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4d · 39
The Infinite If
If I were a lantern
I'd light your way
I'd keep you company
At the end of everyday

If I were a kayak
I'd get you home safely
No matter the weather
Currents are rough lately

If I were an umbrella
I'd keep you dry
I may attract lightning
But only a few times

If I were a chef
You'd have perfect dinner
Everything so tasty
You might start wishing you were thinner

If I were a house
You'd have a home
Cozy at best but
You'd never be alone

If I were a statue
I'd watch over you
Perhaps a little eerie
But its what I'd like to do

If I were a wifi router
You'd have unlimited speed
No waiting for hours
Instantaneously download your needs

If I were a lover
I'd be the cheesiest one
Flowers, chocolates, jokes
Whatever you want for fun

If I were a millionaire
You'd never need a thing
I'd take care of all your needs
Only a smile you need bring

If I were an actor
I'd struggle I admit
I don't like being fake
For you I'd do it for the bit

If I were a teapot
Your cup would always flow
Energized or relaxed
Either way I've got honey ready to go

If I were an outlet
I'd charge your cords
Endless hours of digital entertainment
so you are never bored

If I were in love
The ink would fill my pen
But it seems I'm not
So it's random thoughts until then
If I were writers block
I'd be scared of me
Endless non sensical little thoughts
Can all be turned into poetry
5d · 52
Pain's Paradox
Always and never
at the same exact time,
infinitely wondering about you
in rhyme.

It's painful and numbing,
and soothes me to sleep
yet keeps me wide awake,
dry-eyed
until I weep.

A memory of nothing
that was everything to me-
such a little long time
amidst the grand scheme.

A golden ticket to rot in hell,
a barren fate
I'll accept very well.

An altering strand
in a web of conscience,
my previous beliefs
now all make me nauseous.

A single star
with no constellation,
believe it or not-
my soul’s favorite destination.

I wish it never happened,
but I’d do it again
just to reprioritize
the time we would spend.

It’s not quite missing,
and I wouldn’t call it an ache;
my heart is perfectly fine
until she starts to break.

But if I unknew you-
if you just stayed a dream-
I’d know I’d never have to deal
with the relieving pain of your leave.
The desire to undo and redo
At the same **** time..
6d · 41
No One’s Home
"No" lives inside my throat
Escaping only when comfortable,
not when needed

No to quests that remove me from my safe zone,
along side companions whom I love.
Yes when no is too fearful of actions of those seated higher above.
No to praise that would inflate my ego,
Yes to critique that douses all flames

"No" lives inside my throat
And she's been there since I can remember
Who knew a simple word could be agoraphobic?
6d · 42
Passenger
Things move along
before I’ve made up my mind,
a railway over an ocean,
and I’m along for the ride.

Not quite willing,
but also not captive,
expected to go with the flow
and remain well-adapted.

Drivers impatient
and maps outdated,
planning my own route
is slow and underappreciated.

I’m ushered left
and shoved to the right,
an indecisive death-
but I float on alright.

I don’t know that I want
to be on this train,
but I’m already here,
I’m expected to stay.

Walking and talking
should be banned for me,
once I look up,
all new surroundings I see.

Am I the bad guy
for abandoning ship,
when I never said yes,
but I was complacent?
But I'm learning to drive for myself
7d · 25
Poltergeist
No, I never stay long
but you'll always know where I've been.
You'll hear my favorite song
and feel my presence within.

I've been so many new places,
an extensive list of things to do-
always leaving my traces,
Maybe one day you'll stand in my point of view.

Clover patches spawn on the outside
whenever I show up anew.
Do they remind you of times
when I've lied,
or all the silly dreams I confided in you?

I always seem to leave my mark,
flecks of green where they ought not be.
Bright neons light up the dark,
recentering some focus back to me.

Or maybe it's more of a haunting-
to be reminded of my soul,
to always be found is so daunting
when vanishing fully has been my goal.

What if I don’t want to be remembered?
I want to fade away in the void.
All evidence lost in the embers,
my sounds fading into background noise.

It’s not really me they hold close,
just a version that once was truth-
a humorously passionate nostalgic dose,
forgetting how I’m so uncouth.

I don’t want to be a good memory,
for those I’m trying to forget,
a snippet when I was the remedy
until I only made them upset.

Now I live in signs,
subtly in dreams,
even déjà vu at times-
things aren’t always as they seem.

If I am to be unforgettable,
if I must cross your mind,
I hope the thought is regrettable,
and slowly eats at you for a period of time.

To haunt is to be haunted,
and tortured I have been-
false futures, I’ve been taunted,
clearing caches within.

