I'm
Not
G O O D   E N O U G H

I'm lonely
Wish you could hold me
I'm tired of boring
My feelings are storing

I'm afraid
I'm afraid that I'll lose you
I'm afraid that I'll love you
I'm afraid that I'll hurt myself

I wish
I wish I was okay
Wish I had something
Wish you would love me

In the shadow of the sun
I will wait for you
To come to your senses
Say to love me too
Darling looking at you
You give my body heat
Show me the truth
Say that you want me
In the shadow of the sun
You touch me softly
You're what I'm wanting
My dreams are taunting
So softly

Hold me
Don't let go of me
Darling you know me
Baby won't you show me
The things you can do
Show me you
Show me the things
You keep for yourself
Keep for yourself

In the shadow of the sun
Show me you're the one
Who'll make me feel inside
Show me you're the one
Who'll keep me up at night

my heart is alive
it's hurting so very sweetly
with the taste of you

how lovely it burns
I miss the taste of your mouth
while the day goes by

sharpie on my skin
i want to write my words on
your flesh so gently

i can try harder
but words don't do you justice
I wish you were mine

you make my bones ache

                            heart

                        ­       head

                                  soul

you make me ache

I'm going to be a little sad
But I'll have to let you go
I wanted to stay here with you
But I had to let you know
I loved you
I lost you
And now you've gone away
I needed you
I needed to
But you never stay
It might hurt a little
And I hate to see you go
But you hurt me to much to love you
And I had to let you go

Blood
In the ashes
Smeared
On white roses
"Paint them red,"
She said
"Or it's off with your head"
The Queen of Roses
Lying her her rose bed
Dripping blood
From a severed head
Slowly painting
The roses red

I yearn to rest my eyes
Blanket them with my lids
Sleep deprived
I miss the night
I'm tired
And I know you are, too

Is the world against me?
Or is it just you?
Hearts were made to be broken.
I guess that's true.
Your love wasn't real.
Darling, you'll rue.
Try as I may
Try as I might
It hard to believe
I ever trusted you.

I love him
I love him not
I found him
For love I sought
Air I breathe
Song I sing
I do it all for you
Don't know how
Don't know why
But I hope you love me too

Do it
Cut the string
And it
Ruin me
Sever your ties
**** it
Slice at my heartstrings
Destroy my dreams
Massacre the thread
So that you can't put it back together
Make me cry
Want to d i e
That's what you want, isn't it
To ruin me

color
blank
color
a white sheet of paper
to some,
intimidating
to others,
an inviting canvas
sharpies lined up
in a rainbow
hand picked
and thought out
by ink-stained hands
blank
then a line
what a miracle
the marker is
to create
with nothing
but the turn of a wrist
drag it along
with your rainbow of colors
and create
perhaps a red penciled rose
With few of blue
and thorns of green
or maybe
a cerulean sea
turquoise waves
white froth
emerald turtles
and golden sand
or possibly
a boy
with ashen hair
and icy eyes
rose petal cheeks
and baby-soft lips
create
something beautiful
colors
and dreams
create
blank
create

heartbeats
and starry eyes
what would love be
without you
lips
linger
touch
is tender
what would love be
without you

i feel d r a i n e d
after i cry
but so full
of false things
l i e s  i tell myself
to feel better
b l e e d i n g  i watch
i watch people r u i n themselves
And it hurts
it h u r t s
I hate it
how c r u e l  the world is

Cats
On mah feet
Got cats
On mah socks
Cats
On mah legs
Wearing cat socks
Rocks

Steam and humidity
Fogs up the mirror
The musky scent of my shampoo fills the room
Waterdrops beat against my head
Sound softened by my scented hair
Music plays from across the room
Water skids down my flesh
I sit and think
About you
And wash away
Bad memories
I scrub
My skin
Until the hot water burns

Hot tears
Roll down my face
Flushing
With shimmering eyes
"How could you?!"
I scream,
Hugging myself
Butterflies fly out of my throat as I cry
"You promised!"
"You promised me!"
I can't stop the heaving
Sobs escape out of my stomach
Heat takes over
Quietly I say
"You promised forever..."
I cry myself to sleep
Dehydrated
And salty cheeks

You said
You didn't
I cried
You didn't
You promised
I didn't
You died
I didn't

Beginning of the day
Morning
Light is leaking in from between my white gauzy curtains
Dancing shadows of leaves show a performance on my skin
My golden hair gently moves as I lift up my head
Blood rushes
The familiar scenery of my room leads to content
I stretch,
Arching my back and pointing my toes
One of my socks fell off as I slept
Last night floods my mind

I would like to see you
Before the world ends
We would walk in the ashes
Around the twists and bends
Kisses stolen under the flickering stars
The little that's left will always be ours
Gallons of spray paint
In stolen bookbags
Making our mark
With words to be said
It's not like it matters
No one else will see
The art that we've made
The stars, you, and me
Anything we want
Tangled in the rubble
Finding meadows of grass
Blowing effervescent bubbles
Our lovely dystopia
With creatures that survived
Songs to be sung
And stars to be hung
The word hopeless
Not meant to last
But you and I,
We'll be the last

