Damnation of the Mind
In Society’s eyes, I commit a Crime.

Freedom mistook as a Sin
“For I’m always right”, says the Red Queen.

I scattered my scrappy writes
In this forest full of lies

I am as good as dead
For I am never needed
Naked to the bone
A far away star, I am alone.

“I am your salvation”, says the Holy King
I oblige for that’s what I think is right, Lamenting
Oh, Holy king, I can’t stop wondering
The man made crisis keeps on repeating
Driven by powerful Need
They hunger for what they don’t Need

I am in a brink of exhaustion
Many hides in the facade of beautiful illusion
Creation for an easy solution

Abundance is slowly fading
Our soulful purity is slowly dying.

*© Pax

To think or just blink - something click, then link
a pink fluid runs in the sink, it stink of raw ink
I did a sharp clink
And I laugh like a lunatic
The stinging click makes my brain tic
Then someone wink, I panic
Horror runs in terror deep in my fatty exterior
my heart roars its pounding beat as I roam in fast feat
I struggle for self-control calling all my self-patrol
Holding my reality intact in which for now, I lack
Insanity pulls my multiple personality
Questionable mentality
Shake, shake rapidly
now I dance stupidly
all attention now is in me, then I ran horridly
someone pinned me, I scream endlessly
something pierce my skin
a sharp quick pain
a fluid sips through my veins
rushing, calming every stiff muscles, then once more I leap
then my heart stops its bouncing beat
my craziness slips into a silent sleep!



*© Pax

don't have to say anything,
there is no right time
for
it.

You'll know
when
it
feels
right.

The wounds of my past
lingering and wondering
through the days of my life
then you came along
and heal this dying soul.
This magic coated masked melted like candles.
Your resonated flames made it into liquid nitrogen.
Making it unattainable
for me to grasp and hold into.
It evaporated in the sun kissed skies.
My black salted tears evaporated
By your brightly warm glow.
I feel alive and free.
The wounds faded into scars
Leaving a mark of lamented past
Reminding me that I’ve learned.
I came back to this wondrous existence with you at my side
I bid farewell to the dying lands of grief
And promise not come back
As long as your light and wisdom shines on me
Never fading.


© Pax

I feel like crying
some few tears will do
to wash away the dark
cloud I harbor
At my back.

I was bound to be the only ocean
too deep for you to love.

In my world i never been
able to say i have love.
I guess I'm just a shut-in
who never got to enjoys the
affection of someone special.
Someone who treats me better,
& cherished me - like
someone who's
deserving
to be
loved.
{-}
So in the end
I built too many walls,
too insecure to be vulnerable
and very much afraid
to be heartily
naked.

I am not in pain
but I’m standing in the hard rain.
The wetness makes my feet numb
I succumb to be dumb
a foolish playfulness
hiding my crudeness
-  I roam around in happy commotion
                                 A complete illusion.

A prisoner of your own doing
Selfishness is a way of avoiding
Stay fair by merely existing
Pain and craving
Lock and stored in a well-guarded place
Hunger made it hollow in this well hidden base
Loving from a distance
Shielded by masquerade
Person in charade.

I bleed to produce seed
for my flower bed of creed
yet the flowers I need
didn’t grow, instead unwanted weeds
flourish as it dirtied my deeds
upon deeds of neglect, I heed.

I cry because I needed to be
to release something in me.
Every tear brings moist to my dried lands.
For I, a mere man
seems so damage, yet so normal
or perhaps just fragile, easily breakable
and sometimes emotionally unstable.

You laugh because it’s fun,
Looking on a dreaded face
saying such a waste
then disregarded for my bitter taste.

I smiled an emptied smile
I laughed a pretend laugh
That’s my response to your jokes
As if it didn’t hurt
For I don’t want to upset you with my unpleasant retort

In time I learned to tolerate the vicious screams of my thoughts
Then mold them into candles
Hold them near, embracing it as part of my soul
And burn each shameful experienced into smokes
Now wrap with melted wax
Relax in this shell I created
a prisoner of my own doing
It’s ok, I am fine
I am strong enough to accept
enough will to intercept
the flooding negativity
with my passive cry for unity
and through my spacious heart,

the pain is bearable.


