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10h · 551
Permafrost
Kalliope 10h
I've grown so cold
Your branches snap

I wish to embrace you
I don't like causing pain

But ice doesn't hug well
Nor a strong tree does it make
And I never know if Spring will come
3d · 1.6k
Sore Throat
When I am silent,
and it’s all said and done,
will you bask in the quiet-
happy you’ve won?

No more complaints
slipping past my lips,
just peaceful quiet
and sometimes a kiss.

Will you be smug
while you rant through the day,
watching me nod along
with nothing to say?

That’s all you wanted, right?
Obedient peace.
An interesting woman to meet,
until she becomes what you please.

Or will you miss my words?
My fire? My song?
Will you miss my ranting?
Will my silence feel wrong?

Will you look in my eyes
and see through the glass?
There’s nothing there anymore-
only what you ask.
I guess I always did sing off-key
4d · 321
Boo
Boo
Still I am haunted
Though I hung my sheet up.
A ghost can give up,
but can’t be reborn.
So I'll wait in the attic window once more.
6d · 1.2k
Fade Drifter
To be a memory walker
A director of dreams
Forgetting what is real
And what endings really mean

Replaying harsher words
And sunnier days as well
An archaic tape rewatched with an organizational system from hell

I rearrange the order
From which this life is lived
Creating full pockets of happiness without despair sprinkled in

And I'll lay here with the highlight reel
Aching for people I've loved
Forgetting its okay to let things end
The connection was enough

A bittersweet day for memories
When new life paths are clear
Upsetting to have had connections
so strong
Yet end up nowhere near

But you are happy
He is happy
They are happy
And really, so am I
But sometimes,
It feels good to see you again
Even just in my mind
Untangling reality from fantasy
With the realization
I cannot live in Nostalgia
6d · 531
Saint Mayhem
Refuge to some,
A battlefield to others,
A chronically online
Midwest single mother-
Who loves to lay in the rain
And feel it on her skin
Enjoying all the storms outside,
Though they all come from within.

Is she a tornado?
Or maybe a meteor shower?
Beautiful in what she does-
not recognizing her power
Or maybe it's a fault,
To hide away in the in-between?
Participating in all activities while remaining completely unseen.

She glides right through your sky,
A pretty view for you-
Until she lands upon your ground
Destruction does ensue.
You thought she was just mesmerizing,
Easily made to bend,
If that's the kind of love you crave
You've picked the wrong girlfriend.

She puts things back together
At a slowed down lego pace,
And when she doesn't like the result?
Her progress completely erased.
So it's back to the drawing board,
Though she's never been good with paint.
Maybe some blame falls to you,
loving chaos but expecting a saint.
If I'm mindful of your trauma
And you're mindful of mine
Don't you think it'd be easier?
I guess easy has never been our vibe
7d · 963
Unlearned
If I’m a walking lesson,
well, you never learned to read.
We waste away the hours,
you just take and take to feed.

You claim that I am guarded,
all traps and tricks to test,
but you charge ahead so reckless,
never slowing, never rest.

You bleed against my defenses-
spikes, blades, and trap doors.
Yet instead of asking questions,
you argue who hurts more.

If I’m your greatest lesson,
the one you won’t discern,
is it that you fear to stay here,
or to leave and ache, and yearn?
I've adjusted the lesson plan,
more times than I'd like to admit,
refusal to accept your defiance,
you're a hard habit to kick.
Sep 8 · 760
Maintenance Required
Kalliope Sep 8
A machine cannot fix itself.
It needs a mechanic,
a tech,
an expert-
an intellectual with the drive to learn,
an idiot with overconfidence and
a streak of luck.

To be rewired.
To be rearranged.
To be powered off.
To be plugged in.
To be refilled.
To be cleaned.
To be fixed.

A machine must be maintained
by someone else.

I am not a machine.

