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tryhard Oct 2021
do you remember when we talked
about the capacity of our hearts
how it can be bigger
than our own bodies
capable of swallowing
entire galaxies
like a sun
exploding, burning
devouring everything
in its wake

when we wondered, desperately
where to keep all this love
inside of us
threatening to spill
anywhere it could go
if it had a place to stay
and welcome it home

when we recounted histories
of loves lost and found
of foolishness and folly
of hearts breaking
with the magnitude of earthquakes
shattering into the debris
of our memories
only resurfacing if
they are dug up
with tender hands

when revelations were spoken
recognizing all the mistakes
naming all of the hurt
one by one
and saying,
"i've known you"
and it is beautiful
all of it, the whole of it
some sort of sobriety
after what feels like a lifetime
under the drunken influence
of our hearts

in another universe
there would be versions
of ourselves
who have chosen
to be content.
but here,
our hearts are bigger
than our bodies
and they can break
with the magnitude of earthquakes
and in our stubbornness
we will choose to hurt,
to ache, to yearn
and yet
we will always dive heart-first.
written for ed. thank you for being you, my friend.
tryhard Oct 2020
i'm beginning to think i'm more hurt than i've allowed myself to feel.
tryhard Oct 2020
there seems to be no words anymore.
whether beautiful or painful,
they have all become a blur—
smudged ink on paper.
what feels like my own handwriting
i can no longer recognize.

when did i write this?
i used to believe
was what saved me.
but what happens
when i run out of words?
and yet still remember
how "love" was spelled so similarly
to your name
that i could never have told
the difference?

i cannot hold a pen anymore
without wishing
it was your hand in its place.
but it's empty,
this page.
and yet,
i'm still bled dry in the end.
tryhard Jul 2020
i have saved a place
for you in my heart
and it may need
a bit of dusting
because my heart
was never clean
and it has long since
been empty
the day you walked away
but please know
that i have saved a place
for you in my heart
tell me when you're ready
because if i'm honest
you've been welcome
from the start
  May 2020 tryhard
W. H. Auden
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a ****,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
tryhard May 2020
daw hindi magpakita
sa akon ang katuyo
diri sa dulom
daw ako man kadumdom
sa pila ka tion
nga ako gapanago

hindi na pagpugsa
ipiyong ang mga mata
kay wala man pinagbag-o
kung ako bulag
sa kalipay o sa gugma

na-anad na sa lamig
sa ulunan nga basa
gadugay lang ang mga tuig
ako lang diri gyapon isa

talagsa na lang gid
katilaw sang pahuway
basi di ko gutom amo kabudlay

gihulid ko na ang pala
di gyapon ko katulog

makutkot na lang ko asta ma-aga
thinking of maybe doing an english translation of this.......
tryhard May 2020
i will need to learn
how to stop hurting
over the things
that i will never be

it is hard sometimes
for wounds to heal
when you keep
picking at them

and i am all wounds
and no scars
open and burning
festering with decay

i have tried so hard
to be the type
that is bright
and radiant with light

i never realized
how much i have ached
for something
that cannot be

a life that is spent
wasted on inadequacy
i will never learn
how to be worthy
feeling very inadequate so here's an inadequate poem to express how inadequate i feel
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