Never once have I destroyed a
pathway completely,
but this one must come down.
I’m drunk and rambling quite indiscreetly,
and your memory makes me frown.

I hope the thought of me spoils your day,
stirred up from a simple coffee -
looped in remembrance like
cursed decay,
and I the leading zombie.
Made into someone's ghost-
What a trophy for the hurt
Vindictive yet so vulnerable,
A blessing and a curse.
Aug 9 · 124
Lazy River
Kalliope Aug 9
I want to float
without fear of sinking,
daydreaming away,
fully charged vape, no blinking.

I want the water cool on my skin
without all the goosebumps,
without fear of what lurks within.

I want to not think
while I do nothing at all,
but I feel so guilty-
like I’ve dropped the ball.

A lazy river for peace and relaxation,
full of nightmarish currents:
Relaxing is lazy-
No separations.

I want to do nothing
and recharge myself,
but doing nothing feels wrong,
wasteful of time
when there’s people to help.

There’s rooms to sweep,
clothes not put away,
I’m behind on sleep,
and still, somehow,  I decay
I want to rest without feeling guilty
Aug 8 · 52
I Need Saved?
Kalliope Aug 8
If I am to be saved,
how do you plan to do it?
And what are you expecting in return?

If I am to be saved,
where is your horse?
You plan to save me with just pretty words?

If I am to be saved,
what are you saving me from?
I don’t really need your protection-
I learned long ago how to run.

So if I am to be saved,
while you sit on your savior’s throne,
am I meant to be the trophy?
Wild, untamed,
now quiet in your home?
I've always preferred those who walk alongside me, not those walking five feet ahead keeping the path clear.
Aug 7 · 273
Un-Domesticated
Kalliope Aug 7
You were a dog trainer
I was a wolf-
Yet you were shocked I bit you
And I had the audacity to whimper when you ran
Aug 7 · 41
The Checklist
Kalliope Aug 7
If I started humming,
would you guess the tune?
Mindlessly airborne strumming,
until I look at you.

Would you dance in the kitchen
to a song almost twenty years old?
Would you join in my weirdness,
or is your love not yet that bold?

Will you know what I'm feeling
from the songs I play on repeat?
How will you respond
when I spiral, stuck on the couch in defeat?

Will you paint me a picture
on a canvas blank as can be?
Or will you say you're not an artist,
when it’s not quality I wanted to see?

Will you love me if I were a worm?
Or a bird? Or a fish? Or a plane?
Will you love me when I ask those questions
at 2 a.m. when you work the next day?

If I asked you to play mermaids,
mid-summer in a public pool,
would you splash around at ease with me,
or stay dry, thinking I’m a fool?

Will you hold my hand in the grocery store,
bringing it up against your lips?
Will you walk me through the aisles,
in small errand, delusional bliss?

Will you point out the cows while I’m driving?
Not yell when I hit the curb?
Could you be calm to my chaos-
soothing my ever-tangled nerves?
It's the smallest moments that make love grand, if you ask me
Aug 6 · 170
Longing Writes Itself
Kalliope Aug 6
A longing obsession

Even deep in depression

One topic always rises above

An unknown poem writer

A frequent run hider

With ink always dripping with love
But you're not in love

It's always been limerence
Aug 5 · 191
The Gentle Man
Kalliope Aug 5
He was somber for most of his life
Until one day, he simply said no-
He wanted to explore, to be as he is,
Not swallowing storms just to cope.

So he'll make the changes, and drive all the miles,
Blue eyes lighting up in the sun-
Feeling lighter with every breath,
His traveling soul on the run.

He’ll gather stories of a life well-lived,
Dark days fading into the past-
A history he once held way too tightly,
Now softened by joy at last.

Maybe he’ll sing after drinks at the bar,
Or trade tales with unguarded delight.
And though it’s all so wonderfully new-
You can tell by his face: It’s just right.
There's not a playbook on how life should be
Let go and follow your truth, life is better lived free
Aug 4 · 92
Bee on the Rocks
Kalliope Aug 4
There once was a bee
who was blown out to sea
by a disastrous gust of wind,
And though she was scared-
for beach life, unprepared-
the Patrón tasted better than gin.
She doesn't even miss honey.
Aug 4 · 220
The Beginning..
Kalliope Aug 4
Two souls dancing around one another,
Two lights sparked amidst the void.
A lonely night of conversation
Always leads to something more.

Two souls laughing into the morning,
Eyes heavy from stories told.
Sleepy voices, intimately quiet,
Moving closer to escape the cold.

