bring me back to those times
when people were truthful
when true love existed
when people don’t just come and go
the mask we are wearing now
getting thicker everyday
hiding the genuine within us
just so to fit in
we change ourselves to a complete different person
please turn back
look at what u have done to yourself
remove that mask of yours

saw u walking with that other girl
smiling so happily
i think its jealousy
so don’t mind me
u talk to her
every single day
yet u throw excuses at me
maybe it’s not just jealousy
its just u
not making ur priorities

if one day u would ever leave me, know that u will always be in my heart.

i won’t forget u like other people do.  i wouldn’t delete the messages and memories we made. pictures we took that once captured happy moments which fade.

u made me happy when i was at my lowest. u fixed the broken pieces.

it was shattered glass but u picked it up with ur bare hands, not being afraid u would be scarred.

thanks for helping me up
thanks for not giving up
thanks for thinking that there was still hope for us

i loved you.

lets get drunk and drown all our worries
i want to forget everything
i don’t want to be sober,
i don’t want to see the reality
i’d rather live in a state of mind that i want to be
u were my drugs that made me happy
u got me addicted to u
and it’s hard to quit
but i should just let go
because it’s all over.

i am just the worst person you could have met
one moment im kind to you
another i talk behind your back
lie to you
be mean to you
im fake
and i know that
yet u don’t
your kind innocent pure soul
YOU think that i am..well good at least
and i don’t want to make you feel upset
but i did eventually
you should start realising that i am bad
i am no good
and you should not talk to me
even if i treated you like the worst
you still continued talking to me
i am the worst
please you don’t deserve to be treated like that
by me.

a lasting portrait that sways in your head
like the pendulum in a clock swinging every second
it was tormenting you
and— i lingered     still.
even though i’ve long left
it seems like my heart was still there
my mind trying to cut off strings of attachments
my heart clung onto
both of us saw each other at the corner of our eyes         again.
yet we look down and walk away
not even giving a smile but a “bye”
you didn’t know your feelings
and up till now u still don’t
but i did.    
—from the very start i knew.
but yet knowing you, like i knew myself
i still expected a nicely wrapped gift
when u had let me down.

there is no us anymore
i wish i could go back to the times
that us existed
but without u
us won’t exist
and without me
us will be broken
trust
heart
all smashed to million pieces
broken
picking up those pieces
stitching them back
to the right places
hoping that they won’t leave a scar
hoping that it would look the same
hoping that u would come back

you warm up my heart
like sunshine in the cold
you look at me and oh;
I want to love you so

there goes my heartbreak
running after me
you pulled me in
and said I would be free

when I cry
all day and night
until dawn breaks and night falls
until the stars light up the dark sky
you will be there
you will be there for me

pulling me into your warm embrace
warming up my ice cold fingertips
and kissing your soft lips seemed like the sweetest thing
everything seem to stop at that moment
as if the whole universe froze and gave us time for more—
for more—   time
for      me
to pick up the courage
to say to you
I love you

words u said became lies
hopes u gave became disappointment
comfort u gave became cold
happiness u gave became temporary
sadness u gave were permanent.

sorry if i caused u unhappiness
u always seemed unhappy with me
unhappy of what i do
u don’t seem to show it
but i know it
and why
why are u so unhappy
it’s okay
u can leave any time u want
i already told u
but u still stay
and i don’t know why
its okay for people to leave in my life
because it seems so common to me
that it is nothing already
just leave
please
i don’t want to see u so unhappy

i want to rewrite the stars
to you and me
forever and only

As i first saw the beauty, i walked in. The garden flowers so fresh everything seems nice but the horror lays within, i sighed.

Oh the peacefulness as i strolled slow paced, not needing to look back but once i do i’m never coming back.

What happened, why is time passing away so fast, like we are running through a never ending garden filled with thorns.

Scraped my knee as i fell and i screamed for this to stop. Help me, please save me from this maze i can’t seem to figure out this place.  Guide me out or give me a map, i want to come out from this mess.

please...

