opened my heart once
after keeping everything in
years and years
filled to the brim
and now i'm spilled, entirely
maybe nobody
can be fully prepared
when the cracks in my heart
can no longer bear
all of its weight
the dam finally breaks
and i am the flood that drowns them
i am spilled, entirely
you see
victims of a flood
have the choice to leave
and i will be left here, still
caught in all the debris
spilled, entirely

one of my biggest fears,
the thing that i dare not touch—
hope

and yet, somehow
my fists are bloodied,
my grip bruising

i did deign to hope
held it between my hands:
the fragility of wanting

do not let them see me
here, vulnerable, soft
on my knees

praying or begging,
i may not know
all i know is this:

i have found hope
and it is cruel to me
but i am not letting go

it is tiring
always carrying
the world on your shoulders
tell me
honestly
how can you breathe
drowning in your sea of sadness
how long will it take
for you to see
the sun never rises
because you stay in your darkness
because you've only discovered
it is easier to be angry
than it is to be hurt
how does it feel now
realizing the heaviness in you
is what's weighing you down
because it is tiring
always carrying
what you think is the world on your shoulders
lay it all down
let it all go

i have the terrible gift of foresight
seeing the future before it happens
the ability to bend time
when i look closely in the mirror

you know what they always say
'with great power, comes great responsibility'
but my power is destructive
i have already built ruins
before the foundation is laid

it is a terrible habit
sneaking glances at the ending
i would have gone blind
stopping everything from changing

hindsight offers no comfort
when i already know the end
i've seen it myself
because i played a hand in it

No other thing in this uncertain world
Tastes sweeter and surer
Than your name on my lips

A grace, undeserved
Bestowed upon me
For all the times you've held me

And I do not know what I did
In this life, or another
To be blessed by the heavens

Unsure if I was chosen somehow
Or by some stroke of luck
Came out from misfortunes

Given the sweetest grace
I am still somehow in doubt
If I am worthy

But deemed so by your touch
Igniting everything in me
And I am alive, living finally

Maybe it is true
That mercy changes you
Because now I have been renewed

And if this is a mistake
Against the world and all of nature
Then it is one I am willing to make

You have been named after fate
But in my mind
I call you sweeter things

You say that you cannot see it
And maybe so, maybe it is me
Because lately I have been realizing

I am the one who is lucky

here i am again
reaching for hands
i am commanded not to hold
dreaming of just
a whisper of your touch
and again i ache
a hollow space in your shape

haunting everywhere i go
i try not to search for you
dreading my impending doom
the moment i catch
even a glimpse of your ghost
mocking my mortality
and yet possessing all of me

and god help me
because i cannot help it
a willing captive
fully at your mercy
and i am afraid for my being
because even ensnared
i wish not to escape you

blinded by your light
i mistake you for heaven
i am waiting at your gates
saying all the prayers
begging you will bless me
with an eternity of your love
if only i were worthy

and here i weep
because what use is all this
i see you and i sigh
keep myself at arm's length
because it is not enough
and it will always be like this
i'm too much of a romantic
to see things clearly

do you remember when we talked
about the capacity of our hearts
how it can be bigger
than our own bodies
capable of swallowing
entire galaxies
like a sun
exploding, burning
devouring everything
in its wake

when we wondered, desperately
where to keep all this love
inside of us
threatening to spill
everywhere
anywhere it could go
if it had a place to stay
and welcome it home

when we recounted histories
of loves lost and found
of foolishness and folly
of hearts breaking
with the magnitude of earthquakes
shattering into the debris
of our memories
only resurfacing if
they are dug up
with tender hands

when revelations were spoken
recognizing all the mistakes
naming all of the hurt
one by one
and saying,
"i've known you"
and it is beautiful
all of it, the whole of it
some sort of sobriety
after what feels like a lifetime
under the drunken influence
of our hearts

in another universe
there would be versions
of ourselves
who have chosen
to be content.
but here,
here
our hearts are bigger
than our bodies
and they can break
with the magnitude of earthquakes
and in our stubbornness
we will choose to hurt,
to ache, to yearn
and yet
we will always dive heart-first.

i'm beginning to think i'm more hurt than i've allowed myself to feel.

there seems to be no words anymore.
whether beautiful or painful,
they have all become a blur—
smudged ink on paper.
what feels like my own handwriting
i can no longer recognize.

