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sofolo Feb 23
You were a cerulean boy with ocean eyes
A heart as complicated as the tides are high
I brought you home to watch an angel on tv
The sun was rising…you didn’t leave

I was an emerald man
With a broken plan
Oz in my heart, silly I know

A little sad and not of the clearest mind
Enraptured by you
My hopes were misaligned

///

A few days went by…

Things seemed good
A record played
Blue Film
Pasta
Wine
Fingers through hair

An invite to Christmas
Your mom wanted to meet me
Imagine that
Seems a little funny now

I picked you up from the airport
We tried on a hundred pairs of glasses
Took a cute photo by the bathrooms
How foreign now

Sick days in bed
I held a cool cloth to your brow
Ran my hands down your wet back
The fever broke while you slept

You sang countless melodies
Fingers on the keys
While I lay on the carpet
Quietly recording

Then there was the nightly routine
Superstore and cuddles
Laughter and jalapeño hands
****

You kissed my neck
Asked if it was good
It was good
So you turned away

You kept pressing your body against mine
Only to turn away
Over
And over
Again

I would wait until you were asleep to cry
In the bathroom
In the closet
In the dark

My heart was breaking
My mind confused
You looked lost
I felt used

An arbitrary argument over brunch
You put the car in park
We sat in silence
It was a little dark

Suddenly we are ending things
My tears start flooding
You were far away
Emotionless
That still stings

///

Lies like waves crashing on the shore
You’re so comfortable spewing them
Mold on blueberry cheese
A spore

A Scruffy “random play”
A Grinding “top”
A fake *** alt-identity
Hiding behind a screen
Stop

You didn’t see my gold
You couldn’t
I wanted you to try
You wouldn’t

I wonder if you’ll ever
Pull back the curtain and find
Your
True
Self
I hope you do
You deserve that
To be magic (again)

In December, I’ll remember
You
Your cerulean eyes
And our demise
From the beginning:

It’s a new year and I quit my job
**** it, I’ll never be good at serving
Directionless in 2013
January.
It’s unusually warm.

Your presence in the room is a rock in my shoe
You’re so cool
And I’m a mess.
Remember, you called me Heather in bed?
And I made you go home?
Well.
I forget.

Now we’re crossing the street
For your birthday, it’s your birthday,
Makers Mark, count ‘em, 2 ounces at a time.
Stacked up like unread texts and why don’t you like me’s
I don’t remember
But I’m probably crying

Flash in to outside
God it’s like 60
Deciding to go with you
Asking you to kiss me

(I had a long term boyfriend in my 20s
And his mother would buy me toilet paper for Christmas
The gift of hindsight is kind of like that:
Practical and helpful and a ****** of a gift)

Today is 9 years to the day
My parents know and they’re on their way
The nurse thinks I might be paralyzed
11 broken bones and two black eyes

This is the end of the beginning
Which is the easy part
I’ve never been able to write it all down
Spin it into art

Be warned, I can’t guarantee poetry
From a patched-but-still-leaking heart.
Part one of a multi (tbd) part series detailing the drunk driving accident that derailed my life in 2013 and the convoluted and ongoing recovery process.

I have attempted to process this event through a whole swath of creative means, never very successfully. It eludes me. I humbly request patience, as this is a healing exercise. Thank you so much, and may you find peace where it grows.
Brother Jimmy Aug 2021
When you look
Back for clues
They’re all there

Like the smell
Of ozone
In the air

Correspondence
Sounded lame
Did you know?

But I saved
All those ones
Where you show

Me some skin
Close ups of
Sweet jade gate

Shall I send
Them to him?
He’s up late…

With your shirt
Lifted up
Showing skin

Teasing shots
Just to draw
Me on in

But each one
Silly face
Open mouth

Stupid look
(I see you’re
From the South)

Two where you
Call me up
From downstairs

I still recall
Such nice shots
Such blank stares

‘Cause you’d only
Want me when
You were gone

Drunk or high
On the pills
It felt wrong

To make love
With a girl, with
Special needs

Made me shrink
Made me turn
From the deeds

But next morning
Sobered-up
You’d be cold

Like that fake
Bill of goods
I was sold

Lies stretch back
Through the years
Now I see

There’s no love
From you dear
Only me

You’ve got the goods
The stuff I want
(Your *** was boss)

And the nicest
Set of teeth
I’ve *** across
Jammit Janet Jul 2021
I'm a big fish in a small pond
I dream big
I see strong
I dig deep
To find what's wrong

Bring it to the surface
Where it belongs
To be processed
and addressed;

Reclassified
To bring me closer to success.
Jammit Janet Jul 2021
#65
Sitting with my sadness ✨
While I’m sitting here with you ✨
Not running from the madness
Just feeling here and true ✨

No distractions to stop me ✨
From confronting my truths✨
Accepting what they are✨
Making peace ✨
Moving through✨

To the dimension of inner healing✨
Unity ✨
Love ✨
Reconnecting to the Divine Universal Web ✨
That is the cosmos above ✨
Janna B Dec 2020
When I called
I said I needed resolution
When we met
That’s what you gave me

I could see it cost you
When you wanted to hold me.
Your hands reached for me
but made do with air.

We were so short lived
innocent of body but
falling in love is not innocent
when married to others.

Your child needs to see you
And you need him
You will continue
wife of coercive control
and I will let you.

Today I’ve woken
With a calm about me
Tentative tranquility.
I’ll never forget you.
Tee Dossantos Nov 2020
Stuck on a single tab
With a hole dug into my chest
Lisa Hudak Sep 2020
There is no reason,
I can't know why.
When we try to comprehend, our dreams just pass us by
I'm just tired, I'm too old
Flip through pages to find clarity:

Nothings ever meant to be.

I know I lack conviction
I've got too much pride
To admit the way to win this game
is to never know your side

Hello old friend,

Do you see me?

I can't see me anymore
can't feel me anymore

I remember summer nights and drunken fights
with those who took their lives
and in my dreams we've talked again
like I'm talking here with you

I've heard the sound of death before,
its imprinted in my soul
though many a shrink has told me
moving forward makes us whole.
But I've seen death before
heard him knocking at my door
and I've lost both friends and enemies
to his voice that haunts my dreams.

Maybe this imprint is a reminder
An echo of a life.
The pain that I hold onto
to keep memories alive.
I pray on my final day
my mind can find its peace
and let go of this sound I know
before letting go of me.

I'll let go of the sound I know.
Before letting go of me.
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