So why do I expect others
to heal me?
And if I were a machine,
where the **** did I place my manual?
Sep 3 · 1.0k
Sprawling
Kalliope Sep 3
One day
Some day
Probably soon
I'll be nothing
Dust on the moon

Never could be solid
Never could be whole
Never found a way
To fit into the mold

Bleeding through the pages
Crossing all the lines
Aching in my soul
Pretending I'm just fine

This ache is such a feeling
A hard one to forget
I've never been without it
Yet I never do regret

Some souls can do wonders
And others are so wise
Some of us are filler
Background till our bland demise

Not quite meant for great things
Just put out here to live
I wanted to be special
My expectations I must forgive

I can't live up to her
Never will live up to him
Living up to myself?
A barren truth discovered on a whim

So hush now, do be quiet
It's so loud in my mind
I'm so sick of noise
Leaving thoughts of grandeur behind

Staring at a wall
No time to even blink
Living a life mentally
Reality making me sink

Such a twisted sickness
Being great in your head
Wasting all your hours
Decaying in your bed

Feet that once danced so
Unashamed through city lights
Lips made for conversations
Slowly stitched shut for the last time

A heart made for adventure
A soul yearning for great love
Bones that take you nowhere
And fears of all the above

Whispering so loudly
Yet speaking so **** low
"She never did make sense,
Never knew quite where to go"

A recipe for disaster
Chaos by her hand made
Falling slowly then faster
Replacing parachutes with grenades

"You made your bed now sleep in it"
Is what they like to say
But I never made my bed
Yet here I am destined to lay

So tomorrow I will fix it
A new lovely day for change
A promise never kept though
Being true to myself is strange

You'd think it would be freeing
To live right here, right now
But possibilities are endless
I'm overwhelmed- I must lie down

But now please don’t do that
My nervous system shouts at me
You'll never overcome fear
Hiding from the world in sheets
The push and pull of anxious mind
Kalliope Sep 3
You never sleep
Always awake
Solving the problems
Grasping to stay
You punch the numbers
You whisper the rhymes
You write it all down
A couple million times
The hardest equation
That you've ever seen
You're wracking your brain
Spiraling it seems
The great mathematician
At work in the flesh
A logical man
Working towards no rest
He's almost got it
The answers right there
Your heart such a puzzle
To him- almost unfair
But love isn't a problem to be solved, is it?
Sep 3 · 512
Sinking
Kalliope Sep 3
There's comfort in sinking
It can feel like a hug
Then it's suffocating,
just a little too snug

It starts in my shoulders
then down to my waist
I only wish I'd sink slower,
not with such haste

Breathless is easy
For next will be death
But fresh air on a new day?
New trials to be faced yet

But that's just existence
You live till you die
No one really warned me
just how much living
makes
you
cry
But reaching the bottom means the next move is up
Aug 20 · 363
Paper Mountains
Kalliope Aug 20
I climb mountains
Camping along the way
Taking my time
Planning the play

Sometimes its hours
Maybe even weeks
Stuck in one spot
Cloud gazing from sheets

Taking these breaks
Barely even deserved
Numb in many ways
Unable to find words

Then realization hits
And its the part that kills
I've been stalling all this time
Just to walk over hills
I overpack for everything
Aug 15 · 386
The Infinite If
Kalliope Aug 15
If I were a lantern
I'd light your way
I'd keep you company
At the end of everyday

If I were a kayak
I'd get you home safely
No matter the weather
Currents are rough lately

If I were an umbrella
I'd keep you dry
I may attract lightning
But only a few times

If I were a chef
You'd have perfect dinner
Everything so tasty
You might start wishing you were thinner

If I were a house
You'd have a home
Cozy at best but
You'd never be alone

If I were a statue
I'd watch over you
Perhaps a little eerie
But its what I'd like to do

If I were a wifi router
You'd have unlimited speed
No waiting for hours
Instantaneously download your needs

If I were a lover
I'd be the cheesiest one
Flowers, chocolates, jokes
Whatever you want for fun

If I were a millionaire
You'd never need a thing
I'd take care of all your needs
Only a smile you need bring

If I were an actor
I'd struggle I admit
I don't like being fake
For you I'd do it for the bit

If I were a teapot
Your cup would always flow
Energized or relaxed
Either way I've got honey ready to go

If I were an outlet
I'd charge your cords
Endless hours of digital entertainment
so you are never bored

If I were in love
The ink would fill my pen
But it seems I'm not
So it's random thoughts until then
If I were writers block
I'd be scared of me
Endless non sensical little thoughts
Can all be turned into poetry
Aug 14 · 296
Pain's Paradox
Kalliope Aug 14
Always and never
at the same exact time,
infinitely wondering about you
in rhyme.

It's painful and numbing,
and soothes me to sleep
yet keeps me wide awake,
dry-eyed
until I weep.

A memory of nothing
that was everything to me-
such a little long time
amidst the grand scheme.

A golden ticket to rot in hell,
a barren fate
I'll accept very well.

An altering strand
in a web of conscience,
my previous beliefs
now all make me nauseous.