Two souls being pulled together,
By gravity, it would seem-
A heavenly feeling yearned from the ether,
But forever is not guaranteed.

Two souls in a window,
My mental image now unclear.
Never would she have thought
She'd leave his soul right there.

Two souls in a helix,
Unaware of their demise.
I envy their old delusion
I can no longer conjure with a knowing mind.
The Beginning feels more painful at The End.
Aug 4 · 60
The Mimic
Kalliope Aug 4
A prize you thought you'd gazed upon,
But no, my dear you’ve never been more wrong.
I look divine from where you stand,
But open my depths with the steadiest hand.

You're chasing treasures, wishes, more-
Yet my teeth grow sharper behind each door.
You never asked why I stood alone,
Just waltzed right in, hoping to find a home.

But you led me nowhere, and I pulled you down.
You fell for a mimic-
And you did so quite ******* loud.
I said my piece. I announced my shame. I said I’m not ready, I’m not playing love games.
But that’s not what’s heard.
It’s a challenge to be beat.
Now I’m just an ******* with another man to eat
Aug 2 · 81
No Ripples
Kalliope Aug 2
Sometimes I walk on water.
Not high above it all-
Just right there at surface level.
Not deep enough to drown.
Not deep enough to swim.
Not high enough to fear falling in.

Sometimes I walk on water
And watch schools of fish
Playfully chase one another,
Not noticing me.

I feel curious sharks graze my feet,
Confused as to why they can’t reach their meal.
Some follow for hours,
Waiting for a taste
They won’t get-
Because right now,
I’m walking on water.
Sometimes I do this for hours, getting lost along the way
A woman pacing over the ocean, through the fog of a lonely day
Aug 1 · 94
Dissociation Days
Kalliope Aug 1
If I exist, then I must be real-
That's how it works,
But it's not how I feel.

I look in the mirror,
Glimpse at the reflection,
But I walk right through her-
We have no connection.

And how many words
Can I say, rambling on,
Before someone realizes
They carry no weight?

Wasting the air
From my tired lungs-
Words are just words
When no action comes.

But action proves nothing
If my words aren’t right;
I could move mountains
And still lose the fight.

I could fill every hole
That’s carved in the ground,
But none of it matters
If I do so without sound.

If I’m not weeping,
Or begging, or screaming,
I make them uneasy-
My silence unredeeming.

I speak so much
It makes my throat hurt.
Sick of myself,
Sick of this work.

And if I begged
This sickness to take me,
She’d just laugh-
And keep on berating.

I know I’ll get up,
I’ll just walk away.
It never lasts long.
It’s only a phase.

But when your villain
Is the girl in the mirror,
It’s hard to ignore
A fear drawn so clear.
Words lead to words that turn into thoughts, but when they're ideas? Pursue them I do not.
Jul 31 · 95
The Silent Hours
Kalliope Jul 31
I like it at night,
Pacing through the house,
Just my thoughts and me,
Quiet like a mouse.

Cleaning up the messes,
Putting away the day,
Reflecting on each hour,
Resetting the sun’s play.

I light a candle or two,
Letting shadows softly dance,
The flickering glow reminds me
That darkness still has chance.

I sip water from my cup,
Feeling gratitude’s gentle weight,
Thankful for these silent hours
Before tomorrow awakes.

Sometimes I’ll play music,
Maybe I’ll softly sing,
This quiet time with the Universe,
Planning intentions I hope she’ll bring.
And sometimes instead, I just weep.
Jul 29 · 112
Pre-Grieving
Kalliope Jul 29
I am so patient and funny and kind
And that's what you like,
A pretty girl with silly rhymes.
I can be funny and laid-back and free-
You love it so much,
Because that's all you can see.

The moment I know your feelings are more,
I start closing up, exposed on the floor.
Really it's backwards, the way my mind acts-
The less that you know, the more we interact.

When you learn secrets and more of my lore,
I start getting nervous, I start locking doors.
What if you find something you’ll never like?
My heart starts racing, I’m braced for a fight.

I almost can't breathe at the thought of you leaving,
I did it again- and now I’m pre-grieving.
It seems fun to fall when I'm up at the peak,
But I’m close to the ground now,
With a crash on repeat.

I pull back the moment it starts feeling good,
Sabotage sweetness- now misunderstood.
I look for red flags in a forest with no debris,
Inventing ghosts no one’s ever even seen.

I scan for signs you’re starting to sway,
Even when your actions beg me to stay.
Afraid of love that might go right,
So I dim all sparks before they light.