Her tears fell to the ground
Splashing gently as they fell
Her dress pooled around her
Drowning in her tears
Held down by her fears
Her hair floating in the water
She sits there quietly
Alone
In her own
Sea
Of sorrow

Roses are red
Red as the sky
Red as the blood on my fingertips
Red is the color of my soul
Red as the sun
Red as the man on the street
Red as his eyes
Red as her dress
Red is the color of my tears
Red as the splatters across my vision
Red is the color of roses

I'm afraid
I'm afraid that I'll stop seeing you
That you you'll forget about me
I'm afraid of losing you for good
Of you ignoring me
I'm afraid that you'll lose my name
The memories that we've made
I'm afraid that I'll annoy you too much
And that you'll hate me soon
I'm afraid that I'm falling for you
And that you won't love me too
I'm afraid that you might love me
and that I'll let you down
I'm afraid of losing you
I'm afraid of loving you
I'm afraid of letting you down

I have awaken
In a flame
Of suffering
I do not understand
I keep burning
And burning
Every
Single
Day
Blood is crusting
Flesh is burning
Hell
Is this place
With flames
Like rubies
And topaz
My soul
Is burning
In this hell fire
I am lonely
So lonely
And haunted
And burning
In this fire

When I die
I want
Roses to bloom
From beneath my grave
Violets and blue-bells
And emerald grass
Blooms in my memory
Is all that I ask
Daisies
And Daffodils
Poppies
And pink -petaled lilies
Ruby-like flowers
Amethyst strokes
Perhaps pearls
Scattered
I'm my resting place
Would be lovely
When
I
Die

My flesh burns,
Irritated by the rough carpet
I kick and scream
But they won't let go
Holding me down
My legs are raw
No one can hear me
Down in this old
stale ***** drenched room
Hacking away
Cutting my hair
With a thin blade
The handle thick
Sending blows to my head
What have I done
To deserve this?
My arms
Are bleeding
Skin
Is peeling
They won't let go
They won't
They won't
Blood
In a scratchy carpet
***** scented
Face down
Feet
Kicking blows
Into my ribs
Tears
Mix with blood
What have I done
To deserve this?

I often dream
Of your arms
Rocking me to sleep
Soft eyes
Like blankets
Warming over me
My heart
Beats fast
But I
Breathe slow
Your body
next to me
Souls
Tender kisses
Fingers
On my skin
Love
Is my reason
For living
❤

Your eyes
Ice in
A pool of lava
Cool stones
Against feverish flesh
An ocean
Against the lips of a desert
Your beautiful
Blue
Eyes

early morning
and I am warm
still bleary,
but content
while I listen to cavetown
and wonder when I'll see you today
perhaps soon
and maybe
you will like the drawing I made for you

a feeble word
weak
in the liars mouth
false
is the promise
called "trust"
so easily broken

but

it can be strong
it can be wonderful,
I'm the protecter's mouth
loyal
promises
meant to be kept

sadly,
i have known both
and false truth is burrowing under my flesh

words don't mean much to you

but they mean the world to me

i'm lonely and I miss you
wish for enough courage to kiss you
don't know what i'm saying
games you're playing
i most know i'm lonely
and i want you to hold me

i called him ash
as charcoal was a bit obvious
and i loved him
so of course
i had to keep it a secret

See this crown, upon my head?
Made of knives, one slice and you're dead
My finger, tracing your neck
Then come my lips
The blade is next
Watch your mouth
And watch your back
Is it love or a heart attack?
Backstabbing isn't really my style
Darling straight in your face will make me smile
Looked you in the in the eyes
Shouldn't be a surprise

oh, don't act so naive
how ignorant you pretend to be
the lies you tell for just one kiss
you remember what they told you was bliss
to tell the truth i wish i was like you
i want to be happy, too

i often wonder
if perfection
is attainable
in simple things
like a rose
although it has thorns.
like the neon frogs
despite its poison.
like the sun
despite it's blinding beauty.
in you,
although all you've ever done is hurt me

Your words are crushing
My face is flushing
As you say
You never loved me

I should sleep
But I want to write about you
My dreams of glass
Are dreams of you
Shattering threats
You could fall apart
Any second
I'll protect your heart
It's getting late
But I kind
Because I'm staying up
With you on my mind

It's late at night
And I hope you're okay
I wanna see you
Don't want to wait another day
I'm sorry you don't think that you look okay
Wish I could tell you I could look at you all day
Wish I could take you somewhere far away
And maybe there we would stay
Hold me close
And don't let go
And that's how I'll know
That you love me so
Arms round my sides
Pull me in
Softness as
You place your lips on my skin
The world to me
I hope you know
Darling never
Will I let go

