her favorite story growing up was peter pan
because she wanted to be like him
she wanted to be fearless she wanted to be a leader
but more important she didn't want to grow up

her world was made of things that didn't exist
her mind was filled with thoughts that didn't belong there

it was never a struggle to be different
it was a fight to fit in.

last night it was exactly a year ago it happend
there were sad words leaving my pencil, I wrote a letter
a letter to say goodbye to everyone who once loved me or didn't

I was dancing with the demons in my mind, it was good
I was singing songs with my shadows, songs with the broken ones
and the devil was watching me from a close distance

my socks were ***** and the ***** bottles were empty
I don't even remember what happend to me that night

all I wanted was to create art when I woke up that morning
drowing in pain and tears, I wanted to make a painting
a painting with sad colors, like grey and black and navy blue
a masterpiece filled with my blood, my pain, my empty emotions

it were the pills I swallowed that night to keep me from falling appart
it were the blades rushing over my veins that made me feel alive
all these lose things, all these things, the visions of monsters, the pain
all the tears I cried that night, the alcohol I drank to keep me calm

but still it was your beautiful smile that haunted me, killed me
your pretty eyes and wonderful angel face that made me wanna live
you were all I could think of from the moment we first met, forever

it was you and only you.

it were the dreams in which I was living that made me wanna die

the summer was ending and the cold of the winter was filling my veins
you were leaving my mind like the sun was leaving my dying fantasy..
I am getting older everyday and everyday I need a little bit more *****
running away with you, the person I adore most was all I ever wanted

and every night before I fall asleep I aks myself.. why don't you love me
why don't you have the need to touch me, to share your deepest secrets
you were mysterious like the moon, like the meaning of my tattoo's..

there always was a path of light were you have walked
the riddels you spoke, your angelic voice that haunts me everyday
but you also were dark my dear, dying and hopeless

it felt like flying everytime we kissed, I was happy, you made me happy
but I was fragile, a daughter of the dark, the keeper of sadness, demons
eleven years old when everything went wrong and it all is still wrong
the voices in my head would never let me out of this cage, trapped

september was coming and the clouds coverd my sight of happiness
it was a long way to find a way out of this dark and ****** up forest

and so she died at age seventeen, the graveyard never was this pretty
the stars of the heavens and their constellations didn't shine their light
there were flowers laying on the girl her grave, all grey, black, dying

it was the perfect night to share your tears with the world, so we did

I was a mess and you just walked away, leaving me for nothing
I still could write a thousand stories about that one night, you left

without your tears I don't have inspiration to write like this
because I know you cried too when I said my last goodbye..

and when she was alone in her room with all the lights out
she started to believe that all the good was happening somewhere else

the angels were done saving you when you stopped singing your prayers
god still loved you, he loves everyone but you were something special
she could not be saved anymore, it was done, she was gone, dark, out

her nails were painted black, her eyes were painted black
the color in her life was fading away, the color left when you did

now she's wearing a smile that nobody believes in

you need to learn when the party is over little girl, put the bottle away.
save your tragic stories for somebody who cares because he doesn't

we never were friends because we never tried to be friends.
it is really not that bad, I hope this makes you sad.

alone in her room is were she could speak with her demons
alone in her room were no single soul could find her

she always lived in her own little world
away from all the sorrow and the tiny little mistakes
dreaming about a love bigger than the universe
something that would shine brighter than the stars
someone she could call her own

trouble was her second name
it never stopped following me
my daddy called me special but I was just miserable
and everytime he closed his eyes pretending he didn't saw

yes this girl lived in her own little world
with all her scars, bruises and her ***** sweet mind
a way to escape is what she always wanted
because deep down inside I knew this demons

weren't good for me.

if I could give my life a color I would choose the color blue

the bruises on my body are telling stories my mouth never could
waking up at 5 am in the morning, tired and afraid but still smiling
a smile you created everytime I think of you, making me feel complete

and if there comes a times you want to leave than maybe you should
I learned that you can't make home's out of human beings so I shouldn't  
but please before you really go think twice about this and stay with me

I always loved the fact you made up your owns songs and melodies
you played the music on your black guitar, songs about stars and rain
riddels about how you wanna change the world, about how you feel
this girl was her own kind of person, she was so special and so beautiful

and again it's 5 am and I can't stop thinking about how I need you
breathing without you being near me is a lot harder than I imagined
the world loses it's color when we are not together, the world is grey
not that grey is a bad thing, we need to learn how to live like this..

my bruises speak a thousand words, my scars do too
but all the words they have ever spoken need to be our secret
I need to protect myself from the world and everything in it..

but please don't stop loving me
even if the demons are getting closer..

yesterday everything changed

it was so unexpected yet we all saw it coming
this boy wasn't happy, he didn't wanted this anymore
but still we can't be anything else than heartbroken
we are all al little lost without you..

for five years you have bin a part of my life
you taught me how to love myself
you taught me how to smile again

this boy with his dark brown eyes and a golden heart
this boy who could brighten up my day just by smiling

it hurts me more than anything in the world to see him leave
he saved millions of lifes, he saved my life once but we couldnt save his

he is the first one to say goodbye..

