the sun shines
with your sun-kissed skin
and honey brown eyes.
i lose myself in your gaze
when you give me butterflies.

we kissed, we danced
we pranced under the sunlight.
our melodies of music became a symphony
where our hearts sung and danced to.

our fingers interlocked
with my forehead touching yours,
and yours touching mine.
we were entangled in heartstrings
and you are all that i want.

we went through tough times together,
stood by each other
and never left one another.

i don’t want to drive you insane, but i love you, i really do.
i don’t care if you are “thrash” or “bad” because i love you no matter what.
you’re perfect to me because your flaws makes you who you are today.
let me tell you my love, i love you for who you are and i would never want to lose you.

i’ll never forget the fleeting moment when we had our first kiss or when i had your hand in mine.
all i want to say is, i love you.

don’t bury your emotions deep down to a place u can no longer find it.
don’t just ignore them
don’t distract yourself away from them.

u know i loved u and it hurts me seeing u like that.
please take care of yourself, im already no longer with u.
no longer being able to share the burden with u.

when u told me u had a mental breakdown, i... i was sad.
even though i’ve already let go of u, i will still care for u.
so don’t make me worry please because now im no longer with u.
i don’t know what’s happening to u, and yes i know i’ve loved u.
but i will always be with u

when we were young we all wanted to grow up
but now that we are all grown up we want to go back to when we were young

when we were a child we were carefree, naive and playful with much time to spare
now that we are all grown up we are trapped in our own cells throwing the keys out
time slipping through our hands
as if we are trying to hold water with our bare hands
no matter how hard u try to keep it the more it goes away
and all we wanted when we were young was to grow up?

with the right person
at the right time
yet it was a crime

there were boundaries he couldn’t step out of
there were lines he couldn’t cross
shall he does it
both shall risk loss

my forbidden love
and his heart caged
what a stage
if only we could break free from this page

from these sufferings
from these offerings
offerings for the love that—
sigh

this forbidden
shan’t be hidden
shall my love be boldly written

whispers in this empty room
with these lonely spirits
the shadows that stood by me
and there’s these creatures
that was like me
they brought me down
brought me more sadness...
trying to cover it up with laughters
we are the same beings can’t we help each other?
the darkness wouldn’t do that
they only gave fear
that’s all
i would rather live in it
than with the addition of these creatures

living in this lie
even when i know the truth
i don’t want to wake up
to... this reality
keep me in this dream
no... nightmare
i don’t care
even if it was to live in this nightmare i am already living in
i don’t want to wake up
to more...

u could see the brokenness in me.
u could see the darkness behind this mask.
u could see that i tried, yet i fail then lying on the ground, given up.
u could see i was overwhelmed.
u could see i was trying to fight against the war in my head.

the pain,
the suffering,
i am hurt.
u could see that.
u wanted me to trust u,
u wanted me to open up to u,
u said u could help.

when i gave u the keys to this locked door,
u ran up to me,
u held me up when i fell.
u shooed away what was there crowding and surrounding me.
u held up the sword and told me to stand behind u, u wanted to help me fight.
but we fought together,
and it was almost over.

now i’m picking up shattered glass.
one pricked your hand, u bled,
but u continued.

i hoped u didn’t see the glass bead tears under those light.
the light that u brought into this darkness.
i’m really thankful that u helped me,
if only it wasn’t over so soon.
could u stay with me?
i want u to, please?
i... i—,, 92&/@/&/&
i— love you.

what about all the plans
in the future
we already talked about
what to do next
but how can there be
even tomorrow
when us
don’t exist anymore

they were both broken
with many fragments to pick
some couldn’t be placed back
but her pieces could fit into his
they slowly assembled back the puzzle
and they were as a whole
no longer broken
however soon they left each other
with broken parts of each other
that will stay with them forever

this diary isn’t for you to read anymore
so stop trying to pry it open
its locked,
and there’s a key for a reason.
stop acting like you know me
the truth is, you don’t.  
i could write down things about myself
and you could read them
but what about those that i don’t write
you don’t know me,
so don’t think you do.
i’m not an open book like you think i am
some chapters are meant to be kept hidden
and i don’t want you reading them.