But it's all my mind-
It's not even real.
I have to leave the thoughts behind,
Break the hypnotic seal.

You aren't my past-
We haven't even yet said hello.
You look at me with interest,
But you remind me of letting go.
Realizing it's silly to mourn a love not yet savored, I'll step out of my head a bit and do us both a favor.
Jul 29 · 78
Laugh Track
Kalliope Jul 29
No matter my crisis,
There’s one thing I know-
Even when I’m at my lowest,
I still make the ******* joke.

The room goes quiet,
So I start to smile.
Deflecting pain like an actress,
It never goes out of style.

Tears sting behind my eyes,
But I deliver the line clean.
And everyone laughs,
Because no one knows what the **** it means.

My hurt has a laugh track-
Invisible, robotic, rehearsed.
And if I keep it playing loud enough,
Maybe I won’t feel the worst.

Because silence feels like sinking,
And truth feels like a loss.
But a joke? That’s a win.
Misery is humor’s final boss.
And though I’ve got some hecklers,
Right at center stage,
I just keep the jokes coming,
Better to stay funny than be enraged.
Jul 29 · 79
Ghostwriter
Kalliope Jul 29
You never had to make an excuse

I already made them for you

Justifying your careless behavior

When you didn't even care enough

To have an explanation ready
And why would you?
I already wrote it.
Jul 26 · 114
Discordant Days
Kalliope Jul 26
Insults thrown as easily as tableware,
And I catch every single one.
I never learned to duck, dodge, or weave-
Plates fall and shatter,
Ceramic cuts my skin.

I stopped trying to get out,
Accepting the pain,
Because I believed I let it begin.

But pain never asks permission.
It just makes itself at home.
Living with it is hard-
But no one tells you
How hard it is
Once you kick it out.

Plates no longer fly.
There are no holes in the walls.
Nothing lurks around the corners,
But still,
Your heart races in the dark.

Safety is an illusion
You can barely see.
Healing is so daunting
When you're attached to pain
You shouldn't be.
I didn’t notice the damage until I began the repairs-
patching holes, sweeping quiet shards,
still cleaning messes long after the breaking stopped.
Jul 25 · 111
Nebulized Hope
Kalliope Jul 25
Star-crossed dreamers,
Bound together by thread,
Cosmic peaceful bliss-
But lover, that planet is dead.

The wind carries no laughter,
The sun has lost its heat,
Nighttime is silent and dark now,
Its life cycle complete.

The trees have all now rotted,
The soil has long turned sour,
It’s been months since April’s showers,
And May could never flower.

Lover, I must escape now,
The oxygen is gone,
I know you said you’d never be back,
But I was hoping you were wrong.

I planned to stay here,
To fix it in your absence,
So if you did return,
You’d see we could make sense.

Your rocket never flew back,
And lover, I know not where you went,
Trembling in my escape pod,
Hoping where you are, I’m sent.

I sealed this final message,
In orbiting satellite streams,
Hoping the words find you,
Beyond our broken dreams.

I know this was our ending,
And it echos through the void,
Now our world has perished,
Our civilization destroyed.

I can’t look out this window,
To watch our star implode,
But I feel it in my chest,
That sharp sting of letting go.

And while I drift away,
To somewhere perceived safe,
To long forget our planet,
And the evolution we made.
Just another point of interest blacked out on my astronomers map.
Jul 25 · 105
Consequences
Kalliope Jul 25
What's the point of healing if those who inspired change won't feel it?

I'm just supposed to be better for someone else?

Like moving a mountain to pave a path,
Connecting two cities at last
Just to keep walking on without even looking back?

But that's the way it goes
I suppose
And that is in fact the way that it goes
But you get to be better for yourself
Jul 24 · 2.8k
Disillusioned
Kalliope Jul 24
I wrote a poem,
hoping you'd see
But I changed my mind,
I'm keeping it for me
Today isn't special,
just a Thursday in July
Everyday it's easier,
you're further out my mind
Champagne Problems playing in my ear
I deleted my poem, thoughts not for you to hear
Jul 23 · 86
Aesthetic Coping
Kalliope Jul 23
Change the perspective
Like it's an elective
Chosen over the summer
To be my fifth period

Just say you’re happy
Be loving and sappy
Like a 90s sitcom wife
Who’ll never leave her husband

Do what you must do
Plan, not impromptu
Like a 2000s rom-com wedding planner
With a touch of OCD

It’s the deck you bought
The cards want you to rot
As if a deep dive on tarot
Could turn you into an intuitive genius

Mope like a poet
Standing strong like you know it
Like writing your pain
Isn’t still just performance in another font

Process and grieve
You’re so ready to leave
As if leaving my Crocs out of sport mode
Lets me linger longer
Making pain pretty feels awfully wise,
Til you wake up and notice
it's all you can write.
Jul 22 · 46
Space Between
Kalliope Jul 22
Sleep reaches for me
But I'm held down
Everything I've never done
Everything I need to do
Grasps me tightly
Bruised and clawed
I lay here flawed
Sleep reaches for me
But I can't reach back
Have you ever rearranged your living room at 2 am?
Kalliope Jul 21
She sits with her silence,
Bound by her thoughts.
Life continues anyway,
But join in, she does not.