A single star
with no constellation,
believe it or not-
my soul’s favorite destination.

I wish it never happened,
but I’d do it again
just to reprioritize
the time we would spend.

It’s not quite missing,
and I wouldn’t call it an ache;
my heart is perfectly fine
until she starts to break.

But if I unknew you-
if you just stayed a dream-
I’d know I’d never have to deal
with the relieving pain of your leave.
The desire to undo and redo
At the same **** time..
Aug 13 · 487
No One’s Home
Kalliope Aug 13
"No" lives inside my throat
Escaping only when comfortable,
not when needed

No to quests that remove me from my safe zone,
along side companions whom I love.
Yes when no is too fearful of actions of those seated higher above.
No to praise that would inflate my ego,
Yes to critique that douses all flames

"No" lives inside my throat
And she's been there since I can remember
Who knew a simple word could be agoraphobic?
Aug 13 · 332
Passenger
Kalliope Aug 13
Things move along
before I’ve made up my mind,
a railway over an ocean,
and I’m along for the ride.

Not quite willing,
but also not captive,
expected to go with the flow
and remain well-adapted.

Drivers impatient
and maps outdated,
planning my own route
is slow and underappreciated.

I’m ushered left
and shoved to the right,
an indecisive death-
but I float on alright.

I don’t know that I want
to be on this train,
but I’m already here,
I’m expected to stay.

Walking and talking
should be banned for me,
once I look up,
all new surroundings I see.

Am I the bad guy
for abandoning ship,
when I never said yes,
but I was complacent?
But I'm learning to drive for myself
Aug 12 · 477
Poltergeist
Kalliope Aug 12
No, I never stay long
but you'll always know where I've been.
You'll hear my favorite song
and feel my presence within.

I've been so many new places,
an extensive list of things to do-
always leaving my traces,
Maybe one day you'll stand in my point of view.

Clover patches spawn on the outside
whenever I show up anew.
Do they remind you of times
when I've lied,
or all the silly dreams I confided in you?

I always seem to leave my mark,
flecks of green where they ought not be.
Bright neons light up the dark,
recentering some focus back to me.

Or maybe it's more of a haunting-
to be reminded of my soul,
to always be found is so daunting
when vanishing fully has been my goal.

What if I don’t want to be remembered?
I want to fade away in the void.
All evidence lost in the embers,
my sounds fading into background noise.

It’s not really me they hold close,
just a version that once was truth-
a humorously passionate nostalgic dose,
forgetting how I’m so uncouth.

I don’t want to be a good memory,
for those I’m trying to forget,
a snippet when I was the remedy
until I only made them upset.

Now I live in signs,
subtly in dreams,
even déjà vu at times-
things aren’t always as they seem.

If I am to be unforgettable,
if I must cross your mind,
I hope the thought is regrettable,
and slowly eats at you for a period of time.

To haunt is to be haunted,
and tortured I have been-
false futures, I’ve been taunted,
clearing caches within.

Never once have I destroyed a
pathway completely,
but this one must come down.
I’m drunk and rambling quite indiscreetly,
and your memory makes me frown.

I hope the thought of me spoils your day,
stirred up from a simple coffee -
looped in remembrance like
cursed decay,
and I the leading zombie.
Made into someone's ghost-
What a trophy for the hurt
Vindictive yet so vulnerable,
A blessing and a curse.
Aug 9 · 440
Lazy River
Kalliope Aug 9
I want to float
without fear of sinking,
daydreaming away,
fully charged vape, no blinking.

I want the water cool on my skin
without all the goosebumps,
without fear of what lurks within.

I want to not think
while I do nothing at all,
but I feel so guilty-
like I’ve dropped the ball.

A lazy river for peace and relaxation,
full of nightmarish currents:
Relaxing is lazy-
No separations.

I want to do nothing
and recharge myself,
but doing nothing feels wrong,
wasteful of time
when there’s people to help.

There’s rooms to sweep,
clothes not put away,
I’m behind on sleep,
and still, somehow,  I decay
I want to rest without feeling guilty
Aug 8 · 428
I Need Saved?
Kalliope Aug 8
If I am to be saved,
how do you plan to do it?
And what are you expecting in return?

If I am to be saved,
where is your horse?
You plan to save me with just pretty words?

If I am to be saved,
what are you saving me from?
I don’t really need your protection-
I learned long ago how to run.