when did i write this?
poetry—
i used to believe
was what saved me.
but what happens
when i run out of words?
and yet still remember
how "love" was spelled so similarly
to your name
that i could never have told
the difference?

i cannot hold a pen anymore
without wishing
it was your hand in its place.
but it's empty,
this page.
and yet,
somehow—
i'm still bled dry in the end.

i have saved a place
for you in my heart
and it may need
a bit of dusting
because my heart
was never clean
and it has long since
been empty
the day you walked away
but please know
that i have saved a place
for you in my heart
tell me when you're ready
because if i'm honest
you've been welcome
from the start

daw hindi magpakita
sa akon ang katuyo
diri sa dulom
daw ako man kadumdom
sa pila ka tion
nga ako gapanago

hindi na pagpugsa
ipiyong ang mga mata
kay wala man pinagbag-o
kung ako bulag
sa kalipay o sa gugma

na-anad na sa lamig
sa ulunan nga basa
gadugay lang ang mga tuig
ako lang diri gyapon isa

talagsa na lang gid
katilaw sang pahuway
basi di ko gutom amo kabudlay

gihulid ko na ang pala
di gyapon ko katulog

makutkot na lang ko asta ma-aga

i will need to learn
how to stop hurting
over the things
that i will never be

it is hard sometimes
for wounds to heal
when you keep
picking at them

and i am all wounds
and no scars
open and burning
festering with decay

i have tried so hard
to be the type
that is bright
and radiant with light

i never realized
how much i have ached
for something
that cannot be

a life that is spent
wasted on inadequacy
i will never learn
how to be worthy

yearning
is a silly
foreign thing
when you
haven't wanted
anything
in ages

look at me
so full
of wishes
yet laid bare
of hope

never
did i learn
to want
what i
did not
deserve

never
did i dare
to reach
for the moon
when all
i did
was stare at it
from down here

i cannot
blame myself
for never
learning
or daring
because
why should i
when
i should have known
the moon
was unattainable
in the first place

you have always loved color
now it seems you're watching paint dry
stuck in a timeless position
unable to find out the why

it seems you've been painting forever
you look down at your hands and see
stains upon stains of latex and acrylics
but wonder why the canvas is empty

you search far and wide for a muse
anything for a drop of inspiration
just when you think you have found it
you discover it's under distortion

you haven't folded away your easel
so maybe you need to consider
you can get yourself a new palette
this painting can still be painted over

mon cœur t'appartient
(my heart is yours)
as the sun sets once more
as the dark becomes a canopy
repeated religiously:
mon cœur t'appartient
(my heart is yours)

mon cœur t'appartient
(my heart is yours)
as time unravels itself before us
mortality may be a hindrance
and yet i remind you of this:
mon cœur t'appartient
(my heart is yours)

mon cœur t'appartient
(my heart is yours)
or whatever is left of it
equal parts ice and stone
eroded but if you'll have it:
mon cœur t'appartient
(my heart is yours)

this one's for you
for walking into the thick of the forest
and building yourself a shed
the woods are understanding
know what it is like to be crowded
and you insist you are not lost
only that you do not want to be found
but the secret trail you've left
although hidden and inaccessible
tells otherwise somehow

this one's for you
the self-made architect and carpenter
your stained glass windows
reflect your religion
you have made gods
out of beauty and kindness
but the followers stand outside
unable to profess their devotion
you have neglected to notice
you've built your walls too high

this one's for you
for being the world champion
in forever hide-and-seek
they say it is impossible
to ever count to infinity
but you have no fault in this
for seeing no end
people say you are childish
but it seems impossible not to relive
a childhood stolen away

this one's for you
the self-proclaimed unloveable
feel the sun kiss your skin
and the moon keep you company
you have not seen your joy
from a third-person's point of view
and you have concluded
that beauty is an omnipresence
if it truly is everywhere
why cannot you see it in you?