Though she would like to,
It takes time to decide,
And once she gets ready,
There’s no room in the ride.

So maybe she’ll start walking,
Or she’ll stay frozen in fear.
She wants to go somewhere else,
But she seems to be stuck here.

She’s found a doorway
Just a handful of times,
But every time she moves closer,
Further away it flies.

There must be a lesson
In this self-aware prison,
A continuous torturous cycle
From which she hasn’t risen.

Swirling and thrashing
In circular motions,
Part of her must like
Being breathless in the ocean.

Yet there’s a small part
On the left side of her brain
That hates this **** cycle,
The suffocation insane.

But she doesn’t control movement
And barely steers thoughts,
So here she goes again,
Busting down doors that should remain locked.

She’s scared to read new stories
With endings untold,
When all familiar tales
End predictably bitter and cold.

There’s bite to the freeze, though,
And pleasure in pain.
Echoes fill her mind’s chamber:
“Free us from these chains.”

No, she doesn’t need saving,
She’s working out the clues.
You say she’s isolating,
But it’s what she has to do.

So very easily distracted,
Hypnotized by honeyed words,
She falls in love so quickly,
Abandoning her puzzled curse.

And when it surely fizzles out,
She’s back here at square one,
A couple days of crashing out,
Erasing all the work she’s done.
Twenty seven years of this and it's surely lost it's fun
Jul 19 · 246
Dandelion
Kalliope Jul 19
A wish sent with the wind

Invasive to some

A beautiful meadow to others
Stop trying to prove you aren't a ****
Bask in the warmth of those holding you like a flower
Jul 19 · 336
Snippets #24
Kalliope Jul 19
Every bump is part of the ride

It'd probably be smoother

If I stop running red lights
Long morning roadtrips quite quickly turn introspective
Jul 19 · 54
Property Line Magic
Kalliope Jul 19
In the middle of an ordinary cornfield,
In an ordinary place,
Stands a small group of trees
Spared from agricultural fate.

Chosen by fairies–
Forever their glade,
Or spared by corporate greed,
Property line arguments man-made.

Whatever the reason,
It rests in the fog,
Magical as ever,
Eerie, a bit odd.

Yet it doesn’t look out of place,
It fits just right,
A hidden little wonder
Tucked away out of sight.

I hope there are fairies,
Or witches, or gnomes,
Living in that haven,
Their whimsical home.
I think there's magic in things left untouched
And maybe magic isn't real, but I believe it is so hush.
Jul 18 · 40
Say That Again
Kalliope Jul 18
My cheeks are rosy,
You're making me blush,
This flirty little game
Is a heavenly rush.

Everything feels lovely
When it’s all brand new,
Overthinking tomorrow?
I’m really trying not to.

So tell me I’m pretty again,
I’ll reward you with a smile,
Maybe we won’t get married,
But I could enjoy this awhile.

You brush hair from my face,
Soft touch, sweet and shy,
Little moments like this
Are reasons I sigh.

Your laugh makes my chest ache,
It’s light, it’s carefree,
I tuck it away safely
As a secret just for me.

Dance with me in the street
While we're still young and free,
Whimsically fall in love
Until you start to resent me.
Flirting is fun but can get real serious.
Do I let myself run? Or do I risk being curious?
Jul 17 · 36
Juicebox
Kalliope Jul 17
What if today I took up space,
Decided it’s okay to love my face?
I’m allowed to scream and shout,
Don’t have to fake it, or hide to pout.

What if I told you you’d caught my eye,
Instead of waiting as moments pass by?
Would I then be viewed aggressive?
For knowing what I want, deemed obsessive?

Maybe I just want my needs fulfilled,
To show you I’m here, and equally skilled.

What if I let myself laugh too loud,
Not worrying about standing out in a crowd?
Let my opinions spill like wine,
No apologizing for these thoughts that are mine.

What if I danced alone in the street,
Made strangers smile at my untamed beat?
Would I still be called too much,
Or would someone finally crave my touch?