So if I am to be saved,
while you sit on your savior’s throne,
am I meant to be the trophy?
Wild, untamed,
now quiet in your home?
I've always preferred those who walk alongside me, not those walking five feet ahead keeping the path clear.
Aug 7 · 477
Un-Domesticated
Kalliope Aug 7
You were a dog trainer
I was a wolf-
Yet you were shocked I bit you
And I had the audacity to whimper when you ran
Aug 7 · 230
The Checklist
Kalliope Aug 7
If I started humming,
would you guess the tune?
Mindlessly airborne strumming,
until I look at you.

Would you dance in the kitchen
to a song almost twenty years old?
Would you join in my weirdness,
or is your love not yet that bold?

Will you know what I'm feeling
from the songs I play on repeat?
How will you respond
when I spiral, stuck on the couch in defeat?

Will you paint me a picture
on a canvas blank as can be?
Or will you say you're not an artist,
when it’s not quality I wanted to see?

Will you love me if I were a worm?
Or a bird? Or a fish? Or a plane?
Will you love me when I ask those questions
at 2 a.m. when you work the next day?

If I asked you to play mermaids,
mid-summer in a public pool,
would you splash around at ease with me,
or stay dry, thinking I’m a fool?

Will you hold my hand in the grocery store,
bringing it up against your lips?
Will you walk me through the aisles,
in small errand, delusional bliss?

Will you point out the cows while I’m driving?
Not yell when I hit the curb?
Could you be calm to my chaos-
soothing my ever-tangled nerves?
It's the smallest moments that make love grand, if you ask me
Aug 6 · 251
Longing Writes Itself
Kalliope Aug 6
A longing obsession

Even deep in depression

One topic always rises above

An unknown poem writer

A frequent run hider

With ink always dripping with love
But you're not in love

It's always been limerence
Aug 5 · 320
The Gentle Man
Kalliope Aug 5
He was somber for most of his life
Until one day, he simply said no-
He wanted to explore, to be as he is,
Not swallowing storms just to cope.

So he'll make the changes, and drive all the miles,
Blue eyes lighting up in the sun-
Feeling lighter with every breath,
His traveling soul on the run.

He’ll gather stories of a life well-lived,
Dark days fading into the past-
A history he once held way too tightly,
Now softened by joy at last.

Maybe he’ll sing after drinks at the bar,
Or trade tales with unguarded delight.
And though it’s all so wonderfully new-
You can tell by his face: It’s just right.
There's not a playbook on how life should be
Let go and follow your truth, life is better lived free
Aug 4 · 370
Bee on the Rocks
Kalliope Aug 4
There once was a bee
who was blown out to sea
by a disastrous gust of wind,
And though she was scared-
for beach life, unprepared-
the Patrón tasted better than gin.
She doesn't even miss honey.
Aug 4 · 566
The Beginning..
Kalliope Aug 4
Two souls dancing around one another,
Two lights sparked amidst the void.
A lonely night of conversation
Always leads to something more.

Two souls laughing into the morning,
Eyes heavy from stories told.
Sleepy voices, intimately quiet,
Moving closer to escape the cold.

Two souls being pulled together,
By gravity, it would seem-
A heavenly feeling yearned from the ether,
But forever is not guaranteed.

Two souls in a window,
My mental image now unclear.
Never would she have thought
She'd leave his soul right there.

Two souls in a helix,
Unaware of their demise.
I envy their old delusion
I can no longer conjure with a knowing mind.
The Beginning feels more painful at The End.
Aug 4 · 243
The Mimic
Kalliope Aug 4
A prize you thought you'd gazed upon,
But no, my dear you’ve never been more wrong.
I look divine from where you stand,
But open my depths with the steadiest hand.

You're chasing treasures, wishes, more-
Yet my teeth grow sharper behind each door.
You never asked why I stood alone,
Just waltzed right in, hoping to find a home.

But you led me nowhere, and I pulled you down.
You fell for a mimic-
And you did so quite ******* loud.
I said my piece. I announced my shame. I said I’m not ready, I’m not playing love games.
But that’s not what’s heard.
It’s a challenge to be beat.
Now I’m just an ******* with another man to eat
Aug 2 · 331
No Ripples
Kalliope Aug 2
Sometimes I walk on water.
Not high above it all-
Just right there at surface level.
Not deep enough to drown.
Not deep enough to swim.
Not high enough to fear falling in.

Sometimes I walk on water
And watch schools of fish
Playfully chase one another,
Not noticing me.