i just want u to be happy
and if letting u free means that
i wouldn’t hold on anymore
i would let u go

lifes that once intertwined together
two persons mess that tangled as one
however the strings seemed to loosen and untangle
the knot that held them together untied
soon enough they distanced and let go

helpless,
your eyes watered
yet you say you’re fine.
the coldness crippled through your spine
and afraid to fault again,
silence lurked.

you hid your pain with light,
it blinded the darkness
and your sorrows were held high.

my heart aches writing this, but
held so close in your embrace,
still- far apart.  
your presence caressed me.  

just a breath away,
you slipped from my hands.
i held you like water dripping down my bare hands.
now i’m stuck between these spaces,
these memories,
they were crumpled and thrown away into the bin.

tissues that drenched
and pillows that knew every story.
my legs couldn’t take the weight,
i fell to my knees.

the last petal drops
the moon cries
was i destroying something so beautiful yet bitter?

im glad u didnt give me anything
because now that u left
i have nothing of u to hold on to

i can’t seem to forget your face
the way u smiled at me
the way u speak to me
your voice i yearned to hear
the way u looked at me as i gazed
how u played with my hair carelessly
and rested on my shoulders
and how your back look when u walked away and left me

i didn’t know i meant so little to u
when u said that u didn’t care
if we ever talked anymore
u crushed my heart to million pieces
i thought... i... at least i.. meant something to u?
well u did to me
were all those u said to me
lies?
i can’t believe i’d ever trust u
i can’t believe that i’d ever thought u were the one
months and months
of crying
thinking that it was true love
but now i snapped out of it
and i guess it wasn’t

what u said were all lies
can’t believe that i believed
and trusted fake truths

those lies that u said
were once truths in my eyes
how could u say those
without even blinking an eye

u could lie so blatantly
and i could believe so foolishly

looking back
i wasted my time and love
that i could have given someone else
which wasn’t suppose to be u

eating candies again
to keep myself happy
i popped one in
and another again
so oo oO oo   sw w eee ee ttt
it drives the bitterness away
give
me
more
more Ee e—
i finished the whole bottle
my body felt like it could float up to the sky
i felt so  h A p P y Y yyyY
i could die

the warmth that once filled this empty heart
this lonely soul
the laughters that filled the air
covering the voices in my head
the happiness that i once had
broke to sadness
trying to make things like they were before
but once its broken
u can’t fix it back
like the glass window that shattered to pieces
it could be replaced with a new one
my heart that shattered couldn’t be.

stop torturing him please
it hurts me to know that
he is suffering
the voices
in his head
please just quieten down
and never echo back again
just let him have his peace
and a normal life
stop making him feel that he is the worse
when he is not
he feels like a failure
when he is not
he is so much more
so stop telling him
that he is not
when are you ever going to stop hurting him
please hush

don’t forget me
ask me how i am every now and then
think of me sometimes
and miss me
u won’t forget me, will u?
i know i’m nothing to u anymore
but won’t u still
think of the things we did before
and smile?

shattered pieces   s                   T           E
                                  C      a              r
     ­                                          t       e           D

my l♡ve never ——  m A t T E r e D
for my heart have been bruised and battered
I am t  0 R n  and   t A t T 3 R

my love ,,? !#@%+
don’t you know that I’m  h U r T
and b R o K 3 N  by you
whom used the hammer
to crush that  f r a g i l e  glass
that—— h e A r T

but now that we are   a     p     a     r     t
shall I have a fResH start

restarting program...///
feelings back on again——
what was in the bin picked itself back again
the memories flood in again
again.. !$%#¥  a G a i N   A g A I N
going back to where i began.

bloodshot eyes
shimmery cheeks
“remember to breathe”
i would look into your eyes
and tell you im fine.
with piled up emotions
some days full
and others empty
within a second or two
the water that overflowed
could become nothing but emptiness
it dried up too quickly
“what was i feeling?”
i don’t know.
i’m walking aimlessly,
daydreaming,
drooling,
sleeping,
becoming an empty void.
i whisper through the winds
and scream through thunders
nothing but silence
no, not this nor that
it’s not what u are thinking
“what am i thinking?”
hmm.....
now i’m smiling
look, im happy, goodbye!