The rain pours down, i laid on the ground. No one there for me in this lonely town i cried... But no one seems to hear me, i cried... Someone please help me.

wishes made
candles blew
now waiting
for it to come true
waiting for so long
but nothing seems to come
wishes were made
but i don’t see them coming true

her body, it was cold to the touch.
my warm fingertips ran across it tracing every inch of her.
she was cold. i pulled the blanket and wrapped it around her.
pulling her into my warm embrace.
i don’t want u to get sick my dear.
please take care of yourself.
i wonder how u would be like if i wasn’t around
wasn’t here for u
to take care of u
u were like a little child that i had to care for
a child of my own
but i love u
ur silky hair that falls on ur shoulder
that smile of urs
even though it hides the fear
i will still love u even if u don’t love urself
i will love every inch of u

i love the way u wrote poems for me
i love the way u smiled and laughed with me
i love the way u protect and comfort me
i love the way u gaze into my eyes
i love the way u take longer routes just to spend more time with me
i love the way u trusted me
i love the way u were loyal and committed to me
i love the way u cared and helped me
i love the way u change for the better
i love the way u sang songs for me
i love the way u whispered i love u to me
but i hate the way u left me

the cold wind was blowing against me
it was cold
my body was ice
his fingertips running across it
as if he was melting the coldness of my body
and my body became warmer
he wrapped me in a blanket and in his embrace
he didn’t want me to get sick
i could take care of myself
i... can
if one day he wasn’t around...
i would... still survive
i could.
but i didn’t want him to even go
don’t let go of me
stay here and love me.

unanswered questions
i’m sorry
i really want to tell u everything
but i just can’t bring myself to
i want to tell u
my misery
my pain
all my sadness
but i can't
trust me i really want to
and i’m always sad knowing that
u don’t get those answers u want
but i’m scared
scared that i might break down
in front of u
scared that u will change the way u look at me
more in a pitiful state
i don’t want that
i like how it is now

the only reason i wrote
was because of him
and for him,  
him only.

if only i was my old self
i didn’t need to worry much
just had homeworks and tests
thats all
the new me
the changed me
the messed up me
that now knows everything
loneliness
fear
trauma
and everything else
that changed the light into darkness
changed the happy me
the pure innocent me
the old me..
that was carefree

u say to share my burden with u
but why don’t u do that too
u are troubled, living in fear
why don’t u tell me
i see it in your eye every time u talk to me
it says help me
please i want to help u too
don’t always say that nothing happened
don’t contradict yourself
if i were to share my burden with u, u are to share yours with me
because we are together as one
and not alone
u shouldn’t just care about others
start thinking for yourself
and please take care of yourself
don’t hurt yourself
u know that i love u right?
u don’t want me to get sad right?
so tell me everything i will be here for u

death, for us to rest in peace
since we can’t live in peace in this reality

tears     just won’t fall
fALL pLeAsE
or— I will
be the one fAlliNg aPArT

hot red cheeks
hands touching them
as it blushes even brighter and redder
getting closer and closer
until our eyes met
your fingers traced my lips
as you move closer
and closed your eyes
your hands pulling me in
to embrace me tightly
I closed my eyes gently
and our soft and delicate flesh touched
I could feel you smiling
as I open my eyes
a tiny little
to peep whats outside
I saw you smiling brightly with closed eyes
pinning me to the wall
I felt your heartbeat thumping through your chest
as mine did that too
hugging so closely together
as if we are never letting go of each other

smell of woods
as the breeze blew
canopies of trees
covering the forest
like an umbrella
beams of light seeping through
through the gaps it shines
like the trees are covering
what is hidden behind

only the first few pages
scribbled with thoughts
it was five years ago
yet u only wrote that much
but through those
i already saw
what went on
im sorry i didn’t see that earlier
im sorry for not noticing
i thought u didn’t know me
yet i was wrong
i didn’t know u
u were suffering so much
yet keeping quiet the whole time
why didn’t u tell me anything
not even one thing u told me
u should have let me know earlier
u should have told me something
now its too late
i can’t do anything
i teared up after seeing what u wrote
im sorry for not noticing what was going on

not everything is  
just smiles and laughters
not everyone
is always happy
stop acting so happy
i know some part of u is sad
is hurt
why won’t u open it up to me
i will comfort u
i will care for u
u are not alone
i know that u always laugh and all
but are u really happy
or were those fake laughters
all those tears that are inside of u
are they drowning u
tell me something
please
i really care for u

the carnival rides
sitting on the sides
swinging from left to right
going the highest ups and the lowest downs
turning and twisting
so swiftly
as the chilly wind blows ever so slightly
knees wobbled
stars seem to be around me
the whole world seems like its spinning
going round and round
and till i fall down
collapsing to the ground
everything seems so dark
can’t seem to see anything
in the dark
someone please wake me up
from the dreams
as i continue sleeping

wishing the one i was hugging
was you
wishing the one i rested my head against on
was you
the one that held my hand
the one that fingers ran across my hair
the one that held up my head
and kissed...
it was you
sorry it wasn’t*
it was all my imagination
but i wished it was
sadly wishes don’t come true
but i loved u

heard that u talked about her.
you told your friends how blessed u were
you told your friends how much u loved her
you told your friends that you didn’t want to lose her

you didn’t want to break her heart
but the more u think
the more it worsens
only negative thoughts were running in your head
floating
scattering
and confusing

you told your friends she deserves better
you told your friends you aren’t good enough
you told your friends that you were inferior

you overthink
and soon after you were drifting
and slowly breaking
you were mentally drained
you were tired
and things weren’t going well

in the end, the first letter of my name adds up to the password.
the password consisted of his ex(s) name.