I counted back from ten inside my head
whising you were still laying in my bed

She smiled at the stars like they knew all her darkest secrets
and all the hopeless kids on the street laughed at me
because deep down inside we all knew the universe didn't

Being reckless became a part of my life
somtimes my hair was navy blue and other days it was black
I loved the smell of danger and I liked being afraid

I wish we could start all over again
we would lay down together
surounded by pink flowers and a ***** mind

You could never keep your mouth shut
or say something positive

this boy hated the world and everyone in it
except for me

and thats why I felt like the most special person
in the world whenever I was near him.

we shouldn't spill our secrets like we spill our drinks, reckless

it was the season of the sun and all I could think about was her
the girl with eyes so beautiful you couldn't even describe them
the season of flowers in every kind of color, long nights and butterflies
the summer always was the most magical time of the year

riddels are just riddels and words are just words
you can compare it with the water in a river, the waves in the sea
all these things are just like the stars twinkling in the dark of the night

things are just things untill someone gives a meaning to it
and for me you gave everything in my life a meaning
that moment when you came around love wasn't just love
I can give you all my heart without getting anything back
and still this person would make me feel more complete

we both knew how it felt to be obsessed with someone
and maybe it was a dangerous thing to began with
but everytime I saw you walking away from me
my love for you began to grow, a little more, every single day
it came to a point that I didn't wanted to share her, with anyone
not even with my bestfriend, she needed to be mine, only mine
and I know she felt this way about me too, this need to have someone
maybe our love is a little bit cursed or a little bit mad maybe crazy

oh well oh well

im laying on your bed, still wearing your used sweater
singing songs again and loving my life like I did before I met you

the storm was over and I could go back to that one place I loved most
the ocean was waiting for me, I could feel the wind in my face

my hair never grow long again and my legs never got skinny
and I was okay with that, I was okay with myself, everything was okay

the drugs did its job last night, you kissed me on the dance floor
and you always thought my jokes were serious and you always loved me

the alcohol did its job last night, you walked me home after all
and you always smiled at me and you always loved me for who I was

but still one day you stopped sending me flowers, you needed space
either you want me or you don't, I need to know about our future

I can't read you like I can read the stars in the sky, the rain, the sun
my heart knows when I should walk away, that moment is now.

Im done feeling like a stranger to myself.

the days in the summer were lovely
the days in the winter were bitter and cold

everyday Im getting a little older
it's getting harder to remember the last night I was sober

I wanted to beg you to come home
that I miss you so much, it hurts, that I need you
my heartbeat is raising whenever I hear your voice
you still drive me crazy, everyday again

falling in love with you over and over
and I cant even imagine what life was like without you
without your laughter, without your touch, your being

I can call you my everything but yet for the world it means nothing
I just need to hear from you that you are mine and only mine
because if you want to be mine I will be yours, forever

young stupid and in love maybe these are the right terms for us
it makes me sad that we can't be ourselves when others are looking

maybe they should close their eyes forever
so it can just be you and me

a tragic story starring you and me

Its 4 am the stars are out
words I didnt know existed were leaving my mouth

this boy appeared in my dreams
he showed me freedom and a little bit of danger
the words he spoke made me feel alive
when he touched me for the first time
I melted like snow when the sun is shining bright

black hair, darker than my soul
sparkling green eyes that could read my mind
curly hair and a golden smile

he was heartless but everyone has a heart
and I love him for being ashamed to show it

I fell in love with this boy but I dont even know his name
I wish we could hang our picture in a silver frame

oh strange boy that I have met in my dreams
please come into my life and make me believe
the world can be a good place

Home doesn’t have an address.
home has a beating heart and sweaty palms

please be mine.

I love it when you smile, I love it when you don't
I like the way you look at me even if you won't

the sky was turning another shade of blue that night
the kind of color that would remind me of your eyes

for me it was a big deal that you left me without telling
for you it was natural like drinking coffee in the morning
or rain that fell down once in a while on the new car you bought

I just wished you missed me like I miss you
he stole her heart with she couldn't get to his.