What if I didn’t talk myself down,
Lived my truth without fearing your frown?

I could say whatever comes to mind,
No more stitches, my lips now unbind.
I’ve made myself so small these days,
But I want to be big, have my turn on the stage.

This time I won’t even perform,
I’ll give a speech, I’ll change my norm.
Maybe it’s time to be unhinged,
To let myself out, chase a few whims.
What if I dared to love myself?
Jul 17 · 301
Family Table
Kalliope Jul 17
Sitting at this table,
My sisters in their place,
My brother at the top,
With a baby by his waist.

We’re mostly parents now,
With our kids in tow,
But when I look at your faces,
I see the little kids I used to know.

We all have our own lives,
Of our own creation,
No longer just play pretend
On some summer vacation.

A brand new generation,
Being raised by us,
They’re little and young and free,
And I love them all so much.

Even when I don’t see them,
Or weather cancels our plans,
Being a sister, a mother, an aunt-
The best roles I could ever land.

And we’ll sit here at this table,
Loud, chaotic, and such,
Often I’m sad, honestly mad,
But in this moment, life has given me so much.
We don't play hide n seek anymore, or hideway to sneak smoke ****, but hearing all the children laugh and play- for now, what more could I need?
Jul 15 · 245
Exsanguination
Kalliope Jul 15
When did your ventricles stop pushing me through?

And why can’t your atriums hold me now too?

No more are the days my presence rests in your veins,

Your arteries don’t even remember my name.

No trace of me in capillary lines,

Their refill’s normal- your pulse
perfectly fine.

A love so strong it once gave you life,

But it seems you’ve bled me out to survive.
Whether you're sepsis or oxygen-
I don't know,
But i can't get you out of my system
Jul 14 · 146
Handled Without Care
Kalliope Jul 14
I placed you upon my highest shelf,
Where no one ever sat before,
My prized possession, the collectable
I’d always been yearning for.

All my toys end up broken or lost,
A fate that eats me alive,
But you- I was determined not to break,
So I kept you out of these hands of mine.

I adored you from a distance,
Too scared to get too close,
You were lonely on that shelf,
To be played with, you wanted most.

My hands clumsy, your heart so fragile,
A dangerous game we played,
Measuring my worth around your presence-
If you looked fine, then I was okay.

But looks have always been deceiving,
It doesn’t mean things were smooth,
My sweet trophied, prized companion
Just wanted me to hold him too.

Slowly, I became bolder,
Taking you down from that shelf,
And for a while, it was heaven,
But soon enough, we needed help.

You were fragile, and I was clumsy,
We know how this story ends-
I was angry, you were gentle…
I should have never held you in my hands.
If I'd have stuck with video games I could have just reloaded my last save.
Jul 12 · 3.3k
Drowsy Siren Calls
Kalliope Jul 12
Sleep is a funny thing,
A place that’s hard to go.
Will she keep me peacefully,
Or smother me in my woes?

Will it be restful,
Or will I wake up in pain?
Tossing and turning through the night,
Lack of sleep driving me insane.

Sometimes she greets me softly,
With dreams sweet as honey,
Other nights she’s cruel,
Nightmares so real I'd give therapists money.

I lie there counting shadows,
Tracing cracks along my wall,
Begging her to claim me,
As the hours slowly crawl.

Sleep-deprived woman,
Navigating life’s maze-
No time to sleep when
There’s coincidences for me to appraise.

Everything has a purpose,
Can’t rest till I have an answer.
A tough relationship with slumber,
But ****, she’s my favorite dancer.
If I flip the pillow three times and sleep with the blanket upside down maybe then she'd be satisfied
Jul 11 · 298
Snippets #23
Kalliope Jul 11
Someone asked if I know you today

Which was odd

I said no

I only once knew you
And I wish I never knew at all
Jul 11 · 121
Filtered Through Steel
Kalliope Jul 11
I am not sweet,
But I am kind.
I am not filtered,
I will speak my mind.

I don’t need saving,
I’m questing alone.
I’m bad with directions,
But I’ll still find home.

Don’t disrespect me-
Get the **** out of my way.
I’ve had too many distractions
Using my heart as their play.

I wear this armor
Locked around my soul,
But if I’m being honest,
True acceptance is my goal.
Maybe I am sweet though sometimes unkind, this armor I wear fails time after time.
Jul 11 · 142
Noises
Kalliope Jul 11
I’m shaking, I’m breaking, I don’t know what to say,
I know I have faults, but you made me this way.
I grew you gardens, you smashed them to the ground,
Made me feel like I was horrible to be around.

