up..

I always was his work of art

when I was younger not in age but in my mind
I used to be afraid of what the people would say
the scars on my skin were the ugliest thing
the bruises on my arm and legs were disgusting

I was so scared of being rejected, not fitting in
people on the street would stare at me and look at me weird
some kids even called me names for walking around like this
and I never understood why they did that
like it was my choice to be this way

but all these little things made me grow as an individual
I am not that small girl anymore that you can hurt with words
words that don't mean a thing to me anymore
call me names, look at me weird

I will wear my battle scars proud
because this war isn't over and I haven't lost yet

sick of hiding who I am.

some things just don't work out in the real world
you want something so bad and it doesnt happen
it feels like all the odds are against you

there was this girl lets call her Belle
she was madly in love with this boy

there was this boy lets call him Beau
he couldnt stop thinking about this girl

you cant fix what is allready broken
but they knew one day the sun would stop shining
and their world would start falling appart
into a million pieces. and they knew that day

she wanted to be next to him
he wanted to be next to her

and so they died with a chelsea smile

some people think math is beautiful because it's the same in every country
I am not one of those people, the people who see beauty in everything

and I dont needed math to count the days since you have left me..
it were 129 days.. 3096 hours.. 23 minutes and 31 seconds.. since you left
maybe the nigths were harder since you've bin gone, longer and sadder

I wanted to go with you but you never allowed me, he needed his space
I don't believe in 'space' if you love someone you want that person near
he never found that necessary, he never found me necessary

but don't you feel sad for me please, after a while the pain faded away
I learned to deal with the fact he was better of without me..

the picture of his face just wouldnt leave my mind
and the need of wanting the chase him grow everyday..

I waited for days, months, I would wait for years, hours and minutes

waking up every morning still wearing his Iron maiden shirt..
only because I don't want him to leave my life, not for real, imagine

this boy was like a hero from the movies, a prince from the fairytales
a beautiful human being, so different, a melody that kept following me..
he always gave me the feeling of belonging of being worth existing
when I was with him the world was a bit more beautiful

that feeling when you dont even know what the ******* are feeling

I had that, always, whenever I was with him.

they always laughed at me because I loved him
without realizing he's the reason Im alive today..

I can drown myself in new music and relive my memories
sometimes I write a lot and sometimes I need to get away

you thought you got away with ****** but everything was on tape
it was like painting numbers on a white pale wall, something clean

humans don't go look for danger, danger will find them where needed
you never waited for me to get my **** together, you said you hated me

it were the bad things I only could remember about you, all the bad

and all the lonely boys fell for the girl who was now a thing called pretty
and all the popular boys didn't fell for the same girl back in those days

Mondays always came with rain and Friday always left with a smile
the moments you lived for were minimal, it were only the weekends

I remember how lonely you felt, missing the people around you
the voices in your head became your new home, they were your friends
sometimes they come back, just to say a simple hello...

it was all about living for someone that never take a breath for you.

the lights went out and everything turned dark
the whisky and *** got me really drunk last night
or was it just the look in your eyes when you saw me
that hit me hard in the stomach, I was gone

weeks past by and I stopped thinking about him
months past by and he stopped seeing me around

but last night was like the old times
neck kisses and sweet words, laughter and cuddles
it felt like some things could never actually change

you dont know what you got till it's gone
but getting it back feels like the first time you get sober in the morning
amazing yet confusing it makes you happy yet sad

maybe it isn't meant to be
we cant see the future in the stars
I just wanted you to hold me last night
and you did.

suddenly everything reminds me of you

the stars in the night sky, how they twinkle just like your eyes
stupid love songs on the radio and empty bottles of cheap alcohol

teenagers who were craving for a little danger, crazy adventures
to end up in bed totally drunk, telling each other jokes and silly stories

being able to finally say that someone is in love with you too

because darling I could watch you for a minute
and find a thousand things that I love about you

no words can describe how much you mean to me
and how happy you make me feel, every single day

we lost our thoughts and forgot where we belonged in the world
The only thing that mattered was us being together, forever.

you stopped loving yourself when they started loving you

it was the moment all the people around you opened their eyes
that you decided to keep them close, you kept pretending, you kept hope

Jersey just got colder when you packed your bags and left me for dead
I was crying in the hallway begging you to spend another day with me
but you said you never wanted to see my blue eyes again, and you went

it was like the world stopped turning that second you looked at me
the people on earth stopped breathing at that moment you said goodbye

my heart couldn't stop screaming, my lungs were getting out of air
talking is cheap and your talks were expensive, I had to pay it all..

