I have this aching feeling inside of me
I feel as if my chest is being torn apart
piece by piece.

It has come out of nowhere.

I feel it deep inside of me, and it's hurting.
I feel like SCREAMING.
I want to cry.

it becomes uncontrollable.
I need to rip my heart out.
I want it to stop.

What is happening to me?
What is this feeling?

I've never felt this way before
I'm falling apart and I don't understand.
What is causing my wanting to rip apart open my chest?
I need to relieve this intense, insatiable, itching inside of me.

I am in pain and I don't know why.

When I fall in love
I become obsessed.

Anger,
Jealousy,
possessiveness,
it all controls me.

All my insecurities exposed,
my anxieties
come out of obscurity.

For rejection, unrequited love
and deceptions,
I have no immunity.

But falling in love requires false expectations.

A conjunction of two words,
each separately has its own meaning.

The soul is the immaterial part
of what makes us human.
The  intellectual energy that makes
one immortal.

A mate is one of a kind.
A companion.

So how does one know if you have
truly found your soulmate?

We broke up 2 years ago
well, you did,

and since then I must tell you
I think about you all the time

To me, it doesn't feel it has
passed a single day
this wound still feels
fresh like it was yesterday.

Though I may look like any other piece of glass
No one wants to see in me and so by me they  pass
Because I am broken I am cracked,
4 broken pieces to be exact.
I see their reflection staring back
Disillusioned with me
Once they knew I couldn’t fix them
When I was the one that needed to be set free.
Im sitting on the shelf waiting to be bought
By the brave soul who will take me as I am
Someone who just won’t  give a ****.

Just because I am a crystal ball
It doesn't mean I’ll give you what you want.
The hope, the faith you have in me
That I can give you what you want me to be.
But the truth is you will be afraid of what’s to come
And maybe you’ll understand where it came from.
Once you see inside, you’ll be afraid of what I hide
There is  grief and  there is  anger
But most of all there is revenge,
Can amends be made
Or will it be the end?

I’ve taken the monster out of the cage today.

I suppose it was bound to happen at some point.

This is what happens when you tempt a beast in hiding.

Like my father’s sobriety, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

there’s this thirst inside of me,

a monster who enrages my insides and tears me apart
once you feed the monster, there’s no stopping me.

I binge.

And after comes the guilt and the shame and there’s no self-control.

the monster inside me was right, so I got up, and flushed almost everything inside me down the rabbit hole.

I knew I shouldn't have done that, but it was better to get rid of the guilt physically than let it rot inside my body more than it already was.

Have you ever thought why so many people write about their misfortunes more than about happiness?


The word happiness has no specific definition but it is described as emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. But it never lasts long.

Every other emotion like rage, suffering, love, pleasure, anger, sadness, etc. Are derived because of the disappearance of happiness. The state of being happy does not last as long as every other emotion because of the hurt, it is engraved in our minds, and in our bodies.

The more we live, and the more experiences we encounter,  good or bad, have you not realized that happiness isn't a long-lasting, permanent feature or personality trait, but a more fleeting, changeable state. But when we’re unhappy, it never seems to go away, it's always there, even when we try to replace it with the distractions in our environment.

We create an alternate reality to avoid our present tense of the things that actually exist because in our minds we have yet to accept the idea that we are not ready.

We are unwilling to face it to avoid discomfort because the truth hurts, and it's more comfortable to stay inside our little cave of darkness, than in a place that will blind us with light so bright it hurts your eyes.

I opened my heart again
to this boy who I thought was different.

He knew what hurt me,
he knew what angered me,
He knew exactly what not to do

And that's exactly everything he did

when someone is hurting I want to help them
heal.

I want to be close to them and hug them,
I will give them all my attention
I will listen to all their problems
and give all the advice with the best intention

But when it comes to me
no one will give me their time
no one will listen to me
no one will give me a good advice

Someone help me I think I have a problem

I care too much...

I feel like a phone that has been used all day,
Until it's breaking Point
like it has reached its lowest battery percentage,
until its dead
I feel emotionally drained.

I give i,-I give, and I give
until I've given my everything.
Until the end I feel like no one cares about
giving me a single thing, I feel used and ignored
and when lm Finally recharged Im being picked up
again...

I used to think about you
almost every day,
there wasn't one thing that
didn't remind me of you,
but now there's nothing that
longs to the though of us,
of your name.