You’d do anything for me, a knight at my heel,
But when I got comfortable, that’s when you got real.
Suit of armor discarded, no time to waste,
I must submit and forget freedom’s taste.

I can’t trust your kindness, it always feels fake,
Anxiety peaked, each smile feels like a mistake.
I tunneled out, broke away from your ground,
But you broke my mind, my thinking unsound.

If someone is kind, my heart starts to race,
Because kindness once ended with knuckles to my face.
Trust in this world is so hard to be found,
I’m trying to heal, but I’m being too loud.

Yet I don’t know any other way,
Than to scream my thoughts and even my pain.
It’s up and down, this chaos I’m feeling,
It’s bitterly exhausting—
But I guess that’s just healing.
I want off this rollercoaster ride
I want away from this unsteady tide
I hate feeling like this at night
I know, I know it'll be alright
Jul 9 · 160
Winds of Change
Kalliope Jul 9
I made peace with my station eons ago,
Perched atop a mountain edge, overlooking a sea of my thoughts.
I sit on the ground while the tall grass sways,
Knees to my chest, drinking it all in,
Hair blowing softly by the winds of change.
A place made on my own,
Created from protection or fear, origin unclear.

Today's a little different however,
The temperature is warmer,
And I'm missing the slight rain that usually falls.

Maybe I’m out of my mind,
But I swear there’s a boat resting on my beach,
Worn and waiting with patient grace,
Rocking gently in the shallow reach,
As if to say, “You’ve sat here long enough,”
Inviting me to finally stand,
To leave this quiet mountain edge behind
And see where I might land.
I’m ever-changing, though I keep one foot here.
But it’s time to leave now, that message is clear.
This sanctuary was solace, and I’m grateful for that,
But it’s also kept me stuck and held me back.
Jul 9 · 178
To Be Perceived
Kalliope Jul 9
I shine my armor and sharpen my sword,
Leaving the castle on a quest once more.
I save some damsels once in distress,
I put raging dragons to a permanent rest.

My intentions are pure – to save them all,
But I won’t be the hero everyone wants to call.
Perhaps those damsels never wanted to be saved,
And dragons slain leave cities razed.

There’ll be legends whispered about me at night,
Each storyteller telling it slightly right.
And though their tales may change with the years,
I’ve made my peace with how I appear.
Even with the best intentions someone can still get hurt
Jul 8 · 165
Living Moments
Kalliope Jul 8
It’s like that first time you smoke a cigarette with your friends-
a little gross, but you feel so cool.

Or the first time you flash your
I.D. at the bar,
not knowing what to order, but loving the freedom to choose.

When you’re gripping the steering wheel so tight your knuckles turn white,
finally feeling tires touch concrete that isn’t a parking lot.

Decorating that ****** apartment,
paying the first month’s rent-
broke, yet so **** proud.

Holding your diploma in
trembling hands,
a piece of paper most people get,
but this one has your name on it.

That first day everything clicks at work,
a shift so smooth it’s forgotten on the rough days that follow.

That first kiss under the stars,
dopamine shockwaves flooding
every nerve-
you’ll stay up for days on the memory.

Even the devastating realization
that nothing lasts forever,
laying in bed as rain beats
against your window,
music reverberating through a hollow chest.
Every journey starts with something new
As long as you're brave enough to make the move
Kalliope Jul 8
I’m flipping cards and reading the room,
The sun has set, I’ve a meeting with the moon.
I’m begging her, please, take this part out of me,
The part that holds back until she gets up to leave.

I want to be open without all the hurt,
I want something real, something that works.
I daydream and plan and fantasize life a certain way,
But I want to accept it how it is today.

I want to believe the words from his lips,
But I think they’re poison, and I’m being tricked.
I spiral and spin and tornado a lot,
Trying to be brave, something I’m not.

It feels okay until everything is quiet,
Then all of my feelings join in a riot.
I just need a second or two to relax,
But I’m always on edge, and I can’t seem to step back.

Yet I don’t fall, just stand here and wait
For the wind to call or to decide my fate.
Just enough fear to keep me frozen in place,
Standing on a cliff in a purgatory daze.
A little too aware of everything at once
Jul 7 · 202
Hey, Can I Call?
Kalliope Jul 7
A talk with my sister, and something feels right,
She listens so calmly, she softens my night.
She saw all the bruises that covered my skin,
And says she won’t watch me go through that again.

She tells me I’m worthy of peace
and of rest,
That being myself doesn't make me a jest.
No more pretending, stop shrinking to fit-
It's not worth losing love to please others, is it?