I was never good at writing love poems untill I met you

we all have this one person you would do anything for, like anything
you could die for that other human without hesitation, without doubt

they know each other for almost a year now and a lot had changed
she fell in love with her that year and it killed you inside, everything
she wanted to give up on her so many times, it was so so hopless
and I knew, I knew you loved me, I knew you were in love with me

maybe she was just afraid to let someone in, to let someone love her
it was the darkness that was always haunting her, the demons inside
I remember the first time the razors kissed my veins, it was a thursday
I remember the blood and the crying, the shame and the crying, crying

it were the wodka and punk rock music the piercings and tattoos
the time of high wasted jeans and timberlands, red lipstick and eyeliner
the stories the kids told on the street were probably made up, fake
even the broken childeren needed a laugh once in a while, fake
nobody thought that we also deserved to be happy, just for once..

we could blame it on the internet or television, the time we live in
blame our parents for not loving us the way they should love us
the pills we ate every night just to find a way to escape this **** hole

this girl always made feel a little bit more alive but now she's gone
she's gone and I know she is coming back soon but she feels gone
like that part of me that was made for her is gone, I feel alone again
music is filling the hole what is left crying in my heart, my soul

and if I begged you would you stop this, the feeling of loneliness
can you stop me from hurting myself, stop me from being worthless
happy endings are made for happy people, I am not getting one, ever

I always was a sucker for attention and cheap love, dont blame me

love poems aren't a thing for me.

everytime you fall asleep you risk never waking up
and maybe that's the reason why all she wanted to do was sleep

there once was this girl with a broken heart
it made her not wanting to feel any emotion
the pieces of her heart were lost at sea

all she wanted was someone to get them back together
she wanted to breathe again, she wanted her life back

I always loved holding your hands
even though your hands were always ice cold
I always loved having you near me
even though you can make me hate you

this love was meant to be
I could read it in your beautiful blue eyes
and even the stars were giving me these signs
everyone could see it, we were made for each other

you are a part of me
I am a part of you

and to be honest I think you dont even know
that all my thoughts are about you..
or maybe you do and you are just afraid of the truth

if I were you I would be scared too
I am terrifying and strange and mysterious
something not everyone knows how to love

for one last time please take me to see the stars
and drink way to much alcohol, let's get drunk
and share stories about our past and how disgusting it was

please just for one last time let me love you again.

honesty will set us free
because I do see the way you look at me, I just don't understand
I notice every little single thing that you do, I am just confused

she just needed you to tell the truth, be an open book for once
let out all your feelings and tell her what you think..
I know you want to shut everyone out and you like being alone
but I can't deal with all these secrets and mysterious thoughts

I wanted you to let me inside of your little world
not to ruin it or take it over just to look how wonderful it is
to take a walk in the magical gardens inside of your head

and I know you are a little broken and a little bit mad
but I am too and you made me realize that is okay

we are walking on this broken road probably straight down to hell
but to be honest I don't really care about our destination
because as long as we are together everything will be alright

you are young and in love and you should feel wonderful
you are young and in love and you shouldn't terrible

or maybe this world just wasn't made for people like us.

it was in the middle of the night

they hadn't seen each other for such a long time
suddenly laughter and old memories came back again
remember the time when it was you and me against the world

everything could have been so different
but they never truely followed their hearts

this night he called her, he missed her, a part of him
he told her the words she wanted to hear, she craved for
this girl was weak and all over again she fell for him

the boy with the green eyes and a beautiful smile
he could be so charming and lovely if he wanted to
but he also had his moments, he was always fighting
it was a battle with himself and he could never win

she wanted back to the times when they were just kids in love
running in flower fields and swimming in the ocean
being reckless and getting way too drunk under the stars

something that we are not
is the thing I always wanted to be

maybe it was spring maybe it was winter maybe Im too wasted
what I do remember is that you loved me and that we always kissed

whenever you made me feel sad you always cheered me up again
you gave me your warmth and your strength to conquer the world
it just never made any kind of sense to me, why was this person so nice

was there anyway in this cruel world that I deserved to be happy
you never showed me that though, but you made me feel things again

I mean my life was a mess when I met you and I was a mess and you were
but it never seemed to bother you because you saw the light in me..
something not many people do for me for I don't know what reasons

you don't want to become like your demons, no one does
but still you become like your demons, everyday a little bit more

it were the days for raining tears and broken barbie dolls
boys who broke my heart and I could laugh about it

maybe I wrote this wasted maybe I wrote this sober.

it was on a monday when I first saw you

you walked into the room and there it was..
the feeling I got when I first saw you was not right
I wanted to throw up, rip out my heart, cry
it made me feel miserable, you made me feel miserable
and that was the thing I always loved about you

it was love at first sight but you couldn't see it
or maybe I was just blind and you did see it

it was on a friday a year later when we kissed again
I didn't asked why you did it, why you kissed me
because when I looked into your eyes, I knew

you could never let go of me either
and for that moment that was enough for me
the feeling you wanted this to, maybe more than me
it always made me feel special, made me feel loved

and even today you can still make me feel miserable
but everytime you do that it never made me feel more alive

I know I ****** you up pretty boy
but let's be honest you did the same to me

so after all I think you did saw it, you saw me.

at a very young age I made a deal with lucifer
I was a little kid and the darkness surrounded me
demons telling me stories, the devil was close

my friends were scared and so was my family
I always told them it was okay
not to be like the other childeren

talking with things they couldn't see
seeing things they didn't want to hear

and after a while even my therapist called me special
I hate it when people use words like that
when they actually mean something else