It's not that I've forgotten you, but I no longer
hang by you, or your memories with me;
maybe because I've found someone
to replace you;
to forget there
was ever a thought
of you.

So why haven’t I acted upon it and get the body of my dreams? The truth is I have, I am, and I  constantly fail because I am filled with fear and doubt. I constantly doubt myself and tell myself that it will never happen. There’s some part of my brain that tells me that I am not capable of it because I don’t deserve it. Why? I don’t know.

I fear change and the thought of going through painful experiences crushes my confidence and faith that I have in myself.

I want to be able to look in the mirror and not look at what I'm insecure about. I want to be able to look at my body with love and not hate what I see. I want to be confident in myself. I want to be able to walk in a store and not have a mental breakdown when all I see is the tag that says “Small” and be able to hold back my tears. I want to be able to say out loud how much I weigh without feeling ashamed or guilty. I want to be proud of myself, I want to be happy with how I look without having to pretend like it’s ok that I look like this.

Everyone encourages you to be happy with the way you look,
why should someone encourage you to be satisfied with what you have
when what you are is unhealthy and lazy with no motivation whatsoever

I constantly thinking of you,
I picture your beautiful eyes watching mine.
I imagine what it would feel like to be in your arms.
Im falling in love with you, but I'm drowning,

in my doubt, in my self-sabotage
that you don't love me.

This distance between us kills me,
I'm trying to hold on, I want to believe that you want me but
the way you act sometimes pulls in  this wave of rejection and fear
and everything comes crashing down in my face.

There is something about you that attracts me,

The way you roll with life, how you just let the moments pass

Your  u n r u f f  l e d  soul
Calms my incorrigibly fractious mind.

It’s appealing to me how handsome you are
And you are oblivious to such an entity


And how

You effortlessly allure me with your personality.

There is something about you that makes me

Want to open up my heart,


again.

Many men make declarations of love when they want to make love,

But rare is the man whose love remains true

when the consequences of ******* are brought to his attention.

Captivating eyes, that can be felt through your body. The kind of feeling as if your heart is pounding inside your chest, begging to be let out.

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

At that moment all I ever wanted to do was break through the glass and hold him in my arms; to feel him tightly grasping every inch of my body.

The thought of feeling his body and mine together, in union against his, my legs shiver, and my breath quivers.

His enticing gaze sends vibrating sensations in between my thighs. Beginning to feel warm and watery, making me weak in the knees.

I'm sick and tired of hearing the same voices every day
Im tired of being the slave of this vicious cycle that repeats
day by day.
Wake up, shower, eat, do work, workout, sleep
Wake up, shower, eat, do work, workout, sleep
Wake up, shower, eat, do work, workout, sleep
Wake up, shower, eat, do work, workout, sleep

the same things every day I just want this to stop!
STOP
STOP
JUST STOP
Im tired of living this life
when will things be normal again
I AM TIRED

Even if you tell them the warning signs
of your painful past,

and how it broke your heart

they promise they won't
hurt you again.


Yet they did hurt your fragile
heart.

I saw you from a distance
tall, semi muscular,  with dark hair.
An unfamiliar figure
in my mind curiosity is triggered.

Who is this man
with skin so tan.
He wears a black suit,
white shirt, and black tie.
You look like  the kind of guy
any girl would want to have,
the kind of man who has no problem
getting whatever she would want to buy.

My eyes graze you up and down
to every inch of you.
I can see it right through,
you catch my eye and smile.
You look like trouble, one of
the kind Im not afarid to get into.  


As I stand in this cold mysterious dark night
wearing nothing but a silky grey dress,
and matching silver heels,
I wonder where you'll go tonight.
But whoever will see you
I bet will have good night.

In hindsight I spot the black Mercedes,
the night is young,
a long wild night for me awaits.
I step inside the black Mercedes,
to my right I see you
"Hello" with a smile he says.
As a custom I give him a kiss on the cheek and
I take a seat right next to his.

Guess I have the answer to my question,
Tonight your coming with me,
something I definitely didn't foresee.

through the side of my eye
I see the way you look at me.
You spread your legs at the sight of my *******,
you bite your lips as I put on my lipstick,
in your mind im already undressed.

The smell of your cologne makes
my breath quiver,
the thought of wanting to see it, still lingers.
this space between us makes me unease
I want to feel you hold me in your arms
as you put it inside making me weak in the knees.