you always wore a necklace with my name on it, you always were happy
I took away that smile when I came into your life, like the dark night sky

a day after the day you left, my life felt miserable yet wonderful

I could hear the broken kids whispering my name while riding my bike
they would call me things like hopeless and sad, cruel and ugly

but he never seemed to care about the whispers,
because I didn't loved him anyway.

everyone was in love with when you didn't even love yourself

cause you are now eighteen and drink a little less than you did before
everything what once happened in your life still ***** you up every day
but you found other ways too deal with it, you found the peace within

cause you are now eighteen and still sleep with stuffed animals in bed
and sometimes the scars on your arms take you back into the past..
you can see yourself laying on the ground again, bruised and broken..

growing older was like looking in the mirror but than looking deeper
your hair went from blonde to black, your freckles were fading..
but you still looked beautiful, she always looked wonderful, dramatic

she always was the laugh of the party, she was crazy, she was fearless
and all that you could see of her was only the half of what she really was

when it was cold outside no angel was going to spread his wings
in darkness it was just you and me and no one who would save us
I missed the little talks we always had on our way home, back to you

everyone was in love with her and she was the only one who didn't see it.

it was on this summer day in the middle of August

I saw you standing in the middle of the city
you were surrounded by all kinds of people
but I only had eye for you, you were so beautiful

in my dreams you were talking to me
in my dreams everything was alright

yesterday I saw you again, standing in the city
playing music on your guitar, the streets were your home
and I was singing along with the sound you made

two kids not realizing what was coming
our love was like a pink flower field
we were beautiful but we were dying

that day I saw you standing there
I knew everything was going to change

it was a road that led nowhere
but all I wanted to do is go there

we all have a reason to hate ourselves and I am my own reason.

I remember being little and crying myself to sleep every night
I remember being little and thinking I was just a waste of space

until there was a day I promised myself to never cry again about  
something that wasn't worth crying about, something like feelings

when I grew older I learned a lot of people hate them selves
it was normal to not define yourself as something beautiful

I remember being little and crying about the blood on my sheets
I remember being little and falling into this hole of never ending darkness

most of the time I would spend wondering why did you hate me?
why didn't you like me and why would you harm me in this way

I remember meeting this old man on the beach, he had this special gift
I remember him telling me all things about myself and about my life

the older man amazed me with the things he told me, a world opened
he told me I was the most beautiful yet saddest girl in my friend group

I remember making a promise to this stranger about not harming myself..
I remember not showing any emotion or tears while making this promise..

the beach was so magical that day, everything was just perfect that day
and I wish that today was like that day, a perfect day... but with you..

because I am crying now because after four months I broke that promise.

take me to a world where doors are open
a lovely little place where no one is bruised or broken
a destination where not a single soul feels alone or unwanted

wishing upon the stars was something I always did
it gave a feeling of safety because these dreams where mine
I wished for simple things like a hug or just to see you smile
I wished for a kiss and sometimes for a little more of that
but the most important thing I wished for was your company
because in my own little world you were all I cared about

today was the first day of spring
I could see the sun staying with us longer, shining bright
I asked myself the question when will I see you again
maybe this monday or maybe never, it kills me to not know
we got lost in time and space and there is no inbetween

water fell down from the sky
like the tears that fell down on the floor
everything started to go down and she knew
even her favorite band could not save her out of this
this girl who was so close to recovery got lost again
the darkness called her named, an empty hole of lonelines
the scars on her wrist were her sign of being alive

but in the end she didn't care about her broken things
everything always was and always will be about you
because this kid made her world more beautiful and worthy

and so she wished upon the stars ..
for one last time..

the demons always told me Im better off dead
that the world is a more colorful when I am not around

nobody ever heard me crying, alone in my room
they didn't noticed I was dying, alone in my head

I always pretended my life was a daydream
but everytime I began to believe I was okay
the devil came back he opened the gates to hell
the monsters and lonely ghost' came out of my closet
they told me the most cruel things, you cant even imagine

my mind is filled with dark and sick thoughts
and I realize my life really is a nightmare
Im screaming for someone to wake me up
but it is to late, my soul is forever lost on the sea of the broken

maybe I am better off dead.