I havent slept very fell since you left,
Delorian come back.

heaven kicked me out
I am cursed to be a lost soul on the planet earth
but that is okay as long as I can hear you breathing

I woke up this morning
and the first thing that came to my mind was you
I opend my brown reddish eyes thinking about your ocean blue ones

I wanted to hold you and tell you how much I love you,
that you make my heart skip a beat everytime you look at me
that I need you more than the universe needs his stars

the way you are, so different from all the others
when you smile I can see angels dance in the sky
you are the most beautiful human being I have ever met

but I cant let you close, you dont want to be near me
do you know that song about the demons, well its true
so I beg you please don't come close because it is dark inside
and yes inside of me is where my demons hide

so pretty please my darling do yourself a favor and go
leave me.. because you know I dont deserve you

she will forever be my everything even when we are nothing.

I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous.
I loved the stars so fondly even the moon looked back at me.
The truth is I dont need someone in my life to tell me that I am special, god told me I am.
He wants me to give love and all I get back for that is tears on my face and scars on my body.

Its not complicated to be the girl nobody truely cared about.
You may be miles away but my demons aren't.
They would never mistreat me and mistake my tears for a smile.
The prove of being ugly isnt a sign of the stars, it comes from the heart.

I have cried a lot of tears knowing nobody would cry for me.
So maybe this time it is good to be alone in the dark.
Try to pull yourself out this time and make a promise not to tell a single soul
about our little secret. Not that someone would really care.
They see your outside not knowing what is going on, on the inside.
I can't drown my demons they know how to swim. They will catch me sleeping.

I was the girl who never was afraid of anything in the world. They called me fearless.
I always was a good actress, being the lovely and popular girl never was a hard role.
Being a dissapointment is another thing. My life is fail wasted with a bottle of *****.
My life isn't going up because my thoughts are falling down and wanting to be dead,
never was this of big deal this year. I am scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all. I never was good with my emotions anyway.

The blades make me feel comfortable and the cuts make me feel like an outcast.
I always knew I was different from my friends, they never called me this but deep down
inside I knew I was the ******, the outsider and nobody really did like me.

When people want something from you they will do anything to get that thing.
Even if it is just to get their needs, yes I am talking about man.
Being a doll in one of this stupid games always was my biggest struggle.
I am a believer in love, knowing I will never get it. because nobody really cares.

The blood makes me feel alive. It reminds me that I am not dying. not yet.

I always wonderd what heaven looks like, even though I am going to hell.
Being a good person is the hardest thing I am dealing with in my life.
May god forgive me for the things I have done and for the things I am going to do.

My head is going to explode soon.
Tell Satan I said hello.

they say Im a heartbreaker
so dont get to close, I will tear your universe apart
the stars will stop shining when I am done with you
at least that is what the people say

but most of the time these people are forgetting something

I am not doing this on purpose
I am not trying to smash every piece apart

my love for you just doesn't excist in the world I live
because I do see the way you look at me..
but I just don't believe the way you look is right for me

I need someone who fights back, someone strong
a person who knows how to handle me at my worst

in my own world everything is a little bit more beautiful
in my mind these gardens are a little bit more magical
true lovers together touching the clouds in the sky
you can't blame me for being a dreamer

they say Im a heartbreaker
but darling don't throw your heart into the ocean
if it didn't knew how to swim in the first place

written in the light of a trillion shining stars
lovely words that made me think of you

this feeling was there since the day I first saw you
and it stayed for quite a while
we were so in love, it was mad

but things happend and we lost each other
telling the people around us we haven't lost it all yet

it always was you who gave me this spark
this tiny little bit of happiness I craved for

our love found its way back
but I began to see the reasons why it never worked
the way he looked at her had changed

and maybe the look in his eyes was the reason
why I didn't stay in the first place.

when we are little everything seems big

the older people will tell you scary stories about the world
how it changed over the years and how you should live
they will tell you all the things you never wanted to hear

but they wont tell you about the flowers and gardens
about the oceans and birds flying in the sky, the sunrise
the stories about happiness are like a forbidden secret
something you need to discover yourself in this world

I always wanted to die young because growing up scared me
I remember saying these terrible things to myself in the mirror
things like you wont ever reach seventeen, you are not worth living

and now Im sitting in my room at the age of seventeen
still discovering the little secret called happiness
maybe I will never figure it out or maybe I do someday

oh well for now Im just fine with being a teenager in love.