you arrived unexpectedly
like some sort of calamity
maybe an earthquake or a tsunami
assured i was prepared
for whatever havoc
you would cause
but i never saw it coming
flooding my senses
you were all around me
and as the ground shook below
i fell with no one to catch me
and not much noticed
but with all these walls
i could have built a city
keep it locked and guarded
then you showed up with a key
surprising how you opened it
i could have sworn it was rusty
were you surprised too
when you looked inside
and found everything empty
you see
it was never a question
of casualty or severity
for how could you destroy something
that was too shattered already

you have discovered
you can travel through time
but your favorite place
was always the past
déja vu
you go in loops
reliving what was

remembering is a curse
for feet that desire
to move forward
and eyes that can only
look back
you cannot spit out
the bittersweet taste

this place is barren
but the ghosts you left behind
walk its empty streets
and you keep visiting
to see the love you lost
with flowers on its grave
ones you do not recognize

the present is a place
that seldom interests you
you walk backwards
towards it
you are still welcome
and the gates are open
if you ask for the key

the future cares for you
cannot wait to see your face
you have gone weary
from your travels
going further and further back
you can return any time
but here you will be loved

let the tears i have shed
water the flowers by my feet
i have stepped on my own growth
for far too long
that i have been content
in hiding beneath the ground

let me fall to my knees
and break my bones
i have learned to piece myself together
again and again
after believing i'd remain shattered
for lifetimes on end

let the pain in my body
mark all the ways by which
i have tried to destroy myself
the bruises have left and gone
and yet i am still here
winning against myself

let me feel alive despite it all
because if you told me
when i was younger
that things will get better
i would never have believed
so let me stay a little while

i want to be here for me

at times
i have to remind myself
i am here
right now
i exist
in a million possible times
in a million possible places
in a million possible bodies
i am here
and so
i am struggling
trying to find the why
trying to find a reason
of all the possible times
of all the possible places
of all the possible bodies
sometimes i do not understand
why now
why here
why me

there is no redemption for the hopeless
let me hang my head in shame
there is no redemption for the hopeless
these wounds at least let me feel pain

after the battle leave me here to die
i never deemed myself a hero or a knight
why can't you see i cannot win this fight
this coward's only weapon is to hide

there is no redemption for the hopeless
let me accept my defeat
there is no redemption for the hopeless
i lost when i tried to cheat

let me suffer here for all my sins
grace no longer has a place for this monstrosity
i am sentenced a lifetime of being me
the lashings give it all away on my skin

there is no redemption for the hopeless
it took me a while to see
that there is no redemption for the hopeless
because the real enemy here is me

me and you
you and i
we didn't notice
time fly by
you fell for me
and i for you
but both of us
we never knew
you and i
me and you

i see you
when you think no one is looking
lost in your thoughts
you are sinking
let me be your anchor
you will stay ashore
you don't have to drown
not anymore

you are building
a wall to hide yourself in
when you think no one can break it
i will climb my way in
are you protecting yourself
or caging yourself in
this is no way to live
making a prison out of your skin

are you screaming
but no one seems to hear
are you begging for help
swallowed by your fears
when the silence is deafening
and you can't hold back the tears
i am here
i hear you loud and clear

there is no shame
in saying what you're going through
you think you're all alone
but i'm right here beside you
please don't shut yourself in
what good does that do
you don't have to be afraid
i'll go through this with you

this is how i have chosen to show my love for you
i wrote you a poem
i haven't written in so long
that spiders have claimed their home
at the crook of my right palm
i try not to pick a pen up
just so i won't disturb them
but this is how i have chosen to show my love for you
i want to write you a poem
although i have forgotten every stored metaphor
every beautiful way to say,
'you are like the sun on a rainy day'
and i can't seem to remember
all the comforting ways to say,
'i want to be there for you'
you see, this is how i have chosen to show my love for you
i will write you a poem
because i have never really been good
at saying the right thing at the right time
but somehow
i have discovered the Lost and Found
between my mouth and my hands
where the words i have lost on my lips
have been found on my fingertips
this is how i have chosen to show my love for you
i want to tell you
you don't have to be alone
and carrying heavy things is always easier
with someone else to help lift the weight
don't you think that the world is too heavy
to be carried all on your own shoulders?
let me help
for it is how i have chosen to show my love for you
because for a while i have thought
that i had nothing left in me
but maybe i still have little pieces left
and i will find them
so you can borrow them
just until you find yours too
i hope you see
that this is how i have chosen to show my love for you
because for the longest time
i have been afraid to write
but this is how i have chosen to show my love for you
i wrote you a poem

He and I
Had mystery eyes
We stole glances
Committed crimes
Our hearts were suspects
With no bulletproof vests
We were the victims
But we were the ones
Who confessed