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max Oct 2020
[TW: self-harm]

i'm 11 weeks clean and,
the past month has been,
rough to say the least

the urges are only getting worse,
and ive come so close to the blades,
to the flames,
to the sensation

i just want to feel something
im just so,
numb
i need to,
i have to

the nightmares are back
the flashbacks
the trauma
it's all back
can i have the pain back too?
Carl m Sep 2020
My palms are cold and ******
Your name stains my tongue
I prefer sleeping with my eyes open
Bloodshot eyes and boiling skin
I can’t believe they let you out
Randy, Was it worth the laugh
Does my blood still stain your hands
Do you close your eyes and remember me
I want you to feel the pain you drove into my veins
The smile you craved into my brain stains my teeth
My smile likes yours I no longer know myself
My childhood smells of tears and blood
But all you cared about was a rub and some ***
Using a woman as your toys, you see them as objects
You see me as an object no longer will I be yours
Randy, was it worth the laugh you had that night
Before the cops came and shocked your night
Shocked your life and made your night a living hell.
My brain still screams in agony at the sight of your name.
Hello, I'm new to publishing my poetry places, please leave feedback, and constructive criticism.
Brian Yule Aug 2020
Morphisms ignored
You seed sour schisms
Divide & bleed
Bluster-concealed claw of iniquity
Blink & you'll miss misdeeds
Bleak greed breeds alacrity
Mimic predators
Crack fatigue
Shoved in your leaking maw
Sweet as a fatal flaw niggling
Raw needs wriggling
Impelled again to begin again
Fresh meat, feed me, let me sin again
Defeat just past the next win
But when
Actions unsating swiftly flow
Satisfaction ebbs
Objectifying friend & foe
This spluttering glut will not quench
So‽
Void Apr 2020
...
The taunting flow of crimson
Clouds my judgment
It calls me
And I answer

Will we play this game my whole life?
Will the temptation sink it's teeth into my heart?
I want to be free of this
But the red crimson flow reminds me of who I am

Sick

Twisted

Lonely

And afraid

Of myself?
...
I contemplate the possibility
But I cannot answer

Because I don't know
I'm fine
Graff1980 Mar 2020
I imagined
the softness
of two lips
sharing a moment,

the sweet pressure
of personal gravities
pulling two people
into a collapsing orbit,

how fingers fit,
how the taste
of her lips
would push me on
to higher states
of desire.

I dreamed
of being one,
two bodies combined
by the passion
that has defined
my species
for quite some time.

I wanted to be
fulfilled,
by a fantasy,
but fantasies
do not equal
reality.

The arithmetic
does not add up
one bit.

So, I settle
for a self-purging
of this urgent
****** urging,
that is overworking
my human system.
N Nov 2019
For how much longer
do I have to wash my hands?  
                      sleep in the burning house?              
                      carry this heavy heart?
                      weep?
                      bleed?
                      ask for bandages?
                      hide my scars?
                      see my therapist?
                      lose touch?
                      force a smile?
                      see my reflection?
                      try to fix the brokenness?
                      adjust to new meds?
                      wish I was dead?
                      wash my hair?
                      trim my nails?
                      write these lines?
                      avoid my birthday?
                      fight the urges?
                      endure myself?
                      cling to this life?
Lost Nov 2019
Every where I go
I see blunt objects
Feel the urge
To rush forward
And crack
Smack
Bash
Smash
My eggshell head
Wide open
Right on my forehead
Displaying the dirt
The mud
The *****
Black sludge
In my cranium
In my core
I want to blast it out
Into the floor
My license is suspended right now. I can’t see my therapist. I can’t change my meds like I was planning to. I can clean my room and change things at home, but I know that I won’t.
SMS Jun 2019
I told myself I was different
I didn’t excessively bleed
No one could see anything
I was doing just fine.
To me cutting became expected.
For others it wasn’t okay, but for me?
Just a daily routine
As normal as brushing my teeth.
Habits
Amanda Kay Burke May 2019
I am afraid I'll be sad forever
Nothing brings out a smile
When I am down I often forget
It is only for a while
I am scared I'll never be fixed
My broken heart will never mend
When it's aching it feels like
Pain might not ever come to an end
I fear my instability
Urges to make a deep incision
Temporary emotions pushing me
Towards a permanent decision
Never make permanent choices based on temporary feelings
Aurianna Feb 2019
I am suffocating.
I can't get you out of my head,
please go away.
So I can go back to my simple life,
the one without your smile,
without your brilliant blue eyes,
without your voice.
Why would God put you in my life...
if it wasn't meant to work between us?
The thought of your shiny blonde hair,
your mouth sliding in and out of mine.
I can't breathe.
I stay high,
so I don't have to feel you right.
I'd have to say I'm addicted,
I should stay away.
But these urges I can't fight.
I can't breathe

I am suffocating
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