It was everything this girl ever wanted but nothing what I needed

I always was something that nobody could have, a mistery
my smile was like the summer and my hart was the winter
and there were only a few people that could read my dark eyes

she never became one of those humans, she didn't understand
the way I didn't cry when I was sad or the way I did when I was happy

I was different from the other people not only because of my beauty
I seemed honest, I told everyone I was honest, nobody saw me lying
it were the little things in life that made me special, everything special

nobody could ever have me and that's what made them want me
and maybe it was selfish to think this way and maybe I am, selfish
the beauty of life, the adventures everything was calling my name

the way he looked at me that night and the way I smiled back at him
the full moon was shining bright with all the pretty stars next to her
it was the perfect night to make love, the alcohol, craving for each other

that moment you should have known that it was so so wrong
but you never blamed yourself because you are young and free
promises never meant a thing for you and maybe they never will
people let each other down all the time and true love doesn't excist

we are broken boys and girls looking for other broken boys and girls
life never was fair to us, our parents never were fair to us, nobody was

and maybe I should feel sorry for being the way I am today

hearts and rules are kinda the same
they are both meant to be broken

she had a attitude with a gorgeous smile
she could make the angels sing and the devils cry
but there was this thing about her, something different
she had her struggles and her addictions

and on a early sunday morning the people realized
drinking cough syrup when you didn't have a cough
is ironic because in reality you're sicker than you thought.

these words explained it all
we are all a little bit mad, you need to feel special
crazy is the new normal these days..
and some people would love to take adventage of that

but please be honest because in the end
we are all just ****** up kids
drugs and alcohol never were the issue
we just couldnt stay away from the feeling
the feeling of feeling nothing at all.

this stupid love song should not remind you of him

maybe I was never the right girl for this boy
but he was the one who didn't wanted to give it a try
I broke down before his eyes and it wasn't the first time

I need to stop thinking about this boy
but those night with him were my most favorite thing in the world
whenever I was near him the world was a little bit more beautiful
and no not the kind of beautiful you can describe in words

I dont want to use you as a distraction
just because I cant get over this ******* with blue eyes
you are treating me so good yes you really are an angel
and yes maybe you are the best thing that ever happend to me
but that also is the reason it is so hard to love you

the nights are longer when Im not around you
I can feel the summer coming and I need you near me
maybe it will take months for us to talk again, like we used you
but I dont mind my dear, I will be here waiting for you

I will be waiting here untill the night gets shorter...
because the summer always was and always be our thing.

the lights went off and the music began to play louder
there was alcohol everywhere and the feeling of living faded
being numb was the only thing every single teenager was craving for

and if I said I would miss you I would be lying
and if I told you the truth oh girl you would be dying

this love was special, this love was rare, not like the other summer
it seemed to good to be true and I started to realize I didn't deserve
your kisses, your hugs, the way you held my hand while walking

playing games with the hearts of the people I love most, it was wrong
dancing in the dark with demons, the devil was calling my name, love
I never was afraid of the things normal people would be afraid of, never

it was on a sunday when I realized this had to stop sooner or later
you were way too precious to let a broken soul ruin your beautiful heart
it was the way she looked at me at night when the moon was full, bright
it made me question everything I ever believed in, was it worth it all.

remember that night when we were dancing darling, drunk and happy
I want you to remember those nights when I am leaving tomorrow
the sun is calling my name, the adventure of the unknown, I want it
I need to get out of this city, this life and this world, Im going crazy

depression was a thing no one did and no one will ever understand
and that is okay we don't need to know everything, but let me be
I need to deal with this emotions my own way, the darkness, demons

believe me there is going to be a day I will free from all of this ..
but this is not my time yet, let me be sad and angry and misunderstood

most teenagers just need a hug..
I need an escape.

she wrote poems about me, with passion
it was the same way I wrote poems about her

she saw the world just like the way I saw it
a dark place where you need someone to light it up
happiness was easy to find when she was around me

and everyday I wonder when is this girl going to leave me
and everyday I beg to god to make you stay a little bit longer..

I know you think I dont need you as much as you need me
but the truth is I do, I need you more than the moon needs the sun
I want you and only you, I adore every single part of you, oh you

humans need someone to share their life with, to keep them alive
and I want you to be that human more than I want anything else

the mornings when I wake up next to you, are so lovely, dreamy
the nights when I fall asleep next to you, hearing your heartbeat
every minute we spend together feels like living in a fairytale

and I never want this to end.

I could hypnotize you with my demonic eyes
and it still wouldn't be enough for you to love me

it was always you who made me laugh and question life
the birds weren't flying for the broken people yesterday
and sometimes being crazy was all what made me feel normal

you make me feel afraid but also make me feel myself
you make me wanna cut my veins and cry my eyes out

the devil itself was made of more beauty than I was
he gave me his eyes but I couldn't compete with his soul

so maybe you were right to leave me standing there
or maybe I was wrong chasing you after you did left me

you were the light in my life but also my darkness

trains are moving, birds are flying
and everytime she sees him
her soul is dying

my heart skips a beat
whenever you look me into my eyes
whenever you talk to me
or when she was just thinking
about him and his innocent soul

his love for her was brighter than the bluest sky.
the kind of blue that nobody could reject.