Take off my clothes
I'll let you have a taste.
I want your tongue's prints
to fill my body trace by trace.

I don't want this night to end,
if you want it badly I can ride your face,
or  I can have you inside my mouth instead.

Its not gonna be a long trip,
only got one chance, might as well
take advantage of every drip.
The car now smell you, me, us

The silence here surpassed by your,
mine, our moan.,
and souvenirs from your cologne.

A light's purpose is to shine
when and where you need it.
It lights up a spot in a room
very bright.
Unless it has little to no power
then it doesn't, it dims.
But you can't have it on
for a long time or else it dies.
Lights make things visible
without it, you'll be in complete darkness
your world would be invisible.
People are like lights,
they will be there when you need them,
but if you take advantage of their energy
they will break off their spirit.
You can't turn them on and off when you please,
hearts are damaged and insides burn like fire.
people don't come with unlimited life guarantees.

I'm upset about everything
myself, the universe,
and life itself.

I cannot comprehend that there
is no alternate universe.
There has to be another life
where I'm better, and not worse.

There has to be another dimension
in another universe where I am better
not in this place, this life of mine that's bitter.

291 days ago
It was a time of chaos for me
It was a night I met someone who made me feel free.
I couldn't believe that in a moment of fear, anger,
torment and despair, I would be touched with so much care.

I can't compare
those moments so long ago were so rare,
the desire I still bear.

291 days ago I spent 22 hours with you,
despite of what I went through,
I wish I could go back to those nights it was just us two.

I told myself
"I will have a great day"
We tell ourselves things that are so cliche
but makes us feel even more isolate.

Despite the positive affirmations
I felt so unmotivated and everything I did or told myself I will do
made it feel like it was obligated.

I wish I
had the guts
to walk away and forget
about what we had,
but I can't because I know
you won't come after me
and that's what hurts the most.

"As long as I
don't lose you
I am ok"

Those words will forever
be embedded in my brain,
because you still left me
what a shame.

They are exactly like a mirror
that has been punched and
d
r
o
p
p
e
d
on the floor into p
                             i
                               e
                                 c
                                    e
                                       s
and been joined back
together

when you stand in front of them,
the create hundreds of different  incomplete
                                                                                  υoγ ʇo  ƨnoiɈɔɘlʇɘɿ

I fantasize about you
and that one night we spent

All I think about
is your body on top
of me

I fantasize about you
being deep inside me

Somedays I'd just rather
be alone than being with people
that make me feel lonely.

Other days I'd rather be
alone and unbothered
because I want to feel nothing,
exactly nothing at all.

as long as I don't talk about it , then
it never happened.

Tell me what it is
that causes my
unhappiness
despite having
everything?

Last night I was
in pain,
I cried loud and clear
but no one heard me,
people were around
but
no one helped me
despite my plea.

I know I
said I wouldn't
be capable of
breaking someone's
heart,
but I guess I lied
because I have broken the
hearts of those I never
loved in return.

Someone asked me
"What does happiness feel like?"
and it took me a while
to answer.

then I said,
"I'm not sure but
I hope happiness feels
like what a fat kid feels
when eating cake"

You are the only
girl for me

I only want you
and no one else

I promise
I will always
love you

I always felt
that I was not
capable of being
wanted.
I didn't believe
that I was enough
for anyone.
I have always felt
worthless, rejected,
and that I couldn't
be loved.

I don't think
I am capable
of breaking someone's
heart,

because I know
too well
what it is like
to have one.

I got tired of waiting for you to be
the person you were


I began to accept the fact that the
person I loved was simply just an
illusion

I am
deeply
falling
in love
with someone
who I can't have
because I am
not a man.

If someone
does not want me
it is not the end
of the world
but
if I do not want me
the world is nothing
but endings

When I die
don't you dare
come  to my grave
and tell me
you love me

because those words
were the only thing
I would have needed
to stay.

I don't know what's worse;
Drowning beneath the waves
or dying from the thirst.

Some days
I feel everything at once.
Other days I feel nothing at all.

I want you
to undress
your heart,
and show me
how much it hurts,
so that
I can show you
how I intend
to make it
stop.

-jl

Imagine
Metting someone
who wanted to learn from your past
not to punish or judge you,

but to understand
how you needed to be loved