tears dry
and vanish
while the pain
and feelings
stay

Everyone have their own problems
but they seem so happy...

is happiness fake?

feels torturing to smile
feels like a burden to live
to cut a smile on my face
something’s wrong with me
with this fainted heart
it’s... so...
confusing
what is wrong with me?
my frail heart can’t carry this weight
just... wait...
for me
i... will be there soon.

i see that u are tired
u seem troubled
u had ur own things to worry about
yet i add on more
u could carry the weight
that is what u always say
but one day u will break down too
it’s too heavy
and u can’t carry it by yourself
u will finally see that i am here
here for u
so pass me ur worries
give them to me
i will share ur burden
so don’t be
afraid to think u will drag me down
i will help u
suffering alone is painful
u shouldn’t
so i will be here for u

walking down the dark corridors
turning behind every few seconds
scared of what was going to be behind
fear that i go through while waiting
sitting alone in the classroom
dull dimly lit
seemed so eerie
the four walls of the classroom
that seemed to cave in
u have no idea
blasting music in my ears
hoping i won’t hear anything
any whispers
closing my eyes
hoping i won’t see anything
any shadows
hoping that u would come quickly
and keep me company
laying my head on the table
eyes closes
earpiece on
but every single small noise i hear
i awake
feeling scared
or hoping it was u at least...

are my only friends
the shadows around me
they seem to follow me everywhere
and accompany me
like a friend would
are u my friend?
come and take my hand
bring me into your world
we shall disappear

as the light keys
of the piano
drift smoothly
and swiftly
across my fingers
i played
as the melody sings
the piano keys
seemed heavier by the second
as i played softer and softer
the voice became louder and louder
the melody disrupted

eating chocolates
trying to be happy
telling myself
that there are
many fishes in the sea
u are not the only one i need
there are many others that can be
the one that helped me like u did
the one that cared for me when no one else did
the one that loved me like u did

don’t crush his heart just because you want his pieces to fit into yours

i never felt so useless in my life
u suffered all by yourself
i thought i could help u
but when u said
i couldn’t carry your problems
and even said yourself would burden me
u didn’t have anyone
physically
u said u cast your problems to God
but u need someone don’t u
however u often think
u are a burden to people
then how about myself
i told u my problems
yet u quietly helped me
n suffered yourself without telling me
all these time
i thought that i could
help u
but when u said i couldn’t
i... i couldn’t take it..
u could take my problems
so why can’t i do it for u

so many chances given
so many times forgiven
so many stitches yet to heal
but crossed over with more wound
taking longer time to heal
yet the scar left behind will never be gone

deleted contacts
deleted messages,photos
and everything i could physically
but mentally i couldn’t delete u
but u mean nothing to me now

i just want to be friends,,
jUst fRiEndS
IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR
p l eE AassE e e
for once
listen to me
i beg you
just be m-Mm m Y yy
f r i e n d
i r eAl Ly misS yOu
please
don’t you see it
i really treasure you
please.. please—
come back,,

dwelling on things that i shouldn’t be
looking back at memories of what could have been
those smiles that i’ve seen
and when you used to call me queen
now my feelings are just statics on a screen

watered up eyes of
tears and feelings that only fell- for you
don’t you see how important you were to me?
if only you knew

i miss your summer hues
but now you give me snoozes and mutes

i really shouldn’t be thinking about you again
but i can’t stop myself from doing so
whenever i see you walking pass the corridor
i would shy away and ignore
but i would always see you at the corner of my eye
without saying a hi or bye
we crossed paths
but at least we are under the same sky

this feeling of sadness will always stay in me
the ache in my heart will never fade
and knowing of all that
i still carry hope
maybe, one day?
something will bring us back together again?
but for now, you’re just a lasting portrait in my heart.

don’t bury your emotions deep down to a place u can no longer find it.
don’t just ignore them
don’t distract yourself away from them.

u know i loved u and it hurts me seeing u like that.
please take care of yourself, im already no longer with u.
no longer being able to share the burden with u.

when u told me u had a mental breakdown, i... i was sad.
even though i’ve already let go of u, i will still care for u.
so don’t make me worry please because now im no longer with u.
i don’t know what’s happening to u, and yes i know i’ve loved u.
but i will always be with u