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haley May 2017
I'm graduating in less than a month and this is supposed to be the best time and it is. I feel closure is finally coming and I can move on with the rest of my life. I'm so excited for the future but I'm also nervous. You probably know exactly what I'm going through because this was you last year. You graduated high school which was so weird for me. It was weird to see you moving on and going through such a huge change and it felt wrong that I wasn't part of it. I couldn't be there because she was. I remember when I first started talking to you, I was a freshman it's unreal how much time has passed since then and how much I have changed. If I knew then that you would impact me so much even now I don't know if I would have sent that first snap. Sometimes I'm happy I met you. On the good days I can think of you without feeling sad but there haven't been many good days lately. Now when I think of you I'm mostly bitter. I'll try my best to explain why. Things between us never worked. I'm not sure why maybe it's because we were never quite on the same page. No matter what we never wanted the same things. But I still don't get it. It was the spring of my sophomore year when I realized you had found someone else. It has been years but I still remember exactly the moment I found out. I saw your story was a photo of you and a girl. I knew she wasn't just a friend instantly and it sent chills down my spine. It had been years of on and off and we had talked to other people but nothing serious. I felt this was different and it hurt because I knew the girl. I wish I hadn't I wish she had been a stranger but she was at my school and I saw her every day. I wondered about it, how you and her got on the same page when you and I never could. At first it made me sick, watching you with someone else. And I wasn't watching from a distance. You would come to her games and even our school dances. I remember bumping into you and crying because it just didn't feel right seeing you with her. After a while I accepted it. I didn't stop caring but I was able to see the two of you without hurting as much as before. Sometimes I wouldn't think of you at all for long periods of time then something would remind me of you. I stopped crying about you. I was able to talk about you without feeling the need to reach out. If anyone asked me who I thought the one for me was it would still be you but I didn't act on it. I was happy. Going into my senior year I was so excited. I was in a place I wanted to be in. I was ready for closure and to move on with my life. But you and I never had closure. I didn't know you broke up until you told me. My phone lit up in the middle of the day and I remember my face turning hot when I saw it was you. It had been probably over a year since I had talked to you. You apologized for all the hurt you had caused me and I thought maybe you had changed. Maybe the boy who came and went out of my life making my calm waters crash with waves was gone. Maybe you were finally ready for something different. I remember you telling me I'll always have a special place in your heart and that you'll always love me. I wonder if you mean that now. This year was on and off. You had not changed and that stung. We went back into our never ending cycle of you hurting me, me shutting you out, and eventually forgiving you. Apology after apology. But why do I still have hope? I try to convince myself things between us are hard because there is so much between us neither of us know how to act. I try to tell myself that your ex hurt you so badly that you just aren't ready. But now I don't know. I think you met someone new (again) and **** it hurts. It hurts because I don't know whether to let you go or beg you to stay. Seeing you with someone else always hurts but being with you hurts too.
haley Sep 2016
It had been a year since I spoke to you
Two since I wrote about you
I was recovering
When people asked if I loved you I said I always would
but, I was moving on
I was happy for you
I stopped hating the girl you were with and I loved her for giving you everything I never could
Slowly but surely you slipped out of my life and it was years since I last stayed up late with a drink in my hand blaming it all on you
I was okay
When people leave it cuts a hole in your chest
you leaving broke me apart and you left me alone to put myself together
people leaving hurts, but people who leave and come back over and over again hurt more
YEARS had gone by and yet you think you can just come when you want
you and your girlfriend break up and now you think it is the right time to apologize?
I can write about you like I hate you
I write about you like I ignore you
But I don't
don't hate you
and even though I try as hard as I can, I still can not ignore you
Your words from two **** years ago still replay in my head
and you think you can tell me NOW you never stopped loving me
haley Apr 2015
two simple words that could easily change everything
“who cares”
as soon you said it there was no going back
I let you in and created a cage for my guilt, and kept it locked
I put it in the back of my mind and swore it was going to be fine
maybe not now but it would be
people wonder why I don't want a boyfriend
maybe it's because you kissed me the same way you kiss her
and when I left that night the next morning you were with her
and maybe it's the 74% of men who say they would cheat on their wife if they knew they wouldn't get caught
and you made me promise we wouldn't get caught
I knew things between us would change
but I didn’t expect you to change me
and I didn’t expect to see you differently, but I do
you're composed of lies, and secrets behind closed doors
thats what I am to you
a secret behind a closed door, that you never want to open
you put locks on the door so nobody will know what happened behind it
meanwhile I want to open it and scream the truth to everyone who will listen
but I don't
because what I want more than the truth is your love
something I know is impossible to have
but I know I’ll never stop trying to get
I told you I wanted to be with you
and you said I could be
but I meant forever and you meant just for the night
  Jun 2014 haley
Victoria F Sanchez
I am not happy, I am not sad
I am somewhere in between
Stuck in the same routine
Observe; don’t speak. “Children are seen not heard”.
Tis to why my thoughts speak louder than my words
Imagining a new reality in my head
beacause surely my real one is bitter, and dead.
I am not happy, I am not sad
I’m somewhere in between
Stuck in the same routine
  Jun 2014 haley
You are an old habit
clinging to me,
like a child clings to a comfort blanket.
To elaborate, I need to cut the apron strings.
Discard you like a cigarette ****,
another old habit.
We've marred and scarred each other and called it:
We are nothing more than substance abuse,
for each other.
Habit formed, co dependent adults.
No twelve step program for us.
Just your charred remains, found
in our bed.
Our bed that justified our habit.
  Jun 2014 haley
I noticed you
I met you
I liked you
I saw you
Your smile
I heard you
Your laugh
I touched you
Your hands, shoulders, face
I liked you
We engaged in conversations
about our likes, and dislikes
our random thoughts
I think I could've loved you
But then you left
without warning
I met you
I liked you
I think I could've loved you
You left
And now
at 2 AM in the morning
I miss you
  Jun 2014 haley
hєαvєn cαrαwαч
Black roses with a white sun
White knuckles, holding onto the gun

Ready to die, but wanting to live
How much more can I give up?

Sounds of bombs exploding
But I'm the only one who can hear it.

Am I dead?
No, it's only in my head.
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