I'm graduating in less than a month and this is supposed to be the best time and it is. I feel closure is finally coming and I can move on with the rest of my life. I'm so excited for the future but I'm also nervous. You probably know exactly what I'm going through because this was you last year. You graduated high school which was so weird for me. It was weird to see you moving on and going through such a huge change and it felt wrong that I wasn't part of it. I couldn't be there because she was. I remember when I first started talking to you, I was a freshman it's unreal how much time has passed since then and how much I have changed. If I knew then that you would impact me so much even now I don't know if I would have sent that first snap. Sometimes I'm happy I met you. On the good days I can think of you without feeling sad but there haven't been many good days lately. Now when I think of you I'm mostly bitter. I'll try my best to explain why. Things between us never worked. I'm not sure why maybe it's because we were never quite on the same page. No matter what we never wanted the same things. But I still don't get it. It was the spring of my sophomore year when I realized you had found someone else. It has been years but I still remember exactly the moment I found out. I saw your story was a photo of you and a girl. I knew she wasn't just a friend instantly and it sent chills down my spine. It had been years of on and off and we had talked to other people but nothing serious. I felt this was different and it hurt because I knew the girl. I wish I hadn't I wish she had been a stranger but she was at my school and I saw her every day. I wondered about it, how you and her got on the same page when you and I never could. At first it made me sick, watching you with someone else. And I wasn't watching from a distance. You would come to her games and even our school dances. I remember bumping into you and crying because it just didn't feel right seeing you with her. After a while I accepted it. I didn't stop caring but I was able to see the two of you without hurting as much as before. Sometimes I wouldn't think of you at all for long periods of time then something would remind me of you. I stopped crying about you. I was able to talk about you without feeling the need to reach out. If anyone asked me who I thought the one for me was it would still be you but I didn't act on it. I was happy. Going into my senior year I was so excited. I was in a place I wanted to be in. I was ready for closure and to move on with my life. But you and I never had closure. I didn't know you broke up until you told me. My phone lit up in the middle of the day and I remember my face turning hot when I saw it was you. It had been probably over a year since I had talked to you. You apologized for all the hurt you had caused me and I thought maybe you had changed. Maybe the boy who came and went out of my life making my calm waters crash with waves was gone. Maybe you were finally ready for something different. I remember you telling me I'll always have a special place in your heart and that you'll always love me. I wonder if you mean that now. This year was on and off. You had not changed and that stung. We went back into our never ending cycle of you hurting me, me shutting you out, and eventually forgiving you. Apology after apology. But why do I still have hope? I try to convince myself things between us are hard because there is so much between us neither of us know how to act. I try to tell myself that your ex hurt you so badly that you just aren't ready. But now I don't know. I think you met someone new (again) and **** it hurts. It hurts because I don't know whether to let you go or beg you to stay. Seeing you with someone else always hurts but being with you hurts too.