I feel curious sharks graze my feet,
Confused as to why they can’t reach their meal.
Some follow for hours,
Waiting for a taste
They won’t get-
Because right now,
I’m walking on water.
Sometimes I do this for hours, getting lost along the way
A woman pacing over the ocean, through the fog of a lonely day
Aug 1 · 541
Dissociation Days
Kalliope Aug 1
If I exist, then I must be real-
That's how it works,
But it's not how I feel.

I look in the mirror,
Glimpse at the reflection,
But I walk right through her-
We have no connection.

And how many words
Can I say, rambling on,
Before someone realizes
They carry no weight?

Wasting the air
From my tired lungs-
Words are just words
When no action comes.

But action proves nothing
If my words aren’t right;
I could move mountains
And still lose the fight.

I could fill every hole
That’s carved in the ground,
But none of it matters
If I do so without sound.

If I’m not weeping,
Or begging, or screaming,
I make them uneasy-
My silence unredeeming.

I speak so much
It makes my throat hurt.
Sick of myself,
Sick of this work.

And if I begged
This sickness to take me,
She’d just laugh-
And keep on berating.

I know I’ll get up,
I’ll just walk away.
It never lasts long.
It’s only a phase.

But when your villain
Is the girl in the mirror,
It’s hard to ignore
A fear drawn so clear.
Words lead to words that turn into thoughts, but when they're ideas? Pursue them I do not.
Jul 31 · 449
The Silent Hours
Kalliope Jul 31
I like it at night,
Pacing through the house,
Just my thoughts and me,
Quiet like a mouse.

Cleaning up the messes,
Putting away the day,
Reflecting on each hour,
Resetting the sun’s play.

I light a candle or two,
Letting shadows softly dance,
The flickering glow reminds me
That darkness still has chance.

I sip water from my cup,
Feeling gratitude’s gentle weight,
Thankful for these silent hours
Before tomorrow awakes.

Sometimes I’ll play music,
Maybe I’ll softly sing,
This quiet time with the Universe,
Planning intentions I hope she’ll bring.
And sometimes instead, I just weep.
Jul 29 · 308
Pre-Grieving
Kalliope Jul 29
I am so patient and funny and kind
And that's what you like,
A pretty girl with silly rhymes.
I can be funny and laid-back and free-
You love it so much,
Because that's all you can see.

The moment I know your feelings are more,
I start closing up, exposed on the floor.
Really it's backwards, the way my mind acts-
The less that you know, the more we interact.

When you learn secrets and more of my lore,
I start getting nervous, I start locking doors.
What if you find something you’ll never like?
My heart starts racing, I’m braced for a fight.

I almost can't breathe at the thought of you leaving,
I did it again- and now I’m pre-grieving.
It seems fun to fall when I'm up at the peak,
But I’m close to the ground now,
With a crash on repeat.

I pull back the moment it starts feeling good,
Sabotage sweetness- now misunderstood.
I look for red flags in a forest with no debris,
Inventing ghosts no one’s ever even seen.

I scan for signs you’re starting to sway,
Even when your actions beg me to stay.
Afraid of love that might go right,
So I dim all sparks before they light.

But it's all my mind-
It's not even real.
I have to leave the thoughts behind,
Break the hypnotic seal.

You aren't my past-
We haven't even yet said hello.
You look at me with interest,
But you remind me of letting go.
Realizing it's silly to mourn a love not yet savored, I'll step out of my head a bit and do us both a favor.
Jul 29 · 158
Laugh Track
Kalliope Jul 29
No matter my crisis,
There’s one thing I know-
Even when I’m at my lowest,
I still make the ******* joke.

The room goes quiet,
So I start to smile.
Deflecting pain like an actress,
It never goes out of style.

Tears sting behind my eyes,
But I deliver the line clean.
And everyone laughs,
Because no one knows what the **** it means.

My hurt has a laugh track-
Invisible, robotic, rehearsed.
And if I keep it playing loud enough,
Maybe I won’t feel the worst.

Because silence feels like sinking,
And truth feels like a loss.
But a joke? That’s a win.
Misery is humor’s final boss.
And though I’ve got some hecklers,
Right at center stage,
I just keep the jokes coming,
Better to stay funny than be enraged.
Jul 29 · 288
Ghostwriter
Kalliope Jul 29
You never had to make an excuse

I already made them for you

Justifying your careless behavior

When you didn't even care enough

To have an explanation ready
And why would you?
I already wrote it.
Jul 26 · 145
Discordant Days
Kalliope Jul 26
Insults thrown as easily as tableware,
And I catch every single one.
I never learned to duck, dodge, or weave-
Plates fall and shatter,
Ceramic cuts my skin.