I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the soft colors of fall. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the cold blanket of snow so I could keep you warm. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the morning, sleepy and cuddly. I'm sorry but I just wanted to see you in the heat of the summer, my mouth like ice on your tongue, cooling you down. I'm sorry but I love you. I need you. I will beg and I will plead you. I will only want your happiness. I'd like to trace my hands on your shadow, while you shiver from my touch. I want to lean into your kiss, your arms around me. I'm still here, and I'll stay here, waiting for you. I know this is a lot that no one will probably read, but I need to get this down. I've never wanted someone like this. It might be cliche, but I want you more than oxygen. Need you more. I know I get confused sometimes but I know what I want. You. And I'm sorry that I keep hurting you, and everyone else, but I just want to make you happy. Make you feel loved. Because you are. I want to sit next to in the woods with a Dr. Pepper with the radio on and wear your shirt. I wanna wake you up and watch Adventure Time with you and snuggle my face on your shoulder. I want you to watch me draw, with your face so incredibly close to mine. I want to write stupid poetry with you on the couch while you show me your stupid tricks that love so so much. I wanna listen to Cavetown and blackbear with you and just be next to you. I don't even know if this is a poem, but I hope it's poetic, at least to you. And I doubt you'll even read this, but maybe one day... maybe. I wanna adopt a cat with you, maybe even a kid someday. To take in someone who has no one. I wanna live a life with you. I wanna grow up and grow old with you. I know I don't seem to focus a lot on the future, but I wanna focus on you. A future with, a present with you, make a past with you. You mean SO much to me. I wanna breathe in the same air as you, and run my hands through your hair and make little tiny braids while you fall asleep. I wanna sing to you, and write songs about you. I wanna make you feel happy when you cry. I want to be there for you, to make you smile. I wanna be yours. Because I love you. I can't say it enough, but I love you, I love you, I love you.

i truly hope your feeling better
darling you are all that matters

Love is beauty, and Love is pain.
Love is loving, even when you know you’ll get hurt again.
Love is life, but Love is death.
Love is fighting for someone, until your last breath.
Love is starving, to feed someone else.
Love is letting someone shine, even if you have to stay on the shelf

Raindrops, water plops, let’s go see the ocean.
Let’s go skip a stone 14 and 11. Let’s go find a way so we could go to heaven.
Raindrops, falling on my face.
Raindrops mixing with my tears.
Tears falling into the water well.
Rose gardens, little girls picking them carefully.
But the rain is falling, and the girls are crying and the roses are wilting.
The wind is crying and I am crying and the well is crying and the roses are crying.
Raindrops, water plops, let’s go see the ocean.
Let’s go skip a stone, 14 and 11

Crying so gently.
Alone, bittersweet tears fall.
Making small puddles.

I’ve got a secret.
That if I told, no one would keep it.
So if I tell you,
You’ve got to keep it, too.
You have to promise not to tell.
I keep my secret locked up in a well.
I keep it, but it’s ravaging my mind.
I don’t want to think about it but I do all the time.
There’s a storm, and it’s coming.
I want to stop but I have to keep running.
There are words that have left.
But at the same time have been kept.
I remember every single part.
It’s hidden in the darkest part of my heart.
A circle, it’s in.
The light is growing dim.
You never would have seen it coming.
My secret, it’s absolutely stunning.
The darkest corners of my mind are alive
With whispers of my secret.
I have a secret and it’s hidden deep.
I have a secret that I’m going to keep.

Everyday, stuck in my head.
Sometimes I don’t know if I’m alive or dead.
Every single moment you’re on my mind.
Every second, every minute, all the time.
I’m too tired to keep running.
I never saw you coming.
I think I might of lost my mind.
This insanity is one of a kind.
Because you don’t know.
It’s going too slow.
I just can’t keep lying.
But for you, I will keep crying.
You’re a part of me that I don’t want to erase.
But because of them I constantly have to change.
Please tell me, am I worth it?
Should I take the hit?
Do I really deserve you?
Do you maybe need me too?
Am I not enough?
I’m close enough to touch.
I don’t understand.

emp t tt yyyyy y yy y

   and tired



and

   i'm

so

   s o rry

Wait

I think I love you

I think

But

H I M

Wait

I love you

But

D I S T R A C T I O N S

Wait

I think I love you
But you don't love me

Wait

You mean the world to me

But
Not enough

N E V E R



Enough

But I love you

I'm pretty sure

I seem to write
My best at night
When I can't sleep
And I've turned out the light
When I've said goodnight
To the darkness under my bed
Twixt my pillows
And neath my head
Once I've said goodnight
To the the bits of light
That has bled
From my window
And the streetlamps

Wednesday, 9:12 p.m.

I hope
that I'm pretty
I really
feel ******
and I wish
that you were here
with me.

My fragile bones
feel likes stones
aching
and bending
and crying beneath my skin.

I'm lonely
and cold
and I just think
I could make you
so
happy.