Heart is racing, skin on fire
Jittering buzzing pacing cussing
Hair is wild, eyes look crazy
Shaking crying mumbling breathing
Face is wet, chest is pounding
Screaming running hiding sobbing

What if the bad thing didn't happen?
If we erased that day,
Forgot the feelings too
Would I be this sad right now?

What if the good thing didn't happen?
If we erased that night,
Forgot those feelings too
Would I be this sad right now?

You don't want me
But hush now don't say it
I don't know if the words ache
Because I know it's true
Or because you won't admit it
You don't want me
The phrase that beats me black and blue,
Pours out of my eyes like summer rain,
Aches my bones like a cold winter morning,
And I let it

His love was,
Soft like the rain on a foggy morning,
Mesmerizing like a summertime sunrise,
Calming like a cool breeze through the autumn trees,
Safe like your favorite blanket after a scary movie,
Warm like holding your favorite mug full of tea in your hands,
And it was mine,
Until it wasn't.

The feelings I feel are so confusing to me
No matter what I do I can't make them leave
They hit me and yell and scratch till I bleed
Always around, bringing me to my knees
I feel them in my skin, they buzz in my brain
Mentally I'm in the street laid out in the rain
They rip out my nails and tap dents in my collar bones,
Force me back to my room where I just lay all alone,
Darken my eyes, drain the color from my face
The creature now in the mirror I look at with disgrace

There's an ache in my chest
That travels through my bones
I can't get any rest
I feel so alone

I feel like I could split open
Even bleed out on the floor
Would my eyes finally close then
Not feeling this pain anymore

I know it'll go away
I've felt this before
But it brings me so much shame
When I can't get off of the floor

Everything's on the surface
Any deeper I start getting nervous
But your voice is so calming,
Your vulnerability enthralling

NO, I can't let you know me
I can't let you see
I can't let you find out
I'm 95% self doubt

My favorite color is green
At times I can be mean
I still watch Disney movies
-why does it feel like you're looking right through me?

And I'll preach I'm an open book
Lay it out, have a look
But the more you flip my pages
And start to see where the rage is-

The book will be snatched
The relationship crashed
You'll wonder why,
You might even cry

It's nothing to mourn
Don't be forlorn
Let's not get disheveled
Baby I'm just surface level

A rose without thorns
Would not be a rose
But I tried to trim mine
Before you left me to wilt

I wore my heart on my sleeve
For way too many years
And now she is tattered and torn

I still ball up the shreds
And hand them to men
In hopes she won't come back worse

I want you to love me
In only my way
Your words sound so sweet
But just do as I say

I'm begging you to hold me
Keep up the persistence
I crave your comfort
But remain at a distance

How do you learn to be alone
When you were with me
For all my milestones
How do you move on
When the pain
Is so intertwined
With the pleasure
How do you leave
When what your heart wants
Is to stay

And in times when she felt so
Alone
Unlovable
Overbearing
She had friends to fight along
Her side

What do you do when you don't
Want to break a heart
But the heart in question
Cant actually be broken
Its a facade
Created to break you
Over and over
Again

Just a pen and a cap
Made perfectly for each other
Fitting together tightly
But the cap has been chewed on
And no longer fits

I don't write very well
I can't find a flow
All over the pages
Every word goes

I don't write very well
The words don't make sense
Sometimes it feels better
To write in past tense

I don't write very well
But I need to express my emotions
And separate my thoughts
From this world's commotions

I thought new hands on my skin
would burn
My skin is healthier than ever

Temperature rising
I feel I can breathe
Express my emotions
Be happy, at ease

Deeper and deeper the further I go
There's no light around me
No room left to grow
My mind is uncertain
My heart set in stone
Deeper and deeper and further from home