this boy had this special thing
he always had this smirk on his face
and a other look on things
his thoughts were deep
but his heart was afraid
he didnt want to lose this battle

their love story wasnt like the ones
in books, it wasnt like a fairytale
it wasnt like a happy story

but she was happy to call him hers

he was her home

maybe you defined love as a thing no one could have but you

everyday I felt a little bit more trapped and I longed for my freedom
last week I met a man he gave me back everything I was missing
the air was so thick when I was around you, I needed to breath, the air

she wrote poems about you the way I used to do, poems about love
she saw everything in you as beauty there was a time I saw it too
the way you made me laugh and cry, I wanted nothing but her

and maybe deep in my heart I knew it was wrong, it was all wrong
I was like this girl from the movies , a paper girl in a paper town
getting away from everything I started here was my only option

so maybe this is a goodbye to everyone or maybe a hello

the thing is maybe life hasn't a meaning and it's not all about being
being beautiful, being smart, being different, it's not about all of that

things have meanings but meanings dont always have things.

they say that time heals wounds
but I found out creating my own wounds
heal alot more than time could ever do

that morning there was blood on my sheets
that night I cried a thousand tears on my pillow

sad kids walking the streets these days
their arm filled with beautiful scars

and for the first time I found comfort in having my demons near me
I found a little bit of my home back in this darkness, this is a part of me

birds they are flying, the sun is shining
everything around me is slowly dying

the party was getting started and all I wanted was to get away
I wanted to run away from all these dancing, drunken youngsters
I remember this night so clearly, the music was so so loud

oh pretty darling here we are again
lying on the floor with demons whispering things
telling you stories about blood and death, terrible things

they will say that all of this is your own fault
so please don't tell a single soul about what you did last night

I made a mess again,
please help me to clean it up this time.

I should be happy but I am not
I should be smiling but instead im crying

I feel all alone in the world and no one will ever understand
and I know you will tell me you do understand me
and that you are there for me and that you think im everything
well sorry my love but I cant be your everything
when I feel like nothing

maybe it is the right time for the demons to come and get me
we always had this great connection to be honest
I would tell them my sad stories, I would cry
and he promised me to always make me feel better
he promised me to never leave my side and I think he never did
he is just on a trip to see the world but he will come back
and maybe he will bring me something or maybe not
I dont really care to be honest, I just miss him.

dear prince of the hell
I dont know where you are in the world
but please come back to me because I need you
or do you hate me.. did I do something wrong
is that why you are leaving the scars and marks on my body
I never told your secret and you always kept mine
even if you are never coming back..
I will always love you and be thankfull for the things you did
but please keep protecting me..

I miss having you in my room.

you drowned yourself in XTC because you wanted to stay alive
at night time your veins were filled with whiskey instead of red blood
it were your so called friends that pushed you into doing this dumb ****

you were afraid of the people around you so she pushed them all away
she locked herself in her room listening to her own voice falling appart
until this girl was big enough she had to deal with this every single day
never she had seen the sea and it's beautiful reckless waves, the birds..

and maybe I shouldn't have cried tonight, shouldn't have hurt myself
found sadness and luck in other things than humans or humans...
your younger years have impact on your future but don't let them rule..

it were the nights we had too much to drink and we spilled our secrets
it were the days we cried our eyes out, hoping for someone who cared
we needed a reason to keep breathing, a less broken soul than ours
someone who could build us up, show us the stars in the rare universe

and I learned that day that broken people do laugh at funny stories
and that happy people do cry over all the sad things that happen in life

the world was falling appart that night and the demons were crying
the visions were playing in my head and there was no way back..

she was a cold hearted killer..

I think the writer in me died when I wrote this poem
gravity pulled me in, the galaxy was screaming my name
the stars were craving for my sparkle to shine next to them

my life was like a puzzle and there were so many pieces missing
in the search to find all of those pieces I didnt only lose soulmates..
I also lost the most valueable thing a human could have.. I lost myself..

I started to make a home out of all the places I have bin, empty places
the world was crumbling and I needed to get away from here, soon

but you always were the one who was keeping me here, save and calm
this human was the reason of my breathing the reason my heart beated
it was not right to live like this, it was wrong to live like this, wrong

and I never was a person who would wait for the storm to pass
I loved dancing in the rain with my demons right beside me..

the passion for painting faded just  like your picture was fading ..

there once was a girl with beautiful sad blue eyes

she wrote stories about the moon and the twinkling stars above
because they were a million miles away and no one could ever touch
these things in the sky were so vulnerable yet untouchable, innocent

she sang little melodies about people who were so crazy in love
she could sing those songs with so much emotion and happiness
yet this girl was the one walking around wondering
if she could ever know how it felt, the feeling of being in love

this girl had her own way of living in this angry big world
she saw the beauty in normal things like a smile or a hug
but not just in things she saw beauty also in human beings

or maybe all of this was just an act..
to hide her own little problems for everyone else, the world
maybe the smile that she wore on her face everyday was fake
maybe I saw the beauty in everything else because beauty
was the one thing I could never find within myself

and maybe that is why I got a soft spot
for all the broken childeren out there who feel alone or left out
because everytime I look into the mirror..
I see a broken child, myself.

