I have this aching feeling inside of me
I feel as if my chest is being torn apart
piece by piece.

It has come out of nowhere.

I feel it deep inside of me, and it's hurting.
I feel like SCREAMING.
I want to cry.

it becomes uncontrollable.
I need to rip my heart out.
I want it to stop.

What is happening to me?
What is this feeling?

I've never felt this way before
I'm falling apart and I don't understand.
What is causing my wanting to rip apart open my chest?
I need to relieve this intense, insatiable, itching inside of me.

I am in pain and I don't know why.

When I fall in love
I become obsessed.

Anger,
Jealousy,
possessiveness,
it all controls me.

All my insecurities exposed,
my anxieties
come out of obscurity.

For rejection, unrequited love
and deceptions,
I have no immunity.

But falling in love requires false expectations.

A conjunction of two words,
each separately has its own meaning.

The soul is the immaterial part
of what makes us human.
The  intellectual energy that makes
one immortal.

A mate is one of a kind.
A companion.

So how does one know if you have
truly found your soulmate?

We broke up 2 years ago
well, you did,

and since then I must tell you
I think about you all the time

To me, it doesn't feel it has
passed a single day
this wound still feels
fresh like it was yesterday.

Though I may look like any other piece of glass
No one wants to see in me and so by me they  pass
Because I am broken I am cracked,
4 broken pieces to be exact.
I see their reflection staring back
Disillusioned with me
Once they knew I couldn’t fix them
When I was the one that needed to be set free.
Im sitting on the shelf waiting to be bought
By the brave soul who will take me as I am
Someone who just won’t  give a ****.

Just because I am a crystal ball
It doesn't mean I’ll give you what you want.
The hope, the faith you have in me
That I can give you what you want me to be.
But the truth is you will be afraid of what’s to come
And maybe you’ll understand where it came from.
Once you see inside, you’ll be afraid of what I hide
There is  grief and  there is  anger
But most of all there is revenge,
Can amends be made
Or will it be the end?

I’ve taken the monster out of the cage today.

I suppose it was bound to happen at some point.

This is what happens when you tempt a beast in hiding.

Like my father’s sobriety, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

there’s this thirst inside of me,

a monster who enrages my insides and tears me apart
once you feed the monster, there’s no stopping me.

I binge.

And after comes the guilt and the shame and there’s no self-control.

the monster inside me was right, so I got up, and flushed almost everything inside me down the rabbit hole.

I knew I shouldn't have done that, but it was better to get rid of the guilt physically than let it rot inside my body more than it already was.