And those who don’t like it? Well, let them all go,
She’ll stand right beside me through my highs and lows.
She says I am loved without mask or disguise,
And I realize I could've just been me this whole time.
I don't have to carry, I can ask for assistance without fear of being mocked or met with resistance.
I thought myself alone
She was here the whole time
Jul 7 · 141
Queen of Coincidence
Kalliope Jul 7
It’s small things that mean nothing
But say everything to me,
Because everything has a reason-
A meaning I just have to see.

I can’t let things be as they are,
No, nothing’s a simple coincidence.
You linger in my atmosphere;
Surely, that’s not an accident.

But why?
And what does it mean?
I’m presented with puzzles
But not all pieces are seen.

I wish I had never looked,
My thoughts no longer free,
Now my conscience is booked,
Chained to what it perceives.

I just can’t help myself,
I just had to know,
Now I’m drowning in questions-
When I should be letting it go.
I saw something I shouldn't have while looking where I wasn't supposed to be
Jul 6 · 138
Summer Days
Kalliope Jul 6
Heat waves rush my body,
Warming my skin,
Threatening to blind me,
But I just breathe it all in.

Sunglasses on,
Two hands on the wheel,
We’ve got somewhere to go,
And I want something to feel.

She plays in the park,
Discovering more every day,
And I watch her quietly,
Realizing I’m the same way.

I thank the moon
For all the guidance she’s given,
But I want to live now
That the sun has risen.

So I’ll play the monster,
And swing on the swings,
Chase my daughter around
For the joy that it brings.

It feels so good,
Being free in the sun-
I can assess my thoughts later,
Right now, I’m having fun.
Sometimes moments not centered around healing can heal too
Jul 6 · 184
Sighing Lullabies
Kalliope Jul 6
Skin on skin,
Fingers interlocked,
Hair cascades down,
My stomach tied in knots.

Breathing grows heavy,
Anticipation runs high,
When I caress you,
The most rewarding sigh.

Your eyelashes flutter,
Brushing against my cheek,
Eyes closed in surrender,
No words we need to speak.

I trace constellations
Across your beating chest,
Each quiet inhalation
Sings my worries to rest.

You pull me closer still,
Hands settled at my waist,
Time slows to a hush
In this sacred, silent place.

Locked within this embrace,
I fear making the wrong move-
A connection so unexpected,
This beautiful moment with you.
The warmth in this silence,
melting down my freeze
Maybe I should slow down
it's okay to enjoy quiet peace
Jul 5 · 494
Acid Tongue
Kalliope Jul 5
I'll speak your name

until it's not pretty anymore

Until it's so sharp and so distorted

it burns my cheeks like acid.
It's what I'm good at, I'm told.
Jul 4 · 152
"Bitter Babymama"
Kalliope Jul 4
Every time I think I'm free,
I'm reminded that I'm not-
Years of separation,
Distance, even blocked.

A helping hand from you
Has always been a trap
Wrapped up in bows,
Pretty, but you'll snap.

I always stand my ground,
Cover my walls in spikes,
Until I think about the little boy you were-
You didn't mean to grow with so much spite.

That's always my downfall-
The child in me sees the child in you,
And I just want to save him,
But only you can save him from you.

So I keep taking these setbacks,
Hoping to show you some light,
But you leave me beat and bruised
When I only wanted you to feel less alone on your darkest nights.

I want a friendship,
Be cordial at least,
But there must be something in me
That makes you so ******* mean.

Still, you don’t let me stray far-
If you can’t have me, no one will.
I want to know sweet love while I’m young,
But maybe that prophecy was never mine to fill.
How many times will I fall for the facade?
You get better and better at dragging it out
And when I'm the one who doesn't believe you, everyone treats me like I'm the ******* now
Jul 3 · 217
Sanctuary of Sheets
Kalliope Jul 3
After a long day
my bed calls to me,
Comfy and warm
yet her pillows stay cool to the cheek.

She keeps me company
all through the night,
My thoughts become hers,
in darkness or light.

Will I have good dreams
of love and adventure?
Or will shadows appear,
too deep to mention?

My mind plays tricks,
as she often does,
But my bed fights back
with her comforting hugs.

My neck finds peace
if I lay just right,
She eases my aches
most of the night.

She puts up with my snoring,
my tossing and thrashing,
Each dreamscape journey
more wild and crashing.

And though I kick and I turn
as I move through my dreams,
She never lets me fall out,
always there fixing my seams.
Maybe that's why I always go to her when the world stops making any sense.
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