I stopped trying to get out,
Accepting the pain,
Because I believed I let it begin.

But pain never asks permission.
It just makes itself at home.
Living with it is hard-
But no one tells you
How hard it is
Once you kick it out.

Plates no longer fly.
There are no holes in the walls.
Nothing lurks around the corners,
But still,
Your heart races in the dark.

Safety is an illusion
You can barely see.
Healing is so daunting
When you're attached to pain
You shouldn't be.
I didn’t notice the damage until I began the repairs-
patching holes, sweeping quiet shards,
still cleaning messes long after the breaking stopped.
Jul 25 · 338
Nebulized Hope
Kalliope Jul 25
Star-crossed dreamers,
Bound together by thread,
Cosmic peaceful bliss-
But lover, that planet is dead.

The wind carries no laughter,
The sun has lost its heat,
Nighttime is silent and dark now,
Its life cycle complete.

The trees have all now rotted,
The soil has long turned sour,
It’s been months since April’s showers,
And May could never flower.

Lover, I must escape now,
The oxygen is gone,
I know you said you’d never be back,
But I was hoping you were wrong.

I planned to stay here,
To fix it in your absence,
So if you did return,
You’d see we could make sense.

Your rocket never flew back,
And lover, I know not where you went,
Trembling in my escape pod,
Hoping where you are, I’m sent.

I sealed this final message,
In orbiting satellite streams,
Hoping the words find you,
Beyond our broken dreams.

I know this was our ending,
And it echos through the void,
Now our world has perished,
Our civilization destroyed.

I can’t look out this window,
To watch our star implode,
But I feel it in my chest,
That sharp sting of letting go.

And while I drift away,
To somewhere perceived safe,
To long forget our planet,
And the evolution we made.
Just another point of interest blacked out on my astronomers map.
Jul 25 · 158
Consequences
Kalliope Jul 25
What's the point of healing if those who inspired change won't feel it?

I'm just supposed to be better for someone else?

Like moving a mountain to pave a path,
Connecting two cities at last
Just to keep walking on without even looking back?

But that's the way it goes
I suppose
And that is in fact the way that it goes
But you get to be better for yourself
Jul 24 · 3.0k
Disillusioned
Kalliope Jul 24
I wrote a poem,
hoping you'd see
But I changed my mind,
I'm keeping it for me
Today isn't special,
just a Thursday in July
Everyday it's easier,
you're further out my mind
Champagne Problems playing in my ear
I deleted my poem, thoughts not for you to hear
Jul 23 · 331
Aesthetic Coping
Kalliope Jul 23
Change the perspective
Like it's an elective
Chosen over the summer
To be my fifth period

Just say you’re happy
Be loving and sappy
Like a 90s sitcom wife
Who’ll never leave her husband

Do what you must do
Plan, not impromptu
Like a 2000s rom-com wedding planner
With a touch of OCD

It’s the deck you bought
The cards want you to rot
As if a deep dive on tarot
Could turn you into an intuitive genius

Mope like a poet
Standing strong like you know it
Like writing your pain
Isn’t still just performance in another font

Process and grieve
You’re so ready to leave
As if leaving my Crocs out of sport mode
Lets me linger longer
Making pain pretty feels awfully wise,
Til you wake up and notice
it's all you can write.
Jul 22 · 208
Space Between
Kalliope Jul 22
Sleep reaches for me
But I'm held down
Everything I've never done
Everything I need to do
Grasps me tightly
Bruised and clawed
I lay here flawed
Sleep reaches for me
But I can't reach back
Have you ever rearranged your living room at 2 am?
Kalliope Jul 21
She sits with her silence,
Bound by her thoughts.
Life continues anyway,
But join in, she does not.

Though she would like to,
It takes time to decide,
And once she gets ready,
There’s no room in the ride.

So maybe she’ll start walking,
Or she’ll stay frozen in fear.
She wants to go somewhere else,
But she seems to be stuck here.

She’s found a doorway
Just a handful of times,
But every time she moves closer,
Further away it flies.

There must be a lesson
In this self-aware prison,
A continuous torturous cycle
From which she hasn’t risen.

Swirling and thrashing
In circular motions,
Part of her must like
Being breathless in the ocean.