I might get a bit drunker when I am around you.
drinking away the shame and nerves is what I am made of these days.
more ***** than water in my blood.

I woke up this morning looking at the sun, being greatfull for living.
sometimes Im thinking about never going home again, but I aint leaving you.
my ego always was bigger than my heart. but that didnt stop me from loving you.

putting your favorite song on repeat is like drowing in your favorite drink.
after a while the taste is gone and it makes you want to jump of a bridge.
doing things you would have never done in real life, but it made you feel alive.

its really not that bad keeping your life a secret.

I was *****
and you were not

nobody noticed
cause I smiled a lot

now the pain is killing me
my heart is falling apart

I could never trust or love again
how funny is that

Im so ashamed
and you are not

remember you called me worthless **** a lot

every time you called me that, it made me want to die
cause every part of you loving me felt like a ******* lie

thank you for ****** me.

you are lonely when you can hear the voices in your mind speak
when you can see the walls in your bedroom coming closer

the writngs in your diary stopped the day your mother died
it was on a beautiful sad thursday night and you couldnt stop crying

and you knew she went to far when she began to break infront of you
how the girl started to find peace in alcohol again, so much alcohol
cause baby here at the west coast we drink ***** the same as milk

after a while the sadness faded and so did the tears, the screaming
she was fierce like always, cold as ice but oh so beautiful, like stars
and nobody could ever compete to this girl and her dark evil twin

I loved you more than I hated the world, craved you more than ever
everytime you had to go was like a piece of starlight leaving the sky
this girl was dancing with devil and writing poetry with his minions

my world never revoled around loving things or loving phrases
my world always revoled around pills and alcohol around death
but everytime the end was coming.. I saw your face .. everytime

so if you were my demon and all of my dreams were haunted
I want to live in this endless nightmare forever and ever darling.

maybe one day you'll remember my name
you can scream it out of your broken window
but those memories we made won't fade away

the scars on your wrists and arms
will tell your kids the story of when you were young
how you felt back than and how ****** up the world was

this boy needed an escape
something so he could let go of his emotions
so he choose the way of blood and pain

and it worked, it was his way of surviving
and for me he still was the same beautiful boy

the lines on his arms formed a pattern of loneliness
the stripes on his wrists told me a story of darkness

everytime I close my eyes, I wish I could save him
his soul was haunting me and I couldn't be his hero

this time it will be me screaming your name

remember last year and how ****** up everything was
well the mess we made back than didn't clean up itself

please step on my heart, break every single piece appart
burn the ashes of my soul till nothing is left

brainwash me and make me yours
use me like a doll, I will play along
treat me like Im not worth seeing the birds in the sky
and still I will be the person who is there for you at 3 am

everybody knew that we had to much fun
spending all my time with you talking about things I'd rather forget
things that didn't even matter when she was around him

the stars turning into different constellations tonight
and we both knew from that moment we kissed again
nothing could be the same anymore

maybe the world was in love with the idea of us being in love
and maybe at one point in my life I was in love with that too

I dont know what I want

the stars were out and I was crying
the universe was dark and everything around us was dying

I always told you I loved your blue eyes
but maybe I was lying.

maybe she was cursed to live like this

feeling all alone and left out in a world filled with love and happiness
the angels won't hear you crying when you are locked up in the hell
they aren't there to save you once again because you ****** up again
or maybe this was all her own little stupid fault, her mistake, blame me

nights like this I shouldn't be drinking, not even one glass
it makes me think things I dont wanna think, do thing I dont wanna do
I shouldn't have taken this so far and maybe you were right in the end
doing the things I did never made my life any better it made it worse

she always thought wolves were the most beautiful creatures
they would cry there whole life for something they could never touch
the wolves always reminded her of when she was just a little girl
she always cried for attention, from anyone but she could never touch

and now 6 years later she is sitting on the ground thinking about
who she was back than and how far she have come
that she could live a beautiful life with this never ending curse
that she needed to accept that the sadness will always haunt her.

the demons made her strong and dark
but now its time to follow the river of light.

there once was a girl who was scary and sweet
her name was Mathilda, she was the voice in my head

she told me stories about demons and the dark
things that I needed to do before she would leave me alone

cut a little deeper, no one will care about your wounds
eat a little less, no one will notice when you lose some more weight
speak a little softer, no one wants to hear your voice cracking the air

her name was Mathilda and I used to be afraid of her
she would force the broken kids to commit suicide, death
but I know Mathilda was just lonely and needed a friend, like me

trapped by demons like the little girl in me, afraid and dying
angels sang me to sleep every night and I prayed they would save you
it was my dream that you would be free and we could be sisters, family

there always was this part of me that missed you when you were gone
I know you killed yourself years ago, that you were just like me
but darling everytime you visit me in the summer, the lovely days
I just can't handle seeing you go again, die like you did that winter

the pictures of you hanging with a rope on your neck, the blood
you always counted the scares on your wrist, they were ugly you said
I always thought they were beautiful, just like the way you smiled

you always were so so wonderful with your broken blue eyes

Dear Mathilda, my darling, I love you.