*© Pax

I am stained
I am in pain

The look in her eyes
The sound of her voice
The taste of her lips
The scent of her skin
The warmth of her hug
  
Memories
Do not leave me
Breathless




© Pax

I breathe the lonely air you brought me
I journey life's challenges alone
I did everything I could to believe
That you would come back
But I know, I will always be alone
For the fact that you've lived in my darkest shadow
How can I ever tell myself that it's already impossible?
You have done enough, you've suffered enough, endured hard enough
You have done everything possible; I've done everything ever possible
Still it was not even possible
\                Why?                 /
Why is our life this way?
The pain does not hurt anymore, it's is just a memory now
But why do I have to remember it day by day?
You're a part of me that is hard to erase
A shadow that follows me everyday
My light died with you

Those times when my ocean almost reach your sky.

My day seems to be in a dark place
It’s like I’m separated and out of trace
Silence is my only answer to the choices I only ponder
My leaves has turn into weathery colors
Ashen gray
It keeps on falling as I keep on growing
My mind is at ease on the bed grass I see
Seems like it’s in tune with my fantasy
Like illusion has come out of my reality
There is beauty in solemnity
But in truth it’s lonely
when you're alone.

I dream of a time I make memories
Great with victories
but then I felt it was not worth it
for achievements are savor to someone you shared with

This place has come to its highs and lows
a moment I borrow in depths of sorrow
I reach out to tranquility
For my patience is my virtue in this painted creativity
Someday I will bear the fruit of my owning glory
Continuing the roots of my existence
Somewhere in time.


*© Pax

Why are you trying to be someone that you’re not?
Why are you pretending to be happy that you’re really not?
Why do you keep on lying to yourself?
Why is your life very complicated?
Or you’re just making it too complicated for us to bother?
Maybe you’re just emotionally damaged by your own selfish doing?
I get it, that you’re hard to deal with, I get that.
Still you don’t have to push us away.
You don’t have to be so alone.
You know we’re here to listen and guide you towards a better way.
We stick to you no matter what they say and what you’d become.
Because we know it’s still you, it’s a part of you.
We love you just the way you are, nothing can change that.
If you gone to a bad start, then let’s start a new better one.
Maybe for you it’s too late to start a better one, but life’s too short.
Let’s enjoy it, lived the way we want it to be.

Ha, you’re a late bloomer you say.
Nah, you’re just one of millions out there.
People learned new things every day;
it’s never too late to learn. That’s one of my principles.

You’re doing good, listen to your good side.
Listen to you pure soul. Hear its plea.
Flip every bad into an optimism to strive for the better.
You know we can, because we believe in ourselves that we can.
Come let’s do this together start a new beginning.
Free from prejudice and judgments.
Let’s thanks sorrow and pain.
Without them we can never achieved who we are today.
Life isn’t easy, we know,
but we learned.


*© Pax

I.stand to the consequence i took,
and I.walk to the reality i am facing.
A Shadow slaps, oh irony of choices
Im forever burn in your grace

Blending in and pretending to be someone
It's been my life for years
I'm just a killing machine for hire
Running and hiding seems to be the right thing to do
It was a failed tasked yet I felt relieved
That will be my last task
To start a new life will be hard
A lot of people now are looking for me
Especially my boss that I must avoid at all cost
Why must I leave it unfinished?
Why must I feel this unknown feeling towards my target?
Why does it have to be you?
It's the first time I felt alive, that I'm not just a machine anymore
Like everything and everyone matters
To you I'm just a human being looking for someone to love and care for

My enemies have come
I'll do my best to stay alive for one day I will see you again
Hoping that you'll be well and happy in your own life