Yet there’s a small part
On the left side of her brain
That hates this **** cycle,
The suffocation insane.

But she doesn’t control movement
And barely steers thoughts,
So here she goes again,
Busting down doors that should remain locked.

She’s scared to read new stories
With endings untold,
When all familiar tales
End predictably bitter and cold.

There’s bite to the freeze, though,
And pleasure in pain.
Echoes fill her mind’s chamber:
“Free us from these chains.”

No, she doesn’t need saving,
She’s working out the clues.
You say she’s isolating,
But it’s what she has to do.

So very easily distracted,
Hypnotized by honeyed words,
She falls in love so quickly,
Abandoning her puzzled curse.

And when it surely fizzles out,
She’s back here at square one,
A couple days of crashing out,
Erasing all the work she’s done.
Twenty seven years of this and it's surely lost it's fun
Jul 19 · 367
Dandelion
Kalliope Jul 19
A wish sent with the wind

Invasive to some

A beautiful meadow to others
Stop trying to prove you aren't a ****
Bask in the warmth of those holding you like a flower
Jul 19 · 363
Snippets #24
Kalliope Jul 19
Every bump is part of the ride

It'd probably be smoother

If I stop running red lights
Long morning roadtrips quite quickly turn introspective
Jul 19 · 291
Property Line Magic
Kalliope Jul 19
In the middle of an ordinary cornfield,
In an ordinary place,
Stands a small group of trees
Spared from agricultural fate.

Chosen by fairies–
Forever their glade,
Or spared by corporate greed,
Property line arguments man-made.

Whatever the reason,
It rests in the fog,
Magical as ever,
Eerie, a bit odd.

Yet it doesn’t look out of place,
It fits just right,
A hidden little wonder
Tucked away out of sight.

I hope there are fairies,
Or witches, or gnomes,
Living in that haven,
Their whimsical home.
I think there's magic in things left untouched
And maybe magic isn't real, but I believe it is so hush.
Jul 18 · 597
Say That Again
Kalliope Jul 18
My cheeks are rosy,
You're making me blush,
This flirty little game
Is a heavenly rush.

Everything feels lovely
When it’s all brand new,
Overthinking tomorrow?
I’m really trying not to.

So tell me I’m pretty again,
I’ll reward you with a smile,
Maybe we won’t get married,
But I could enjoy this awhile.

You brush hair from my face,
Soft touch, sweet and shy,
Little moments like this
Are reasons I sigh.

Your laugh makes my chest ache,
It’s light, it’s carefree,
I tuck it away safely
As a secret just for me.

Dance with me in the street
While we're still young and free,
Whimsically fall in love
Until you start to resent me.
Flirting is fun but can get real serious.
Do I let myself run? Or do I risk being curious?
Jul 17 · 279
Juicebox
Kalliope Jul 17
What if today I took up space,
Decided it’s okay to love my face?
I’m allowed to scream and shout,
Don’t have to fake it, or hide to pout.

What if I told you you’d caught my eye,
Instead of waiting as moments pass by?
Would I then be viewed aggressive?
For knowing what I want, deemed obsessive?

Maybe I just want my needs fulfilled,
To show you I’m here, and equally skilled.

What if I let myself laugh too loud,
Not worrying about standing out in a crowd?
Let my opinions spill like wine,
No apologizing for these thoughts that are mine.

What if I danced alone in the street,
Made strangers smile at my untamed beat?
Would I still be called too much,
Or would someone finally crave my touch?

What if I didn’t talk myself down,
Lived my truth without fearing your frown?

I could say whatever comes to mind,
No more stitches, my lips now unbind.
I’ve made myself so small these days,
But I want to be big, have my turn on the stage.

This time I won’t even perform,
I’ll give a speech, I’ll change my norm.
Maybe it’s time to be unhinged,
To let myself out, chase a few whims.
What if I dared to love myself?
Jul 17 · 342
Family Table
Kalliope Jul 17
Sitting at this table,
My sisters in their place,
My brother at the top,
With a baby by his waist.

We’re mostly parents now,
With our kids in tow,
But when I look at your faces,
I see the little kids I used to know.

We all have our own lives,
Of our own creation,
No longer just play pretend
On some summer vacation.

A brand new generation,
Being raised by us,
They’re little and young and free,
And I love them all so much.

Even when I don’t see them,
Or weather cancels our plans,
Being a sister, a mother, an aunt-
The best roles I could ever land.