the children with the masks starting to count down from six to zero
nobody knew what was happening yet they all knew what was going on
it was a sick and twisted game and there was no price you could win

the night was falling and the counting stopped and so did her heart
the angels were done beating her to death and the demons were laughing
the children with the masks were still smiling everything went wrong..

you could run for your life and all the humans you needed to save
but they will catch you, they will hunt you down and break you break...

two wrongs no rights all the broken ones lost each other that night

love is for the living not for the ones with a dying soul on the inside.
love is for people who can give more than they can take.
true love is only for people with a pure soul and a golden heart.
I guess love isnt a thing for me.

a voice is for the broken ones.
talent for writing is for the lonely ones.
seeing things that arent there is for the people with an open mind.
being able to speak with the death is for the childeren who are already dying.
I guess this is more a thing for me.

we are living in a world where it is important to speak up about your problems.
you need to tell people the things you are dealing with.
but I cant do that without being judged or get called names.
Im not complaining about my hard life. Im not seeking for attention.
that is why I keep my mouth shut about everything that is going on in my head at the moment.

writing is my escape and distracting of the thing Im really wanting to do at this moment of being alone in my room thinking about why are we living on this earth.
thinking about if there really is a god? and if so.. why Im suffering everyday dying inside.

I want him to take me home, but he keeps telling me that isnt an option.
he says I dont understand the reason why Im here yet.
he cuts the conversation off but every night I will try again to get inside his head.
I need the answers.

dont you wish you were not here anymore.
only thing that will remain is bones, bones of stolen diamond.
tears falling down on my mothers knees, wanting me to come back.
but ones you begin there is no way back and we all know that.
there is a hell I have seen it, there is a hell let's keep it a secret.

Im willing to make a change in my life at this moment.
Im just waiting for my demon to come back so I can talk with him about this.
He wants me to cry he wants to see my blood,
He needs it tonight, my blood is what keeps him alive and I dont want him to go.
maybe this is just my sick mind writing.

Demons can make my hell feel like home and I never want to leave it.
being called sick is for the hopeless I am only broken.

it is 4:30 in the morning and I should be sleeping
the thought of you keeps me awake, I dont know what to do
the words you spoke to me are repeating themselves in my mind
and Im here laying on my bed thinking, how can this be real life

did he meant what he said this time, was everything he once told me true
or was all of this just a lie and he is just trying to play with me

the only thing I know right now is the fact that I cant sleep
because everytime I think of him it makes me wanna die
my stomach hurts and I want to rip my heart out, break every bone

and he knows he can do these things to me, making me feel this way
and I know I can make him feel the same way, just by looking at him

I dont even remember why I fell in love with him in the first place
maybe it were his eyes, oh yes it were his eyes, his brown reddish eyes
or maybe it was his attidude or his smile, his humor or his short temper

now its 4:42 in the morning and I wonder do I want this
do I want to wake up to him every morning laying next to him
do I have the patience to deal with his anger and the way he behaves

he is everything I wanted but nothing what I needed, nothing

I think Im just afraid to close this chapter of my crazy life
I like him being around to watch over and make sure I do the right thing
it always felt safe having him, asking me those uncomfortable questions
he always made me realise what I was doing and how I was feeling

this boy was my first love or maybe he still is a little

and it wouldn't be fair to play this game with me because he knows
I am the one who is going to lose

dear diary,

I know I havent wrote to you for a long time
but you have to understand a lot happened in my life

sometimes I feel bad because I know some people have it worse
but does that mean I can't feel like a worthless *******?

to be honest I don't know what to think or feel anymore
maybe I stopped writing because I felt like I was annoying
if I am annoying I'm sorry

last week I made a new friend, his name is Delorian
the truth is he doen't exist I made him up, but I act like he does, breath
just to feel less lonely, I need someone to be an outcast just like me
I can see and feel him though

does that make me weird?

last night I had a dream about him, he was very nice to me

thanks for listening, as always

teenagers dont live the life of regret

we get depressed and no one can help us
we get sad and we tell each other it will be over

the kids from yesterday will take adventage of you tomorrow
and to be honest I wouldn't even blame them
the living are all cursed and the dying are weak
there is no way out of this planet kid

god will be there listening to your sorrow
he will watch you make another sin tonight

you should stay close to yourself
because maybe that is the only important thing you can lose

he couldn't handle her, so she left to find someone who could.