It was raining today just like yesterday and the day before that
It will rain tomorrow just like today and the day after tomorrow

Describing how you feel after 3 am
When everything in the world gets a little darker
Never was and never will be an easy thing to do
Unspoken words en hidden secrets will come out
After 3 am everything in the world is a little different

Some people open their hearts and speak their minds
Others will break down, give themselves more tigerstripes
she speaks with the demons and dances with the angels

In the end it doesn't matter what you do after that
All I care about is that after 3 am you will be still here
And I can hear your heart beat against mine, I can hear you breath

Because everything what happens after 3 am
Will be our secret and if you are still here in the morning
I just need you to know that I couldn’t be more prouder.

she lost her heart in things not persons
she lost her soul in moments not humans

today everything came to an end
they forced me to make a decison
not asking about what I wanted
and they didn't even realize all this
dragged me more into the dark than I allready was

making a pact with the devil sounded like the best option
maybe the only option I have left, maybe he can save me

thinking about the past always made me feel sick
but tomorrow I will realize I am still living there, in the past

after a while they let me alone, with all my thoughts
the light was dark and the room was empty, it was just me
empty like my soul and dark like my heart

I need to take a break, to get away from this place for a while
accepting who you are is a hard thing to do, but I will
someone told me there is nothing wrong with being yourself
and I hope the people around me will think I am good enough

because I am

maybe my time comes when yours is over

what is the point of living when everything is perfect
when the sky is always filled with beautiful stars
the boys and girls they all liked her, everyone did

this girl had flowers in her hair but demons in her head
she had long purple hair what made her look like fairy
she always was a little bit more magical than the others

it was the past that was following me
a one way ticket straight down to hell

it was that moment when I looked Lucifer right into his eyes
I knew there was no turning back, my soul was forever his

this girl was too young to be this sad, too wonderful to be this mad

she was only seventeen
and her world was made of lies
living on the streets, trying to survive

her smile was always gold
her tears were always silver

but her heart was darker than the deepest sea

people with a dream are kinda like people who don't have a dream
they can live the same life and do the same things everyday
wishing there world was not like this, everything needed to be different
they wanted navy blue instead of orange red

you can have everything you ever wanted
but still dont have what you really need
a friend, a lover

someone to hold you when everything in the world seems unfixable

it was raining again today, the sky was grey just like my mind
a long time ago I met this girl let's say her name was Victoria
she was a little odd but in a special way, her soul was precious
she also had a dream, she wanted to change the world

Victoria wanted the so called weird kids to fit in, to be loved
I guess she dreamed of a world without fear and lonelines
because this girl knew the darkness like no other soul
she had dinner with the devil and played games with his demons

I got broken parts where my heart should be..
and I just needed someone to save me from myself

but dreams don't ever come true, so love me and my brokenness.

will tomorrow feel like yesterday if we do meet again today
it was like breathing but different, yesterday we felt more alive

these days you don't know how to act normally without your pills
and these are also the days you don't how to feel anything without them

maybe it was love last night maybe it was just another misunderstanding
the thing I know is that you made me feel uncomfortable in a good way

you thought I couldn't see how ****** up you were because it was dark
but my heart was just as dark and I could see right through you..

maybe it felt like being in love with someone you only just met
picking flowers in a field where everything was already dying of pain

oh yesterday was a special night, kind of broken yet a rare kind of magical

we didn't even kiss last night you just held my hand all night long
we had a great time and we laughed a lot and you were nice to me

and maybe that was love

people in love are more beautiful
than people who are not in love

you can see them becoming more awake
like for the first time something really matters

little lights shining in their eyes
when they hear the name of the person they adore most
the feeling that the time stops when you are with this human

but that wasn't the world I lived in

the princess in ******* you up
the queen of ******* you over
thats what they have always called me
and the only king I have ever had was a bottle of *****

every minute of the day we were talking
but whenever I was near you it always felt like sleepwalking

I didn't deserve a lover like you

you were like the gold I could never afford
you were like the clouds in the sky that I could never touch

life was a game and we were losing
or maybe I was just born different.

her favorite story growing up was peter pan
because she wanted to be like him
she wanted to be fearless she wanted to be a leader
but more important she didn't want to grow up

her world was made of things that didn't exist
her mind was filled with thoughts that didn't belong there

it was never a struggle to be different
it was a fight to fit in.

you just write about *** and killing yourself, taking drugs and alcohol
and how hardly you ever went to school, how your soul felt like dying

she fell in love with all the badboys and died having her heart broken
it wasn't easy living for another person, someone who didn't even care
my dreams weren't about you when I was dreaming, I found my peace

she wrote about all the bad things and how she fell in love with you
the way she felt when she first saw you and what sort of music was on
it was the time of old rock songs and soul music from the deep oceans

and maybe I should write more poems about the way I see this girl
how beautiful she is and how much I love her, how much she means..

you were laughing because you loved your life and everyone in it
I was crying because I hated my life and every single human in it

but still you were the one who kept me breathing, wanted to live

she had blue hair like the skies an open mind and hell black converse
she walked the streets like they were hers, she was the queen of dark

even the creatures that were hidden in the forest were afraid of this
the saddness always came in waves not in oceans this was a new thing

and even after a while you say you still love me, you are still in love
after everything I said to you and the tears you have cried, you still
it is hard for me to say I even missed or thought about you, I didn't

love was never easy and you didn't understand the game I was playing