And we’ll sit here at this table,
Loud, chaotic, and such,
Often I’m sad, honestly mad,
But in this moment, life has given me so much.
We don't play hide n seek anymore, or hideway to sneak smoke ****, but hearing all the children laugh and play- for now, what more could I need?
Jul 15 · 270
Exsanguination
Kalliope Jul 15
When did your ventricles stop pushing me through?

And why can’t your atriums hold me now too?

No more are the days my presence rests in your veins,

Your arteries don’t even remember my name.

No trace of me in capillary lines,

Their refill’s normal- your pulse
perfectly fine.

A love so strong it once gave you life,

But it seems you’ve bled me out to survive.
Whether you're sepsis or oxygen-
I don't know,
But i can't get you out of my system
Jul 14 · 279
Handled Without Care
Kalliope Jul 14
I placed you upon my highest shelf,
Where no one ever sat before,
My prized possession, the collectable
I’d always been yearning for.

All my toys end up broken or lost,
A fate that eats me alive,
But you- I was determined not to break,
So I kept you out of these hands of mine.

I adored you from a distance,
Too scared to get too close,
You were lonely on that shelf,
To be played with, you wanted most.

My hands clumsy, your heart so fragile,
A dangerous game we played,
Measuring my worth around your presence-
If you looked fine, then I was okay.

But looks have always been deceiving,
It doesn’t mean things were smooth,
My sweet trophied, prized companion
Just wanted me to hold him too.

Slowly, I became bolder,
Taking you down from that shelf,
And for a while, it was heaven,
But soon enough, we needed help.

You were fragile, and I was clumsy,
We know how this story ends-
I was angry, you were gentle…
I should have never held you in my hands.
If I'd have stuck with video games I could have just reloaded my last save.
Jul 12 · 3.6k
Drowsy Siren Calls
Kalliope Jul 12
Sleep is a funny thing,
A place that’s hard to go.
Will she keep me peacefully,
Or smother me in my woes?

Will it be restful,
Or will I wake up in pain?
Tossing and turning through the night,
Lack of sleep driving me insane.

Sometimes she greets me softly,
With dreams sweet as honey,
Other nights she’s cruel,
Nightmares so real I'd give therapists money.

I lie there counting shadows,
Tracing cracks along my wall,
Begging her to claim me,
As the hours slowly crawl.

Sleep-deprived woman,
Navigating life’s maze-
No time to sleep when
There’s coincidences for me to appraise.

Everything has a purpose,
Can’t rest till I have an answer.
A tough relationship with slumber,
But ****, she’s my favorite dancer.
If I flip the pillow three times and sleep with the blanket upside down maybe then she'd be satisfied
Jul 11 · 333
Snippets #23
Kalliope Jul 11
Someone asked if I know you today

Which was odd

I said no

I only once knew you
And I wish I never knew at all
Jul 11 · 136
Filtered Through Steel
Kalliope Jul 11
I am not sweet,
But I am kind.
I am not filtered,
I will speak my mind.

I don’t need saving,
I’m questing alone.
I’m bad with directions,
But I’ll still find home.

Don’t disrespect me-
Get the **** out of my way.
I’ve had too many distractions
Using my heart as their play.

I wear this armor
Locked around my soul,
But if I’m being honest,
True acceptance is my goal.
Maybe I am sweet though sometimes unkind, this armor I wear fails time after time.
Jul 11 · 182
Noises
Kalliope Jul 11
I’m shaking, I’m breaking, I don’t know what to say,
I know I have faults, but you made me this way.
I grew you gardens, you smashed them to the ground,
Made me feel like I was horrible to be around.

You’d do anything for me, a knight at my heel,
But when I got comfortable, that’s when you got real.
Suit of armor discarded, no time to waste,
I must submit and forget freedom’s taste.

I can’t trust your kindness, it always feels fake,
Anxiety peaked, each smile feels like a mistake.
I tunneled out, broke away from your ground,
But you broke my mind, my thinking unsound.

If someone is kind, my heart starts to race,
Because kindness once ended with knuckles to my face.
Trust in this world is so hard to be found,
I’m trying to heal, but I’m being too loud.

Yet I don’t know any other way,
Than to scream my thoughts and even my pain.
It’s up and down, this chaos I’m feeling,
It’s bitterly exhausting—
But I guess that’s just healing.
I want off this rollercoaster ride
I want away from this unsteady tide
I hate feeling like this at night
I know, I know it'll be alright
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