A quick shout out...
another day at the office.

raw...

a quote, 6w.

not sure either ill come back or not, writing seems so far away. my darkness keeps invading. life's darkness its weakening my defences..

I truly wish everyone is okay here and doing fine.

https://www.instagram.com/willyampax

But then
like any other
insects
you fear
Me.

A shout out wish.

in a place #1

now you know how much i can relate to the song:
i started a joke by bee gees

I owe the inspiration of this piece to this photo:
I can't paint by aartishinde in deviantart


It is what I feel when I can't be creative, there is this urge to create within me or within us all. I think every artist knows that. It's been long, I haven't drawn or paint, I guess i really missed that.
----

Its a old piece, just wanted to share to you all, share the feeling when you thought your running dry on inspiration. Please don't give up your dream.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1266662/

a friend of mine once said: world will forever indifferent to us, but we always have a choice : be passive to social realities or make an act and define own meaning to help create a better world.

I'm feeling depressed more, that's why i posted this, it reflected on how heavy my heart as of the moment.

shout-out to self.

this was me playing with words. Yet as always there is hidden truth and meaning behind my play. I guess this is me cursing to those who are lucky enough to have sinned and get away with it. As in every truth, sins is also subjective to survival, so we should be careful who to blame.

take care and live well
as do i...

There are too few good doctors now a days. This is just how i feel in my country.

Raw feeling, i wanted to cry earlier, but can't cry to my own stupidity.

Dear Reader,

When i was young, i dream of many things. I guess in life our paths its never or would be as expected. It doesn't mean we or i have live full of regrets,  perhaps there's some but not entirely all. Granted we're young and foolish in choosing which way. Still me on the other hand, I waited, I choose what's safe and what's given. Perhaps I was indecisive on what i want, or i was too fearful of failure on disappointing them and also maybe myself as well. I never would have expect that I could hurt myself more than what people's darkness had brought upon me. I fear that when I reach 35, and I'm still alone, I might lose my mind. I really wanted to quit my job here and find myself. I think I've been confused and lost for quite some time now. Writing seems to brought up what's needed to be done, that's why I'm doing this. Recently I've been reading online books and watching some films/TV just to ease my restless mind, relieve me on my sadder thoughts. I tend to sleep more over the weekend, atleast there I can be whenever I have to be. But all this escape are just an excuse for me to live on. You know I've erase all my childhood memories, or its just the way it is as we grow we forget those distant past, yet one thing that remain that i still wanted, a family of my own. I dream before that I have a simple white house with my family, one or two child, and i have a stable job while my wife stays at home. A cliche isn't it? I guess since before I only want the simple things. Now I never would have guess its that hard to achieved when you know there is a rock that blocks the passage way in your heart and there's a hidden wall of fear in your mind. I guess you can tell that I know what to do, but didn't do it. Perhaps all of us needed more time, more courage to be ready. All I think about; 'Risk is never easy'. Once I step I retrack back, doubtful, fearful of what i thought are the consequences. Sorry reader if I am quite vague on this journal, this is just tib bits on what's on my mind here and there... I'm thankful, when you read this, that alone is enough, because I myself need to understand all what's written here, to understand my inner self more.... I just end my jibberish here for now...

Your friend,
Pax

I leave with this quote of mine as a reminder for me:

The thing about waiting is
it takes much longer
since from the start
you never make a move.

This was a gift, a review to my poem in Writerscafe by Rose of Gondor. I share it here for inspiration, for encoragement, and for my learning. This was one of those reviews i cherished the most, there were many in WC but this is one of them. I hope everyone can relate. Even me when i felt like not writing anything and be insecure on my poems, I remember this one and be okay with my journey.
you can read the whole piece of my poem this review is inspire from:
Link: https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/willyampax/1294269/

Happy new year my feelings and friends here....
Stay happy even alone...

raw

a little light will be okay...

.... it was supposed to be a song but i can't bring out the melody....

i made this after my friend showed me her painting
this was inspired by her painting
here : hoping..... by Tricia

we the inhabitants of the world
Conquerors to our own selfish deeds
Our Survival depends
to the equally cruel
jungle and our own fellow.

*Screeching in Silences*
Deprived old soul,
Poisoning my own
World.

Promptly written while watching my window.

Sometime I get to lost to something unimportant until I don't know art anymore and the burden seems forgettable.

I hope someone knew
deep inside iM hurting myself

Sorry dramatic isn't it, sometimes this feelings comes and goes, i just want to put it out there like its nothing, like crying alone is a regular thing.. Sigh..

When I was growing-up, I was different, in a way i speak, walk or talk. Yet physically i was just a normal boy growing up knowing nothing on how the society works. I was confident to what i like and don't like, then been bullied  or humilated by doing it, because it was not the norms for a typical boy. Then I became fed up with it, that in my teenages years i learned to be alone and be alone, trying to fix something that didn't need fixing. Life goes on in my teenage year, still being bullied until in my collage years that i learned which to ignore and to which to defend. In result to all this i became a loner, choosing wisely when to socialize when needed to or else i rather be alone. That is why also i never care finding someone anymore, i find comfort in my own space.  Being Old alone is not such a bad thing anymore, we all go there in some point in time.

To conclude my personal journey, I guess being bullied physically or emotionally has/have a long time effect. It will scar you, but it will never defined you, you'll get strong as you understand the viewpoint in perspective, life gets better when you know how to live a good life.